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  #31   ^
Old Wed, Jan-23-02, 09:21
captxray captxray is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 354
 
Plan: Neanderthin
Stats: 269/176/165 Male 68"
BF:55+%/23%/15%
Progress: 89%
Location: Klamath Falls, Oregon
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Well, I wish I had a good reason for being a blimp throughout most of my life, but, try as I may, I just seemed to like to eat from a very young age. I was a fat, depressed little kid. Being a spychotherapist, I have analyzed myself to the point of nausea. My father was a veteran and suffers from PTSD. I remember being his "therapist" from about age five, onward. Because of this, I contracted a vicarious PTSD from WWII. I have noticed that whenever something about war comes on the tube, or I read it in the news, or hear about it on the radio, or see it in the movies...I get this almost overpowering desire to wolf down some chips, or popcorn, or a hamburger, or ??? Doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize I have an overeating problem that is triggered by the mention of war. The funny thing is, when I was in the service during the Vietnam mess, I lost my apetite for the only period that I can remember in my life! Go figure.
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  #32   ^
Old Wed, Jan-23-02, 15:13
grahamgirl's Avatar
grahamgirl grahamgirl is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 85
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 177/169.0/140 Female 5'6"
BF:
Progress: 22%
Location: Denton, Texas
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Every year, I gained a few pounds. Some stressful years (job, husband gone too much, sickness/depression/pregnancies), I gained as many as 10 pounds.

I've used food as pacifier my whole life, but as I got older, my metabolism slowed down and it just didn't burn off like before. Trying to improve my weight with low-fat diet only made situation worse.

Sure am glad I learned about LC! Wish I'd heard of it sooner.
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  #33   ^
Old Wed, Jan-23-02, 16:32
TX_Mama's Avatar
TX_Mama TX_Mama is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 61
 
Plan: Protein Power/BFL
Stats: 195/177/150
BF:30%/27%/21%
Progress: 40%
Location: Dallas/Fort Worth
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Quote:
Well, I wish I had a good reason for being a blimp throughout most of my life, but, try as I may, I just seemed to like to eat from a very young age.


Captxray beat me to it. I have analyzed from every angle and all I can come up with is I love to eat! You know that saying "nothing tastes as good as being thin feels"? Well, I tried to believe it. But darn it, some stuff is just downright delicious.

From as early as I can remember, my mom was on one fad diet after another. Somehow I always ended up on these diets with her. Now I didn't do the shots with urine from pregnant women (not making this up) like she did, but I followed the eating programs.

There was Weight Watchers (several times over the years). My stepdad has a funny memory of this diet. Mom cooked chicken breasts and we measured/weighed our meat and served ourselves. Turns out there was only about 2 oz. left for my sister and stepdad to split. He told her, "We're going to have to go on that diet, too or we are going to starve." We still laugh about that one.

Does anyone remember those liquid protein diets? I lost count of how many of those I've tried. The worst was that red, thick crap. It was supposed to be cherry, but I can't describe how awful it was. I see why people died who were on it. It tasted so bad that I wouldn't (couldn't) drink it and I wasn't eating either. How healthy is that? I don't have to tell you people.

Enough of remembering the bad and bad for you diets. I am so glad to find a way to eat and eat good food without feeding the cravings.

Keep up the good work, everyone!
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  #34   ^
Old Thu, Jan-24-02, 10:34
captxray captxray is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 354
 
Plan: Neanderthin
Stats: 269/176/165 Male 68"
BF:55+%/23%/15%
Progress: 89%
Location: Klamath Falls, Oregon
Talking


Boy! Do I remember that thick cherry crap! It was so bad, it's a wonder more didn't die on it. It was made from the hooves of cattle or something like that...the same stuff they make glue out of. I went on one of those fasting diets and had the worst kidney stone of my life...the first one! Then, about three months later, I thought I'd try it again...another kidney stone! I ain't a rocket scientist, but two times was the cure for me! I'd reather be a fatso! the best thing about this diet is I can eat til I'm filled up...not a small feat. I just stay away from the "forbidden fruits" and my cravings are gone, anyway. I L O V E this diet, or better yet, WOL. I don't have to make myself sick anymore wondering why I love to eat...
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  #35   ^
Old Thu, Jan-24-02, 11:00
Feline1 Feline1 is offline
New Member
Posts: 4
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 275/260/140
BF:
Progress:
Location: Fresno, CA
Unhappy Why did you get fat? What did being fat provide for you?

I have some of the same problems as many of you: being a fat child, dealing with PCOS in my 20's, hooked on sugar and junk food. But I have dealt with this in therapy over the years, and I know my biggest reason is some warped sense of keeping men away from me. I lost all my weight about 8 years ago (87 lbs.) by starving myself and overexersizing, and I met my last boyfriend at that stage. As the relationship soured, I kept gaining weight, and he finally lost interest in me at some point. He left after 3 years, and I was devastated by the fact that he wasn't attracted to me at 275, when he was at 145. I know he was superficial, but it still hurts to think about it.

I have stayed fat (I believe) to somehow protect myself from the attention men give me, and believing that it's not possible for a man to be attracted to a woman my size. Now that I am on my way losing weight with a healthier LC WOE, I am scared to death of getting attention from men. I'm much more secure being friends with a man, and I'm afraid of the possibility that a man might actually be attracted to me again. I'm so afraid of getting hurt and feeling abandoned again.

I know there are men out there who love larger women, but I haven't met any yet, and my own insecurities get in the way of believing that I am beautiful just the way I am now. What sick things we do to ourselves!
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  #36   ^
Old Sat, Jan-26-02, 10:42
RamonaK's Avatar
RamonaK RamonaK is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 282
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 285/252/180 Female 5 feet 7 inches
BF:
Progress: 31%
Location: Phoenix, Arizona
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Wow.. this is an awesome post... I have read through so many replies.. I can relate to everyone of them.. .I think my weight is holographic.. it is my eating patterns, my emotions, my health etc..

I have been overweight my whole life.. and like a few others I was put on diets as a child... having 'special cookies'... that were actually appetite suppressants.. etc..

Looking back.. I weighed about 130 in high school.. which for 5'7".. was perfect.. but I felt huge and gawky... I was eyed over by step family male members.. etc.. icky...

College.. up to 170.. and hovered there the whold time.. all the while feeling fat.. strange psychology of weight and image...

Then.. each time I got into a relationship.. my weight ballooned... and I found myself getting into the 200s... I will never forget the day.. when I realized I was 350 pounds.. something washed over me.. I thought to myself.. 'what am I doing?"... I have yo yo dieted.. throughout those years.. most recently.. I had lost 150 pounds... low fat.. low calorie eating..... basically starving myself to death.. unknowingly at the time...I just knew the weight was dropping off fast...

Then a few tough years of stressful relationship, bad job, miscarriage and the death of my father... my system finally wigged out.. I got really .. really sick.. took me a year to recover...

I believe the year of no to low protein.. deprived my body of the nutrients I needed to feed my body.. and keep my organs and hormone system healthy.. then add the stress.. which is when I needed to be healthy.. and BAM... perscription for major illness.. and weight gain...

I learned alot in my relationship.. I learned now to stand up for myself.. to say what made me feel good about myself .. and what made me feel crappy. To ask someone to stop when it did not feel right. To request to be treated with respect. I am grateful form having been in the relationship because I discovered my boundaries... which now I can do verbally.. and do not have to do with my weight...

So.. looking back.. it all fit together ... what I had done to my body... and how I have evolved.. and I imagine I have a ways to go... men notice me now much more as well.. it feels good.. feels powerful.. and feels scary.... all at the same time....

Thanks everyone for sharing yourself.. together we are healing and getting healthy...

With respect..

Ramona
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  #37   ^
Old Sat, Feb-02-02, 12:41
Masochrist Masochrist is offline
New Member
Posts: 7
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 278/255/190
BF:
Progress: 26%
Location: Minnesota
Default j

Well, I was pretty skinny in highschool and the 1st year of college (my grades were great too). Then it happened.

My roommate and I both fell in love with the same girl. She teased us both on to no end, and at least for myself, I had never experienced anything like it before. It was fun and different, but the realization that my roommate also liked this girl became a crushing blow.

I guess if we were both average males, we would have fought it out and never been friends again. But we were introspective twits. We both blamed everything on ourselves. Self-deprecation, self-loathing, and self-blame became the rules of the day. Oh, we were such a suicidal two. I felt like there was this hole inside of me that would not go away. I filled it with food: Ice cream, pizza, chocolate, donuts, anything bad.

My suddenly burdgeoning eating habits were unbalancing my already tight budget, so I started charging things until my credit card was maxed. My grades plummeted and my weight shot up. My roommate became suicidal and gothy for a few years.

Eventually when I was a junior in college, I dropped out. My depression had reached such heights that suicide was on my mind nearly constantly. I enjoyed nothing except food, anime and video games. I couldn't smile. The little joy I derived from things only drove me into more self destructive behavior. I blamed everything on myself: I failed school, I couldn't hold a job, I had become fat, I was losing friends. After a while, I was no longer sad about everything, I just simply felt nothing. No matter what I did, I was just completely apathetic. It was strange, even to myself.

During this entire episode, food brought me an ounce of happiness, and unfortunately multiple ounces of fat. I had ballooned up to about 230 pounds initially and just kept gaining from overeating, I never limited my self on food.

My depression ended about a year ago (although it threatened to rear its head again 6 months ago). After 5 years of major depression, I went from about 170 up to 270, but since I was still eating too much, I was still gaining, although much more slowly.

Now I realize, my being fat was a part of a defense mechanism to keep myself away from other people. I just didn't want to be hurt anymore.

Now here I am, nothing gets me down. But this extra weight is a real drag. My ankles hurt and I have little endurance. I just want the weight gone.

So 6 years have passed since I started gaining, I have never dated a girl since then, but I am still a close friend with my former roommate. (he is faring well too, although he never had to contend with weight.)

I am debt free, I am back in school, I am working a steady job, and I feel alright about life.

Damn, 5 years to get over girl, a self-serving one at that. I am such a putz.
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  #38   ^
Old Sat, Feb-02-02, 23:34
LC_Dave LC_Dave is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 959
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 473/332/190 Male 75.6
BF:
Progress: 50%
Location: Melbourne Australia
Red face Why am I tubby?

These posts are all great! I really relate!

I've been fat through childhood and have yo-yoed to this really large size.
When I lost a lot of weight at WW I met my fiancee. She's this beautiful tall, busty blonde thing (also a Computer Tech) who stick thin, and who has all the hassles of guys perving at her!(poor dear! :P)
But now that I have balooned to 390, she is still here, she still loves me more than ever! She is great!
The funny thing is now I get stares from people I've never had before. Usually when you are big - no one looks at you much. But when you are holding hands with an attractive girl they look at you and snigger - and you know they are thinking "What is she doing with this blimp?" Gah! Some people need a 'wake up call'.

I found being a guy - I was picked on at highschool (at lot of the time physically bullied) but as I got older, taller and bigger - I was 6 foot 1 and 260 in Senior year - Nobody would mess with me. A large man is intimidating - which has it's good & bad sides to it. Good side - it's a way of keeping people at a distance, the other side is - everyone assumes you don't need help in life. "He's a big boy - he can take care of himself!"

We are all human, we are all fragile, we all need help.

LC_Dave
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  #39   ^
Old Sun, Feb-03-02, 18:16
googybuzzy
Guest
Posts: n/a
 
Plan:
Stats: //
BF:
Progress:
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Anti Deppressants..now Im off the meds fat and depressesha ha ha ewww
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  #40   ^
Old Mon, Feb-04-02, 11:57
captxray captxray is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 354
 
Plan: Neanderthin
Stats: 269/176/165 Male 68"
BF:55+%/23%/15%
Progress: 89%
Location: Klamath Falls, Oregon
Cool Watch what you think!


One of the things that I've noticed about many of us...especially us fatties, is that we project what others are thinking about us because of our own cognitive distortions...or thinking errors. Once, when I lost 117 pounds in WW I was sure that I was getting stares from women that never looked at me before. As I got used to being much thinner, I realized that I was looked at by women before, but I thought they were looking at me because I was a disgusting blimp. My wife, who married me just after I had lost about 100 of those pounds (and she was a beautiful thin woman) said she would have married me even though I was fat. Just like your lady friend...you'd be surprised at the actual thoughts of people who are looking at you. Some of them may be thinking you look like an uncle of theirs, others, their dad. Maybe they were thinking about what they are going to have for dinner. Maybe they were thinking, "That lucky guy! How can he be so lucky to have such a beautiful girlfriend?" Many of us are so self-conscious about pur weight that we cut ourselves off from the rest of the world because we think that others ared thinking what we are thinking.
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  #41   ^
Old Tue, Feb-05-02, 01:07
LC_Dave LC_Dave is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 959
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 473/332/190 Male 75.6
BF:
Progress: 50%
Location: Melbourne Australia
Unhappy

Interesting reply captxray,

That made me think,

We honestly can't know what others think, we can only guess.
And when we are big - we guess the worst!



LC_Dave
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  #42   ^
Old Sat, Feb-09-02, 19:17
Cali Cali is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 83
 
Plan: modified Atkins
Stats: 160/150/112 Female 5ft 5inches
BF:
Progress: 21%
Location: Gold Coast, Australia
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In the third post on this thread, Gina claims that there must be a hidden or acknowledged trauma for our fatness and many have gone on to support this with their own stories of how they came to be fat.

Fo the record may I say that I am over weight because I have a sluggish metabolism, I have for quite a few years overeaten, I love large amounts of any high carb product - I drank alcohol pretty frequently and I have not exercised.

Why? Well I don't love the slow metabolism but I do love delicious food and drink and I find exercise boring. Simple as that.

I am not filling an empty space or wearing a "fat overcoat". My life is happy, no major traumas, just the usual growing up pains and life experiences. I do eat to console myself sometimes, other times I don't. I eat to celebrate too. I love good food and wine.

This is not to deny the very valid reasons that others have for their present state of health, I just wanted to say that it is possible to be overweight without illness, thyroid conditions, traumatic childhoods or accidents being the cause.
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  #43   ^
Old Sun, Feb-10-02, 02:45
CherylAust's Avatar
CherylAust CherylAust is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 340
 
Plan: aitkins
Stats: 198/198/143 Female 155cm
BF:
Progress: 0%
Location: Sydney, Australia
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one of the reasons I got fat was because I believed I was meant to be. I was always the "fat one" in the family, my sister would tease me mercilessly, she still does at times even though she has put on weigth too. When I look back at myself growing up, I was always bigger than her, we were 3 years apart but I was taller. When I was 21 I wore a Size 8 dress, the smallest adult size you could get then, when she was 21 she was still wearing childrens sizes. I actually believed I was fat, because of the comparism.

Marriage and babies also helped out, contentment is a great fatter upperer.
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  #44   ^
Old Sun, Feb-10-02, 16:43
gecolon's Avatar
gecolon gecolon is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 320
 
Plan: low carv
Stats: 324/299/180 Female 5feet 6inches
BF:47%
Progress: 17%
Location: Harrisburg, PA
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Quote:
In the third post on this thread, Gina claims that there must be a hidden or acknowledged trauma for our fatness and many have gone on to support this with their own stories of how they came to be fat.


No, Cali re read my posts I don't think there is an underlying emotional issue with all Fat people, but there is for me. The third post wasn't posted by me. Gina-
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  #45   ^
Old Sun, Feb-10-02, 16:52
gecolon's Avatar
gecolon gecolon is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 320
 
Plan: low carv
Stats: 324/299/180 Female 5feet 6inches
BF:47%
Progress: 17%
Location: Harrisburg, PA
Default

Quote:
Now I realize, my being fat was a part of a defense mechanism to keep myself away from other people. I just didn't want to be hurt anymore.


Masochrist
I fell what you said. I knew that was what I was doing, but I never saw it spelled out in black and white. When I read what you wrote I was like; wow that says it all. Now that I know, now what? What began as a way to loose weight is really making me look internally.
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