"Everything in moderation."

What they are really saying: "I think I'm better and more beautiful than you, you ugly and morally bankrupt slothful glutton." (This also back translates into "Eat healthy".)


"Arterycloggingsaturatedfat."

What they are really saying: "I eat vegan for the sole reason that it makes me feel better and morally superior to you. I also haven't learned anything new since the 1970s."


"Healthywholegrains." (variant: "Hearthealthywholegrains.")

What they are really saying: "If I didn't pretend these were healthy, I'd have to eat 33 lbs of radishes just to meet my daily caloric requirements. You know, just like the cavemen vegans of my imagination, who had nothing better to do than collect and eat 33 lbs of radishes all day long."


"Cholesterolfree."

What they are really saying: "We still put this on our labels because of one dead bunny rabbit from the early 20th century, and we will do so for another hundred years."


"But the China Study!"

What they are really saying: "I hate my culture and civilization. Now how do I look in these Lululemons as I do this downward dog?"


"But your body *NEEDS* carbohydrates." (Spoken as it relates to food intake.)

What they are really saying: "I have no idea how biology actually works."


"But if you take one less bite of something other than arterycloggingsaturatedfat your body will go into starvation mode!"

What they are really saying: "Take my advice because I couldn't gain weight if I tried, which makes me better, which makes me smarter, than you."


"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

What they are really saying: "I have no important responsibilities so I have time to make and eat breakfast in the morning."


"Goodfats," or "Healthyfats."

What they are really saying: "I once thought trans fats were healthy because they came from plants and were technically polyunsaturated and now all my friends and family who switched to margerine after I told them to in the 80s are dead. Oops. I hope nobody remembers that. Look over there, a squirrel!"


"Increases the risk of," and "Linked to..."

What they are really saying: "Ignore my sleight of hand as I try to imply causation from observational correlation in order to advance my pet theories which confirm me in my moral superiority to you."



Please add your own.