I sleep naked with my man but I do feel self concious of my belly but his hand is often touching it at night which helps me a little bit.

I agree with nice pretty underwear. I have red bras, nice french knickers and fishnets tights that are fashionable now. It does give me a bit of confidence when I am required to be naked I also wear minimizer bras which actually give a good shape to your bust line, if you are a little bigger.
I have a goal to be able to get into a beautiful underwear set, which is pink with roses. And I miss wearing those all in one things with lacey cups, I long to be able to wear those again.

I have always worn clothes to bed. Even when the weather is so hot. My husband on the other had, wears nothing to bed. I was shocked at this. Up to that point, I never knew anyone who slept naked. I think becasue of my upbringing, I felt awkward. In my case if was not because of my weight. I'm just modest. I just felt the only time you where naked was during sex. I'm used to it now, but it sure took a while!

My parents never wore anything in bed, so I have a fairly relaxed attitude to nudity. I am most comfortable sleeping nude, unless it is very, very cold.
I have been to beaches in France, Italy, Spain and Greece were topless is normal. I would love the confidence to be able to be topless on the beach.

That is exactly how I look at it too! I am so uncomfortable with my body, my boyfriend says he doesn't care, but, I think he does! I look at his ex girl friend, tall, tan, skinny, and with long brown hair! Then, you have me, short, chunky, not so tan, and short blonde hair!

I just don't get it! At some point in our relationship, I will be thin, tan, still short and still with blonde hair!!

Funny, my SO and I were discussing this very issue last night. I can't sleep in nothing... something won't let me relax enough to go to sleep. I was brought up in a very modest ultraconservative household and can't get past it. OTOH, I have never met a guy who wears more than underwear to bed. Go figure.

I have tried to get used to sleeping in nothing but I still get up "after" and put something on before sleeping.

Julie

I am so glad to find this sight. I feel like everybody here has read my mind. I don't date because of this. I was asked for my # the other day and walked away. I can't stand the thought of being touched. I long for that feeling, but I keep men at a distance. So I lose out. I want to get it in my head that someone can love me. All of me. I can talk a good talk, but down in my heart I don't feel like I deservie that love. Because I don't love myself. My cloths are all way to big right now, but I like being hidden behind them. I see a pic from before I lost my 50 and I see NO differance. I just wonder how I got this bad.

Steph, a lot of us feel/have felt that way. I think you need to spend a little time nurturing yourself - go buy some clothes that fit the body you have now. Take care of yourself because that's where self esteem comes from - inside. Do stuff for yourself like a flattering haircut, new perfume, make up, a new piece of clothing. Go for a walk on the beach.

You are a worthy and lovable person. We all are.

A lot of us have discussed the fact that we don't see what others see. I'm like that myself sometimes still. There are days when I still see the original fat girl at 235# and wonder why anyone wants to pay attention to me. It makes no difference that the clothes on my closet are a 6-8 rather than the 22-24s of the past, I see the "old" me on some days. Other days I see something much closer to reality. The trick for me was making the reality days more frequent.

I know perfectly well that I am not that fat girl any more. Neither are you. 50# is a remarkable accomplishment. Way to go!!

Take care, Julie

I totally agree with that. I was really thin at one point but I still thought I was fat. I was self concious and never relaxed. I constantly stressed about my weight and what I was eating but I was skinny - too skinny. I didn't matter that I was 115lbs, I felt 215lbs.
Now I am heavier and I feel better about myself so I almost feel thinner now than I did then.

Thats for the advice. I catch myself comparing to others I think are my size. Today we were at the pool and I was doing it. My friend looked at me and said what size do you think you are? She said I was far smaller then what I was even tring to compare to. She is the most honest person I know. But I feel the same and I can't make myself stop. I really enjoy this sight, knowing I'm not alone has helped. Isn't funny how you think your the only one and there's so many more like you then you realise. You guys ROCK.

I do this as well - I bet a lot of us do. I look at a woman who I think is my size, point her out to someone and get told "she's waaaay bigger than you". When the same person picks out someone "my size" I don't believe it.

I read an article about a study that took photographs of women, added 10# to one, subtracted 10# from another and gave all three to the woman to pick out the real photo. A huge majority picked the bigger photo. So many of us have this distortion problem!!!!

Julie

Were does this come from? It's sad, very sad that we feel this way about our bodies. I see young girls starting this and I feel so bad for them. Maybe this group can pound it in each of our heads. I didn't think guys had this problem, but I am starting to see my son do it.

I think it's much more a girl thing than a guy thing - although some guys have really distorted thinking too. It is really sad to hear young girls claim to be fat at single digit sizes. What has the media done to us? It has touted a perfection that is really unattainable by the overwhelming majority of us. Even models get airbrushed to look smaller....

I got a lesson last night from my SO when we were relaxing after dinner. He was commenting on how small my butt is (ok, it was a strange conversation to be sure) and couldn't believe it when I said it was still too big for me - he said he'd like it BIGGER!?!?! I asked him why and he talked about how my clothes fit now - too loose in the butt, that I'm bony etc. I told him to forget the idea of a bigger butt and that I probably just need different jeans and more exercise. LOL

This made me stop and think a little about my own body distortion... At 5'9 and 146, I wear a 6/7 or a size 28 jeans that are now somewhat baggy in the butt, why on earth do I still feel like I have a big butt? Admittedly, I still have extra blubber on my stomach but maybe it isn't really fat after all.... hmmm pondering this today.... maybe it's just extra skin....

Maybe I just need to stop looking at magazines and tiny young girls (because I'm neither tiny nor young any more) and get a dose of Generation X reality.

Julie

So you believe that it is just the women who feel this way? The above quote is from my own Journal.

So Sara posted the following in my Journal:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Citruskiss Where you are now, is just a temporary place. I mean...which five minutes of your life would you like people to judge you on? It just doesn't work that way...there's a whole "body of work" there when you think about "Ted's Life and Personhood". I bet you've accomplished all sorts of wonderful things, and I'm sure there's been times when you felt you looked better or worse or what have you - but again, thinking that you shouldn't ask someone out because you're not feeling so hot about your weight...well that's saying that only the outside counts, and that only this moment in your life counts. And that's simply not true is it?

Okay; so no I don't want to be judged by how I look at this moment or until I reach my goal. So it is up to me to begin repairing my self esteem and get back to living.

Tedpass44,
While I am sure that there are men out there who feel this way and I am not minimizing how they feel, but I believe that this issue affects more women. The reason I believe that is because of the images we are inundated with in society. Yes, I understand that there is a physical standard that men are held to in the media as well, but I believe that ours is higher. Magazines like Cosmo, Vogue and People have women as their target audience and consistently showcase models who have unattainable body shapes for the average women AND are airbrushed, an impossible standard. In addition we have mens magazines like Maxium, Stuff, FHM and Playboy to contend with as well. Also, in our television programs and our movies the trend is to show men who are not as physically attractive, but are funny or have good personalities with stunning thin women, for example; King of Queens, According to Jim or the movie Hitch . The only programs I can think of that pair plus size women with the typical "hunky" type of man are China Beach, which ended years ago and Reba where the plus size woman who took her husband is attractive but a complete bimbo. I think women are held to a higher standard physically.

on the subject of pajammas;

Pj's were something I wore while I was married to my husband. Flannel, knee lenght night shirts, usually in plaid. The first night that I lived in my own house after we split I made a promise to myself that I would never wear jammies again. I would never allow myself to have a barrier between myself and whomever I choose to share my bed with (when the time comes). If I need a barrier, or protective covering then the person in my bed is not meant to be there.
In the meantime, sleeping naked is wonderful, its fresh and sexy and a good way to start feeling ok with yourself.
I am doing things different these days, learning to like my body. Learning to be comfortable with my body..neither one are easy.

Tedpas44

I can only speak for myself here, but just as there are men who enjoy fleshier women, there are women who enjoy bigger men. I am one of those. For some reason slim men are not nearly as appealing to me as big guys. Don't be afraid to ask a lady out. You never know when you might find one like me.