as you all know im down 182 pounds as of today my i pass my goal of 150. it getting a bit annoying and fustarating when everytime i see someone they put me on display and they say oh my goodness she was so big! and it like gee thanks! it nice to know what you thought of me. Oh and a new thing for some reason or another my overweight friends treat me differnt too and in my mind i think im still the same but they treat me as if i don't know what it like and i do!!!!!!!!! i haven't forgotten and i never will. so many mix vibes from everyone even in my family. one min they are happy for me and the next it "oh you look sick" your too thin and the list go on. but boy did they love tellin me how i need to do something about my weight. you can not make anyone happy that for sure. even at 143 and i'm 5'8 im still dealing with the fact that it very hard for me to wrap my brain around this new girl clothing and all shopping i get paroind thinking someone thinking what the hell is she doing in the smalls or something when i know knowone probably paying any attention but still in my mind. lots of rewiring im have to do i guess to my mind. point you can fix the outside all day long but the mind is another thing all on it own. i still have a lot of 'fat' days and know one has any empathy for you cause they look at you and be like "oh please shut up your a size what two" so let see when you trade in your fat card you get a new card w/ new feelings are takes away rights to feel certain ways vs with my fat card i have other rights? yea it made not make sense to alot of people but it just how i feel when i view it. so now because i im not fat anymore i can't have bad days either i should be happy all the time well i must be a strange skinny person but i still have a lot of the same problems. i had at 323 pounds and it like noone in the world understands this. again it must be me.
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no sugar please i always perfer mines bitter*

I understand ....I've been exactly here you are now 5 yrs ago when I made my goal weight.... and it does stink!!

It'd be useful for you now to journal about all these feelings you are having because IMO, they are totally normal. It does change and you will make new friends who know you now.
You've done an amazing thing for your self and your life....never forget that! Don't let their misguided reactions to your new body fool you.

I know it can hurt but it comes with the territory.

First of all - huge congrats for your success. I really can identify with this post. When I was down to 170 a few years ago, I thought it would be the end of my other issues. When I discovered it wasn't the case, I couldn't hold onto the weight loss. I'm bookmarking this for the future - so I'm prepared if (when!) I finally get to my goal weight.

Sorry this is so hard for you, and others aren't being as supportive as the should be. Take care - and again, huge congrats to both of you!

thank guys and it is a bit exhausting. people treat you so defferrnt and the anger of im still the same person is therer but you don't say anything i think people don't even realize they are doing it. does not make it any less to deal with you know. i had a person that known me for a while ask me why can't i take compliments i just looked at her and said what you mean i say thank you. she say yes of course you do but you just toss it away which she is right never really thought about it till now but i do i really truly can not take one it sounds like a lie to me but say something negative and i think about that one all day lol go fig. well at least i know what im going though is normal and these deeper rooted issues can't hide anymore. my weight was my coat and now that it gone i feel like i have no choice but to deal with everything and it hitting me dead on and on and on well you get the pic.

I had to stop going to one particular nail salon because the owner, who meant to be nice to me, embarrassed me so much each time that I came in, that it made me very uncomfortable. She would tell my weight loss story to every overweight woman in there. It was OK the first or second time she did it. But when it kept happening, it became very tedious for me.

Many of my overweight friends became different when around me. I was the same, but my body made them uncomfortable. I think it was because my success made them feel bad about themselves. I tried hard to not talk about it with them but they wanted to know....how?

While you feel the same inside, your outsides are what other people are responding to and you will find out who your real friends are. Time for making new friends!!!
Now would be a good time to find a good therapist to help you deal with all these changes.

At your current height and weight, you should be around your ideal weight now. Some people may think that you look too thin but they are just not used to seeing you in your new body. Give it time!!
Are you still losing or have you leveled off yet? You may want to take steps to not lose anymore weight.

I would like to second what sk8termom posted in her reply to your thread................. "First of all - huge congrats for your success." Your weight loss journey is just remarkable!

As to your perceived "problems,"................have you ever given any thought about being grateful that you now have such issues with which to deal?

I read posts all the time about people worrying about losing weight and having to cope with "hanging skin." I now have that "situation" to live with and I Thank God each and every day because I now have skin that hangs.

People can, and always will say things to us. Sometimes what they mean to say comes out just the way they intend. Oftentimes we hear someone say something and it hits us in an entirely different way than what the speaker meant. I know this happens because I once said something to a customer which I meant as a compliment and he became upset because he saw it as an insult.

This type of thing is going to happen to us all the time..............no matter how big or how small we might be. And, as sure as the sun comes up in the morning, there are going to be times when friends and relatives say something to us that is truly, truly hateful, hurtful, and insulting.

But, I don't care what anyone says............I know for a fact that I'd rather be insulted at the weight I am now than be insulted when I was over 400 lbs!

What a resounding success you have been with your weight loss! Well done!

I'll just second what everyone else is saying. It will take time. You said in your first post that your brain is still rewiring, it is. And so is everyone else's! They don't know how to handle it either. Most (not all) times, people mean well, they just don't know how to handle their own fears, insecurities and doubts when people around them are successful at solving a tough problem like weight and they are still struggling, if not with their own weight, then with job or family problems.

You need to be your own best friend, your own best advocate now. Take care of yourself, realize that others will find it harder to support you, find new friends as well as giving your current friends some slack as they adjust to the new you.

Be extra vigilant about not letting negativity from around you bring you down. You are still learning about how to be healthy, now you get to learn maintenance, it will still be hard and you need all your resources and support.

Be strong!

Oh, and as papajack said, this side of the fence is *much* better, regardless of what others say & do. I've been on both sides of the fence and even with the weeds that are still here, this side of the fence is *much* better to be on.

i am grateful for everything. but none the less i do feel perhapes ur right i should go talk to a therpist at this point because my weight has always been a issue either im too small or too big although i have never been over 300 pounds before until 20 now i'm 25 and it just like highschool to me again im just in a werid place right now. thanks again guys for understanding it helps. by the way i got away with very little loose skin. i run 6 days a week and i lift weight three times a week i think between that and gentics i came out luck people can even tell i was every overweight. im actully starting school to become a personal trainer this spring i love working out that much but it seem like something is missing and i can't figure what it is or where the unhappiness is come from. im getting married also sept 24 2011 maybe that it?? greiving over lost time of been fat??? mad at myself because i got fat? hate the cards i was delt? umm i don't know............

Congratulations Nikki on getting engaged to be married! It sounds like you are making progress with many aspects of your life. I agree with some of the others that starting a journal and perhaps finding a therapist to talk to would be wise. Most people cannot really understand your thoughts on this since they haven't been there themselves, but finding a professional should be useful for you. I agree with not letting anyone else's negativity rule your life though, so if a friend or family member is being negative all the time (telling you how you're going to gain it all back, etc), then you need to have a serious conversation with them or cut them loose. Your friends and family will likely adjust, but it will take time. You will figure out who your true friends are, and it will all work out in the end. Some of your friends may drift away, and that is their choice.

--Melissa

thank you so much for sharing those feelings, I can totally relate. Backhanded compliments suck, angry and jealous people suck too. Congratulations on your weight loss, it is absolutely amazing to me and such an inspiration!

^_^ thanks guys i have my frist appointment this week this should be fun or not.....................lol

Bloodroses, you have accomplished so much is so little time! You will make a fantastic personal trainer because you've been there, you know what its like to be morbidly obese, you overcame it and look at you now! Holy cow, what an inspiration you can be to a lot of other hurting people!

I agree with everyone here, they've given you great advice. There is nothing quite like talking to people who understand what you're going through because they've been through it themselves.

I love what Papajack said about being grateful even for hanging skin because that means you've lost a lot of weight. I know you don't have lose skin, but a lot of us do, and its refreshing to hear a different perspective on that particular problem!

Also, some of what might be bothering you is being here in America. I know so many people who came to this country with high hopes and big dreams only to find out that its really hard to make a success of your life here in the land of opportunities. Could it be that you are homesick for the familiarity of where you came from? You are not alone in that, many people struggle with those feelings and when you add that to the adjustment after losing all that weight, its no wonder you feel overwhelmed sometimes. Hang in there, things will get better. Just give it some time.

Congratulations on your success! That is an amazing accomplishment.

I think that many of us, consciously or unconsciously, used to use food to hide from our emotions and pain, or basically to escape from any unhappy feeling. Once we start using food for fuel, and not as an escape, it can be very difficult at first as we learn to FEEL our feelings. And once you begin to feel the feelings, you quickly realize that if some person or some situation is causing you pain or difficulty, you have to DEAL with it, otherwise, you will just continue to feel angry or upset or powerless, which will eventually lead to depression.

That is a very difficult transition to make, when you have to learn to actually confront people and situations and express to them how you are feeling and what they are doing to make you feel that way. Let's say that you feel like a friend or family member is taking advantage of you in some way. You have to be able to say to that person, "Listen, I need to let you know that whenever you do "x" or ask me to do "y", I feel like you are taking advantage of me." This can be scary to do, at first. And that friend or family member is NOT likely to take kindly to your suddenly becoming a strong person who is not afraid of confrontation and to talk about their feelings. So they might get huffy and defensive or angry. But as you continue to do it, you will find it gets less scary and becomes easier.

I know when I started feeling my feelings, I became aware of having a LOT of anger and resentment built up inside of me, because I had been escaping from my feelings with food for most of my life and had not confronted people who were not treating me the way I wanted to be treated. And many of these people were those closest to me - mother, husband, and brother, for starters.

So I think it is good that you are going to be seeing a therapist who can help you through this time of transition. You need someone in your corner, reminding you that you deserve to be treated well and that it is OKAY to ask for what you want and need - not only is it okay, but it is really IMPORTANT. But it WILL get easier, with time, and practice.

Cathy

Wow Cathy!! That is one excellent post!! Perfect!!!