I have a wonderful husband...I love him very much and know he loves me.

We have been married for about a year and a half and have known each other for about 4 and a half. I am overweight and he is not (well maybe 10lbs but nothing serious). I was a lower weight when we met (maybe 180-190)

I have never been naked in front of him. This is really hard to say. When we have sex or are intimate, I always leave my shirt on. I sleep with a shirt and Pj pants. I get dressed in the morning in the bathroom with the door closed if he is still there. I won't even walk around in just a tshirt. If we are intimate, I will slip a pair of pants on before I get out of bed.

I don't know if he's noticed this, I can't imagine he hasn't. But he's never said anything about it. I am just so self conscious about my body. I know it's not pretty to look at. I know that it can BECOME pretty and hope one day I will feel comfortable being completely naked in front of him.

Am I the only one with this issue? This is difficult for me to write, as I have never told ANYONE this. I'm too ashamed. I just need to get some feedback on this and people here have been so understanding and compassionate.

Aw, you know, I'm glad you've shared this with us

All I can say is that you've made an exceptional effort to already better yourself, and as a result, your scary feelings about showing your body to your loving husband will soon be a thing of the past. Look to the future, I know that sounds hokey.....but maybe try this....

Write down how you felt at your starting weight, the despair or whatever....now that you're well on your way to your goal, how has your perspective changed about how you feel about your body? Aren't you proud yet of your progress so far? It's something to celebrate.

And you are blessed with a loving husband who obviously is very much in love with you. Take these positive things and run with them, and in no time, your scary thoughts will be a thing of the past.

I remember feeling like that for many years. I would be naked only with the lights off and I would grab a robe before I got out of bed. Not even my doctor saw me naked!

It took a lot of soul searching to figure out why I was so ashamed of my body back then - and what it took to get me to change the mental image of myself that had no basis in reality.

Your husband loves you. You love him. What do you think would happen if just once, you walked around in that T shirt? Just for a minute? What if you practiced when you were alone? (This is what I did - and once I was ok being alone, I tried it in front of another human being). This is about baby steps. Your husband will appreciate your effort and say nice things (BELIEVE THEM) which will boost your confidence.

Little by little my confidence grew and one day I was able to make love with lights on, and in daylight!

One little thing at a time. You can do this!!!

Julie

I know how you feel...you love him and you want him to have the best of you. In your eyes your body hasn't reached that point yet and you don't want to take the chance that he'll be put off by seeing you naked, you fear seeing disappointment or disgust when he looks at you.

If he hasn't mentionned anything to you, it's probably because he's realized how much it bothers you and he's learned to respect that and to accept you that way.

He's probably waiting for you to accept yourself and trust in his love enough to disrobe in front of him.

It'll take time for you to get to that comfort level but by the sounds of it, he's going to be patient until you do reach that level. Indeed a gem of a man.

Sometimes we judge ourselves too harshly.

I was a lot smaller and a lot thinner when I met my husband too. We have been together for 15 years now...and still, I struggle with this too.
It is hard when we don't feel atractive...We don't like what we see so we are ashamed to show it off. If we are discussed by what we see, how can our partners think otherwise. But the thing is...My husband and I talked about this very thing. I explained to him how I was feeling insecure with myself. He pointed out that we, especially women are much more critical of ourselves, than others are of us. He loves me, and he thinks I am beautiful. It is still rare that I will be naked with my husband. But on the rare occassion that it does happen...Things get pretty hot...I just need to relax and enjoy.

You are definitely NOT the only one who feels this way. Many of us struggle with this same thing.

I will tell you that, unless your husband is very unusual, he would enjoy seeing your body and somehow our husbands seem to only see the good things about our naked bodies. I don't know how they do it -- Lord knows we only see the bad stuff when we look in the mirror. Maybe it's just he grace of God that they see us in the best possible way. But we need to be aware of that because it's so opposite of how we see ourselves.

Secondly it's a matter of trust. You trusting him to love you in spite of (or because of!) what you see only as flaws. You trusting him to desire you even when he's seen what you think to be the worst of you. You've been married long enough now to really believe that he loves you. YOU. For you. The way you are. If he really loves you then he's not looking at you and thinking of what needs changed/reduced/enlarged/lifted/etc. He's thinking that you're his woman and he wants to be close to you. Without a t-shirt between the two of you.

You can do this. You can move into the next level of trust with your husband. He will only love you more for doing so. Practice walking around nude when alone if you think it'll make you more comfortable. Start with the lights off, if necessary. He loves that body because it's part of who you are.

I read a article once on having your spouse or mate draw a picture of your body. You also draw a picture of your body. It was amazing to see how we see ourselves verses our mate. The article showed the men's drawings as very curvey and beautiful bodies. The woman showed themselves very puffy. Maybe sometime down the road you may want to try this exercise. But, I would draw a picture of each of your bodies. You'd be amazed at how the men make us look.

Good luck,
K

Thank you all for your feedback- it is helping me gain some insight into this. He doesn't seem to mind touching me so that's good. I am almost positive that this is MY body image and not his image of me. So Somehow, I just need to become more comfortable with my body.

I just wanted you to know that I also have had the same feelings of not being comfortable in my own skin. Although, as I lose weight, those feelings start to change. In your weight loss journey you will start to notice how you become proud of the hard work you have done.

I encourage you to open up to your dh though, and communicate your feelings and desires. He loves you and your body very much. Remember that intimacy to men is like communication to women. When he wants to be intimate with you, it is like he is saying..."Honey, I really need to talk." That bonding creates security in men and makes them feel desired and wanted. Just like women need to be listened to and cared for emotionally... creating security as well.

God Bless your journey.

I was like this when I first met my husband - very shy about showing my body and I'd do things like grab a robe while holding a blanket around me or other such shenanegans.

Over time though...it was the love of my husband that made me feel and more comfortable with him. It's kind of a chicken/egg dilemma...let me explain.

When you feel like taking the chance and are comfortable enough to let your husband touch your naked body, those caresses are the very thing that take away those negative/awkward feelings. There isn't anything more affirming and loving than feeling your partner's hands on your bare skin.

My husband would tell me that I was beautiful, but it wasn't until I let him really touch me, that I believed him. This isn't just about sex, it's about touch.

Touch is very powerful in the face of a negative body image. It's hard to feel ugly or fat when someone you love more than anything is sliding his hands from the back of your neck all the way down to your toes. It's even tougher to feel ugly when that person is kissing your bare shoulders and hugging your whole body. When he's whispering "mmm" in your ear.

It becomes difficult to continue believing we're not good enough, or that our body is somehow ugly when the person who makes our lives worth living is telling us the opposite - using a different language , one that is far more powerful than the mere "words" in our heads.

It may take a little while, but I can tell you it's well worth it to start thinking about ways to let yourself be loved in this way.

Back when I was feeling this awkwardness, I started by sometimes going to bed earlier than my husband - I'd get undressed and get under the covers before he came into the bedroom. At first, I'd even turn off the little lamp on the bedside table.

Another thing that helped ...(as silly as this might sound) was buying myself some pretty underthings. Before I let myself "be naked" in front of my husband, I bought some nice bras and pretty undies. I'm not talking trashy lingerie stuff here, just some simple, pretty things to wear underneath my clothes. That way, when I was getting dressed in the morning, I could walk across the room in my shirt...but flaunting my pretty undies. Or sometimes it would be me finishing up my hair or makeup while standing in the bathroom with my pants on, with just my pretty bra on top. My husband loved this. I got rid of any tired old beige bras or greyish looking, utilitarian panties. Started wearing colourful things - blue, purple, pink, turquoise, black, forest green and the like.

On the outside, I was still wearing my "fat clothes", but underneath, I felt lovely. Gradually the cothes on the outside became nicer too - even at my highest weight ever. It was the pretty underthings that did it.

I was always shy about my body - even when I was "thin". Now I'm overweight (albeit working on that), and because I let myself "feel" how much my husband loved me, I'm much more confident and comfortable with my body.

Let me back up here a bit - when I was thinner (119lbs), I was much more uncomfortable about my body than I am now. I had such a negative body image that I couldn't see that I had a nice figure. I'd cover up in baggy clothes and I felt that my body just wasn't good enough. That came from years of criticism growing up..."that shirt is too big in the chest for you, you can't wear those kinds of things" or "you're too thin, you look almost sick" or "you can't wear those colours, you look washed out" (I'm a blonde with very fair skin). I'd hear that I needed a padded bra, or that a certain top looked trashy or that somehow...I looked wholly inappropriate, no matter what I wore. I eventually gave up, and would cover up in baggy t-shirts, oversize sweatshirts and so on. This is something kinda personal...and I do feel funny about sharing it here, but I wanted to illustrate a very important point. And that point is....

It doesn't matter what *size* you are, a negative body image can make you feel bad, no matter how thin or fat you are. Waiting until you're "thin" or "almost pretty" won't work. I know that being overweight can certainly contribute to a negative body image, but believe me...a negative body image knows no size. If it's not the fat, then it will be the cellulite, the flabby skin, the hair on your head not being quite right, the width of your feet, the shape of your eyes...see what I mean? It won't just "go away" with the weight loss.

Words are wonderful, but they aren't enough. Not when we're dealing with years and years of negative ideas about our bodies. Touch will erase all of that. It won't take long either...little by little, you'll feel those bad feelings melting away. In fact, you'll feel a whole lot better about yourself and you'll probably fall in love with your husband all over again.

Please don't wait till you're "thin enough" or "good enough" to let yourself feel loved and appreciated completely.

You are beautiful and your husband knows it. Let him *show* you.

Think of this as a gift - a gift to yourself and a gift to your husband. You won't regret it, I promise.

Take care

Sweetie, if he has already had his hands all over, then he knows what is there, and likes it. Letting him see it would just be icing on the cake. Men tend to be more visual than women, in general.

If you decide to work on your own image, here's an excersize that I used to use once upon a time when I was working on self acceptance.

When you get out of the bath/shower, take lotion and slowly put it everywhere. While you're putting the lotion on, actually take the time to contemplate how everything looks and feels. The first time, go ahead and talk the parts that you don't like and be angry at them, tell them why you don't like them! Point out every little flaw you see. Shout if it helps.

But the next time, think about what your strong legs and arms help you do. Think how much your husband likes to touch things. Start trying to make friends with your possibly imperfect but still very worthy body parts.

It may sound hokey, but it helped me a lot.

Here is what my sweet SO has to say on the subject:

(insert sappy comment about the fact that I am VERY lucky to have a guy who TALKS to me about EVERYTHING here)

Women (i.e., ME) are always harder on themselves that men (i.e., HIM) are on them. He loves to touch you, it's you that doesn't see what he sees. He loves you and wants to touch you. He's obviously turned on by you. He will overlook "flaws" (the ones YOU see) because he loves you. You see flaws he doesn't see and/or doesn't care about. In love, flaws are diminished or erased (as I keep being told - one day I will totally believe it!!).

Men communicate though touch, women through words and touch. When a man loves you and touches you, he is telling you how he feels about you.

When my SO touches me in the places I feel aren't what they should be (stomach - stretch marks), he tells me he doesn't care - he's into the moment - the emotion- the sensation - the feelings - the connection, he really doesn't notice a lump, bump, scar, extra 10#..... Nor do I notice these things on him when we are together. Neither of us is perfect, nor will we ever be. Life has given us some scars along the way - accept and embrace them for they make you who you are.

Keep the faith!

Julie

I really know how you feel. I started off at 245, and am still far away from my goal. But now I like the way I look naked, so I can walk around in front of my husband that way. It won't take you until you get to your goal to feel comfortable, just as soon as you are happy with what you see, you won't hide it anymore. Now my husband calls me an exibitionist!! Me, the woman who wouldn't even go to the beach or pool because I didn't want to be in front of people without my pants on!! You will be able to, just keep watching yourself, as soon as the sizes start coming off you will be a nudist!!

I have decided that I am going to go tanning. Think about it. What looks better a fat white turkey or the beautiful plump golden roasted beauty that comes out of the oven. Served with a side of sweet potato what could be better

i have a problem just looking at myself in the mirror so i feel for you. i hide from my bf when i am nude cause he would make rude comments about my size. but i give it right back to him cause he looks like he ate a bowling ball or 9 mos. pregnant. that shuts him up. anyway i am working on it so i can't beat myself up about it. i looked worse i am sure cause i am smaller now. so just be patient and try to show confidence and sexiness towards him..it will convince him too and turn him on that you feel good about yourself.