Someone please tell me that CAD can work for me again. I am at a really low point right now; it seems completely impossible to stick with it for more than four days or so, and I know if I can't be perfect it won't work at all. In my heart I just don't believe I can do it anymore. The 20lbs I lost last year seem like a fluke, but it was hard then and it's harder now, and I have even further to go than I did then. I try and I fail and I just want to keep crying. I have a closet full of clothes I can't wear, some of which I never got to wear at all. I can't be perfect. I only lost the weight before because I was barely eating and exercising every day almost. I don't know what to do, my mom thinks I should try WW or OA but I don't need yet another diet to screw up on...it's almost like my only option is to stop eating at all. If I weren't eating I wouldn't always be having to choose between good food and bad food. There would be no struggle, no guilt. I can't bear this anymore, waking up everyday wanting to see in the mirror the thinner me I used to see, with actual cheekbones and no puffiness. Instead every day I want to cry, forget a little more what that face used to look like, and then go stuff myself into clothes that don't fit for work. I can't take it anymore. I tried so hard to lose the weight, for so many years, then I finally did, and I tried so hard to hold onto that and I just couldn't, not when everything else was falling apart. I don't know how to start over. I keep screwing up. It's impossible.

Hi Sango-
CAD can work for you, but I think you need to get some help. I have read your journal, and I think you have made some terrific changes in your life, but you sound like you could benefit from some help. I am talking about medication and counseling.This is not about being perfect, it's about having a life that you can be part of. Please take care of yourself right now by seeing a professional- a therapist who has experience in both depression and eating/body image issues.You can call the University of Washington Psychology dept and get a referral, or you can go on the web sites for 4therapy.com or psychologytoday.com for their therapist finders. You can do a google search for therapists in your zip code, and look at their web sites. Just do it. Or ask your friend who helped you with the job for her doctor's name, and go to him/her and they will send you to someone. You have been on meds before and it helped, and I think you need it now. It breaks my heart to hear you suffer. you don't have to be in such pain- you have a great new job, a job of your dreams, in a great new place. You can be okay-please get help.We care and are here for you, too.

Sango,
I agree with Eno about the counseling and perhaps medication. Why suffer if something will help? This is a wonderful time in your life, but also a stressful time. Your eating should not be adding to this stress. I too suffer from depression.. and bad body image. It seems like now that I am in the 170s I hate my body even more. So I totally feel for you.

But life is hard and so is eating correctly. We weren't designed to eat anything we want. I also think we weren't designed to never relax with our eating, so you are not a failure on those days. There is almost no one out there with healthy bodies that doesn't work hard at it. Instead of looking at your CAD lifestyle as a punishment.. think of yourself as part of the hard working crowd that is striving to be healthy. I don't want to down play your feelings by saying you should automatically feel good about your new lifestyle.. but perhaps begin to embrace it. You are not being punished.. you are being rewarded when you start feeling better.

You are a beautiful young lady that has accomplished so much in your life. Do whatever it takes to start appreciating yourself.. don't look at anything on the journey as a failure. If CAD isn't right for you.. then tweak it.. or try WW. Just keep searching for what makes you feel good. You know you can do anything you set your mind to.. you have done it before.

Hugs, Kandi

I have had a more balanced RM week than I have had in ages. Now the challenge is finding things to do to keep busy on the weekend nights when my sweetie is away doing his karaoke thing (he's a host). I have been letting myself really carb overload on those nights lately for my RMs, and I know it was because of self-pity. Hopefully tonight I will be ok.

I have been going a while now without my breakfast and I am pleased to say that it is really working well for me. I actually seem to feel better without it and I am not starving by lunch time either. The coffee with milk that I have is a good substitute, I guess.

I hope you all have a great weekend.
Tracy

Hi guys! I just found this hangout! I'm so observant, aren't I?

I'm glad people have advised you Sango. I hear your pain and it is heartbreaking. I'm sorry. I hope and pray that you find the answers and that you get to feeling strong again. If you have more days that you are successful, than not - you will lose weight, however, depression does funny things in the body and causes one to actually find it hard to lose weight. I always gain weight when I get depressed. I have always toughed it out without medication, but some people need it or at least need counselling. I did without both and it was hard. I don't usually get depressed for more than a day or so nowadays, as the toxic people in my life are no longer there. Wish it was different, but that's the way it is.

Have a super day everyone. Tracy, you're an example to all of us. Keep going and encourage us with your success. You always seem to be able to come up with strategies to keep going on the weight loss front. You obviously think deeply about everything and are so disciplined. When it comes to weight loss, I have all the theory and knowledge, but in practise I am still a novice! I'll get there too!

P.S. Thank you Zule for this hangout idea - not sure what your name is although I always recognize it - going by memory. Sorry will get it right next time.

What is everyone doing today ? The weather here is gorgeous . Still too early to do any gardening , but spring is definately on her way. I've got chili in the crock pot and smell is making hungry. That's the only thing I hate about cooking in a crock pot lol.

It's fantastic here too. Took a long walk this morning, and am on my way out to the market to get some stuff to freeze. The chicken breasts are on sale for 99cents, so I'm filling the freezer. I like them cut in half- these are the ones with the bone- as the pieces are more in line with a portion size. Tonight my DD is home, so I am making her request: chicken in an indonesian sauce of peanut butter and soysauce and stuff, great for RM. With a big salad, vegies and rice I'm set and she's happy. She's on break from school and is going tomorrow.
restocking my freezer- chicken, chopped meat, and a leg of lamb are my planned purhases. Got to have protein for those CMs. Tonight I'll also bake some plain chicken, for my CM tomorrow.
Have a great day-
E

Just saying hi - read a few of these reports. Sounds like Spring is in the air. It is beautiful here too. I was weeding in the garden for the first time this season - felt great. I started with the Spring cleaning in the house and now I'm tackling the garden. It is a big job though and will take me to the end of the week to finish. Then I'll need to prune the roses. Will check back later in the week.

It was actually hot here yesterday! 80!!! Today is in the 40's! Wish it would make up it's mind!
Not feeling to well right now. so many kids at school are sick! had half of our enrollment last week!!!! I wonder if it is my turn now! YUCK.
Tracy I don't know if I can go without breakfast. I used to all the time in HS but I got soooo hungry. Maybe after awhile my cravings will go away some.
Well, hope everyone has a GREAT week... I am going to go to bed....I just feel yucky!!!

I am jealous of those of you getting spring cleaning done. Our warm weather is not normal in Oregon.. so I keep taking advantage of it and playing. I need to start getting things done.
Doing well on weightloss.. but I am not eating much so I am nervous that it will come back once my appetite does. Down to 171.5 though.

Hope everyone has a great week, K

I am new to this board. I am a kindergarten teacher and already at my goal weight. I am 5'3" and 102 pounds today. I just am a severe carb addict and can eat ALOT at one time. ....a binge eater in fact. I have been on the CAD now for a week but I am scared it won't work for me. Is there anyone out there who is already thin and an eater. I like to just have one meal a day at dinner that being my rm. These were the last two days. Day one was fine and I gained but day two I didn't balance and lost? Go figure!

Day one: 14 oz. ribeye, lg. salad with lots of ranch dressing, big mug of ice cream
I gained from 101.5 to 102 on this...


Day two: 3 apples, 2 king size snickers
I lost a pound on this.

Any input or encouragement? Am I the ony big eater and will it stil work for me.

You are not doing any cm at all ? I dunno hopefully someone who has been cad-ing longer than I have can give you a hand .

Guys the weather here is psychotic. I was outside an hour ago and we were having either freezing rain or very light hale . I came in did my walking and now the sun is shining like crazy.

Doing fine here

Eatarow..I don't think that having only one meal per day is necessarily a problem. If you feel well on that and you have a good energy level, it might be fine for you. But, I would also tend to think that if that is all you are going to have, then balancing would be more important, from a nutrition point of view. You only have one chance a day to get in a few vitamins and protein.

Your meal on the first day was balanced as far as the three categories go.. but might have been a bit protein heavy..depending on the amount of salad and ice cream. 14 oz is a lot of steak..almost a pound. And the next day of course, there was no protein or veggies there, just carbs. Not that I think you have to be perfectly balanced every day, Lord knows I'm not!

I would do the daily weights, with weekly averaging, rather than focusing on your daily fluctuations. Since you are at goal weight, not trying to lose..I guess it become more about how you are feeling..energy levels, etc. Maybe a food journal with a spot to record that, so you can figure out what works well for you.

I have decided to buy myself a new copy of CAD. I lent out my old one to a really heavy woman..an aquaintance, more than a friend really..and she has had it since the beginning of January. I hinted once when I saw her, that I would like to get it back, but no sign of it so far. So, I think I will just get a new one. I think it could really help her, so maybe if she keeps it she might actually read it at some point

Hi gang --

I'm leaving for a 4-day trip to Amish country today, please send me warm diet fuzzies! I'm nervous, they aren't really known for their LC cuisine out there...and part of a trip is to really experience the culture of the area, not be worring about my weight constantly. I hate that I will not have a scale or access to Fitday or this board, so please think of me!!

Thanks,
Selfcare

Self Care,
Your trip to the amish country sounds wonderful. Wish I was going! Hoping you are able to maintain, but also just enjoy the trip.

Great on your balanced RM Tracy! Keep it up.

Eaterow.. my two cents, for what they are worth. I had a Mother who dieted and abused herself to always be thin. She died this past summer. I refuse to do anything that is not healthy in order to lose weight. 3 apples and 2 snicker bars is not a healthy WOE.. I can't imagine what your blood sugars were. I know you are scared to gain back the weight, but you need to find some balance of healthy food that allows you to maintain. Try a small CM of just protein.. and then a more balanced RM. Give yourself a few days to see how your body responds. Many times you put on water weight and then start balancing out. I do want to congratulate you on losing the weight.. I think CAD is a great way to maintain, especially if you are a Carb addict.
Hugs, Kandi