I am typing this as I eat tortilla chips and I must admit that I had ice cream for lunch.

My husband is turning 50 in less than 2 weeks. Instead of a gift he told me that what he wanted most was for me to lose weight, exercise and try and be more productive.

I used to be all of those things by the way..... without anyone asking me to do it.

I am not doing well with this, in fact, I am self sabotaging more than anything.

Also feeling like a complete failure.

Our 10 year anniversary is this Thursday and I was 30 pounds lighter when we married.

All I can say is UGH and I feel completely disgusted.

I need to get myself back on track but I feel myself spiraling the wrong way....

I'm a harsh but caring brit and I rarely mince my words: So get off the "pity party", stop eating those damn tortillas NOW, draw a line under all that stuff and get back on track - dont do it for him, do it for you and your self worth!!!!! You'll feel so much better

Jo xxxx

I'm the extreme opposite of ojoj. My husband wouldn't live to see our anniversary if he said that to me. Lol

If you really want to lose some weight and need some support, stick around here. There are so many here that will help guide and support you. But only do it for you.

Best wishes.

What Ojoj said. Absolutely. You're responsible for what you put in your mouth and you're responsible for your appearance. No one else is.

Joining the chorus of "only do it for you" - and only do it if that's what you want to do.

At your height 165lb doesn't seem like there's a huge correction to be made. Even if you were 30lbs lighter 10 years ago, you were at the low end of a healthy weight back then, and most definitely below average. If you are close to your husband in age, you're somewhere in the menopause cycle or near to it, and it's not surprising you've gained weight, feel UGH, and are spiraling the wrong way. All par for the course. Perhaps you and your husband together could do a little research into what a woman has to deal with during this phase of life. It might make him more helpful to you than just asking you to lose weight, a tactic that is more likely to backfire on him by sending you into the vicious cycle of low self-esteem/comfort eating/weight gain. Husbands. Oy vey!

Also joining in on the chorus from the other wise women here. I would like to add, though, that your post has a couple of red flags for me on my "depress-o-meter." Please correct me if i misunderstood, but you say you were once "productive" and sounds like your self-esteem is suffering because you no longer feel you are. Have you considered that you may be experiencing depression, which would be the cause and not the result of your "lack of productivity"?

I'm not trying to diagnose, but I'm very familiar with the expressions you are using about yourself. Do take care of yourself with better diet and other lifestyle changes. But also consider asking a health professional about the possibility of depression.

Last, my long-term depression and anxiety improved after I began this way of eating. It took a while for me to realize it, but I am measurably more stable now than I was when I started. So if you need another reason to eat low carb...

Red flag alert for me when a husband tells his wife to lose weight
and then as a birthday gift to him???
Perhaps his intentions were good... but I agree with kitann about the depression and maybe seeking out someone to talk to.

Oh my...my heart aches for you. Men can sometimes be so dang insensitive. I'm feeling both ways...one, I would certainly consider Emily's post but the other side of me is thinking kind of like Kitann.

I have battled my weight all my life...except for a very successful loss about 15 years ago. Then life, divorce, depression, work...you name it, I ate my way through it. I was still on the good side of my weight when I met my new DH, but shortly after that...UGH, I wish I could have that time back to make better choices.

I did the anti-anxiety, depression meds but HATED the way I felt on them. I talked daily to my mom about "wanting" to lose weight and alas, I would do well for a few days only to get run over once again by that weight-loss wagon. I got off the meds and decided I had control over me and nobody and nothing else did...only me.

Then one day it hit me...I didn't want to be this way and since that day back in mid-September pretty much NOTHING has derailed me. I can count on a half of a hand how many times something has entered my mouth that should not have. I have had some slow periods, no loss periods, gaining periods but I am committed to the long haul and this is my life now.

The feelings of anxiety and depression left and in their place, increased energy, smiles and brain power. Eating lowcarb has definitely been a Godsend for me.

It's all in the personal motivation and dedication. Only you can choose how you want to live. It makes it so much nicer without the spousal pressure...but YOU have to make those choices.

I wish you success in finding your way through this journey -
Deanna

I echo what people said about hubby. 30 pounds, to me is not alot of weight...Especially when he is turning 50, so your age must be around there.

But I will goto the practical point. If he would like to see you loose weight he needs to join in.

First and foremost, don't have that food in the house. I literally tried to not have trigger foods in the house it was difficult with hubby. And then I finally admitted to him, look it is too much temptation, I can't have it in the house.

And right as I was figuring it out on my (without dr b) I would tell my hubby when he requested something, I can't have it in the house I will eat that.

Or if you really want it you need to keep it secret down stairs out of my sight. I still do that with hollowean candy. Tell you buy you hide and take it to work the next day. he doesn't argue with me.

And he actually heard and understood the reasoning behind my requests. And even to this day he asks is it okay to buy this or will you want to eat it.

And now for the most part, I don't want to eat it. About 95% of the time.

So, you are already struggling with the low image of self. Do yourself a favor and not struggle with temptation.

Then as you gain momentum from not "cheating" and following the plan you will feel better about yourself, the better you feel the more you will want to move and do stuff.

But i will say, you need to separate your emotional self and your perception of your self away from hubby. His attitude is not doing you any favors and will only make it worse.

And BTW, I would buy hubby a birthday gift. And proceed to tell him. That your health and well being are not gifts to him rather they are gifts to you and your responsibility and you will work on them at your own pace.

Take care of yourself first and foremost.

Well said lovinita.

Second that. My last sight would be my wife standing over me saying, "Tell me how to reload this thing."


So stop trying. Obviously the motivation was a negative one. It's stressful enough to modify one's behavior and an overload with more stress coming from outside. Just relax. Decide not to try for a while. Do some reading at your own pace. Or not. Wait. When (and it may be a very long time) your battery is recharged pick a way that you can do with the most enthusiasm.

Oh, oh, my!!!! I read the OPs origional comment off to my BF and teenage son and their jaws hit the floor. They couldn't believe your husband asked for such a thing and you didn't knock him to the floor right then.

Of course he could have been looking out for your over all health and had good intentions with his request and just didn't word it correctly. But if BF asked for something like that I'd be madder than a hornet and then go into a deep depression because that is what I do and that would just make me feel even worse about myself.

Those tortilla chips isn't going to help you in the least bit but I do understand why your sitting their eating them (been there). I finally went to the Dr and got meds for depression and anxiety and 2 weeks after that went back on low carb and within days felt amazing!!! I still have my moments (withdrawl) but it all helped. Plus I'm doing it for me, not because BF wants me too. I knew deep down most men want a slender and muscular woman but thats just not real life So BF is behind me to help me in my endever but he would never tell or ask me to loose weight.

Oh goodness, I really hope you get to feeling better.

So many wise words! I also completely understand the tortilla chips. Al the best in regaining YOU, in getting to 'acting' rather than 'reacting'.

I dont think we have the facts or the right to decide if her husbands request is right or wrong. My husband would have said something like that when I was fat - not to be unkind, but because he knew I was unhappy with my weight, because I cried a lot, because I refused to go out, because I refused to let him see me "intimately".......... But he loved me and still does. He's happy because I am. Besides, whats wrong with her husband wanting his wife to lose weight for his birthday anyway???? Seems perfectly reasonable to me. You know (and this isnt PC), theres nothing nicer these days than seeing the pride on my husbands face when he has a slim wife on his arm when we're out. Altho he would and did love me however I was!

The point is, as I said in my post, she needs to do it for herself.

Jo xxx