So this post is sort of an emotional release for me.

I am losing weight, feeling pretty good about things and I want to be more physically active. I am about 260 now and I am moderately active. I use the elliptical and I go walking daily but I was thinking about trying something new and fun where I can be physically active. I walk 6 miles a day and use the elliptical regularly and consider myself to be fairly physically fit and I didn't think that lack of physical ability would prevent me from doing any of the things I wanted to, just my weight.

I found this ad on craigslist for pole dancing. I thought that might be fun, I didn't expect to look great doing it but I figured it would be a way for me to incorporate some fun dancing, build muscle, learn something new and different. Of course I worried about any weight limits and the lady wrote back and suggested that no one over 150 pounds should try it and suggested an aerobics class.

Then I thought perhaps a rock climbing gym would work. I wrote to the gym asking about my weight and received no answer. All I could think about is going there and the harness not fitting or someone loudly asking what I weigh to make sure the harness can support my weight or something traumatic like that.

I contemplated taking a martial arts class. I wrote to the school and they kindly suggested that it may be easier on me if I lost some weight first. I told them that I walked a lot and lifted weights etc. They still didn't think it was a good idea.

I considered skiing back when it was winter but was told that I would never be able to find ski boots that fit my massive calves.

I saw an aerial trapeeze exercise class that looked like fun (can you tell I love heights?) but I wouldnt even think about writing them and asking if I am too big. I already know the answer.

I would love to learn to ride a horse but I was told at my size it would be too much for the poor animal.

I am not tiny and graceful but I just want to try some kind of new activity that I can enjoy and practice and not lock myself indoors all the time. I mean they keep saying people need to be more active but how can I do that if I am too fat to do anything but walk on a treadmill or go to curves?

One of the reasons so many of us are insecure about our size and being active is because when we want to do something we get the type of feedback that I am getting. Come back when you are thinner, come back when you are worth something as a human being.

It isnt just with exercise either. Its the nurse that makes a big deal about finding a big blood pressure cuff that will fit your arm, or the doctor that asks, unbidden, what you are doing about your weight problem when you went to see them about a totally unrelated issue. Its about you sitting on the train and some person walking up to you and telling you how they lost weight or suggesting some new diet or wanting to treat yourself by going to a spa for something and having someone make a big deal about finding you a bigger robe. I am tired of going out to a restaurant or grocery store and having people examine my shopping cart or trying to see what I am eating and commenting. Dreading the idea of having to take a plane to travel anywhere.

I just don't understand how some people can just shrug it off like its nothing and just not let it get to them. I try to tell myself that life is too short and I can find something else. I just feel like I am better off locked inside with some exercise DVD by myself where I belong until I can become a worthy part of society again.

Anyway, sorry for my rant. I just needed to vent with some people who can hopefully relate.

I totally understand, although I have never experienced the kind of discrimination you've described when trying new things. 150 just to even try pole dancing - that's ridiculous! Once, when I was younger I took a whole bunch of dance classes at a particular studio. I was good, could keep up and danced as well or better than the others in the class. But the director made a comment about my weight holding me back my one day when we talked about my progress. Looking back I realize he just thought maybe I could be really good if I lost weight, but I didn't hear that at the time. I just heard, "you're too fat". Another thing is people who are naturally thin hear "260" and it sounds huge to them even though there are plenty of fit people at that weight - maybe showing up would be a better strategy than calling and asking. They might just have no conception of what 260 might mean.

Lately I have gotten a tiny bit of crap about running (you'll ruin your knees!) but, in general, people have been very supportive, especially at races and at the gym. Awhile back I was doing a five mile race. It was a double loop so I was ending my first loop as the first few runners were finsihing their second loop. One guy fighting for a place in the top three took the time to tell me I was doing great. I was really touched. And lots of people stayed to cheer me on even though I was the last runner in. The support is there; you just have to find it.

Recently, I have started a lot of new activities besides the running (was pregnant for four years straight so I'm making up for it) and people have been very supportive. There are places to find support for doing any activity at your size. People your size regularly do triathlons, for example. I know Junonia.com has special skiing clothes for your size (and for every other sport, for that matter). I am taking a static trapeze class right now. I just started, it's very difficult, I can't climb the rope and my weight definitely makes it harder, but the teacher has been nothing but encouraging, telling me eventually I will get it. On a positive note, I was the most talented in my class on the tightwire.

I would say that triathlon and running communities are definitely really supportive and they are easy activities to get into, so if you are interested in that, it could be a possibility. The other activities you mentioned seem like they would at least be a good try, even if it ended up being too much right now. Horseback riding may really have a weight limit, I don't know.

Check out Junonia.com for their sportswear - don't let their summer catalog fool you, I am pretty sure in the winter they have ski clothes. www.slowfattriathlete.com may be interesting to look at for inspiration, even if you are not interested in becoming a triathlete (I just got my plus-sized triathlete's suit for my birthday!). The forums at runnersworld.com have a lot of information about equipment and advice for heavier runners (called "Athenas"). I can't think of anything else, except for trapeze, Ikea has rings you can rig up in your house. There is a weight limit of 225, but I've used them with no problem at your weight. See if you like hanging around on the rings or the trapeze.

Good luck! I think you'll find something that will work.

Janine

Myjourney!

I am sorry to hear about your struggle. I too am a big girl and have/had difficulties finding activities that suit my needs and are of interest.

I do not think horse back riding has a weight limit. I have gone horse back riding at my heaviest of 285. You can do that.

I believe its true that people don't realize weight as a number versus weight on a human. I weight 235...do I look like it? To me I do. To others they drop there jaw when I say that number.

What I do when I feel like the encouragement isn't there. I set mini goals for myself. Like once I get to 200 I am going to join the community center here in my town and start going to the hip hop dance classes and water aerobics (not yet comfortable to jump around in a ppol in a suit!). I also set goals that once I get into 220's I am going to do pilates and erotic dance DVD's at home.

Set things like that...or just show up and see...doesn't hurt.

Good Luck to you! I know you will find something that works best!

Keep Smiling!

E

Yes, I can totally relate!! Sorry you are having to deal with this.

I actually found a Pilates intructor near me who specializes in teaching classes for larger women...it was very cool!!

If people are staring and/or commenting, call them on it. LOUDLY. Although it's been my experience that other people aren't nearly as interested in what you're doing as you think they are.

You might want to take a look at CrossFit if you want to shake it up a little. They have you doing all sorts of things--firemen's carries, hurdle jumping--and it's a very mixed group and very encouraging. Since you're close to SF I can't imagine they wouldn't have a group there--look them up on the web.

I'm waiting to get below 200 so I can ride a horse. It will be my reward.

Do you like swimming? What about plus-sized Yoga? Or a hip-hop dance class?

Oh, you're close to SF. That explains why all these people have been crappy to you. That would never happen in Philly. My in-laws are in Palo Alto and you would think being fat was equivalent to a crime. My lovely cousin is in SF, used to work at the Y. She was hugely supportive of my running, even though both she and her husband are superathletes (he does ultramarathons). In my experience, the real athletes, as opposed to the gym bunnies, are always interested in sharing their obsession, no matter what. Adult athletes are just geeks and activity nerds at the end of the day, after all. We all want people to share in our enthusiasm.

Janine

Been there, done that, sorry it is happening to you. Very sorry.

I have a suggestion you might think is beside the point. Look at your stats in your profile, see how they are blank? That tends to indicate that *you* are not comfortable with your size, even here, where you are far from the biggest person around and no one care what size you are anyway. My suggestion is make a conscious effort to accept yourself, and a start would be filling in those stats.

Many, many people are just plain cruel to fat folks. Many more have no idea what message they are sending -- those gyms you contacted for instance. The best armor you can have against those people is accepting your size and knowing you are moving forward.

If you want to do more and different things, especially if gym and class things are what you are looking for, I suggest you make a list of every gym in the area, get appointments to be shown around, and go visit every last one of them. Ask about the things you are interested in. You'll be able to tell quickly if you are in the right place or the wrong place. This is another example, sadly, of kissing a lot of frogs to find a prince. Some gyms, dance instructors, etc. are just freakin fat phobic and they don't want us there. Fine, be an ass. But not *all* of them are that way. Don't let little green weinies stop you from finding what you are looking for.

I think Liz has a good point. People shudder and cringe when they hear a certain number, but they have no idea what that weight actually looks like. Go in and ask. Don't ask for opinions, just ask if the equipment has a weight limit and if so, what it is. You should never have to volunteer your numbers if you don't want to.

Its possible that the pole dancing poles have a limit for some of the moves.



Next time, just show up. Again, I don't think they have any concept of what those numbers mean. If you show up and you're comfortably mobile and carry yourself with strength they are less likely to just decide you're too big. Also, if you just show up and ask questions you're more likely to see an instructor, who might have ideas on how to work with you or other approaches that might work better, than an office bunny who will just say no out of hand. Plus, actually showing up shows more interest in commitment. It might make a better impression, and that might get a better reception.

Have you thought of belly dancing? Its a great workout and if anyone tries to tell you you can't do it at your size they're lying because I took a class when I was at my heaviest and it was fun. I suck at it, but its still a lot of fun1

How about a swimming class or water aerobics? If your schedule permits, try to find one geared at seniors. No one in those classes will care in the slightest how you look. And they expect a wide range of ability there.



The people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter.

I really try to live by that.

If people have nothing better to do than examine the contents of my shopping basket, well, they're welcome to. They don't know me, or how I live my life, or how much I've changed things in the last 3 years, or anything relevant.

If someone comes up to me these days with a weight loss story, I just answer by saying "yeah, I've lost 120 lbs in the last 2 years. Takes forever doesn't it", or something like that. Not that people tend to do that to me. Although one person did the last time I was at Disney and I sicced a staff member on her for soliciting on the Disney property. Inappropriate.




I think this is also important. I know that I used to be so big it was too far to walk to the curb to get the mail. I was sick all the time. I really couldn't function very well, even though I didn't really know that at the time.

Now I'm strong, and healthy, and active. No, I'm not thin yet. Maybe I won't ever get to thin, but I most definitely don't take attitude from people who don't know my history, or my lifestyle.

Which isn't meant to invalidate your post. I still have days where I definitely feel that I'm being treated like a second class citizen because of size. I just work really hard to remember that they don't know what I'm doing, and they don't know how far I've come.

And really, I'm the same person now I was 120+ ago. I'll probably be pretty much the same person in another 120-. If they don't like me now, they probably won't like me then either, so just brush them off and go on.

Your weight is not so high that you would be a terrible burden to a horse! What about all those big, tall cowboy-type dudes who weigh as much or more than you? No one would think twice about them getting on a horse! And for that matter, if you've ever seen a group of guys go hunting on horseback, some of them are pretty big, too, and they also have their horses loaded down with gear!

I had a friend who weighed well over 300 lbs, and she rode horses all the time.

Listen, look again for martial arts. NOT a class. An independent sensei. I've known senseis who took 300# women simply because their true interest is students who are genuinely dedicated to the art -- not just students they think will be great immediately. Understand that larger dojos have a lot of worries about insurance and appearances and things like that, plus different arts have different requirements. You might see if you can find a listing from the major national MA societies and find someone in your region; some Senseis have homemade backyard dojos and things like that. MA would be fun for you and you can definitely do it at that weight. Aikido would be good as it is not high contact or extreme (at least in more common beginner forms) and it has staff training as well. I think Baerdric would know way more about that.

Why not scuba diving? There are plenty of large divers and you live in a great area to do it. It doesn't take a large amount of exertion because you have neutral buoyancy in the water, but it burns a lot calories because of working against increased pressure. I dove for years before it was sanctioned that type 1 diabetics could dive. Don't let people tell you that you can't do things. Do them anyway!

I too understand your feelings on this. I've certainly experienced the same, or similar, feelings and encounters. I'd wouldn't be surprised if there are more people who don't just shrug it off but rather internalize it - that's what I do. People just don't see how it affects me.

Now that being said, two things popped into my mind. First, a la Nike: 'Just Do It!' Second, it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission - just show up.

Everybody pretty much said what I was thinking: just show up, if they see you they will be much less inclined to turn you away; horses were built to carry a LOT of weight - riders and their gear; skiing gear in larger sizes is available - maybe not at the rental counter but you should be able to find some; pole dancing is not just for those who aren't overweight - I've known some larger women who've done it; and as for martial arts - just show up. I took a class (only one) and nobody told me I couldn't be there - and I weighed 250. Mind you, I was horrible at it - but I did it and there were no problems.

As for rock wall climbing - I've done it. Horribly, but I did it. When I got there, the harness didn't fit. I was embarrassed but I was pissed b/c they didn't tell our group there was a weight limit. When the manager asked why I was turning the shoes back in I told him b/c the harness was too small. He immediately told me they have extenders just for that reason. He did what he could to lessen my embarrassment and got me the extender for the harness. It worked, I was still embarrased b/c everyone (all thin) in the group knew what was going on, and it ruined what should have been a fun evening for me, but I got out there and tried it. Guess what? The gear held me - and I weight 250.

I LOVE kayaking. Everytime I go though I rent a kayak. Every time the shop asks me how much I weigh. The first time (even the second and third times) I thought, after hearing the questions, they would turn me away. Nope! They just wanted to make sure they gave me a kayak that had a big enough opening for me to sit in - that way I wouldn't be embarrassed. Of course, I always ended up with a bigger opening than needed b/c people don't *know* what 180, 200, 220, 250 LOOKS like - they imagine an freakin' elephant.

I've had problems at baseball games - those seats are kinda small. But that just means I have to slide out from between the arm rests instead of jumping up. I thought, yesterday, people were snickering - and it bothered me. But, I enjoyed the game because I was showing them I wasn't afraid to be seen in public (although I was embarrassed) having a good time.

Bowling is another activity you might enjoy. There's no weight limit there! What about bike riding? Again, if there is a weight limit, you're well under it.

Just remember - you're not alone, although it may feel like it. *hugs*

~Robyn

Oh the horse back riding thing..I went several times at my heaviest years ago that was 306 so dont let weight stop you. And let me add that horse had no trouble with the weight...only me having trouble getting on the damn thing LOL On one try I went right over the darned thing and to the ground I went...LOL There thats my graceful moment hehe