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  #16   ^
Old Fri, Jan-09-09, 09:16
Jael's Avatar
Jael Jael is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 595
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 250/130/150 Female 5' 1"
BF:Not anymore!
Progress: 120%
Location: Beautiful California
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Twiddle
I wouldn't think it was insecurity, nor do I advocate doing anything just for husbands. I just think it is good to take our dh's opinions into consideration when making choices. (that doesn't mean we become doormats and lose our ability to decide for ourselves)


Honestly, when it comes to something as personal as how much weight I have to drag around on my body, I would expect a loving husband to care more about my health and well-being than his opinion. Of course, that's just MY opinion.
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  #17   ^
Old Fri, Jan-09-09, 09:19
suzanneyea's Avatar
suzanneyea suzanneyea is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 839
 
Plan: zero carb
Stats: 168/110/115 Female 5 feet 5 inches
BF:
Progress: 109%
Location: Montreal area
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My dh like a fuller figured girl, he would be thrilled if I put on 20 pounds.
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  #18   ^
Old Fri, Jan-09-09, 09:27
NixCarbos's Avatar
NixCarbos NixCarbos is offline
Give A Damn
Posts: 4,016
 
Plan: Primal Blueprint
Stats: 293/234.4/175 Female 5' 5 3/4"
BF:
Progress: 50%
Location: Canada
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just tagging the thread so I can read all responses when I'm able to think about the responses.

Currently, I'm in the same boat. Tried the talking, the tears, banning everything to a carb cupboard... So I'm interested to hear what everyone else has tried that worked.

Lisa
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  #19   ^
Old Fri, Jan-09-09, 11:46
KOZY's Avatar
KOZY KOZY is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 115
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 207/190/145 Female 5.2
BF:restart 4/24/09
Progress: 27%
Location: Yo Philly! (Suburbs)
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Some may not want to admit it, but it is absolutely an insecurity thing.

If you make sure you include him in your events and not shut him out while you are transforming, he will at least see how happy you are and know that you're not going anywhere.

However, it's very hard to do this because you want to make them happy too...unfortunately, if you are steadfast in your weight loss it will go one way (back to your original weight) or the other (not including people from your "old" life into your new life). If he is going to move ahead with you, he'll need to support you and either join the bandwagon or accept that he isn't in that place right now, but happy that you are and give you all the love and support he can. Constant conversation is the key in this journey.

I know it sounds crash, but it is reality. I went through it the first time I transformed. This time, my (new) DH and I are transforming together.

Hang in there! **hugs**
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  #20   ^
Old Fri, Jan-09-09, 16:36
AmoryBlain's Avatar
AmoryBlain AmoryBlain is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 4,932
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 225/143/155 Female 5'10''
BF:38%/21.4%/24.9%
Progress: 117%
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Wow, I would be so livid if my #1 support system at home turned out to be a saboteur. I'm lucky that when DH eats a piece of birthday cake (birthday cake being my most favorite food in the universe) he pretends to grimace and goes, "Don't worry, it really tastes like sh!t."...just to make me feel better sometimes.

I agree with some of the other posters. Either you two aren't on the same wavelength and he's buying you the tamales to make you happy, or he's feeling insecure about you changing without him. It was VERY hard for my friends to adjust to my smaller size, as I'd always been the token fat girl of our group. They didn't love me any more or any less, but some of the other girls all of a sudden felt competitive with me; before, they didn't need to worry about me garnering male attention. I was like the bloodhound in Lady and the Tramp: Old Reliable. While my girls were excited that I was happy and healthy, my confidence and newfound sexuality made them feel secretly threatened. Therefore, whenever we went out it started to be places I used to LOVE eating. Whenever they had parties, my favorite foods would always appear. They'd order food at happy hour before I got there, and it would be stuff I couldn't eat but used to adore. I'd get the whole, "You're getting too skinny" line at least once a week.

When I refused to bend to their issues, they finally let it go. The guys think I look awesome and they're proud of me. The girls no longer feel threatened...because I got married! Haha. No, really. They backed off when they realized I was NOT going to change my goals or myself because of their individual insecurities. I invited them to workout with me, to eat with me, and even passed along some LC wisdom. After five years, they don't even notice anymore. They've adjusted to the change and now I'm just "Amory" again, not "OMG you're so freaking skinny, you better stop losing weight Amory!"

Sidenote: And I'm NOT skinny at all. I'm a normal weight, and I still have flub like everyone else. However, going from obese to a normal weight DOES appear "skinny" to others when they're used to seeing you waddle, not run windsprints.
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  #21   ^
Old Fri, Jan-09-09, 17:26
mmonden's Avatar
mmonden mmonden is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 110
 
Plan: 25 carbs or less a day
Stats: 240.6/240/175 Male 70 inches
BF:Ohh Yeah
Progress: 1%
Location: Michigan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KOZY
Some may not want to admit it, but it is absolutely an insecurity thing.


100% agree

What is DH Dumb Husband? Dandy Husband? Dudely Husband?

Mmonden
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  #22   ^
Old Fri, Jan-09-09, 17:29
Bat Spit Bat Spit is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 7,051
 
Plan: paleo-ish
Stats: 482/400/240 Female 68 inches
BF:
Progress: 34%
Location: DC Area
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Quote:
What is DH Dumb Husband? Dandy Husband? Dudely Husband?


It depends on the day and the husband! lol
Usually its considered to mean 'dear husband'.
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  #23   ^
Old Fri, Jan-09-09, 20:45
*Sheila*'s Avatar
*Sheila* *Sheila* is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,955
 
Plan: Atkins ~ DANDR
Stats: 230/230/150 Female 5 feet 4 inches
BF:it is going down!
Progress: 0%
Location: Cove Texas
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LOL ~ Dumb husband LOL HAA HAA!

I would like to say with a smile on my face, that today I am back! Fully back on plan, and though we talked a bit, he knows I am serious about my weightloss. Believe me, he is much happier because I am happier, and I can rock a pair of jeans again! lOL I get that "skinny" crap all the time too and like you I feel far from that, but I can see when you compare the old me, to now I guess I am! Thanks for listening.. and all the input. I have tried to get him to go on Atkins with me, but he refuses to give up his beer, macaroni and cheese, pototoes and especially milk. His motto is 'you only live once". IF that is the case, I don't want to live feeling frumpy, fat, and disgusting, as I did.
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  #24   ^
Old Fri, Jan-09-09, 21:17
Ptrcmcc6's Avatar
Ptrcmcc6 Ptrcmcc6 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 4,570
 
Plan: Eating healthier
Stats: 185/178/150 Female 5 feet 3 inches
BF:
Progress: 20%
Location: Jersey Shore
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I believe for some men it can be an insecurity thing. When I first met my b/f I was 173 lbs. and had basically just started lc'ing seriously again a few months prior to us meeting. After a few dates, I had told him how I followed a lc lifestyle and his comment to me back then was "oh sure, you're going to get skinny and then dump me". I then went on to tell him I wasn't really doing it for the "skinny" aspect of it all. I actually follow a lc lifestyle because diabetes runs in my family and I didn't want to be the next one to come down with it. As it turns out (he hadn't told me this at the time), he's a T1 diabetic so I guess he understood where I was coming from and has been basically supportive ever since. He does have times when he gets fearful of all the fat I eat or that I don't eat enough but his insecurity issues have pretty much diminished because I always tell him and show him how much I love him and no matter how skinny I do or don't get.....I'll always love him for who he is and how he treats me.

We've been dating for almost 2 years now and although he doesn't follow a lc lifestyle, he is trying to eat a bit more healthier than he did before we met. At least when I'm around anyway..... . For instance, last night for dinner, he made coleslaw using the bagged shredded cabbage and Marie's coleslaw dressing (think it was about 6g carbs), shrimp wrapped in bacon with asiago cheese and a small habenaro pepper, and deviled eggs. What more can a lc gal ask for?
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  #25   ^
Old Sat, Jan-10-09, 00:43
LOL79's Avatar
LOL79 LOL79 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 518
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 214/176/135 Female 5ft.7"
BF:
Progress: 48%
Location: South Africa
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I also think it's insecurity, plus a pinch of misunderstanding. Lots of people have heard bad (and usually untrue) things about what Atkins is and how it affects your body, which makes it harder to find support, since society largely supports the critic's notion that it's unhealthy.

Is he the type that takes a dare? I would dare him to try it for 2 weeks. If he sticks with it, he might be hooked after he sees the scale numbers...

When I first started Atkins, my DH was a bit of a skeptic (but supportive of any diet endeavor). Gradually, he was won over, and now he low carbs too. I think the yummy dinners are what convinced him, plus he gets exciting seeing his weight drop. He loses a lot faster than me, that's for sure, but anyways.
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  #26   ^
Old Sat, Jan-10-09, 00:45
LOL79's Avatar
LOL79 LOL79 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 518
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 214/176/135 Female 5ft.7"
BF:
Progress: 48%
Location: South Africa
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ptrcmcc6
For instance, last night for dinner, he made coleslaw using the bagged shredded cabbage and Marie's coleslaw dressing (think it was about 6g carbs), shrimp wrapped in bacon with asiago cheese and a small habenaro pepper, and deviled eggs. What more can a lc gal ask for?


Nice.
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  #27   ^
Old Sat, Jan-10-09, 08:50
3shewolf8's Avatar
3shewolf8 3shewolf8 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,738
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 245/241/170 Female 5'4"
BF:40%/31%/29%
Progress: 5%
Location: Michigan
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I went through the same thing. I talked to him and found it was an insecurity thing. I basically told him to get over it. Mine is very overweight and I am trying to beg him to lose weight and he doesn't seem to want to. He "can't" eat Atkins because he doesn't like meat that much and he doesn't eat any green veges at all. He is trying low fat but everyone here knows how crappy that is. He won't exercise, he is trying to give up junk. I have come to the conclusion that I am in this alone and will succeed with him or without him. when I decided this way it opened his eyes and now when he is eating popcorn he doesn't offer me any and if we eat out he will choose a place that he knows will have food for both of us. It's not much but it's a start.
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  #28   ^
Old Sat, Jan-10-09, 11:45
kasstout's Avatar
kasstout kasstout is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 211
 
Plan: IF/caveman
Stats: 265/230/170 Female 70 in
BF:
Progress: 37%
Location: nebraska
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My dh is just a carb junkie. he eats more carbs in one sitting then i do in probably 2 weeks. He is tall and really athletic, but he is kind of skinny fat. He drinks beer and that puts weight on his middle. He actually told me the other day that though he loves the way i look, he is afraid that i am getting too much attention from other "dudes" and i will meet someone and leave him. WTF!!! i told him we are married forever, fat or thin, and i cant help it if "dudes" are looking at me. i mean, im not sure if he is insecure with himself (i think hes goodlooking and "chicks" check him out) or if he is having some paranoid delusions hehehehe. i dont know what to do with him..
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  #29   ^
Old Sun, Jan-11-09, 10:59
AmoryBlain's Avatar
AmoryBlain AmoryBlain is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 4,932
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 225/143/155 Female 5'10''
BF:38%/21.4%/24.9%
Progress: 117%
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Sometimes I think the insecurity thing is almost role reversal. In American society, it's almost if males are expected to look at other women when married because, hey, they're "a guy." Yet, if women check out other men, we're all of a sudden cheating, planning to leave our husbands, etc. And God forbid another man check US out--we're blamed for that, even if we can't control it!

I speak from my first quasi-serious relationship. My DH isn't like this at all, and is actually quite flattered if he catches another guy checking me out. It sort of validates his perception of me, I guess.

Paranoid delusions? Maybe. Insecurities? Definitely!
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  #30   ^
Old Sun, Jan-11-09, 11:39
ceemyheart's Avatar
ceemyheart ceemyheart is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 223
 
Plan: Low net carb
Stats: 274/265/160 Female 69
BF:TOO MUCH FOR NOW
Progress: 8%
Location: Eastern, USA
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When I went through my divorce, I lost 80 lbs in a little over 4 months. I was eating, just not much. The more weight that came off the better I felt. I was going through school and was a single mom of 2 very young kids. I would grab coffee and then not eat the rest of the day except for picking at the kids left overs. We started walking everyday to kill the time of loneliness. We would go to bed early, because when I was sleeping, I could not think about the pain he had caused me. Then I had a PE class in school. I would go to the Gym, guys would start noticing me after not being noticed for 10 yrs. This was a great motivator, I realized that I too was loveable. I learned that maybe my ex had a problem that had nothing to do with me. The counselors said I may never know why he decided to cheat. It was his problem not mine. This was hard to accept and I felt unactractive, so I felt the need to take care of me. I lost weight to show "him" that I was not who he claimed I was. I was not going to be defined by my exterior. I was better than he was giving me credit for.

Wow, got on a roll......

But, back to my point, my friends and family started commenting that I was too skinny, they thought I was sick. It was great stepping on the scale each morning and seeing another 1/2 or 1 pound gone. I loved how I looked. I looked hot and was much more confident. My 5 year old said, it is good we laugh... we never laughed when daddy was here. From the mouth of babes...

Then I met my current husband, 5 kids, working full time, over eating while cooking family meals everynight. Cooking for 7 every night seemed like a dinner party each day of the week. I was busy taking care of everyone in our house. We were busy. Slowly my weight crept up on me over the last 10 yrs.
Now, with a still skinny husband, I am no longer willing to do this.....
So, when I lose weight I will curious how he will react. He loves me fat and will love me skinny. There is great comfort in knowing you are unconditionally loved. But, he too has a tendancy toward jealousy. Could get interesting.

I think your husband it worried that you will be TOO GOOD LOOKING to stay with him. He is feeling insecure and needs reassurance. I know sometimes when one spouse changes a lot the other cannot deal with the change. This is not your fault. You need to do what is best for you. Do not compromise your dreams for someone else.

Someone very wise once told me: "Fill your cup to the point where it overflows, then there will be the need for someone else to soak up the excess."

If you allow someone to take from you before you are content with yourself, this only steals from you. Hope this helps !!! Good luck and communicate with him !!!
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