It's amazing how many people are scared of their own children or think that the kid will grow up to shoot their classmates if they're told "no" or are allowed to experience anything like frustration, defeat or failure--you know, what our parents called "building character."

Just as a positive note. I am currently editing a career guide for teens. Since I have complete editorial control I changed the nutrition advice (just 2 sentences) to low-carb.

Janine

I completley understand what you are saying. Times are changing so much from when I was a kid and I am scared to death to see what 4 years old will be like even 10 years from now.

"if you're a 15-18 yr old person a 45 min PE class is not going to change the eating habits and/or physical change needed to help these kids. Its the same as those dependent on govt to change the nutrtition pyramid. hell, it probably wont happen in our lifetime due to the corp dollars in play. "

I somewhat disagree. High school and college PE classes were my only venue for learning simple tools like how to weight lift, etc. They are the only reason I feel confident joining the gym now at all.

I agree completly. The quickest way for one of my kids to NOT get something, anything, they want is to throw a fit. I have, on different occasions, pushed my cart to the front of the store, let the people who work their know I'd be right back, taken my children home and they got nothing. Plus they lost the chance to go to the store with me anytime in the near future. I know this is not an option for single parents at times, I've been that too. I don't have the answer to that. Anyway, its good to know that not everyone thinks I'm a horrible parent when they see my kids with an ice cream. I guess honestly though, I've gotten passed really caring too much what anyone thinks.

This is pretty much how I've handled that sort of behavior. The surest way to keep a behavior going (both good and bad) is to reward it.
Both of my kids know that a surefire way to turn a 'maybe' or 'give me some time to think about it' into a 'no' is to badger me about something.




That would happen exactly once in my house.

Hey, kids KNOW. They know. When my kid was little, she realized quick that I was very aware of people looking at us in the store, and that I really mostly wanted her to shut the hell up when she went into tantrum mode, and that I was fully aware that if I swatted her butt no matter how desperately she deserved it I'd probably be dogpiled and arrested on the walmart floor by a bunch of hyper do-gooders.

So she would pitch a fit that was unbelievable. She figured the bigger a fit she threw, the more utterly mortified I would be and give in just to shut her up. And the first few times, she was right. It wasn't that I didn't have the gumption to tell her to knock it off and make her stop, it was that doing it while standing in line with 60 people looking on and her "playing the crowd" was another story.

My father taught me the solution. He said, I know you'll hate this (I worked 100+ hours a week then as a single mom so my time to shop was very limited), and I know you'll be embarrassed, and I know you'll feel guilty that some walmart employee has to deal with your groceries. BUT: if she acts up, you tell her once, knock it off NOW or we are LEAVING and you get NOTHING. If she doesn't knock it off, you grab her hand and drag her ass out of the store, go home, and send her to her room. PERIOD. Don't negotiate, don't threaten again, and don't let your own considerations about your embarrassment or time interfere. He and my stepmom did that with her when they were in the store with her, too.

It cured her, after a bit. Then it wasn't an issue anymore.

But I think some of the obvious parenting problems you see in stores are less an issue of their normal parenting and more an issue of their problem with parenting under the watchful eye of a society that says you have to do exactly what she was doing -- gently counsel your kid to express their anger more appropriately, recommend a time-out -- which is about as useful for a ranting violent toddler as trying to reason with someone on drugs (since really, their little bodies are overwhelmed with biochemical behind their behavior, it's about the same thing!).

I'm sure there are several factors involved but from my own personal experience The reason people on welfare tend to be larger is simple cost. It costs far less to eat spaghetti every day than it does to even buy meatballs, or chickenstrips.

It pisses me off to no end how much cheaper carbs are than other foods. I am having to do my diet on a major budget, I haven't been on welfare in years but I'm not exactly what you'd call "rolling in it" either.

It was not until I met my husband (who is a nutritionist - and extremely cheap (which is a good thing)) that I had any idea how to afford to eat healthy, on a budget.

Even now he is denying himself meat so that *I* can have it, because we just can't afford it for the two of us every day.

Also think of it in terms of depression, this was certainly a factor for me. Being on welfare is embarrassing, and depressing, Idunno about you but when I'm depressed I want to binge eat.

The child was 3 and weighed 50 pounds, she was still in diapers because she didnt have the energy to go upstairs to the washroom. She was too large to even use her toddler toilet seat. She was hospitalized for a week and a half from an infection on her inner thighs in direct correlation to her obesity.

They fed this kid chips and ice cream and sodapop EVERY DAY. This Kid was taken to Mcdonalds I swear to you Every day!!
The resteraunt was literally a few blocks away, but they'd push her in her stroller. I talked to her guardians on a daily basis and I know for a fact she -never- ate vegetables. I had her at my house once and she was chomping happily away on broccoli and when I told her guardians, they acted -shocked-.

I grew up in foster care I know all about child abuse, the worst of it.

This is child abuse and anyone who disagrees is sadly naive as to what this child will suffer in a couple years, if not already.

I think a lot of parents can't seem to get a grip on having to actually deal with their children and give their kids (material, food, or otherwise) whatever they want to avoid trouble like a trantrum. Its ridiculous.

If ignoring your children (and their needs) and letting them become dirty and go hungry really isn't different (IMO) than ignoring their needs and overfeeding them and making them unhealthy (severely). I think many people have a hard time distinguishing between overweight and obese. While there is a difference, there is always the argument, "Well a parent should never let their child become overweight, either". Please. I'm glad no one blamed my mother for making me fat. I have PCOS and realise now that this is why I was overweight my entire life and also obese for a short time.

I don't think our country needs to settle for accepting "Curves" to every extent of the word. Bottom line: Being overweight and being obese (while different) are very unhealthy. Someone obviously needs to be held responsible. If I was 13 and set fire to a building would I get into trouble? Probably. Would my mother get in trouble and also be held responsible? Most likely. Why are we all so afraid to tell parents, "Hey, something needs to be done so your child can live a full and healthy life". Isnt that what we all want?

A co-worker's daughter, 8, VERY heavy (both of them) is starting to show signs of Acanthosis nigricans (blackened, or discoloured skin, often associated with conditions that increase insulin level, such as type 2 diabetes or being overweight).

The mom tells the story that her daughter insists (screams and throws fits) to have fast food, and that she only wants to eat mac&cheese and chicken fingers (sometimes following a run to McD's). Her daughter is quite aggressive and has wild temper tantrums (which, apparently, is met with spankings). I know many people at work really want to say something, but what do we do? We have to work with this woman, and she is a nice girl.

I mention quietly that low carb is easy and the food is something her and her daughter might like (I often try to tempt her with my menu). She often says she can't afford all the groceries nor does she have the time.

I'd love to save this little girl and her mom, but I'm just going to let my example of healthy eating hopefully propell them toward this woe.


oh, and if in any way my mentioning something about the difference in parts of my city... it has nothing to do with race. I'm in Canada, it's not an issue really--trust me--and it's all about differences in income levels and education in our little city. I've also been a single mom struggling, desperately to keep going. I am just dumbfounded how out of 100s of kids I know through the schools around here, that there are onlyabout 3 overweight kids, and one girl I would say is obese (i can tell she has PCOS, though)

"They fed this kid chips and ice cream and sodapop EVERY DAY. This Kid was taken to Mcdonalds I swear to you Every day!!
The resteraunt was literally a few blocks away, but they'd push her in her stroller. I talked to her guardians on a daily basis and I know for a fact she -never- ate vegetables. I had her at my house once and she was chomping happily away on broccoli and when I told her guardians, they acted -shocked-.

I grew up in foster care I know all about child abuse, the worst of it.

This is child abuse and anyone who disagrees is sadly naive as to what this child will suffer in a couple years, if not already."

I have a neighbor, three years old and 60 pounds. When she says her legs hurt, she doesn't have to walk, so they drive two blocks to the park. My kids will walk 10 times that distance on a regular basis. Her father is big, we've heard, but her mother is doing Atkins with us losing 15 pounds to goal, so she is thin and interested in nutrition. The kid runs around alot and is active otherwise. It's hard to know what to say or do. There is such a disconnect and unwillingness to say no.

I remember my dad telling me, "Nobody is going to arrest you if you send her to bed without dinner." (Once when she was throwing a fit about what we were having.) It had actually never occurred to me that this was true. I guess I figured that was a terrible child abuse of some kind.

Parenting seems to require some standard of norms. My (ex) husband and I have always had a hard time with it. Both of us came from extremely violent, dysfunctional families. We err way on the side of NOT using corporal punishment in our unwillingness to perpetuate that cycle.

But I can't tell you how many times something came up and I said, "What is right, here? What is a normal thing? My parents would have almost killed me, but then that was the response to forgetting a book in the living room too, so I don't think they are any model to go by. Should I let it slide because she's a kid and I should understand? Should I punish her strictly? Is there some middle ground?" And he'd say, "I have no idea. I know how NOT to do what my parents did. But I don't know what to do instead."

I've read a little on parenting online.

Most of them suggest what was talked about above. Kid goes wild heathen screaming banshee kicking hitting in a public place? Be gentle. Suggest they channel their anger more constructively. Say, "Do you need a time-out?" The problem is, none of the parenting advice I've read ever seemed to even approach "REALITY". But some good advice would be a good thing. There should be more of it available. It sounds like much of a generation or three of women need it.

On a related note--why is it that all "children's menus" seem to contain nothing but chicken fingers, burgers, fries and macaroni and cheese? Jeez, you go to a Mexican or Italian place ... and sure enough, there's the chicken fingers. When did this become the Officially Sanctioned Kid's Food?

As I said, I do not know the situation of every child mentioned here, but I do know that I hear a lot of opinions on how disgusted people are with how other people feed their children(not meaning what you told us about). I think I'm talking more about people who "can't help" but peek into other peoples shopping carts then come here and rag about them without knowing a thing about those peoples lives. I agree about parents being shocked though, when my childrens friends come over and their parents found out snack was fruits and vegies, and that their kids actually ATE them, they can't believe it. We have different points of view I guess, and thats fine. When I see a 2yr old drinking a soda, I guess it doesn't bother as much as seeing a 2yr old who had the sh!t beat out of her. To each his/her own