Hi all, just wanted to rant to someone about this. My sister is a complete fake and a real snake in the grass.

My sis is 7 years older than me and from day 1 has been completely jealous for no reason of anything I do or anything I own. I'm now 32. Let me tell you how I am to her. A few Christmases ago my mom gave each of us the same embroidered sweater but in different colors. I could see the want in her eyes when she looked over at mine. So, I offered to trade if she would like (even though I did like mine better) and she readily took me up on that. Well, last year she blurt out about what a great sister she is and even let me have the sweater I wanted a few Christmases ago. My mom, her husband and I all looked at eachother like WTF??

She does stuff like this to me constantly. Twisting shit up in her head making false memories about how much better she is than me. Also, she says malicious things about me behind my back that my mom and my brother both tell me about and that they don't really appreciate her saying these things, it makes them uncomfortable. She doesn't know that I know all of these things yet she is just as sweet as pie to my face. The biggest problem is that I now have a nephew by her and I really don't have the patience to keep this ruse up anymore yet I don't want to necessarily have my new nephew be a stranger to me. Tired of being disappointed. Yet now that she moved close by me I'm supposed to be the designated baby sitter, the only person she'll trust alone with her son?

Whatever comes out of this, it won't be pretty. I'm just so F*ing tired of letting it roll off my back.

What is her f-king deal??!!!!!

Thanks for listening.

I think there's a lot of families out there with "snakes". I have a niece who is that way. Thankfully, your family members aren't taking her seriously. And even if you did tell her to shut up, it probably wouldn't help. Just give her more ammunition.

Jealous siblings are really hard to take. She sounds a lot like mine...I have dealt with her by deciding to limit my exposure to her.
Don't agree to babysit, don't go round there, don't invite her over.
Tell your family not to tell you the stuff she says about you, just do not discuss her.
Do not engage in conversations with her at family events, just be very , very boring, don't say much other than mmmm, and avoid her if possible, go freshen your drink, or go to the restroom . Don't give her any information that can be used against you.
This is very hard to do, but since deciding to limit my contact with my jealous sibling , I feel so much better!
We can't choose our family, but we can choose how much we interact with them. Choose to surround yourself with positive , uplifting people.

omg, is her name Sandy by chance? I have a sister who has done nothing but degrade me my entire life. Lots of "left handed compliments" from that one, and she's smart, she only does it when we're alone, etc. my dad and especially one other sister and her husband are totally taken in. my mom died a few years ago, and even she used to compare us.. and our daughters too! ohh that makes me so mad. she's nothing but a biatch!

sorry you have the same experience. I have the same advise as the poster above, just try and avoid her at all costs.

No. Her name's not Sandy

BTW Muffles, that's great advice on how to deal with it socially.

Thank you for the responses ladies. I am just going to avoid getting involved with her on any level except for when it comes to my little nephew. I would hate to keep him out of my life b/c his mom has a malfunctioning brain My sister-in-law called it when she said my sister was crazy. After many years of being in denial I am now looking on the situation with a fresh perspective and it helps me better able to keep the biotch at arms length from my emotions.

We'll see how it goes at my Nephew #1's b-day dinner on Fri. (my bro's son). Then there's nephew #2's b-day BBQ (my sis's son) the weekend after.

You know this jerk barely even kept in touch with my brother and I until she had a kid and got married. Now it's all about family for her (at the ripe age of 38, a little late for things to suddenly change? yes.) She never even stayed for more than an hour or two during the holidays. Always running off to get laid I guess. What an a$$hole to expect everyone to suddenly jump when she calls.

Cheers!

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Also, she says malicious things about me behind my back that my mom and my brother both tell me about and that they don't really appreciate her saying these things, it makes them uncomfortable. She doesn't know that I know all of these things yet she is just as sweet as pie to my face. The biggest problem is that I now have a nephew by her and I really don't have the patience to keep this ruse up anymore yet I don't want to necessarily have my new nephew be a stranger to me. Tired of being disappointed. Yet now that she moved close by me I'm supposed to be the designated baby sitter, the only person she'll trust alone with her son?
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Personally, I find your mom's behavior to be pretty disturbing. My own mother used to use these tactics to pit the daughters against each other. Fortunately, we loved each other enough to talk face to face and we discovered that she was doing the same thing to each of us; i.e., so and so said this about you , etc... It's a twisted game that some mothers will play so that they can feel needed and relevant in their grown childrens lives. Since you don't talk directly with your sister, who knows what your mom is telling her that you say about HER?

I would recommend taking your sis out to lunch and see if you can't talk it through - with none of the other family members around. Let her know that mom and bro tell you these things and ask her if the same thing is happening with her. If anything, maybe she will stop telling them bad things about you (if indeed she is). If your sister is just too toxic to be around then definitely set up some boundaries for your own emotional well being. And in my humble opinion, that would have to include not listening to one bit of gossip about her from your mom and brother. You have to take care of yourself!

Good luck!

Hey Didy, I appreciate the advice. I am completely aware of people potentially pitting one against the other. Keep in mind these are two separate people. As far as my brother goes. He and my mom barely talk and when my mom does tell me stuff it's usually because I've brought up something that is bothering me about my sister and I'm trying to find out what her deal is. And I know that my brother is a straight shooter. He's too dull to think of anything creative (j/k). But seriously, they are both telling me the exact same things.
The thing is. I do not want to betray her confidence in my brother since she has some rightfully earned guilt issues about our dad and now that he's gone she's trying to make up for it by putting my brother on a pedestal.

you are not alone. i have one of those kind of sisters, as well.
i asked her what rock she crawled out from under, today.
my sister's problem is jealousy.
could your sister have the same problem?

Oh, and when we're alone together she acts like I'm her best friend or something weird like that at raves about me to her friends when I'm around.

Hey pilotgal

Jealousy is definitely the largest part of it! You are right on that one. I was my dad's favorite and the favorite aunt the more successful blah blah blah.

I wonder if our sisters were found under the same rock ROTFL
(That was a good one)

Okay, gotcha! So sorry for all of the crap that she seems to enjoy putting people through. You will be a voice of love and sanity to your little nephew! Have fun w/ the kids at the party, that's what I do when the adults are jerks.

I think I would just nicely call her on it everytime she pulls something. Just let the other family members know ahead of time that thats how your going to start handling her. Sooner or later she will get tired of it and stop the behavior. After all its embarrassing to get called on a lie/misinformation in front of people. It worked wonders for my mother who loves to play games. My brothers say oh thats just mom but it drove me nuts to the point where if I did do something the other alternative was to write her off.

Thanks for the input and relative story madeyna. I've just come to the realization that she's bipolar or something which enables me to deal with her in a less emotional fashion. Now it seems her acting out has been aimed at her poor husband (married a little over a year now). The last 2 times I've seen her she's made derogatory comments either about him or to him while he's present in a room full of people. Nobody laughs, and I'm happy to not be the one who says something Someone else has been there to call her on it!

It's just been hard for me to accept that she's just snaky and to hold my relationship with her at arms length so to speak in that I quit getting hurt feelings.

Cheers!

My sister is the same way - the only difference being that my family doesn't care and doesn't understand my point of view. My mother and her husband (especially) strongly favour her over and yet she is STILL jealous of me. I don't even know exactly what she is jealous of - she is thin, she has a good relationship with a guy who is too nice for her and she is much more financially stable than me. Yet, she still openly shows disdain whenever something goes better for me. I guess she just likes to keep me under her boot, where she thinks I belong. She treats me like total crap in front of the family and they don't respond. But if I dare defend myself to her (assertively, of course, not aggressively), the earth will split in half and all hell will break loose. She is also sweet to my face when I know she goes behind my back and complains about me. I don't know why that is and, quite frankly, the older I get the less I care and the more I distance myself from her toxicity.

I'm the youngest of five and I know just what you are going through.

I'm 41 now and realise that I can't change them...but I can change my reactions to their behavior and I can choose not to go see them.