Thanks for all the information and sharing. This is just great.
My saga continues.
I went to see the psychiatrist on Saturday. He was an older man, very gentle, kind, and also spiritual. He feels that I am bipolar and am presently in a mixed state....or so rapidly cycling it looks like a mixed state. He put me on Depakote ER 500 mg at bedtime. I will take that for one week, then 1000 mg the next, then 1500 the next. He feels it is important to only start one drug at a time and go very slowly. I totally agree. He also greatly respected that I am in AA and have been sober for 19 years. He said that quitting smoking and staying cheat free on a weight loss program should have been impossible, but he realizes that 12 Step programs give people incredible abilities to do what they need to do, no matter what. He also accepted that I do have ADHD, too. (I have the attention span of a gnat.)
I still have not been sleeping very much...maybe 6 or 7 hours total in the last 5 nights, can you believe? It's just awful. It seems I am manic, rather than hypomanic, based on what the sleep looks like, but I have never had a psychotic break or feelings of grandiosity. He said the Depakote probably would not impact my sleep until we got to 1500 mg. However, even though I am not sleeping, I now feel tired and want to lie down at night, so the body is getting some rest at night. The mind racing has stopped quite a bit. And, my fibromyalgia is much better because I don't feel as tense and irritable. Woot woot!! That is something to celebrate.
I was not thrilled about starting with Depakote ER but he assured me that if I keep up my eating plan and my excercise, I should not gain weight. I do not feel hungry on the Depakote ER....or more hungry than usual. Like my energy level and my mood, that can vary from minute to minute.
It is so great to have all of you here. This is such a frightening condition to have, in a way. I really am beginning to wonder if intrinsic parts of my personality may not be intrinsic at all. Choices I have made in my life certainly have been driven by the mood and energy swings, not what I really wanted, but by what I could do or couldn't do at the time. In a way, I am feeling a bit of a grief process, but not for the "highs." I would not wish my highs on anyone. Months without sleep, with constant brain static and racing thoughts, is no way to have to live. I am grieving that I didn't realize I had this and get stabilized years ago. I told my dh that it is a bite to have an identity crisis at age 59.
Newlife, you may be interested in this website. SSRI poopout is a sign of bipolar disorder. I have a real history with that, back in the day when I was being treated for unipolar, endogenous depression. In fact this is a great site for all of us. Dr. Phelps is a compassionate and very informative man.
http://www.psycheducation.org/index.html
And I love these people. They have such fun talking about meds...and I have learned so much.
http://www.crazymeds.org/