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  #31   ^
Old Wed, May-20-09, 15:37
Enomarb Enomarb is offline
MAINTAINING ON CALP
Posts: 4,814
 
Plan: CALP/CAHHP
Stats: 180/140/150 Female 65 in
BF:
Progress: 133%
Location: usa
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hi-
I am enjoying this blog too- very interesting.

I just told someone on Monday that as much as I would love to come over for bagels, I don't eat carbs for breakfast but would love to come and bring protein. SHe said 'that's okay that you don't want to come... I'll ask someone else." sigh.
But I'm doing great and this is my body.......
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  #32   ^
Old Wed, May-20-09, 15:41
Judynyc's Avatar
Judynyc Judynyc is offline
Attitude is a Choice
Posts: 29,974
 
Plan: SBD->atkins twist->paleo
Stats: 274/000/160 Female 5'6"
BF:stl/too/mch
Progress: 240%
Location: NYC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Enomarb
hi-
I am enjoying this blog too- very interesting.

I just told someone on Monday that as much as I would love to come over for bagels, I don't eat carbs for breakfast but would love to come and bring protein. SHe said 'that's okay that you don't want to come... I'll ask someone else." sigh.
But I'm doing great and this is my body.......

I'm so sorry Eno...she is not a good friend with a reaction like that!!

Sid- if you like, your comments on the article would be welcome at their site also.
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  #33   ^
Old Wed, May-20-09, 19:58
Aeryn Aeryn is offline
Paper beats rock?!?
Posts: 828
 
Plan: Atkins! (Maintenance)
Stats: 178/147.6/145 Female 5'8"
BF:
Progress: 92%
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Enomarb
hi-
I am enjoying this blog too- very interesting.

I just told someone on Monday that as much as I would love to come over for bagels, I don't eat carbs for breakfast but would love to come and bring protein. SHe said 'that's okay that you don't want to come... I'll ask someone else." sigh.
But I'm doing great and this is my body.......


That's so bizarre. So she values... what? a carb-only breakfast?...over your company?

I'd say scratch her from your potluck invite list, seriously!
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  #34   ^
Old Thu, May-21-09, 06:03
Enomarb Enomarb is offline
MAINTAINING ON CALP
Posts: 4,814
 
Plan: CALP/CAHHP
Stats: 180/140/150 Female 65 in
BF:
Progress: 133%
Location: usa
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thanks- she is a 'new friend' and I think not destined to be a real friend. I was sort of taken aback by her reply, but I think she was hurt that I didn't just jump at the invite. I thought it would be worse to not say anything and just decline, or to go and not eat. Going and eating to be 'socially correct' is no longer something I am willing to do to myself. I decided that I am more important than my idea of what the other person wants/feels.
I have been maintaining now for almost 5 years, and there are lots of people who have never seen me fat and know me as thin. So they have no idea that I live LC. It is new for me. This woman is one of those people, but she is struggling with her weight and after another person told her about my success she did ask me and I spent over an hour talking to her and giving her books and stuff (about 6 months ago). so.....
Being LC and being thin and maintaining - this is my 'normal' but it still feels like a balancing act. And I am very aware that I am just managing my underlying metabolic issues (whatever they may be!)- and this is for the long haul.
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  #35   ^
Old Thu, May-21-09, 08:09
Judynyc's Avatar
Judynyc Judynyc is offline
Attitude is a Choice
Posts: 29,974
 
Plan: SBD->atkins twist->paleo
Stats: 274/000/160 Female 5'6"
BF:stl/too/mch
Progress: 240%
Location: NYC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eno
but she is struggling with her weight and after another person told her about my success she did ask me and I spent over an hour talking to her and giving her books and stuff (about 6 months ago). so.....


That explains it Eno....now I can see why she said that. Its not about you and its all about her.

One thing that I've noticed about people who ask me about my weight loss, is that they are very excited to hear about it, at first. But when they realize just how much hard work and focus losing weight requires, they tend to fold. Then I become a symbol of something that they feel they've failed at and my presence itself, is a reminder for them.

I think it is very important that successful maintainers discuss these issues with each other because who else knows what we go through?
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  #36   ^
Old Fri, May-22-09, 09:37
Demi's Avatar
Demi Demi is offline
Posts: 21,854
 
Plan: LCHF/IF
Stats: 217/192/160 Female 5'10"
BF:
Progress: 44%
Location: UK
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Judynyc
One thing that I've noticed about people who ask me about my weight loss, is that they are very excited to hear about it, at first. But when they realize just how much hard work and focus losing weight requires, they tend to fold. Then I become a symbol of something that they feel they've failed at and my presence itself, is a reminder for them.

I think it is very important that successful maintainers discuss these issues with each other because who else knows what we go through?
Yes, that's something I've noticed too! So many people tend to look for the quick fix, and really have no idea exactly what it takes to successfully lose. I also don't think they realise just how much hard work and focus is required to maintaining that weight loss either.
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  #37   ^
Old Fri, May-22-09, 09:38
Demi's Avatar
Demi Demi is offline
Posts: 21,854
 
Plan: LCHF/IF
Stats: 217/192/160 Female 5'10"
BF:
Progress: 44%
Location: UK
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From Refuse to regain:


Quote:
May 21, 2009

The Green House Revisited

By Lynn Haraldson-Bering


As Barbara and I mark our one-year blogging anniversary, and Refuse to Regain enters its second year, I want to revisit my “Green House Philosophy.”

I liken my reduced body to the green house in which I live: a 1910s Cape Ann with pale green asbestos siding, an evergreen porch “skirt” (which we’ve since painted brown), dappled moss green shingles, and Astroturf glued to the porch and front stairs. As I wrote in my first blog, my husband and I had big plans to renovate, but the costs were too high and so we spiff up the place as we can within our means.

I thought about the ways in which I could renovate my own reduced body, worn and battered by years of stretched skin, and arthritis made worse by obesity. But the medical costs were too high and so I’ve been learning to make peace with the body I have and spiff it up as I can within my means.

In the last year, part of that spiffing up process has involved finding the right balance of exercise that doesn’t cross my pain threshold. I’ve paid closer attention to my body’s aches and knots and crunches. As I wrote recently on my website Lynn’s Weigh, gone are the days when I killed myself with cardio. Two years ago, I averaged six hours a week of cardio in addition to one to two hours of strength training. No wonder in my journal I wrote time after time, “I’m sore today.”

I never paid attention to my body the way I do now. Before I lost weight this last time, if I had a stiff muscle, I laid on the couch until it went away. Now I get curious about it. Which one is it? How can I make it stronger without hurting myself?

I’ve spent several hours gardening the last few weeks. Gardening unburies muscles like a trowel. It finds the ones I haven’t used in awhile and magnifies them. One morning last week, I woke up with stiff glutes and wrists. My exercise plan was 40 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of strength training. Rather than sucking up the pain and plowing ahead with my plans, I backed off and thought about the short-term and long-term consequences of overusing muscles that clearly were telling me they were sore. If I worked out, I not only risked further injury to my glutes and wrists, but to other muscles and body parts, too, as I subconsciously compensated for the weaker, sore muscles.

I realize this sounds simple, but it still takes deliberate, conscious thought to dislodge from my head the chatter from my fat chick, the worry wart, the tight-rope walker that tells me if I slip up even once, I’ll fall back into old habits. There are more things to consider than merely how many calories can I burn today, or rather, how many calories do I need to burn today. What I need is a body that sticks with me for the long haul, flaws and all, and it’s my job as its caretaker to listen to it.

I still believe in what I wrote last year. If I want to live in peace and enjoy its many amenities, I have to accept my body’s “greenness” and see past the skin and stretches and accept its physical limitations. Within my body is muscle and strength but also heart and soul. Where there is sadness and longing, there is also love and joy. My body is capable of empathy. It is determined.

So….is your “house” in order? How do listen to your body? As always, leave a comment. Thank you for making Refuse To Regain such a place of support, for sharing your determination and strategies for maintenance, and your new understandings as well as your past.

http://refusetoregain.com/my_weblog...-revisited.html
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  #38   ^
Old Fri, May-22-09, 09:41
Judynyc's Avatar
Judynyc Judynyc is offline
Attitude is a Choice
Posts: 29,974
 
Plan: SBD->atkins twist->paleo
Stats: 274/000/160 Female 5'6"
BF:stl/too/mch
Progress: 240%
Location: NYC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Demi
Yes, that's something I've noticed too! So many people tend to look for the quick fix, and really have no idea exactly what it takes to successfully lose. I also don't think they realise just how much hard work and focus is required to maintaining that weight loss either.

Yes, exactly!!

Its the same amount of focus as losing it...we can just eat more food now.
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  #39   ^
Old Fri, May-22-09, 22:37
SidC's Avatar
SidC SidC is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,955
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 160/103/115 Female 62 inches
BF:
Progress: 127%
Location: Edmonton, AB Canada
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Quote:
Originally Posted by enomarb
I have been maintaining now for almost 5 years, and there are lots of people who have never seen me fat and know me as thin. So they have no idea that I live LC. It is new for me. This woman is one of those people, but she is struggling with her weight and after another person told her about my success she did ask me and I spent over an hour talking to her and giving her books and stuff (about 6 months ago). so.....
I was so sorry to hear the bagel story. But it does happen. You are a living reminder of what she has not been able to do - but it is not your problem. Sad, yes. I've hit the same thing with a dear friend. It's hard. But you have to draw the line and protect yourself.

I'm sure we've all also run up against the "oh, you don't have a weight problem! This is fantastic, surely you can have..." I almost always demur politely, but one time I lost it and got mean. I said "You know, urging that dessert on me is like urging an AA alcoholic to have a drink." We both felt terrible, but it was true.

So it is a tough road to hoe. We alienate or irritate friends, family and colleagues. Very few of them get it that it is a WOL, and that we *will* regain all of that weight if we abandon that WOL. So you have to become very selfish. After I'd lost a considerable amount of weight, my partner became my worst enemy on that front. I've "destroyed his interest in cooking." I'm very sorry about that, but on this I will not budge. (And I do all of the cooking, now.)

My sister lost almost 100 lbs on Atkins, then gained it all back because of family pressures about the meals.

So here's a question. I bet there are a lot of us who struggle to maintain because of external pressures. How to deal with that?
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  #40   ^
Old Thu, May-28-09, 12:45
Demi's Avatar
Demi Demi is offline
Posts: 21,854
 
Plan: LCHF/IF
Stats: 217/192/160 Female 5'10"
BF:
Progress: 44%
Location: UK
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From Refuse to Regain:


Quote:
May 28, 2009

Emerging From a Food Rut

By Lynn Haraldson-Bering


About a year ago, I wrote about how bored I was with my strength training routine (Kicking It Up A Notch). So I bought a barbell and got refocused. I don’t know what it is about this time of the year, but now I’m bored with my food choices.

Every morning I make a smoothie. Every afternoon I make a salad. Every night I eat a veggie, a protein and maybe a starch. I use different fruits in my smoothie or use a different kind of soy or almond milk, but it’s still a smoothie. I switch up veggies in my salad (hearts of palm one day, red onions the next – whoohoo) but it’s still a salad. I use different beans in my bean burgers, but they’re still bean burgers.

Yawn.

It’s not that I need to try all kinds of new foods or want to reintroduce meat to my diet. I’m pretty happy with the core repertoire I’ve got going as a vegetarian. It’s the combinations of foods in a recipe, the spices, the order in which I eat things that need to change. What happened to the Lynn who loved to eat breakfast for dinner and leftovers for breakfast? Life, I guess. There’s comfort in knowing I have the same old reliable foods on hand so I don’t have to put a lot of thought into what I’ll eat when I’m as busy as I’ve been the last few months. But the new grandbaby is here and my writing project is in the hands of someone else for the time being, so it’s time to get out of this rut.

This morning, I dug out one of my favorite cookbooks, one I haven’t looked at in six months or more: "Betty Crocker’s Healthy New Choices". I forgot how much I love Red Lentil Soup, and I discovered a black-eyed peas recipe that I wouldn’t have given a second look if not for having tried black-eyed peas a while back and loved them. So it’s off to the store to buy black-eyed peas and some red lentils, since the ones I have stored in an
old margarine container in the back of the cupboard probably haven’t seen the light of day in a year. I’m surprised they haven’t sprouted legs and walked out on their own.

After perusing the cookbook, I automatically went to the freezer to grab frozen fruit for a smoothie. Wait! You’re thinking outside the box, remember? said the voice in my head. I opened the refrigerator instead. There on the top shelf was my husband’s light cream cheese. I say my husband’s because I haven’t eaten cream cheese in more than a year. Heck, I think it’s been two, almost three years, maybe.

I have a long history with cream cheese, and it’s one of those foods that makes me sad to eat in small quantities, if that makes sense. When I was 300 pounds, I chose between two standard breakfasts: 1) drive-through McDonald’s for two (yes t-w-o) Egg McMuffins and a hash brown; or 2) a toasted (very well) bagel with veggie cream cheese and a coffee loaded with half-and-half from our local coffee shop. Granted, the coffee shop uses only light cream cheese, but when you’re talking three or more tablespoons, there’s nothing light about it.

As I lost weight, I still ate a half bagel with smaller amounts of cream cheese whenever I went to the coffee shop, but when the half bagel was done, I wanted more. The craving was overwhelming. So much so that I had to give up cream cheese and bagels entirely because it was literally emotional torture to tell myself “no” to more cream cheese. Ridiculous, perhaps, but I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who understands this.

Back to this morning. I spied the cream cheese and thought, Hmmm…I’ve got some lovely chives growing in the garden, a whole-wheat Arnold’s Sandwich Thin in the bread drawer…I think I’d like to give it a try.

I toasted the Arnold’s and snipped some chives, measured out a tablespoon of cream cheese and made a pseudo-bagel with cream cheese.

It. Was. Divine.

And I didn’t want or crave anymore than that one tablespoon. Could it be I have no more emotional ties to cream cheese?

I wanted fruit for breakfast, too. Rather than reach for the old standby – a banana – I again grabbed one of my husband’s staple foods. A grapefruit. I see and smell the grapefruit he eats almost every day and think, You really should have some one of these days, but I always have the frozen fruit and a banana or apple, and since I only eat two fruits a day, I run out of “food time” for the grapefruit.

So I took out a grapefruit, and instead of cutting it in half and eating it with a grapefruit spoon, I peeled it and ate it in sections.

It. Was. Devine.

I always try to eat a veggie for breakfast, too. Usually it’s broccoli or asparagus from the night before. This morning, however, there were steamed carrots from – surprise, surprise – my husband’s meal last night! I heated those up, too, and…they were divine as well.

A totally different breakfast has me thinking in all kinds of different ways this morning. I’m really excited to make Red Lentil Soup this afternoon and the black-eyed peas tomorrow and any other different recipe I can find that is a little outside my ordinary of late.

Who says maintenance has to be dull? We have to shake things up once in awhile or we get bored. And as Hollywood hunk-o-rama Viggo Mortensen (whom I prefer without a beard, personally) said, “There’s no excuse to be bored. Sad, yes. Angry, yes. Depressed, yes. Crazy, yes. But there’s no excuse for boredom, ever.”


http://refusetoregain.com/my_weblog...-food-rut-.html
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  #41   ^
Old Thu, May-28-09, 14:30
Demi's Avatar
Demi Demi is offline
Posts: 21,854
 
Plan: LCHF/IF
Stats: 217/192/160 Female 5'10"
BF:
Progress: 44%
Location: UK
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SidC
So here's a question. I bet there are a lot of us who struggle to maintain because of external pressures. How to deal with that?
I really struggled the first time around and that, together with a number of other factors, caused me to gain it all back and more. This time, however, I have been determined not to let that happen again. Through the lessons I learned during my particular weight loss programme last year, I have developed a number of strategies to make sure that I don't succumb to pressure.

For instance, I have become quite adept at saying 'NO'. I also use the 'food allergies/wheat intolerance' card when I need to as well.

I will admit that there are times, however, when I do indulge, but it is always my decision to do it and not anyone else's. I don't do it that often, but when I do, I always cut back food-wise for a few days to get myself back on track.

The following are some excerpts from a couple of weight maintenance books, which deal with this issue and are very similar to the tactics I employ at times:

Quote:
From Thin for Life: 10 Keys to Success from People Who Have Lost Weight and Kept It Off, Anne S Fletcher

How the Masters Put Postive Self-Talk to Work: Dealing-with-saboteurs self talk - telling yourself you have to give in to someone else's attempts to sabotage your weight loss or maintenance efforts. So often, well-intentioned (and sometimes ill-intentioned) friends or relatives get in the way of weight control. Dave M. occasionally hears, "You're too thin" and is sometimes offered high-carb food gifts. "In the past, I would have thought, "Oh, they're right - it's time to stop losing weight. I can't refuse food that's given to me." Now he says to himself, "I know that I'm not too thin, and they don't understand what I'm trying to accomplish." So he graciously accepts the food and then gives it away. Joanna D. is also occasionally admonished by jealous relatives and friends that she should be eating more. "But I don't cave in; I remind myself I'm not the sort of person who can be talked into anything. It makes me more determined."

Dealing with Nonsupport: The word 'sabotage' frequently creeps up among weight-control experts. You have control over sabotage and can often put a stop to it.

A common form of sabotage described by many masters is performed at the hands of the 'food pusher', someone who tries to force food upon you. Jim J. says he encounters this all the tim. "I might be sipping Perrier at a bar, and someone will say, 'Are you going to be on a diet your whole life?'" Jim may tell him, "I'd rather save my calories for something later." He adds, "You have to speak your mind and be up-front about what you need." Likewise, Muriel F., who has found that she 'can't eat just one' of certain foods, deals with food pushers by firmly letting them know, "This is not what I care to do or want to do." (She admits that sometimes she takes the unwanted item 'to get the person off my back'. But she then just leaves the food on her plate).

The importance of these skills is reinforced by preliminary results from a study of 224 men and women who completed the Nutri/System Weight Loss Program. Yale University researchers studied these people to determine what strategies they used to maintain weight 2 years after they finished the program. Individuals who said others tried to interfere with their efforts to keep weight off (by encouraging them to eat high calorie foods, for instance) were less successful in maintaining their weight losses than were those who reported no interference.

However, another critical determinant of success was the way people handled interference. Researcher Michaela Kiernan reported that even in the face of interference, people maintained their weight loss as those who had no interference if they took two steps: 1) they refused to give in, and 2) they explicity said, "No."

Whatever the sabotaging situation, psychologist Joyce Nash advises that you give the saboteur a coherent message. She warns, "Avoid saying no with your voice, but yes with your eyes." She also suggests making it clear in your tone of voice and body posture that you really mean what you say. Let the person know you appreciate the offer, but be direct and open, firmly stating what your decision is. In the face of a persistent saboteur, tell him/her to stop asking you, and then change the subject.

http://www.amazon.com/Thin-Life-Suc...43540176&sr=1-1

Quote:
From Staying Lean for Life, Cynthia Stamper Graff

It’s hard to understand why someone who loves you would try to sabotage your efforts to maintain your new health habits. Surely those close to you want what's best for you? Yet the fact is that sometimes the people we’re closest to have the most difficult time adjusting to the positive changes we make in our lives. We change, and that sometimes requires them to change, whether they want to or not.

Our experience shows that the best way to prepare friends and family to support you is to prepare them. Tell them what you are doing, and tell them what you want from them (which also includes telling them what you don’t want from them). In a perfect world, the people who love you would know what you want and need without your having to say one word, but rarely seems to be the case.

Here's an example of how you can effectively communicate what you are doing and the support you would like the other person to provide:
  • "I want to make some changes in the way I eat. I'm making an effort to eat less for dinner and to skip dessert until I achieve my goal weight." (This is a clear statement of your intentions).
  • "You can support me by understanding that when I don't eat a high carb dish you've prepared, it isn't because I don't like it or don't love you." (This is a clear statement of what you would like from the other person).

Make a point to include lots of reassurance and appreciation in your conversation.

Is there someone close to you who seems to be sabotaging your efforts? Using the above example as a guide, what would you like to say to them? Once you've given it some thought, say it! It's the surest way to turn a saboteur into a supporter.

Communicate effectively and turn a saboteur into a supporter.

Eat Better: Saying “No, Thank You”

Sometimes it seems hard to say “No, thank you” that we tend to think of it as a major achievement, something only certain people are capable of. We imagine that it takes extraordinary finesse and skill, not to mention lots of practice. However, it doesn’t have to be difficult at all!

Here are some simple ways to turn down that piece of homemade chocolate pie or that second gin and tonic:
  • "No thank you. I've had all I want."
  • "Thank you for asking, but I don't want it at the moment."
  • "That looks delicious, but I think I'll pass."
  • "I am tempted, as it does look good. But no, thank you."

There are endless variations of a direct, yet both gracious and appreciative, approach to turning something down. But the real question to ask is whether you’re going to please yourself or the person offering the food you don’t want. Is it more important to say yes, or to stay committed to your own programme? If you're appreciative and smile when you say "No, thanks", you'll feel better and your host will feel fine too.

http://www.amazon.com/Staying-Lean-...43540309&sr=1-1
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  #42   ^
Old Thu, May-28-09, 15:22
Judynyc's Avatar
Judynyc Judynyc is offline
Attitude is a Choice
Posts: 29,974
 
Plan: SBD->atkins twist->paleo
Stats: 274/000/160 Female 5'6"
BF:stl/too/mch
Progress: 240%
Location: NYC
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Great post Demi!!
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  #43   ^
Old Fri, May-29-09, 00:44
GlendaRC's Avatar
GlendaRC GlendaRC is offline
Posts: 8,787
 
Plan: Atkins maintenance
Stats: 170/120/130 Female 65 inches & shrinking
BF:
Progress: 125%
Location: Victoria, BC Canada
Default

What a great thread! How have I missed this for so long?!! I have to disagree with the 4th answer in Demi's post - I've found that anything like "I'm tempted, but ..." invites all kinds of coaxing. I find something like "No thank you. I'm sure it's good but I don't eat (whatever)" doesn't leave an opening for argument.

Re yogurt, I've been making my own using table cream (18% BF) and it's so beautifully thick and rich I can hardly eat more than 1/4 cup at a sitting. It's great with fruit or cocoa (sweetened a tad naturally), but it's also great plain - wonderfully tart and refreshing.

I've only been maintaining for about 6 months ... well, maintaining at my current weight - before that I maintained about 15 lbs heavier for over a year - at that time I called it a stall!
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  #44   ^
Old Fri, May-29-09, 07:33
Judynyc's Avatar
Judynyc Judynyc is offline
Attitude is a Choice
Posts: 29,974
 
Plan: SBD->atkins twist->paleo
Stats: 274/000/160 Female 5'6"
BF:stl/too/mch
Progress: 240%
Location: NYC
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Hi Glenda!
Welcome to maintenance!!
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  #45   ^
Old Fri, May-29-09, 09:03
Enomarb Enomarb is offline
MAINTAINING ON CALP
Posts: 4,814
 
Plan: CALP/CAHHP
Stats: 180/140/150 Female 65 in
BF:
Progress: 133%
Location: usa
Default

hi-
I've thought about this issue of social pressure, and I have to be honest. The worst social pressure is from ME. There are times I just want to be NORMAL- why can't I have the (fill in the blank)- why can't I be like other people. Sometimes I even want to prove I am normal- to myself or others. THis of course involves eating something.
What I have to do in these situations is talk to myself and just remind me that I am not normal- I cannot eat the SAD- it will make me sick. I remind myself how much healthier and happier I am eating LC- and that this is just the way it is and that I just can't go "there" anymore. Being prepared for these situations helps too- as they are predictable. Parties and restaurants are the worst- parties being number 1.
I find that making decisions before I go into those situations seems to help.
Like the post on being bored with the food choices, sometimes I think I am bored/tired/frustrated with just being me and being in my body. But them I remind myself how much much much better my body is since LC- and it does help me just move on.
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