Like many have said - I most often just stick to the TDC and friend's journals who give me something to relate to. I think everyone's feelings are valid whether you are dying to lose 100 or 10 pounds, but (also as others said) I think the health issues that TDC members face are in a completely different category and I am so thankful every day that there is a place like this where I feel accepted and understood Thank you all!

I have a hard time relating to someone that only has a few pounds to lose. To them it is a fluke or a fad for them to diet. For anyone that is actually overweight it is a lifestyle change and a totally new mindset.
It really bothers me when they moan and groan about cheating/drinking/family support/vacation and all of that. I know that if I am going to make this work I have to just pull my head out of my butt and DO IT not gripe about it! and I like to feel that since I have been doing this I --for probably the first time in my life-- am really being true to myself.
I never had the luxury of knowing what life is all about being "normal-sized"--I have always been overweight so I am just learning what life is all about and I am wanting to learn how to skateboard and do all of those things that I was always to "fat" to do!

When I was really big, I thought the "vanity pound" crowd was just so silly.
I was and am a food lover. I remember thinking "man oh man there is NO WAY I would give up all the foods I've given up if I only had to lose 10 pounds - they're crazy". But then again, maybe that's why they only had 10 pounds to lose and I had to lose over 150.

They didn't hurt my feelings in so much as I thought they were just silly and spending a lot of energy on something that wasn't an issue at all. Sometimes I would wonder if they had eating disorders. When I first started out my goal was only to try to be "not so fat" - I figured if I could hit 175, I'd be satisfied. My original "ambitious goal" was 150 just to give you a idea. So to see a woman who was 130 freaking out because she used to be 120, it just boggled my mind how anyone could get themselves worked up over something so trivial. Thin is THIN after all, no one knows the difference if you were 130 or 120 other than you and your scale.

Now that I feel more like a thin person, I don't feel that way. I now view 10 pounds as just as much of a problem as 30, 40, 50, or 100 pounds. This is because now I know how it feels to think of 10 extra pounds as a LOT of weight. If i were to gain 10 pounds tomorrow, overnight, of fat, I would feel pretty bad. My clothes wouldn't fit, I would look fatter. My self esteem would take a hit. It really is all relative.

I would love to only have 10 pounds to lose, but I'm not going to make light of someone who does only have 10 pounds to lose. To them, it may seem like 100 pounds. You never know what's going on in someone elses head.

It is all relative, but if being thin again makes me as self-centered and foolish as I was then, I'd rather be fat. When I think of all the really important things I could have spent my time on back then, instead of being so narrowly focused on that 10 lbs to the point of wrecking my metabolism and my relationship with food to the point I DID end up needing to lose 100+ lbs.... it makes me sad.

If I get to goal and find myself living in a mental place of constant vigilance and paranoia as I hear in some of the "10-pounders" posts, I can easily see myself developing a full-blown ED.

I think also that it is relative. At the same time, I have learned to have a point that I absolutely won't go beyond. I adjust it downwards as I lose. My point for a long time was 255, now it is less.

I can see me doing the same thing when my weight gets to be more towards where I want it to be. And I realize now, whereas I didn't before, that if I splurge, it better be a mighty little one if I want to keep within the weight range I have decided to allow myself.

At the same time, I don't want to be obsessive about it to the point that I ever come to these boards and flagellate myself due to a weight gain.

I of course have been known to be jealous.

marty

Hi
Having been at both sides of the spectrum, in my personal experience it wasn't that I had "transcended" the pettiness of self-consciousness about my body... it was more that my love of food (substance-like dependence, really) and resulting largeness necessitated that I be in denial about it and just pretend I didn't want to be thin or didn't care about such things. I did believe it after awhile, too.

One of the reasons I've become a bit of a "neurotic thin person" scared of a few pounds is because I've proven myself in the past to have a remarkable ability to deny, ignore, and otherwise pretend my weight isn't a problem. I am afraid I could do that again. For example, recently I've been trying to gain weight because the conventional opinion in my home is that I became much too thin. Though I've been avoiding the scale lately, I can tell I have already put on some weight. I can feel my skin thicker with fat, I can feel my muscles bigger and stronger.
I also can feel myself accepting this, saying "oh so what, it's just al ittle bit of weight" and not being too concerned. I know that I wanted to gain weight, but it is troubling to me the way my mind is just kind of content with it now that it has happened. It is that ability to justify weight gain and not get too worked up about it that allows people to get obese. I don't see it as transcendence, but lack of self awareness and maybe even denial. To be so "accepting" to the point where your mobility is affected and you are physically unhealthy and a mockery to others... that's not healthy. That's denial, thats not dealing with reality.

I feel like this, if you're on a Triple Digit Club forum, you should be or have been in the triple or double digits to be able to relate. There are other forums for people who are low carbing for whatever reasons, but this is a forum for people like us who understand the struggle we are going through. That would be like me going on a skinny forum expecting someone to relate to me as a triple digit!!!

P.S. There are other forums on here for people that have problems with their self-esteem and body image!!! Maybe they should check those forums out!!! Not trying to be mean, but people should understand what this thread means to us. I was so happy to find a thread that had people that were going through what I'm going through, it was like finally!!! To come on and expect us to relate, I don't think so...we can't relate and you can't relate to us! But, there are people on the other forums that can and do relate to you!!!

Ouch. Maybe loving yourself even if your size is considered a "mockery to others" is better than living in fear of your own body, even if others think you're wrong.

I'm sorry I didn't mean to sound rude. I was speaking of myself really, the way I used to be, not anyone here.

I was just pointing out that the way I was before wasn't any more self accepting and confident than the way I am now. Quite the opposite, in fact. I have much more confidence and accept myself much more than I did before. I wasn't self accepting when I was heavy - I was self neglecting. I tried to "avoid" the fact I had a body as much as possible. I never even bothered to buy clothes, the only way I would dress nicely is a) doing my nails or b) doing my makeup... my body was just this inconvienent blah thing that I was very ashamed of and depressed about. I pretended for a really long time I didn't care about such things as petty and stupid and mindlessly conformist as looking good and losing weight, but it really was quite a terrific lie. I was really in denial.

I'm not saying ALL obese people are in denial, lacking in self awareness and are self neglecting I just think that for me that was the case. I also think it's more common to be ashamed and in denial about your weight/eating than it is to be accepting of it. I think a lot of those who are big pretend they are self accepting - unlike those "vain thin people" - when in truth they are extremely sensitive and self conscious about their weight and size and simply don't know how or are unwilling to change to be thin themselves.

Okay, thanks for clarifying that.

It may very well be common for people to feel as you describe, but trust me when I say my size has actually FREED me from the kind of self-absorbed vanity I see from some posts around the forum. I used to be thin, and right in the fray of the "contest" of being the thinnest in the group, thinking 10 lbs was a frightening slippery slope leading me toward my father's fate. He died of complications of stomach stapling, after decades of pain and humiliation. Oddly, it was STILL looks that drove my ambition to be "skinny".

My weight gain was probably both my body's rebellion for the years of starving and torture I imposed on it, and my SOUL rebelling against the constant vigilance and fear of becoming "a fat cow" or something, my way of retreating from the rat race.

That's not to say I love being fat. I have the same issues with how I look a lot of the time as anyone else, but the thing is, I've moved past it. My lumpy "ugly" body does what I need it to do, thank God. I've borne a daughter and raised her to young adulthood, borne a son and sometimes marvel at my own arms... that even though he's 120 or so lbs, they help lift him into his wheelchair when I used to be tired from carrying him at TEN pounds. Yep, they have a goodly layer of pudge on them, stretch marks, scars... but they're me.

Would I like to be thinner? You bet. It'll happen if I keep plugging away at it. Am I afraid that something bad will happen if I don't lose 10 lbs this month? Nah.... My health is so much better than it was when I WAS skinny, it really doesn't register that someone else might think my butt's too big.

Maybe it's just age that changed me more than size, but having been on both sides of the fence myself I can say for ME that there are just too many things in life that are SO much more valuable than fitting in a small size that I wouldn't have SEEN without the experience of having been bigger... that I should actually be more charitable toward those who can't see them.

I came across this by accident and I realize I have no business in the TDC area but I have a few things to say:

1. If I happen to wander in here it is either because of the above stated reason or because I want to offer some encouragement to someone.

2. I am not neurotic about my weight. True, I started out as only 122, but I am a very tiny boned person and look better at 100-105lbs. I was thin and very sick and thin with too much bodyfat. If you look at my recent pics you will see that I am still curvy...always will be and embrace that about myself.

3. I started Atkins to be HEALTHY...if I lost some body fat, that was good too. I am hypoglycemic and need to watch the sugar and carbs. In looking for more info, I found this forum. It literally saved my life.

4. To switch from my old way of eating was just as hard for me as it was for you and we deserve the same support. I thought the main focus was a healthy way of eating...not weight loss. I have friends of all types in here and love each and every one of them.

5. I don't agree with anyone that being overweight equals denial, laziness or any other horrible attribute you want to call it. It is a problem of ignorance just like with thinner people. We didn't realize that we were killing ourselves with what we were putting into our mouths.

Lastly, I would like to say that I look at ALL posts. I do not discriminate even though I can't relate. There is usually a root problem to every symptom and maybe I can relate to some emotional issue. So I post in encouragement and would hope that someone else would do the same for me even though they couldn't relate. Not to mention that when I first came here people flamed me and said I had an eating disorder. Now who's discriminating?

Good luck to all of you. I know how hard it is to change your habits, physical and mental because I've been there. Keep up all your hard work...you'll thank yourself for it.

Thank you for hearing me out.

I understand and respect your point of view, potatofree.
I think we are both enjoying our own kind of liberation. For years you had the body, you had that under control... but you never knew what it felt like to just "be". You didn't get to eat without freaking out about the calories/fat grams/carbs, you didn't get to not care if your makeup wasn't done right, or if your waist band was pinching a little more than it was yesterday. Now that you are older and have lived, you can enjoy greater freedom with yourself, and not caring so much about the shininess of the package.

I already did that though. Not until that day in march of 03 did I EVER in my life consider how many calories, grams of fat, or carbs was in food I ate. I didn't care one whit if my pants got tighter - oh well, buy new ones, preferably one with an elastic that will "grow". I didn't care how fat I was, or if I was getting fatter (although I do admit every day I "wished I wasn't fat" due to the social stigma).
I've already "enjoyed" the freedom of being totally oblivious to my physical appearance, and you know what... for me, mostly due to my age, it wasn't all that fun. I enjoy the way I am now, much more, and in a way I feel more free than I did before. I was able to let myself go the way I had not because I reached some plane of higher understanding that I was able to look past the physical. I was the way I was because I was extremely depressed and didn't much care about anything. I was in effect TRAPPED by my weight and eating. I wasn't free, I was more restricted and limited than the most extreme case of anorexia.

For me, getting TRULY thin (not just "less fat" as my original goal was) it symbolizes a movement to liberate myself. I have liberated (or moved toward liberating) myself from insecurity, powerlessness, directionlessness, confusion and chaos. I now recognize my own personal power to DO and to CHANGE, not just myself, but anything I want. I didn't have that feeling of being empowered before. My transformation, to me, symbolizes passion for life, confronting it, of setting the goal I WANT and not settling for less than that. I honestly had no idea I had any power at ALL when I was fat. That's why I resorted to "wishing to be thin" and never even made an attempt to try myself. My life right now is a few years behind everyone else my age because of this belief. Just now I am finally starting school, just finally starting to buy clothes and do all the things other young women started doing in their teens.

While I do admit I am afraid of gaining small amounts of, it's not so much the weight I am scared of. I am scared of still being the same person and that this is all an illusion. I'm scared that underneath still lurks the same oblivious, reclusive, escapist compulsive eater and all my hard work was nothing but wasted effort. That's why I'm afraid of eating junkfood, of periodic over eating, of gaining weight - I'm afraid a little will lead to a lot, because it is my TRUE nature.
I suspect that, in time, when I learn to live with my weight and eating and it isn't so new and threatening, these fears will dissipate. It's unpredictable now, but as I maintain it will become familiar.

Also, there's an age difference between yourself and the "vanity pounders". The fact is when you're young, looks ARE important, especially for women. A young woman wants to feel beautiful, she wants to feel like guys like her. It's not even just lack of self awareness or the stupidity of youth, there is a biological motivation. In your reproductive years, you want to feel like you have high value in the "reproductive market" you know? An old lady, unless she's emotionally delayed, doesn't and shouldn't care quite as much about her hair or clothes or makeup or body fat percentage. There's no reason to. A 22 year old girl, on the other hand... I would say it's more a sign of abnormality to NOT care much than it would be to care a lot. In young woman, I would wager that indifference to appearance is more often than not a sign of depression and LACK of self acceptance.

I think I misunderstood when I read the initial post. Is the OP asking how we feel when someone posts in the "Triple Digit Thread" that only needs to lose 10 pounds? If that is the case, I probably would get a little irritated with them. 10 pounds seems like a drip off of the iceburg to me, and probably most people in this thread.

To me any amount of weight lose if hard for anyone, I think it's even harder to lose just 10lbs when you are already at, or under the height/weight scale thing.

skinny little bitches..oopps did I type that out loud??