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  #31   ^
Old Tue, Nov-27-01, 14:03
KASSY KASSY is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 164
 
Plan: Atkins Diet w/ a twist
Stats: 200/177/140
BF:
Progress: 38%
Location: N.Y.
Default My you have a pretty face, but...

I was always in shape and did not start gaining weight until I was 27 after my first child. I was always around 125-130. My husband and I went through some marital problems and I ate for comfort and stopped working out. I gained 70 lbs. Well its 10 years later and I am still hauling it around, thinking in my head for most of the 10 years that I did not look bad.
Over the past few years I keep hearing from family members (5 sisters!) oh you used to look so good when you were first married, you have such a pretty face, look what marriage has done to you, etc...
Well that only fuels the fire.
I also work for a real male chauvinist _ _ _ ! He makes comments all the time about my weight. Last year I asked him why I am not part of this trip that the managers take every year out west on business (mostly men) and he said- maybe next year if you drop 50 lbs. I was so hurt. I could have brought him up on a harassment suit. But , boy how much would that have helped me get ahead.
Anyway, I still work for this _ _ _ , and he still makes comments about me, and everyone else in the office (including names about his petite little wife at home) I have come to the conclusion that he has to live with his sorry self the rest of his life. I on the other hand will lose my extra baggage one pound at a time, and I will show him when I wear a size 6 suit by next fall !!!
We are how we see ourselves. I had lost my self esteem over the past 10 years because of comments people made. I no longer think that way. No person has the right to belittle another for any reason at all.
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  #32   ^
Old Wed, Nov-28-01, 20:27
Andy Davies Andy Davies is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,212
 
Plan: My own (based on a compil
Stats: 333/260/224 Male 73 ins
BF:
Progress: 67%
Location: Hampshire, England
Default

Thanks to everybody who has contributed to this thread. When I first started it, I had a vague idea in my mind that it might draw half a dozen light-hearted anecdotes about people's experiences which have demonstrated how we are viewed "in the eyes of others" and that such stories would provide a little entertainment and light relief. Instead, it has led to quite an outpouring, and has obviously touched a raw nerve with many members. It has also developed unexpectedly into an examination of our own feelings and motives about weight loss, with some surprising results. Most shockingly of all, it has revealed some inexcusable human rights abuses which have been inflicted on our members (taking away someone's plate of food while they are eating, and telling them that to watch them eat food makes the perpetrator feel sick surely ranks as one of these) and a considerable amount of abuse, harrassment and offensive behaviour.

In spite of all these abuses, the members here are as nice a bunch of people as you could ever wish to meet anywhere. They will help you selflessly, give support when you need it, reassure, cajole and understand your needs. On the other hand, the perpetrators of these abuses we have heard about here are not fit to lick the boots of any of you, and I hope that if Kassy loses her weight and gets invited next year, she will tell her boss what to do with his offer!

I have one point to add about our motives for taking up this way of eating. When I first did this five years ago, I could have argued with myself about the true reasons for doing it, as some have done here. This time, I had no choice. I was told by a doctor that I had to lose weight. So I offer this crumb of comfort to anyone who has been unsettled by the debate about motives. Don't beat yourself up questioning or defending your motives for doing it. It is quite likely that if you did nothing, there would not be the luxury of a choice. A medical condition would sooner or later force the decision upon you whether you wanted it or not. Seen in this light, I think any member now worrying whether they have a secret agenda to please some third party by losing this weight, should reassure themselves that it is not eventually a question of choice, but a matter of medical necessity. I do hope that makes someone feel better.

Andy
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  #33   ^
Old Wed, Nov-28-01, 22:48
LC Sponge LC Sponge is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,160
 
Plan: Atkins Maintenance
Stats: //2002
BF:and feeling great
Progress: 99%
Location: Ontario, along the Rideau
Default

In order to never go back from where we came, we must remember periodically, what it was like to be there.

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  #34   ^
Old Wed, Nov-28-01, 23:22
alto alto is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 2,171
 
Plan: Protein Power
Stats: 296/278/179 Female  5'8
BF:
Progress: 15%
Location:
Default

Andy, I think what you wrote about the medical necessity of this WOE was right on -- sobering, yes, but also very helpful. We talk so often about fitting into clothes and how we look -- and I don't mean to imply that there's anything wrong with that -- that we forget, or perhaps don't want to remember, that the most important thing of all is to be healthy. All things considered, I'll bet you're very happy you listened to your doctor.
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  #35   ^
Old Wed, Nov-28-01, 23:25
goingfor60's Avatar
goingfor60 goingfor60 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 312
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 202/168/140
BF:
Progress: 55%
Location: Los Angeles, California
Default My first comment came when I was 12

I was skating at the roller rink with my friends.

We went to the food counter and at that age it was cool to order a mini pizza and soda alone. So my friends ordered and received their food. I ordered the mini pepperoni pizza and a pepsi as my friends did. The cashier said to me "shouldnt that be a diet pepsi" I gasped and thought she didnt say that so I said huh? and she said oh nothing.

I'm now 31 and that story is as vivid as the day it happened.

Shannon
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  #36   ^
Old Wed, Nov-28-01, 23:37
alto alto is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 2,171
 
Plan: Protein Power
Stats: 296/278/179 Female  5'8
BF:
Progress: 15%
Location:
Default

Ouch! That would be bad enough to say to a grown up, but to a child? (I get that all the time, but I'm not 12, so I say, "No, not a diet Coke, a REAL Coke." Or did say.)

Isn't it true, though, how a chance comment, especially in childhood, can linger for years?

I remember once, taking ballroom dancing lessons when I was 14. I was on my Very First Diet, starting at about 160. I don't remember how much I'd lost, but I was in a size 14 which, in 1960s sizes, would be a size 10 today. I looked fine. We had to walk across the room, say something gracious to someone, and walk back and sit down. The instructor said, "She's too fast" and all the boys giggled. He turned to them and said, "I didn't say she's too fat. I said she's too fast." I was absolutely devastated and did the only sane thing -- went out afterwards and ate a hot fudge sundae.
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  #37   ^
Old Thu, Nov-29-01, 17:04
gecolon's Avatar
gecolon gecolon is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 320
 
Plan: low carv
Stats: 324/299/180 Female 5feet 6inches
BF:47%
Progress: 17%
Location: Harrisburg, PA
Default

Hmmmmm.
I think you get both positive and negative attention regardless of your weight. When I was a child I was bigger than everyone else (at age 10 I was 5'6 125lbs)and very muscular. Everyone always called me fat this and that. Then as a young women I was 5'6 and I weighed 130. As a young women I was considered thin or as people always told me svelte. As a young women I attracted too much negative attention. Just because men saw me as beautiful they thought that gave them the right to say what ever they felt to me (cat calls, fresh comments, sexual harassment, stalkers).It takes a strong man to be with a beautiful women. Sad to say at that weight I had a wimp who told me that he didn't want a women that everyone else wanted. Women who felt intimated by the way I looked would grab the arm of their significant other if I was walking by, make snide remarks about my character (with out even knowing me or knowing of me.),didn't trust me, would start physical fights with me if I went to clubs etc.

Enter my fat yrs. In between the yrs I married a man who once told me it made him sick to watch me eat. Needless to say he got the boot. This time around when I was single (which lasted for about a month) I attracted different men (true breeding stock )(or maybe since I wasn't so perfect they didn't feel so intimidated), women were actually seeking me for friendships, and I married a wonderful man. I still wonder how he is going to act when I get down to my normal weight. He tries to feed me and has expressed some concern about how I will be when I'm thin
Now when I was thinner the job game was easier to play. If I wanted a job all I had to do was show up at the interview. I used to tell everybody that if I got the interview I knew I had the job. Now it is more difficult. I have to seriously work and prove that I can do the job. Kids say mean things to my kids, like your mom is fat, women don't take me as a serious threat (big mistake cuz one thing that I learned is that men DO like "healthy" women), I can't buy the clothes that I want because it doesn't come in my size or it wouldn't look right, my health was going down hill fast, but other than that I enjoyed being fat, because I don't miss the negative attention. Just another perspective.
For home girl, Any time some one starts off with hey no offense, but.... I take offense. That statement says I think you will probably take offense, but so what I'm going to say it anyway. I didn't find anything really offensive about what you said, but opening your statement like that puts one on guard. Just my most humble opinion. Peace

Last edited by gecolon : Thu, Nov-29-01 at 17:12.
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  #38   ^
Old Thu, Nov-29-01, 18:26
Homegirl's Avatar
Homegirl Homegirl is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,322
 
Plan: Modified Atkins
Stats: 147/128/118 Female 5'3''
BF:?/18/17
Progress: 66%
Location: Victoria, BC, Canada
Default To Gecolon

Thanks, I will keep that in mind next time!
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  #39   ^
Old Thu, Nov-29-01, 20:17
Andy Davies Andy Davies is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,212
 
Plan: My own (based on a compil
Stats: 333/260/224 Male 73 ins
BF:
Progress: 67%
Location: Hampshire, England
Default

Wow! Just when I think we've seen all possible perspectives of this, along comes another - totally unexpected - one. Thanks gecolon (and of course everybody else). You are a person who could sing with conviction the song "Both Sides Now"!

Hi Alto, yes thanks, I do feel considerably better than I did before I lost 70 odd pounds. But I get reminded (and punished) when straying from the strict diet. My foot and ankle swell up, and I have to walk with quite a painful limp!

Andy
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  #40   ^
Old Sat, Dec-01-01, 16:00
maggi maggi is offline
New Member
Posts: 12
 
Plan: atkins
Stats: 188/178/120
BF:
Progress: 15%
Location: England (North)
Default

This thread made me so sad-and so ANGRY. I have been on the receiving end of all these put downs, I have been in stores thin, and broke, with the assistants falling over themselves to be helpful, and fat with money and ignored. I have had people say I was so beautiful before I put on all this weight, and you have such a pretty face, (shame about the rest....) I AM STILL THE SAME PERSON INSIDE. Does the packaging matter so much more than the product? Yes, I am trying to lose weight to conform to what society thinks is acceptable, but I wish I could be accepted for me.
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  #41   ^
Old Sat, Dec-01-01, 18:03
emcqueen's Avatar
emcqueen emcqueen is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 121
 
Plan: no ADDED carbs.....NONE?
Stats: 96/74/60 Female 151cm
BF:too much!!
Progress: 61%
Location: Urunga, australia
Default



No offence taken by me!! I agree that people do treat others differently. I never understood that!!!!!!!!
For my 21st b'day I went to get a "party dress". The lady at the store enraged my mother with a simple wave of the hand and the instruction "the childrens dept. is downstairs" My mother was furious. At 30 I was told that a good wind would blow me away. I was rarely taken seriously. I did martial arts and although being highly ranked by grading I was always paired with 9-10yr. old boys. I hated being ssssoooo small. (I am 150cm=4'11"). Well, I am still the same height but now use up twice( if not more) the space I used to. Others are still concerned for my health but from the opposite side!!!!!!!! I have not ever been subject to some of the cruelties that our peers have......thankfully!! It breaks my heart that they have been treated this way. I cannot imagine the hurt but, knowing me I would probably have something to say that would be something like ...."I can lose weight ....YOU WILL ALWAYS BE IGNORANT OFFENSIVE AND STUPID!!!!!!!!!!
lIZ"
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  #42   ^
Old Sat, Dec-01-01, 18:23
alto alto is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 2,171
 
Plan: Protein Power
Stats: 296/278/179 Female  5'8
BF:
Progress: 15%
Location:
Default

I think the broader point that several people have made -- that we make comments on other people's lives and bodies and they hurt, sting, or anger -- is excellent. And it is part of a general breakdown in etiquette, in what is acceptable.

When I was growing up, I was taught that there was no excuse, ever, for making a personal remark or query -- never to a stranger or acquaintance. And to be very, very careful with even a friend. These are rules made up when married people addressed themselves, in private, as Mr. and Mrs., and obviously society has changed -- and in many, if not most, ways for the better.

In America, at least, we blame this on the TV talk shows. It's encouraged generations of people to bare their souls in public and, therefore, since that's what people see as they grow up, of course they'll go up to a total stranger and say, "You'll blow away in the wind" or "You're too fat to fit in anything in this department." (I don't dwell on these things, but I do remember once, in my relatively thin days -- 60 pounds ago -- going to buy a suit for my mother, who's a size 8. The saleswoman, in the nastiest tone imaginable, said, "And what size would Mama be?" obviously assuming that I was looking for (gasp, choke) something in a Size Huge.

The problem with impoliteness is that polite people have no defense for it, because the only options seem to be to shoot back a retort or to leave what has become a battleground.

This is another thing that can be changed -- very very slowly -- by personal example. One person in an office who refuses to join in the gossip pool can shut it down. I saw this recently with someone who had been the subject of very vicious gossip for more than 15 years. Someone would tell a story "I heard that X" and usually others in the group would pick up on it and share other stories. One day, one of his friends said, "Does that really sound like something he would do?" "No, it doesn't," said the first teller of tales. One person really can make a difference.
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  #43   ^
Old Sat, Dec-01-01, 19:29
jomil jomil is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 318
 
Plan: modified Dr. A
Stats: 214.5/214.5/150 Male 66 in.
BF:
Progress: 0%
Location: Mississauga, Ontario
Cool

Andy! You are to be congratulated for starting this most interesting thread.

I have not been participating in the Forum recently because I have made my annual pilgrimage to Florida, and have been quite busy getting the residence in shape waiting for the wife to come down from the frozen north.

However I have been lurking in the background and reading various threads... particularly the Group Project.

When I stumbled on your thread, I was very moved to read about everybody's experiences. This thread will prove to be the most endearing one, and will grow very rapidly.

Your intelligence and humility continues astound me.

Keep up the good work, Andy.

Regards
Joe
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  #44   ^
Old Sat, Dec-01-01, 19:43
firespirit's Avatar
firespirit firespirit is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 289
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: -/-/- Female -
BF:
Progress: 7%
Default

When I was younger, both my parents were really big. Neither one is very tall and my dad weighed about 370 and my mom hit a little over 400. In my family I was the smallest--always. Even my sister (1 year younger) was bigger than me. I was never small--or even average--I was "chunky"--just smaller than the rest of my family. For about 2 years my sister carried alot of her extra weight on her stomach. Poor girl was only 8 or 9--making me 10 or 11. And I was merciless--I would find her anytime and pat her tummy and say, "when is the baby due?"

It was behavior I'd already learned from people and the way I saw them treat my mom and dad--a sad truth.

I could tell many of my own stories here--stories where I was the one receiving the harsh looks and the comments. But the one that I will always remember is how I treated my sister. Of course I'm sorry now; and I'm not real guilt-ridden about it--I was too young to understand anyway. But it reminds me of how much society does affect our view and our comments. By the age of 10 I had already absorbed enough of that to participate. And I still remember why I had to say that to her everytime I saw her--it was because I already felt bad about my size and she was bigger.
And to remind myself of that made me feel better.

Now when people make comments--especially when they seem to be trying not to let me hear them I say things to them like, "Why are you whispering that to her? Do you thing I don't already know I'm fat?" and I laugh--because it doesn't hurt me as much as it once did--and then they are the ones to turn red and walk off embarrassed instead of me. On rarer occasions my responses have spurned an apology and discussion with those who were making the comments. Often it comes out how dissatisfied they are with their own bodies, and then they say things like---"I admire your determination. Sometimes I think if I gain another 5 lbs I'll lock myself in my house and not come out." How tragic that the condition of one aspect of our lives (our bodies) can have that much negative effect on people.
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  #45   ^
Old Sun, Dec-02-01, 05:48
kezza kezza is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 181
 
Plan: CALP
Stats: 286.65/254.3/165
BF:
Progress: 27%
Location: Logan, south of Brisbane, Australia
Default Don't you look healthy!!

Lot's of people say "Don't you look healthy!" if they have'nt seen me for a while and i know it is code for "Gee you have put on weight". I know this because the same people will say "Wow, you are looking good. You have lost weight!" if they see me and I have lost weight.

Only once did someone ask me when the baby was due! I think he was sooooo mortified when i told him I was overweight that he will never ask any woman that again without checking out the pregnancy test first!!

People do judge me initially on looks but I just bowl them over with my personality (not my weight!!) before they can lable me as fat and lazy. At my work I am one of the'movers and shakers' for positive change so if my fat 'moves and shakes' abit too so be it!!

See ya,
Kezza
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