Originally Posted by SueT at Refuse to Regain

Like jake2_14, I've lost more than 1/3 of my body weight, and the fact is, I look fantastic. I'm also an author, speaker, management consultant, image consultant . . . I'm in front of people a lot and I am very aware of the message others are sending out in regard to how they feel about themselves. Frequently, people say to me, "Well, you're so tiny/you've been thin all your life/it's easy for you, you look good/etc." When I tell them I've lost nearly 100 pounds in the past couple of years, their jaws drop. One woman said, "Well, your value as a motivational speaker just went up about 150% with me!"

Because I'm in front of people and I know how to dress, I'm very cognizant of the message others are sending out regarding how they feel about themselves. We're frequently truly blind to how we're perceived and so not dressing well or not being "put together" doesn't necessarily mean one doesn't feel good about ones self or like one's body. But we POW folks know that we hid in our clothing or ignored our "look" altogether because it was just too painful to address. Because I look good, feel good, and show it in my style, I can almost feel the resentment coming off of people in waves. It's an Us-Them vibe that indicates I am the enemy, and I sometimes feel a pang of sadness as I realize how often I must have broadcast that sense to thin women. I also sometimes (to be brutally honest) must fight my own contempt of the obese women with whom I come in contact because I listen to what I absolutely know are excuses and dismissals and the unconscious defiance of the changes required to transform one's life. It's like when a woman (any woman) says to me, "Oh, I can't wear that kind of jewelry. It doesn't look right on me" or "I can't wear dresses like that." I want to laugh. OF COURSE you can wear this kind of jewelry or that dress--you just PUT IT ON. What they're saying is, "I don't know how to pull it off. I don't know how
to put all the pieces in place." So they defiantly insist it's NOT POSSIBLE and give me almost scientific reasons for their stand against such things. How different is that from weight loss?

Being fat for so long--my entire adult life, from my teenage years--I refused to believe I could pull it off and created elaborate mental corridors in which to hide. I have friends who say, "I've tried everything" (as I used to), and I bite my tongue. They haven't tried everything; if they had some grave terminal illness, they'd travel to the ends of the earth to find a way to address their conditions. Or maybe they wouldn't. Maybe they'd sigh and weep and say, "Nothing will work," and give up. I know that repeated failure breeds despair and despair can be insurmountable. I know it to the bottom of my toes.

I often sense people are even more resentful toward me when they discover I successfully fought that despair and continue to fight my obesity demon. My very presence won't let them off the hook, and thus they avoid me.