Or I was earlier this evening, anyway. It'd be too late now. Let me say first that I've never actually thrown up on purpose after a meal, but that I have had these kinds of thoughts before after "breaking a diet". It's just been such a long time since I've had those kinds of thoughts. I've only been on this plan for two weeks, not even. I was doing really well, had a bit of a stall this past week but I found out it was because of my TOM. And then I went out of town...I was really good all weekend, ordering low-carb everything and drinking my atkins shakes for breakfast...but I had most of a waffle house waffle last night, and then some pizza tonight. I could probably have tried harder to resist the waffle, but the pizza...I'd been wanting that for a while, and my hosts really wanted to take me there (we'd all wanted to go on my last visit, when I wasn't low-carbing, but there hadn't been time). I tried to be good and fill up on tea with splenda and a greek salad first...but I still ate a good bit of pizza. A slice and a half, and some of the rolls made out of the same dough. All the way back from the restaurant I felt horrible, wishing I could undo what I'd just eaten...worrying that I'd undone all of my previous hard work. These two weeks haven't been easy. I'm really dreading getting on the scale tomorrow.

What am I going to do when it says I've gained weight? Is it really all fat? Is some of it water?

If I go and run for an hour, will that help? Can I prevent myself from gaining?

For over a year now, before starting this WOE, I had decided not to diet anymore, and to do away with guilt tied to food. I ate only what I wanted when I wanted it, stopped stuffing myself, and stopped eating for reasons other than hunger. I lost about 10 lbs maybe just doing this, getting off of the depravation/guilt bandwagon. I'm not happy to be back there in that dark depressing place, although I do see the health benefits from this WOE and do believe that I can make it a lifetime committment.

It's 11:30 and I should be going to bed, but I'm going to run.

Of course running will help...it is an affirmative action on your part to get back in control. You should look forward to tomorrow, too...that's the day when you get back on track toward looking and feeling the way you want to. There's no guilt involved here. We all make choices every day, and nobody expects that *every* choice is the right one.

The important thing for all of us is to keep our sites on our goals, and keep working to achieve them. [/sermon: off]

Thanks so much...I did go and run, and then do a bit of yoga, which always makes me calm down. And tomorrow *is* a new day. I guess I was just feeling really down because there is a thread on the main atkins board complaining about "cheaters" like me. Apparently there are a lot of LC'ers who have never cheated and are tired of hearing about it...but I just felt so horrible.

Anyway, thanks again for the encouragement Thanks. I can't say it enough...thanks ^_^ I will look forward to tomorrow as the day my metobolism gets back on track instead of the day the scale is going to go up. It's just a minor setback.

Hi there!
When I saw your post I just had to read it. I've been struggling with bulimia for about 2 years now, and it has been a bumpy ride. First of all, once you start, it is like smoking, you can't stop! I know you may have been thinking... ok just this once, to get rid of the guilt, that is what I thought too the first time i did it.. and it put me into the downward spiral of binging and purging, it never ends! It becomes so easy and second nature that you don't even think twice when you binge cus you know you can rid yourself of it later, I would hate to have this happen to anyone else, it has been absolute hell for me. You never lose weight doing it either, always a constant yo-yo when it comes to the scale. I've started this new WOL to help myself overcome bulimia, it is gonna take a while I can tell ,but anything is better than killing yourself over food. I hope this helps, sorry I couldn't be more uplifting...

Jessica

I hope you feel better. A choice is a choice and it's really okay. Pizza is not QUITE the devil. Close though.

A thought though... why weigh yourself in the morning? If it shows a gain it will only be water weight anyway. Didn't you used to eat pizza before and feel fine? I mean, if we really gained 5 pounds every time we ate pizza, we'd be huge, huge people.

Tomorrow's a new day and just make the choices that will make you feel good in the long run. Best to you!

BTW, that thread in the forum is complaining about people who say, "I'm planning a cheat, how bout that?" not people who are having a hard time and fall off the wagon. Big difference. Don't beat yourself up.

You have been successful these past two weeks... it takes a while to break ourselves of a lot of those old habits and addictions. Keep up the good choices and you will succeed.

Hi Sango--

Yes, I read that thread a day or so ago, too. My guess is that most of the folks there are worried that they may have a weak moment themselves, and feel that they are constantly being reminded of the "dangers" they face, thinking "Oh my god, that could happen to me, too!"

And they're right; it could! But the important part is that, if it did, they'd just have to pick themselves up and get back to working toward getting the job done that they've started. I'm guessing that's pretty scarey for them, but you've already crossed that bridge. The difference is that you're going to remember how crappy you felt, and be that much stronger the next time you're tempted.

And that definitely puts you ahead of the game! I'd wish you good luck, but you don't need it...you just need to keep a clear focus on where you want to be, then keep going in that direction. That's all you really need to keep yourself centered.

JessaLynn: Yeah, that's the *one* thing that kept me from doing it in the past, and from doing it last night...the thought that I wouldn't be able to stop. I hope that this WOE is able to help you win your battle against it. You sound like a really strong person. Good Luck!

Skamito: I was kinda hoping that once I got to maintenance that the occasional slice of pizza would be okay...oh well. And oops, I'd already weighed myself when I read your post. You have a point, but I guess I needed to see how bad the damage was. You're right, it's physically impossible for it to be fat, I didn't eat all that much pizza. But it does make me wonder...if I can gain it all back in a night from water and glycogen, have I really lost any weight to begin with at all?

geo53562: Thanks again...I guess I am glad that if this were going to happen, I went ahead and got it over with ^_^ Now I have the memory of how crappy I felt to battle future temptations.