Not sure if this is the appropriate place but...

She told me today she didn't want me to lose anymore weight! We were interrupted so we didn't really get to finish the conversation till later but basically all she said was she liked me the size I am. I pushed a little and asked if it was about the diet. She said no. I'm not sure how to feel/react. I mean she said she loved me/liked me when I was at my biggest - she's never cared about my size, so to speak - my size never bothered her, she loved me no matter what. So this was unusual for me, for her. I'm probably within 20 pounds of where I was when we got married, possibly only 35 pounds within the size of when we first met, so she's always known me as a bigger guy, and has always said she's never liked skinny-skinny guys. I figured she just said that because I wasn't one. Ha!

I dunno though! I'm baffled!

I'm going to try to keep this short and just give you a few things to think about. As we lose weight we gain so much. Happiness, Confidence, Wit, Charm, Assertiveness the list goes on with so many positive personality changes. Along with these changes surely by now your getting more positive attention as well, from family and friends, perhaps she may be feeling a little left out of the lime-light?

Seems to me she just needs a big dose of love warmth laughter and security.

I think a nice all day/night/weekend "date" would be an amazing remedy.

I hope this helps~

Very true. I don't know if there is some insecurity about her own weight. I don't know. I tend to believe that what she said was true, that she likes the size I'm at. It just really caught me off guard.

Hi B, I have experienced the same from my husband. He is concerned that I might lose too much or get obsessed with weight loss, or think that I have to do this 'for him'. I shared with him some of the brutal facts about the long term impacts of obesity and diabetes (which he knew but hadn't really KNOWN), and the research and experience that shows that to really limit long term impacts one needs to be in the low end of weight for height. He understood that, and realized that there was more at stake. He said that he wants me to know he will love me whatever I look like, and that goes both ways - fat or thin. He doesn't talk about stopping lc, he knows its for life for me. All that being said, I think Sunny's post is very wise, I need to be sure I have given dh the same message that he has given me, and time together is a great way to do that. I just share this in case my story resonates with you. All the very best to you both, that you have the strength to allow each other to be the healthiest, happiest people you can be!

My ex-husband got more and more, shall we call it "bat shit crazy" as I took off 100 pounds the first time. Which looking back is almost funny, since we were doing it together, and he lost more weight, faster then I was. Constantly being accused of sleeping with every man I spoke to (and some I didn't) accelerated with my weight loss. Of course, later, after I finally dumped his ass, I found out why he thought somebody losing a lot of weight would be acting in such a manner. Since it was what HE was doing. Looking back I'm glad I never gained or stopped losing just to make him happy, and put my health and self-image first. It would have been an easy way to make things more peaceful.

I truly do believe that sometimes going against your own grain to make your spouse happy is necessary. Nobody can get their way 100% of the time, and sometimes (gasp!) I realize after some kind of compromise that my husband (got it right the second time around!) was right anyway. But when it comes to your very well-being? That's not an argument over what color to paint the living room. That's a place where there is no room for middle ground or compromise, and where you need to stand firm.

I like member Luddybell's signature line...

Finally Doing this for me !!!

My wife has never once told me that she thought I needed to lose weight. I don't know if it is because she does not mind or if she actually preferred me heavy. In the past, when I announced that I was going to start a diet of some kind, there just happened to be a manager's special on assorted doughnuts that she would have to buy -- or a great deal on ice cream -- or she would bring home my favorite pizza. I don't know if it was real or imagined, but I'd swear there were more temptations around when I attempted to start a diet. I suppose there is some sort of security gained from knowing a large guy is less likely to wander. She's never said so and I've never asked. That's all in the past now. I am doing this for me, and to some extent for my kids and future grandkids. I decided I want to stick around for a while. I don't know what I will consider "done" as far as weight loss goes. I'll figure that out when I get there.

You have already had some brutally honest advice about the possible psychology behind those comments, and I second them all.
So I'll just remind you of what you have shared with us here before. You are a young man with a beautiful young family. You want to be there for them and get off all the meds, which are causing side effects. Until you are at a weight where you drop the statin (still my view that it has very low benefit and many adverse effects for you) and all the other meds, you need to keep losing weight for your health and for your family's security. Your goal should be to have the energy to play with your darling daughters now and to be here to dance at their wedding. Neither your wife's view of your size nor some random goal weight in pounds should be confused with good health.

... can't help but add my 2 pence worth.. I second all of the above, but.... maybe you were getting a little boring. Sometimes we vocalise too much about diet/food/exercise.. you know. Maybe she got to a " it's not all about you " ... stressed moment she just said it out loud. I agree, SHOW her the benefits of your healthy living...the stamina that it gives you.... the Fun you want and can have together...... also, maybe she feels left out or fat herself. We women are weird... we don't always know what we want when we want it....

There is the whole idea of a woman wanting a "big strong bear" kind of man. A bigger man can make her feel more protected, plus in comparison she is smaller/more feminine. Ya never know.

If you think about it, the idea of making yourself fat (and sick) because someone said they like you that way is absurd. Get healthy. Do it for you. Go about your low carb lifestyle quietly. Leave grains and sugars on your plate without comment or attitude, she knows by now you don't eat them. Everything does not need to be a big discussion. Behave toward her in ways that make her feel good about herself, kiss her, cuddle her, and let her feel loved. It's a win-win for everybody.

I agree with the above since reading them. But, before I read the comments my first thought was insecurity. You wife may be worried that you will "stray" now that you are almost at goal.

While I struggled with posting this initially, mainly for fear of some of the responses I would get, I do appreciate them. I think what it may be coming down to is some insecurity in her own weight - I have never commented on her weight, never will. I want her to be healthy, yes, but I love her thin or plump - she's the same person to me. But I dunno - I don't get that from her, it's out of character for her. EDIT: when I say I don't get that from her, I don't mean - I don't get that she loves me thin or plump, she does, she's told me that. I meant that I don't get the statement - that statement just seems a bit out of character. Just reread my response and didn't want there to be any confusion!

And let me be clear, she doesn't want to keep me fat or unhealthy for any reason. She believes in my woe, has seen the results, and wants to keep me around. I have a coworker that recent had weight loss surgery that basically said her husband probably would leave her if she got too small - being big was all he's ever known, and I sensed there was some insecurity there. That's not the case here. Neither of us are going anywhere and no one else would have me! Ha!

And I feel like things have been going better between us. There have bee some added benefits - being able to play with kids more, just feeling better, and well, other benefits as well. Ha!

So I'm still a little caught off guard by it. She says she likes the size I am and I am much smaller than I have been in a long, long time - like I said probably only 30 pounds from what I was when we met, which is my first goal too. I still tend to think she actually likes the way I look. I just told her then you'll like the way I look even better a few pounds lighter! Ha!

Good response!! ~erhaps she's reassuring YOU, that she doesn't love you MORE just because you lost weight! I think that would be a lovely and delicate sentiment to share. Always the question: what are you really saying? Probably wise of you to just hear what she says. By the way, thanks for starting what has turned into a heartfelt and keeper-of-a- thread. I keep reading through people's comments, and I find them so crucial, so fundamental to our engagements with our partners! Thanks to everyone for sharing so thoughtfully and passionately. I am wowed.

I'd go with the health reasoning. If you want to live a longer life, you have a better chance of doing that if you aren't obese.

But I need to add this. No matter what type of a body you have, there is someone out there that loves that type of body.

Many years ago, the neighbors across the street seemed like an odd couple. The husband was thin and athletic, and the wife was extremely obese. She had fat on her fat so thick that it actually drooped on her legs over her knees. I'd guess she was approaching 400 pounds.

Then she got pregnant, and of course that led to some speculation in our household. Not malicious, but comedic if you know what I mean.

Time passing, I had occasion to visit my neighbor at his place of work. We were facing each other talking and I saw his eyes following something passing behind me. A man can usually tell when another man is eying a woman with a lustful look in his eyes, and this was definitely the case. So being a person who appreciates beauty, I discretely turned around to look, and this young very obese woman was jiggling by.

No matter what shape you are in, there is someone who likes that shape.

But that doesn't mean you should be unhealthy. If your wife understands that you are doing it for healthful reasons, and that you don't want type 2 diabetes and all the other problems that extra weight can cause, and that you are doing it so you can take care of her and the family by being there longer, she will support you.

And who knows, she may just be resistant to change, and in time, when she gets used to your trimmer self, she will find out she likes your looks better that way.

Bob

While my long-suffering husband has never said anything, I know this is what I do. He has never been as interested in food (except eating it) and the theories behind good health. I'm pretty sure he just tunes out a lot of what I say, so I'm trying to cut back on that. Some of us just have the need to share - whether others want us to or not!