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  #61   ^
Old Fri, Dec-07-01, 13:04
Tikerberi's Avatar
Tikerberi Tikerberi is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 163
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 207/201/165
BF:32%/32%/25%
Progress: 14%
Location: Ohio
Default Here's how I see you....

I have been reading this thread and the stories. They have been interesting, but there's something more fascinating for me....

It's all the pictures and weights I've looked at in conjunction with the posts.

There are many of you whose goal weight is a weight a dread to get UP to.....I can't conceive how you see this weight as a benefit when I hate being here so much....

There are many of you who are quite a bit heavier than I am, and yet I wonder how you could possibly look so beautiful when I look so terrible....

There are many of you who have gone from great weights that I would commit suicide at to weights I could never imagine getting down to....

No matter which pictures I looked at, I compared myself, and continually berated myself....

You're right, homegirl. It's how we feel about ourselves....

When I was in Europe, the men there didn't like thin women...the ones who looked like they could bear a dozen kids, help milk cows, and cook huge meat and potatoes meals were the ones that were most attractive. I felt much better about myself there.

When I came here, after a few weeks, I started hating myself for my size....which was relatively normal where I lived in Europe.

One would think that I'd feel the same about myself no matter where I'm at. But, I believe that our culture/society influences us to some degree, and the baggage we carry does the rest.....

Thank you all for being here in this supportive forum.
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  #62   ^
Old Fri, Dec-07-01, 13:58
otenn otenn is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 278
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 325/308/200
BF:
Progress: 14%
Location: Northern Manitoba
Default This post freaks me out!

I don't mean any offence to you with this, but it is interesting to see how much perspective we get from having been to different places and/or different weights in our lives.

I have always though that I would be able to appreciate being 200 lbs like NO ONE would ever be able to appreciate it who hadn't been over 300 in the lives. While I still think this is true, seeing these thoughts from your perspective, makes me realize that the number on the scale doesn't mean much in the big scheme of things, its what going on inside your head that really counts.

If you want to hate yourself, you can do it just as effectively at 120 as 320 I think, you might be able to pretend that the reason for the self hatred is different, but in the end, you will still do it. The problem is not the weight, it is what is causing the weight in the first place. You have to deal with that before you can deal with anything else.

I remember watching Oprah one time, perhaps others saw this show. It was about a family who seemed torn apart because of the husband/father's drinking problem. Everything was screwed up in this family, and all was blamed on the drinking problem. So low and behold, daddy quits drinking, just like that, and ....so you would think...problem solved, right. WRONG!!! Instead, wife figures out that she's been a little screwed up all along too! And sure enough, their marriage and family life is still suffering despite the fact that the PROBLEM is gone. What they realized was that the drinking was just a convenient excuse to hang on the problems that they ever had on. Whenever anything went wrong, it was "blame it on the drinking". But there will still problems when the drinking was gone. So how do you explain that, except to say that you can remove a symptom, but still have the sickness, know what I mean?

You can lose it all, be all Pamela Anderson, if your life sucks from the inside out, it will still suck.

Permit me to share a little joke I heard once:

3 guys are stranded on a dessert island, bottle washes up and genie pops out and offers them one wish each.

First guy wishes he was sitting in the french riviera with a beautiful woman, and "poof" he is gone.

Second guy wishes he was home with his family, sitting around the fireplace telling stories, and "poof" he is gone too.

Third guy gets his turn, looks around and says, "I'm feeling a little lonlely since those other guys left, I wish they were back here...."

Anyway, point of the joke is, you can't make yourself happy from the outside IN. Just like the third guy has tried to do, problem is not really solved. Has to be the other way around. Start thinking about fixing that problem. Low carbing can be a good morale booster as it makes you feel healthier and more energetic, don't give up on the low carbing, but don't hang your last dollar on it either.

Mari
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  #63   ^
Old Fri, Dec-07-01, 18:07
razzle razzle is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 2,193
 
Plan: mostly paleo
Stats: //
BF:also don't care
Progress: 100%
Location: West Coast, USA
Default

great thread that has made me think...some of those thoughts follow.

Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder and even brainwashed me has been able to learn to see beauty in different body types. As a child, my mom had one really large woman friend with a thyroid problem; as a kid, I only saw her as fat, and was guilty of seeing right through her despite that I was already battling my own weight as a kid. Eight years ago, at a family funeral, I saw her again and (oops--this qualifies me as one of the blurtingly rude people, I fear), my mouth fell open and I said, "my god, you're a beautiful woman!" And she is! 300+ pounds and at that point, surely 60 years old, but gorgeous. She was pleased, but what I noticed more was the expression on her husband's face--like "thank god, someone else finally sees this!"

When I was a size 5 for a half-dozen years of starving myself, I hated the reaction to that nearly as much as the reaction to this size. Men glommed onto me, and it scared me more than a little. It also ticked me off. "Where were you when I was a size 22?" I kept thinking. I have come to like being a size 10-12...it keeps the total shallow fools at bay.

I have a perhaps impolite but kinda amusing response to the kind of harassing male boss described in some posts above. I never use a sarcastic tone, but a wide eyed, "isn't this fascinating" sort of voice and say, "Interestingly enough, about 90% of overweight people do not overeat. There's a lot of medical research on this, and I could give you some citations to the professional literature if you'd like. Interestingly enough, size has more to do with the endocrine system, with liver function, with genetics, with enzymes such as LPL and with neuropeptide Y levels. As it ends up, fat cells are no more under a person's voluntary control than is..." and here I pretend to search for a comparison and then pretend to find one "...penis size!" I say chirpily, and smile very brightly.

(And please, don't lecture me about that not mattering either--I know it doesn't, but the sort of man who would insult a large woman to her face for her size is exactly the sort who would fear it does matter...lol. for a woman insulter, maybe substitute "IQ" )

And this characterizing of overweight as a medical condition is the truth after all...who goes around saying to someone, "gee you'd be really beautiful if only you got TALLER."
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  #64   ^
Old Sun, Dec-09-01, 08:05
gecolon's Avatar
gecolon gecolon is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 320
 
Plan: low carv
Stats: 324/299/180 Female 5feet 6inches
BF:47%
Progress: 17%
Location: Harrisburg, PA
Default

Wow! After reading all the posts, I wish I knew you all in person! Fat chicks rock!
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  #65   ^
Old Mon, Dec-10-01, 09:39
YogaBuff YogaBuff is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 199
 
Plan: Schwarzbein prin
Stats: 158/155/120
BF:
Progress:
Location: US
Default

For me, it's my MIL. She's a VERY 'looks' conscious person, very fat-phobic, very opinionated-and-everybody-is-entitled-to-her-opinion, and to be honet, just plain mean. She's getting older, now (71), and I'm 47, and I'm fully aware that her years are numbered, but after 28 yrs. of her insults, I don't know what else to call her. I have to remind my HUSBAND, her son, to remember this is his mother he's talking about, he gets so irrate with her.

I walk in room--- MIL says- " Oh. I read about a new diet you should try!" (I have never expressed a wish to lose weight in her presence.)

MIL--"Do you remember how thin you were when you were dating M.? You were so cute then. "

We also have to have long one-sided conversations about everybody who's fat and how much fatter they've gotten, how disgusting fat people are, and all designed to get around to discussing how fat I'VE gotten.

MIL to YogaBuff's 15 yr old overweight, but kindhearted and wonderful straight-A student son--"So, D., are you still on any kind of diet to lose that weight?"

MIL regarding self--" Oh, I know I've put on a few pounds with age, but not until menopause. When I was younger, I ALWAYS kept myself thin!" (She doesn't mention here that this was all done with the help of Dexedrine- dexamphetamine-speed- diet pills, whatever you want to call it, and the fact that she used to be 5'9" and 110# and was just one of those naturally emaciated people).

You can change the subject, she;ll change it back, you can avoid her like the plague--(I do as much as one can avoid the grandmother of her children.

SOME people!

YB
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  #66   ^
Old Mon, Dec-10-01, 12:47
Sh'ra's Avatar
Sh'ra Sh'ra is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 343
 
Plan: Predominantly Atkins
Stats: 320/260/145
BF:
Progress: 34%
Location: Missouri
Default

Quote:
Originally posted by Andy Davies

Sh'ra - sorry about your unwelcome experience. I spotted that you had a lot to offer weeks ago, on about your 4th post. It's a pity people are so judgmental about superficial appearance, and do not recognise the qualities within.
Andy [/B]



Andy,
Well, thanks - I hope I have something to offer; I know I've gotten so much from this site that I certainly am pleased if I can at least give a little back. I've enjoyed your posts as well, and have learned a lot, from them and from your articles.


Cindy,
I'm sure we could all share some type of thing that has been said or done that may have hurt - I guess the point is, we can either take those nasty things and use them to improve our lives, or steep in them and become major depressives. The lemons to lemonade theory

sh'ra
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  #67   ^
Old Mon, Dec-10-01, 14:29
Sh'ra's Avatar
Sh'ra Sh'ra is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 343
 
Plan: Predominantly Atkins
Stats: 320/260/145
BF:
Progress: 34%
Location: Missouri
Default

A Thin Me - I echo the statements made by Andy and Wendy - girl, that neighborhood is NOT a step up, regardless of how nice the homes are or how "good" the schools are. Better to live in a small rural podunk town in the middle of nowhere (my own town comes to mind ) than in a place where everybody must be a clone to fit in.

Tikerberi - I'm so sorry you feel this way about yourself. And people are right - loss of fat will not make us like ourselves better if we already dislike what we see in the mirror. I'm sure you are a lovely person, inside and out, though I'm also sure you probably won't believe it. I pray that you are shown this, so that you can be happy. I have hated myself, too, for my size, my "lack of control," etc. But you and I have more to offer the world than skinny bodies and toned muscles. We have ourselves - we are beautifully and wonderfully made. Stick around - start a journal and pour out - there are tons of folks here who would love to encourage you. Shalom.

YB - sounds like a great experience visiting her Just curious - has your husband ever considered telling her that if she continues to harp on the weight issues, she might get visited a lot less? Most people tend to "pick" on someone else out of their own feelings of low self-worth. I'm guessing that picking on you makes her feel somehow better about herself - too bad. But boundaries can be set, and they need to be by hubby, since it's his mother.

Shalom, all
Sh'ra
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  #68   ^
Old Mon, Dec-10-01, 21:37
kyfaithly's Avatar
kyfaithly kyfaithly is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 153
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 190/178.2/140
BF:
Progress: 24%
Location: Louisville, Kentucky
Post Sad but True

I do think people of weight are discriminated against.

However, I agree with Homegril that the bigger problem is how we feel about ourselves. Being overweight messes up your self esteem and when we get down on ourselves, it projects itself in lack of confidence. One of the other things I've noticed about people who lose a significant amount of weight is a total change of attitude. In fact, sometimes it makes a person downright cocky and obnoxious!

My best friend has always been very thin and makes statements to me like "Oh, my husband would divorce me if I gained weight" or sometimes "Well, I may be getting older, but at least I'm not overweight." I know she truly loves me, but she seems to be insensitive to her constant references to her petiteness verses my weight. Since she has always been the prima donna sort, I let it go, but it does get to me at times.
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  #69   ^
Old Tue, Jan-22-02, 18:31
Andy Davies Andy Davies is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,212
 
Plan: My own (based on a compil
Stats: 333/260/224 Male 73 ins
BF:
Progress: 67%
Location: Hampshire, England
Default

I think it's about time I revived this thread. There are a lot of new members now, discussing issues raised here, and I have already referred at least one person here.

Andy
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  #70   ^
Old Tue, Jan-22-02, 21:04
emcqueen's Avatar
emcqueen emcqueen is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 121
 
Plan: no ADDED carbs.....NONE?
Stats: 96/74/60 Female 151cm
BF:too much!!
Progress: 61%
Location: Urunga, australia
Default revival!

Thanks Andy for reviving this thread. It is so important that we all know...that we are not alone.
This is a great thread with lots to offer about the often everyday reminders that fat people have feelings too!!!!!!!!!
I really abhore the term 'fat people' but I think one of the things I am learning is that it is not shameful to be fat...and if it isn't then why do I feel ashamed of my body.
I joke often about the size of my breasts and even considered a surgical reduction????????
My friends find it amusing that I rest my coffee cup on my "verandah" as they call it. This does not offend me as I joke with some of the others who would give ANYTHING to get some of what I want to get rid of. It is lighthearted banter that we all enjoy.
My 8yr old daughter thinks I should not get rid of "her pillows" but she says if it will make me more healthy then I should go ahead. This is my quandery......WILL it make me more healthy.........all my friends say it will as do the medicos.......I think I'll try this WOE first and get rid of the fat FIRST.....then if surgery is req'd......OK!
I do believe that I have in fact made a DECISION.

THANK YOU ALL FOR 'LISTENING' THANKS AGAIN, ANDY I BELIEVE THAT I HAVE JUST COME TO A TURNING POINT..
I HAVE SAID IN PRINT THAT I AM FAT....I HAVE HUGE BREASTS AND I DON'T THINK THAT SURGERY IS THE ANSWER.....not yet, anyhoo!!!!!!!!!
..............My husband likes me just the way I am!!! I wish I did, I am working on it!!!!!!!!
Good luck to all.
Liz
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  #71   ^
Old Tue, Jan-22-02, 21:12
Glenda's Avatar
Glenda Glenda is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 264
 
Plan: My own
Stats: 265/265/200 Female 5 foot 6 inches
BF:
Progress: 0%
Location: Victoria, BC.
Default

I will always remember my doctor saying a very stupid thing to me. After the birth of my second child, I had trouble breastfeeding and I knew he wasn't getting enough nourishment. So I went and asked the doctor for the pills to help dry me up. He did give them to me, but stated that a BIG GIRL like me shoudl have plenty of milk!!! GOD!!!!!!!!
Several years ago, I was lucky enough to be hired in retail in a very nice soap/lotion/perfume etc store. The owner was a former client of mine in a different business, and when I closed the business, she knew me well enough to know that I was good in retail. I was very grateful for her hiring me. But at one point, very soon before I quit, she admonished me in the store one day, saying I should wear something a little longer to cover my stomach. I was absolutely mortified as I think a customer heard her. What I was wearing was perfectly normal, and DID cover my stomach, but obviously, she felt the need to convey her thoughts to me. I will not soon forget that!!!!

Glenda
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  #72   ^
Old Wed, Jan-23-02, 03:50
Blondie28 Blondie28 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 124
 
Plan: 6 week body makeover
Stats: 225/185/190 Male 5.8
BF:
Progress: 114%
Location: Texas
Angry I knew it was just a matter of time!

Well here we are again.....Just as I was really getting settled in at my new weight and holding steady for a long time now.... I have been quite pleased with myself and trying to appreciate the weight lost and not worrying to much about the weight to go.

Anyways... I still want to loose 15 more.. or even 10... but anyways I was on some message board the other night and I ended up arguing with some punk and he looked at the picture on my profile and decided that the only way he could get back at me was to call me FAT.. then he told me to put down the twinkies etc etc.. all the stupid stuff you usually hear from someone.

Well at first I laughed and then I really tore into him. I left the chat and then looked at my picture.. I know comments like this shouldnt bother me.. but they do. My first thought was... Ok then its back into induction for me and time to get moving again .... and then you know i sat there thinking this shouldnt bother me etc.. but it does... it hurts soo much when the only thing a person can say to you is about your weight... Dont these people realize what the power of words can do to someone who is self conscious about thier weight? I am going to leave a link to the photo that I use.. I know most people will say " you look fine" but it still got under my skin and yes it has motivated me to get started again. But I mean whats gonna happen to me when I am at my goal??? Or at 140 and bone thin??? What do these people want ?? When will they ever be satisfied? My god its driving me nuts!!!

http://www.geocities.com/burningbush26/shan3.jpg
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  #73   ^
Old Wed, Jan-23-02, 04:52
EllieEats's Avatar
EllieEats EllieEats is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 794
 
Plan: ATKINS
Stats: 164/130/132
BF:
Progress: 106%
Location: Gulf coast, Florida, USA
Default

I have been fortunate to have found this forum and Atkins before I got TOO far out of hand.... the worst I was called was "Chunky" and I hated it!! (Of coarse.. who knows what was said BEHIND my back!!)

I work as a waitress-- over 30 years--- and I can't count how many times a heavy girl would apply for work and as soon as she left the comments would start!! ............She won't fit between the tables, she'll eat all my profits, people will be afraid to eat and end up looking like that, too fat to get under the tables clean----
HORRIBLE THINGS!!! And needless to say they were never called back!

My Mom was 300+ a good part of her life and a nurse. She was constantly told it didn't look good to have someone working in the health field that was so overweight!! I'm sure there were jobs she lost out on over the years just for that reason!!

All I can say is... THERE WILL ALWAYS BE NARROW MINDED PEOPLE!!!
Ellie
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  #74   ^
Old Wed, Jan-30-02, 19:23
Andy Davies Andy Davies is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,212
 
Plan: My own (based on a compil
Stats: 333/260/224 Male 73 ins
BF:
Progress: 67%
Location: Hampshire, England
Default Apologies - didn't know...

Hi Liz, Glenda, Blondie and Ellie,

Apologies for not replying sooner, but I didn't realise you had all posted - discovered it by chance!

Blondie, I know what you mean about how demoralising people's thoughtless comments can be when you think you have made tremendous progress, and left the worst behind you, as a recent incident will demonstrate. It was a filthy night, dark, wet, windy and cold, just a few days ago. I was out with one of my children, my 8-year old, and we were walking on a sidewalk to the local supermarket to get a few provisions we needed for that night. A cyclist came tearing along the sidewalk towards us, with no lights on and total disregard for any other users of the sidewalk.

If I had been on my own, I would have stepped to one side and let the incident pass, but having my son with me made me think about what would happen if my 8-year old son had been on his own, so I decided not to let this cyclist get away with it. The sidewalk was only wide enough for two people, side by side, not a bicycle as well. The cyclist slowed down to go round a signpost, so I stood in his way. This man shouted vile abuse at me, and told me to get out of his *** way. I explained that the sidewalk existed to protect pedestrians from the likes of him, that we were entitled to be there, while he was not, and that it was he who should get out of the way, not me. He leapt off his bike, threatened physical violence, then started a torrent of abusive comments about my weight and size, calling me a "Fat ******" and various other choice names, to my embarrassment, in front of my son.

I have often noticed that people who trangress rules of behaviour and decency are extremely unreasonable, and virtually impossible to persuade by logic or reasoning. Their answer is always violence, abuse, and - most commonly of all - mocking your size and shape in crude, loud and loutish terms. Ironically, I had just been congratulating myself on the amount of weight I had lost, and what a difference there was between now and when I weighed about 75 pounds more. But, like Blondie, my pleasure was short-lived. Unfortunately, my reaction was the reverse of hers, and I ended up gaining a couple of pounds more. Was it worth the aggro? Was this lout persuaded in future to think of pedestrians, especially children? I don't think so
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  #75   ^
Old Thu, Jan-31-02, 12:53
firespirit's Avatar
firespirit firespirit is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 289
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: -/-/- Female -
BF:
Progress: 7%
Default What happened on the plane

Just got back from vacation: I flew to and from Michigan, and even though I can still fit (barely) comfortably into a plane seat, I always have concern upon boarding about seating arrangements.

On the way out, there was one other person in our aisle when I got there--a woman about my age and size. She had the aisle seat and I had the window and we sat there hoping for a skinny person to fill the middle. When the occupant got there he was a normal sized male who then went to find the stewardess and proceeded to tell her he couldn't possibly fit in there. (There was ample room for him ) He then (tactless, very tactless) dragged the stewardess over by her arm to "show" her that he couldn't sit there. She said, "We'll see, sir, when boarding is finished. But you may have to sit there--there is enough room." Thankfully he found another seat, because I would have been mortified to sit next to him after that.

Instead me and very pleasant companion put up the arm rests and proceeded to enjoy the extra space. Another happiness that the jerk was not there is that she turned out to be a very interesting person to talk with and listen to. The whole incident spurred her to tell me that she had lost 100 lbs, but had gained it all back--and how much more hurtful stupid people were now that she had experienced how differently she was treated when she was "normal".

It has been much more helpful to me to make a strong effort to not take such rude people's comments to heart. I have been in situations where I allowed such comments to be an excuse for me to indulge myself (you know--he's right, and its hopeless, and I think I'll have some chocolate cream pie ) Now I try to look at it more objectively.

Sadly, the man with no manners was very nice looking and well-dressed. To all around he was probably the picture of happiness and success. But I know the truth--He is a tactless, arrogant jerk who I wouldn't trade places or bodies with!!!! I'm much happier just being me

Last edited by firespirit : Thu, Jan-31-02 at 12:58.
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