Hi all of my low carb friends. I learned a hard lesson in the past year and thought I would share it with all of you. If you look at my stats, you will see I have come a long way. I had friends at my heaviest that were by my side for the life transforming experience that a big weight loss brings. I also had some friends kind of drift away. I know that I have changed..I am way more out going, I am not shy, I can do more at work now because I fit into more places. I am driven to succeed in all areas of my life. I know those are all good things..what happened to me was the jealousy experience. My husband had it bad for awhile we had a LOT of problems a few years ago because I was getting more attention. We were able to get through it with a lot of extra attention on my part and the communication to him that I was going to lose my weight with him or without him, that I was doing it for me not for anyone else. That issue took care of itself. My other biggest lesson was at work. I had a very close "work friend" who I hung out with outside of work too. We went out together, went to concerts, went to each others' houses etc..... As I became more and more successful at work, her envy became more and more noticable. As things turned out I became her boss. I wasn't worried because we were such great friends. I started noticing a change in her attitude. Then came the day I was called out because of a bunch of lies she made up about me on the job and complained to a higher up. It was investigated and found to be untruths. I was totally floored. I thougt she was my friend. I was moved to another dept. but she started telling people to watch me, and started rumors over there too. I was told not to talk to her, and the company I worked for took action on their own. But it has put doubts into the people I work with. I am just now, after 6 months gaining the folks I work with's trust. It hurt me so bad. Jealousy is an awful thing. Losing weight really makes you find out who your friends really are.

I am so glad you posted this.

Was she heavy and stayed heavy?

What a lot of stress to have hauled at you for no reason other than jealousy at your success. Really does go to show that a lot of people hate it when people move out of the boxes they have put them in.

I'm sorry you went through this, but congrats on all the amazing things you have accomplished! Like your siggy says, 'Dare to be great."

Hello Shewolf,

I see we share the same birthday and similiar beginning stats. You have done wonderfully and I can only hope to achieve the type of weight loss success that you have. It's difficult finding out that the people who you thought were your friends are really not your friends.

The same thing has happened to me with someone who I thought was my best friend but it had nothing to do with weight but my success on the job. It hurt like the dickens and it still hurts but I finally realized that even though we can still be associates, I will never see her in the same light again and do not share much information pertaining to my life.

It is shocking how others respond to success and very very sad at the same time. I wish you much luck in your endeavors and am happy to hear that your work life and personal life are now getting back on track....

TJ

I'm sorry you are facing this shewolf....this Daily Om speaks to what you are experiencing and hopefully, it will help you:

Wow Judynyc!! that is very true. It hurts to lose someone who was considered my best friend, but it also showed me how much my husband loves me. He supported me through my work experience and made me feel "right" somehow. Anyway, I still can't understand why she did that to me, but I have found even more career success. I have trust issues now but the experience showed me who my real friends are. If only for that reason I am happy it happened.

As I lost weight I notice my "best friend" suddenly didn't call me as much any more. She has been heavy as long as we have known each other - almost 14 years - and has failed at every "diet" she has tried - and she's done them all.

Over time I realized it was because I had changed SO MUCH (physically) that she couldn't relate any more. She "diets" while I LIVE. Our kids grew up together.... they met when they were 5 and mine is 19 now. I am really sad to leave her behind, for the most part. Last time we talked, she admired my "willpower" as she described her latest diet failure. She says she "can't give up her carbs" - not even to save her life. Heavy sigh....

To the OP - your former friend is JEALOUS. It's tough to take, but it's a reality.

I'm glad that your employer sees it for what it is.....

Good for you for taking control.

take care, Julie

It's amazing how we all apply labels to all our friends.

The athlete, the fat chick, the whiner, the fashionista... when people step out of the box we've got for them it can really screw up our world. How strange.

I'm so happy your hubby has been supportive.

someone once told me, after noticing that the girls who used to 'hang' with me were avoiding me, and that the thin girls in the office were visiting more that I had "Changed Tribes".

You sinned twice -- lost weight and got a promotion to be the boss. Either one of those can be a problem with friends.

I love what Judy posted. It is so true. Glad you found a truth in it for yourself.

This is kinda the way I have felt....changing tribes. It has shifted over time but the first year after I had lost all the weight, found me very confused and angry much of the time.

People who used to be friends with me, were avoiding making eye contact with me...people who used to shun me, were now trying to befriend me. It made me angry!!

I really had to look at the situation dead in the eye and see it for what it was....I had changed in a very big way and people were reacting to the change whether I liked it or not.

Yes, many who are overweight find me a threat and are jealous. While they were rooting me on durng the loss, when my weight got down to where it is now...the rooting stopped. So few of us get to goal...and stay there, I know that most have expected me to balloon up again. So I get comments like " "Oh!, you are keeping it off!"

I've made some new friends...friends who would not have given me the time of day before I lost the weight. Its OK...its just the way it is. 2yrs ago, this would've made me angry.

We feel differently about ourselves and we look very different. People see us differently and react to us in a different way......its not like we have lost 20-30 or 40 lbs. Each of us, so far in this thread, has lost about 100 lbs....that is huge!! Its gotta have an impact on how other people react to us.

Jealousy is so common when it comes to something like this. You can and do, get to see not only who your friends are, but how they deal with their own jealousies. They probably miss our friendhsip but can't show it....too bad for them.

There is a couple who are neighbors of mine. We chatted when we were on the roof deck each summer. The BF is overweight and I'd always been chatty to him. The summer I was first in weight loss mode, we chatted up on the roof...the next summer, he would not look me in the eye. This went on for the past 2 yrs. I fnally asked his GF what was up and she told me that he had told her that since I lost weight, that I stopped saying hello to him! I said "What??!!" I had a feeling it was all about him and his big belly...that my loss threatened him...and I was right. I've had to go out of my way to make sure I say hello to him now...every time I see him. sheeesh!!

Yup...big losses= big changes.... everywhere else in our lives and not just in our weight.

As sad and hard to handle as this thread/issue is, it's given me a different type of motivation in addition to all the others. I forget sometimes that what I'm shooting for is a transformation. I'm going to be changing the way I look, but that's going to change a myriad of other things in my life, for better or worse. I've never actually been "skinny" before, and I want to know how SkinnyJessica will fit in in the world...interesting...

I had a friend who lost a whole bunch of weight. Sure I was jealous of him... and yes the relationship died a slow death eventually, but I was also overjoyed for him and what he did for himself. What killed the relationship for me was he CHANGED. Into someone I didn't recognise, someone completely different who was not my friend. He went from shy and introvert (like me) to extrovert and egostistical. He had more ambition and was always in my face about things. I wasn't changing with him, so what we had came to an end.

I think jealousy is definitly in play in the scenario you describe (especially with the whole work betrayal thing!), but i think we should always remember that we're constantly changing and evolving, and this is reason why some friendships were never meant to last forever.

Ah, the old character assassination attempt! This is a HORRIBLE thing to have happen! Unfortunately, the only way to get through it is by being the better person. Eventually, the people that count will defend your name and the others will stop talking about it because they won't have evidence to back it up. Even though it is going to be really hard and lonely for a long time, hang in there. I've been through this and if you need anyone to talk to that might understand, please feel free to contact me.

What your friend did was deploreable. But I have some compassion for her. I feel jealous over others' weight loss too. Even though I've lost 30+ pounds this year, I feel jealous when someone else on this board is losing more or faster than I. I belong to a small group of people who chat by email about our experiences adopting from foster care. We hadn't had any emails for a few months, then yesterday we all sent update emails. One mom mentioned she'd lost 40 pounds this year. And I've only lost 30! Yes, I felt a stab of jealousy and resentment. She was a good deal smaller than I to start with. I should be the one losing faster.

I know it's silly but it's how I feel. I should have been able to congratulate her, but I didn't.

It doesn't excuse your friend's nasty behavior, but I at least can feel some compassion for the hurt she's experiencing.