Hi Rain,

Just wondering, why don't you want to go back on the low dose of Prozac which was helping you maintain? Is it lack of insurance and therefore financial reasons or something else? I don't enjoy being on daily medications either, particularly when I think about doing this for a lifetime, but I tell ya, the benefits far outweigh the risks and aggravation for me -- at least, so far they do. Let me also say I am a tremendous Harry Potter fan and feeling like you've been attacked by a dementor every day would be just awful. My heart goes out to you.....God bless

The side effects. One of the side effects has caused permanent damage so I guess it wont matter if I do go back on it as far as that is concerned. The other is feeling like I am taking a giant step back ward and admitting defeat by taking it again, but I guess succumbing to the depression is a giant step back ward itself.

Cried myself to sleep last night, woke up feeling the same as when I went to bed but now the anger is back as well. I'm very irritable and snapping at everyone and thing.

Wow, permanent damage -- that doesn't sound too good and I can see what you are saying. However, I must honestly disagree with you on the "succumbing to the depression is a giant step back ward itself" part. What I'm saying is that you yourself posted that there is a definite difference between situational depression and depression from a chemical imbalance. To me, a chemical imbalance indicates no control over the situation whatsoever. You are at the mercy of your body. Also, you know, if a situation is bad enough, how could you ever blame yourself for being depressed over it?

Having cried myself to sleep many times in my life, also from a very young age, I feel I can relate to you in so many ways. Most importantly, I want to reach out to you and say please don't think of it as a "victory or defeat" issue. Look at it as a quality of life issue -- as something in your physical makeup you must control and cope with in order to enjoy the life you've been given as much as would be possible. A lot of life is about perspective and interpretation in my opinion. Sometimes just looking at a situation (like depression) in a slightly different light can help. Be good to yourself and be kind. Try not to say things to yourself that you wouldn't want to hear said to you by anybody else. I know that is hard, but you are worth it. Don't give up

By the way, I forgot to ask you this in my previous post -- have you read "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" yet?? My sister and I have just finished it and have been discussing it some over the phone (we both love the Harry Potter books -- she is a middle school teacher). She is 870 miles away from me, so we talk a lot on the phone.....I'm really wondering what you might think about Dumbledore....

You made some very valid points. I don't know what I was thinking. You are absolutely correct that this isn't a "victory or defeat" issue. I guess not being able to think to clearly in the midst of a "crash" is part of the problem. I will try to be better to myself. I usually am.

True to form the extreme depression is miraculously gone this morning. Just as if a switch was flipped in my brain and the band of depression that held my brain hostage for the last week has loosened its hold. I'm not 100 % but I'm not irrationally pissed off at everything nor wanting to cry and fighting back tears. I am in a sort of neather region at this stage. Neither feeling good or bad.. just here. I'm still not motivated to do anything but that should change in a day or so if the pattern holds. I know that a lot of the depression I was in earlier was situational induced and those stressors are still present but I'm not lost in the fog of depression this morning so I cross my fingers and hope it stays that way.

I read the new Harry Potter in one day I would love to talk with you about it but since it is off topic for this thread we can talk about it in my journal or yours or in PM's if you wish.

Thanks again for being a voice in the dark that guided me through. It really helped.

So glad to hear you are not lost in the fog of depression today. I know that must be a huge relief! Oh and I am happy to talk with you -- often in talking to others I find I am reminding myself of what I need to be doing in my life at the same time. I am certainly one of the world's worst when it comes to "beating myself up". It never helps though -- just makes me feel worse. So, I am making a concerted effort to stop doing that to myself. Heck, I would slug anyone else if they said those things to me!! It is so difficult at times to maintain a positive outlook, but it is so important to always try!!

And, you read the book in one day!! I am so impressed!! I'll visit your journal with my HP questions

Hi, all, I wanted to reply to every post, but it would have been pretty overwhelming, so I'll just barge in and say hi.

Hi.

I've had clinical depression most my adult life, and I am sure I was depressed as a child, also. I also have panic and anxiety disorder, and I'm sure if one would dig deep enough, OCD as far as health issues go (every pain means sickness or death, I swear). Been on xanax for way too long for the panic attacks, but still will get them. Not on anything for the depression and constant low-level anxiety (it seems like an oxymoron, but I can feel both at the same time).

I thought losing weight would change how I feel, if anything, it's worse. Everything is. I have been living a feeling of disconnection, for lack of a better word. I try to get into life, only to have something happen that makes me want to retreat. I know I need to probably go see a doctor about this, but it's like, "Okay, we'll put you on this med and wait to see if this one works", just to find out it won't. Or make me feel worse.

But I don't look at it as, "What if this one drug WORKS"?

Sorry for being a downer tonight, but I'm glad this thread is here. Better than eating the kitchen.

Hi Lisa,

I'm glad you jumped right in.

I have been like you and more days than not am still there. I too have chronic clinical depression with anxiety disorder...wierd isn't it ???

I have a suggestion for you about the medication. You said that it doesnt seem to be working. I have been on Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Effexor, & Prozac for the depression (not all at the same time ) and on Klonopin for the anxiety. The reason I had been on so many different drugs is that over time I built up a tolerance for them. Could that be what is going on with you and why your still having anxiety attacks?

On a more hopeful note, I have been able to stay off all my medications for over a year now, so it is possible...you may not need to be on them all your life.

The one thing I did notice when I began LCing is that my depressive episodes increased, especially in the beginning. There is a relationship to carb intake and seratoin out put in the brain. Eventually I stablized as my brain got used to the lower carb levels and began using fat as it should, but it was touch and go for a while.

Doctors are very quick to prescribe medications. In the beginning it may be needed but I do believe that it is possible to either come off them all together or stay on very low dosages. I also know that for some they will have to stay on them for life. I would suggest some form of therapy. Self dialoge can really go a long way in learning to break the cycle of negative self talk. It isnt an answer in it's self but a tool to be used in conjunction with the medication. Meditation has played a significant part in this for me and also coming to terms with the depression. Instead of always fighting it, I have accepted it as part of who I am. Once I did this the battle wasn't nearly as hard. It was a major turning point for me. I wasn't as angry with myself for what I viewed as a weakness. I began to explore it and understand it....know thy enemy so to speak. When I begin to "crash" I often will take a day or two and "go with it" giving my self time to adjust, think about things from a different perspective ( my DH & DS have been instrumental in helping me get out side of myself to do this) and try to find the root of the problem. Even though it is a chemical imbalance with me, I still find that often there is a situational trigger. Once identified I am able to work on it. Take time for yourself, be gentle with your self, be real with your self....and call on friends if you need them. I will be glad to be a venting/sounding board if you need someone to help you.

I everyone. This is my first time here in this section of the site and Im happy to see that there are "others" like me. I am been suffering from mild cases of depression ever since middle school but have never stuck with therapy, or even formally been diagnosed. I have had so many issues and feelings that come one minute and go away, and of course come right back. I guess thats why Ive never really stuck with therapy bc Ive felt like I "get rid of it". But then after a few months, it comes back but only worse. Im am trying to see a therapist (I need to check to see what my insurance covers), and was interested in anti-depressants. My primary physician does not want to prescribe them to me...does anyone know where I can talk to someone who is open about giving them to their patients? Im pissed that my doc. wont, but after this week end, I NEED to find someone who will. But anyway, does anyone have any ideas that I can do to help myself on a day to day basis. Ive started a journal to get my thoughts out of my head and onto paper. Ive started to excersise...any more suggestions?

Hi guys!
I just wanted to join in here, because I have a feeling I “belong” here
Short story: I have diagnosed eating disorders (anorexic, both EI and SI, bulimia, and now overeating), and I have a feeling (although it’s never been diagnosed) that I have some form of social anxiety disorder and depression.
I know when I was seeing a therapist due to childhood abuse (which spawned the first of the eating disorders) she said I had signs of depression, but she was very anti-medication and I was never put on anything (nor do I really want to be). I still have the typical depressive episodes, etc., and I’ve just learned to (sort of) deal with them.
My question is actually this- I think I have some kind of anxiety disorder (not diagnosed)- does this sound like it?
I don’t mind meeting new people, but when I get into a crowded place (like a grocery store) I HATE it- I freak out because people are so rude and pushy and feel like they’re climbing on me, I pretty much just hate crowds. Can’t stand them, so much so that I avoid going to the grocery store until I have DF with me- I get TOO irritated and snappy if he isn’t there to calm me down.

hi guys, hope you dont mind me butting in. i have been fighting against my depression for years. I just found this group, hope its still active.
i have fought depression my whole life. i had some problems growing up, and i just was unable to cope. it runs in my family, but i think i have been in some sense of denial. when i was 14 my mom took me to the dr, where they put me on prozac. it gave me horrible palpitations, i thought i was gonna die, and i was switched to paxil. paxil gave me chest pain and i was put on zoloft.
not really sure why, but they figured it wasn't working and i was given welbutrin. to make a long story short. i've tried alot of them, to no avail. i dont know if i'm especially sensitive to meds, or what, but just about everything i take, i hate. when i was 23 i started going to therapy, where they diagnosed me as atypical bipolar. they told me all the other meds just weren't right, and they wanted me to take lithium. but i was pregnant, and concerned about the effect on the baby. they told me its a matter of weighing the risks of taking it, as opposed to not taking it. and if i was worried, i could be substituted with something else for the pregnancy.
i was very freaked out by this, decided to take nothing at all, and never returned. i was looking for therapy with talking things out, not meds. i have been off most of everything now, for a few years. i take a xanax when i need to, for panic attacks, but i am being stubborn and haven't been treating my depression. mostly i have been trying to avoid it if all possible, all though i know its not smart. i recently quit drinking, which interesting to me, my dr said it is very common for manic depressives to self medicate with alcohol, due to its "leveling". no highs no lows, just numb. anyway, i know i should be on something, but i am just so worried about feeling crappy again. thanks for listening guys, i apologize for the long post.

I know I say this ALL the time, but I'm going to say this one more time. For those of you who have not been diagnosed with concrete, chemical reasons for your depression at this point, PLEASE have your thyroid checked to rule that out as a cause. I've read so many articles about women being diagnosed and medicated for depression, only to find the meds are not working for them, then discover they actually have a thyroid condition. ButterflyA, I experienced a lot of what you described in your post prior to being diagnosed and medicated for hypothyroidism. It has restored me to what I think of as my "normal" self and I couldn't be more grateful than I am.

OH, and by the way, no one should apologize for "butting in" here. We are not an exclusive group at all -- the more the merrier (we hope! )-- and misery loves company anyway, right?

The funny thing is, I kept insisting (before i started Atkins again) that they check my thyroid, and they told me it came back "normal" (don't know the specific numbers, but it was in the range, I guess?) i still think I have a thyroid problem- my mom has one, my grandma has one...

Hi

I just wanted to say hi and that I can understand alot of what you are all going through. I also have suffered from depression for many years and have been prescribed meds (prozac - which sent me even more loopy and zoflorax - im not sure if that is how it is spelt) I came of the second med about 3 years ago and havent taken anything since. I have also had counselling three times - which I either stopped or was told that I couldnt be helped. I am currently waiting for another session of counselling - which could be up to a six month wait.

I get so angry with myself as when I get these bouts I am so destructive, I have ruined a lot of opportunities in my life due to this. I just want to feel normal, but I get those great highs and severe lows and I find it so hard to find a middle place. I dont know if any of this makes any sense but I just wanted to let u know my experience of depression.