Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sorry. I'm a bad person. If you can't laugh at the newbies, what good are they?
Really, I'm hateful.
You are feeling the normal "sore" you get when you first start working out and overdo it. I used to think it was lactic acid, turns out it's some other complicated thing I don't quite understand, but it's the reason I always tell people who are starting out to lift so light, it feels STUPID. It takes about two weeks of gradually building up to it to get used to moving again. We have ALL done this.
When somebody close to you does it to themselves, it'll be YOUR turn to laugh your head off.
You'll live. You'll feel worse tomorrow, then it will settle down. Take pain killers, get a massage, have alternating hot and cold baths, keep the sore areas moving (light workout, active recovery helps move the bad stuff out of the muscles and gets rid of the pain). Drink lots of water, and pay attention to lifting what feels like stuff that's WAAAY too light for the first couple of workouts. GRADUALLY work the resistance up until you FEEL it the next day, but you aren't hobbling around like an 80 year old woman again. You'll feel VERY nervous about this, I know. But your nervousness will disapate as your strength and confidence grow.
Chortle.
I really am a horrible, horrible person.
You WILL live, though. And you'll be AMAZED at how much you can push in a couple of months. I did ass to the grass squats tonight with 115 pounds. Three years ago, I started with 8 pound dumbbells after WRECKING myself trying to squat 45 pounds the first time I tried. I was holding the rails to go down 3 stairs at work, cursing my buddy's name (the guy who helps me set up my programmes) the whole way. I was CRIPPLED for DAYS.
Grrrrrrrr...