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  #61   ^
Old Wed, Feb-19-03, 07:29
SummerYet's Avatar
SummerYet SummerYet is offline
Reinventing Myself
Posts: 11,768
 
Plan: Doctor's Plan
Stats: */*/* Female 5 ft 3 in
BF:
Progress: 77%
Location: Scotch Plains, NJ
Default

I have found out that my calories are what have been out of control...I was eating more than 3000 a day without even realizing it (Or did I...hmmmm?) So I will be watching closely this week and see what happens....

~Michelle
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  #62   ^
Old Tue, Feb-25-03, 15:42
Kingwood Kingwood is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 150
 
Plan: Atkins/testing CAD
Stats: 198/184/145
BF:
Progress: 26%
Location: Kingwood
Default Self-sabatoge, what a topic...

I ran across this thread rather by accident, then after reading every page totally glued to each word I remembered that everything happens for a reason.

I'm only on my second day (this time) and I've been quite busy reading and planning meals, etc. I hadn't checked inside to see how I was actually feeling about this change in my life. Thank you for helping me to see that I am afraid, big time. The irony is that no one who knows me would ever use the word "afraid" to describe me.

Thank you all so much for helping me to realize that I need to address my fear. What I do know is that when I was little in age only, I thought to be thin was the ultimate in life. I think a part of me thought it was the key to happiness. Then I got thin and all I did with that thin body was jump from bed to bed getting high on the attention. I didn't even bother to figure out if I even liked the person, they wanted me and that seemed like enough. Then I got married and quickly put on weight and when my husband cheated on me I got thin again and got my "validation" that I had value by bed hopping again.

Perhaps what I want to know deep inside of me is that I can be thin and not be a slut. Why, when I wrote that did I begin to cry? I think I'll sign off for now and just feel that for a while.
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  #63   ^
Old Tue, Feb-25-03, 16:50
SummerYet's Avatar
SummerYet SummerYet is offline
Reinventing Myself
Posts: 11,768
 
Plan: Doctor's Plan
Stats: */*/* Female 5 ft 3 in
BF:
Progress: 77%
Location: Scotch Plains, NJ
Default

Kingwood...

Taking that step and realizing it is HUGE. Please come back and talk about your feelings. This is why we are here.

~Michelle
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  #64   ^
Old Wed, Feb-26-03, 06:34
TeriDoodle TeriDoodle is offline
Starting Over!
Posts: 3,435
 
Plan: Protein Power LifePlan
Stats: 182/178/150 Female 67 inches
BF:Jiggley mess
Progress: 13%
Location: Texas!!
Default

Hi Kingwood! That took a great deal of courage to not only look at that, acknowledge it, but write it down....commit it to "paper". Many of us have deep-seated issues with being overweight all of our lives... many painful feelings and emotions that have never been dealt with properly. Stay with this and dig a little deeper.... buy some self-help books if you think it might help to bring all your thoughs and feelings to the surface and find new and appropriate ways to validate and love yourself just the way you are....in any shape or form.

We're here for you! Hang out on this forum for a while....there's some really, really GREAT people here!

PS - I'm on the west side of Houston.... maybe someday we can meet for lunch!
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  #65   ^
Old Wed, Feb-26-03, 17:53
Kingwood Kingwood is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 150
 
Plan: Atkins/testing CAD
Stats: 198/184/145
BF:
Progress: 26%
Location: Kingwood
Default Michele and Teri, thank you...

I've been writing, thinking and feeling a lot since writing that yesterday and I'll continue doing more. A lot gets buried under these layers of fat. Maybe that's one of the reasons why losing it can make us feel sad.

This may sound strange, but the fat surrounding my body has done its best to protect me. Although so much of our society is repulsed by fat, and I have done my share of complaining and hating it too, the truth is that my fat has protected me from things I feared, protected me from things/people I wasn't mature enough to handle, etc. When the world got to be too much for me I ran back and my fat was always there to protect me. Its been more dependable than a lot of people I've known. Yet I have never said one kind word to it in return.

So part of what I have to do in preparing for my new life is to look at my relationship to these layers of my own body. I have to embrace this part of me and make peace with it before I can let it go. And it does feel sad.
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  #66   ^
Old Thu, Feb-27-03, 14:43
SummerYet's Avatar
SummerYet SummerYet is offline
Reinventing Myself
Posts: 11,768
 
Plan: Doctor's Plan
Stats: */*/* Female 5 ft 3 in
BF:
Progress: 77%
Location: Scotch Plains, NJ
Default

Sounds like you are taking "this time around" and really healing yourself, or at least taking those starting steps. None of us can do it quickly. The good thing is that we are all trying!

~Michelle
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  #67   ^
Old Mon, Mar-03-03, 07:04
Kingwood Kingwood is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 150
 
Plan: Atkins/testing CAD
Stats: 198/184/145
BF:
Progress: 26%
Location: Kingwood
Default

I really want to take a serious look at how I have sabatoged myself in the past. As they say, if you don't learn from history you are destined to repeat it. NO THANKS on the repeating part!!

Some of the things I discovered can be boiled down to a Lack of Acceptance. When I was on Atkins before I learned that my CCL was only 40 carbs tops. I didn't like that number and I felt ripped off. For some reason I thought I'd end up with some great number closer to 100 that I could live on.

My expectation and my realtiy were not the same. So I had a choice back then to change my expectation to match my reality or alter my reality to meet my expectation. Guess which one I did!!

Lesson finally learned... ignoring what I don't want to accept doesn't change the reality one bit so 40 carbs it is.
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  #68   ^
Old Mon, Mar-03-03, 09:37
jude's Avatar
jude jude is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 946
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 182/147/145 Female 65"
BF:
Progress: 95%
Location: Innisfil, Ontario
Default

I really miss the e-mail notification....I keep forgetting to check back more than one day on "Profile". I'm really glad you posted today, Kingwood, because I needed a kick in the pants. Your post saved me from a "what would it hurt?".

It's freezing outside today, I don't have to go to work, so I can stay in--but I've almost run out of Splenda. I actually still have sugar in the cupboard. (Why didn't I throw it out like I did every other high carb food?)

What would it hurt to use sugar for one day for coffee and on my strawberries? Psychologically--BIG TIME! So, after rereading all the early posts here--and catching up on new ones--I'm getting off my backside and going out in this -24 cold (-36 windchill) and walking over to the store.

Damn, I'm so glad I found this forum! I just can't imagine doing this without you guys!

Thought: What's the difference between obsession and a core belief?

judy

Last edited by jude : Mon, Mar-03-03 at 09:39.
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  #69   ^
Old Tue, Mar-04-03, 21:45
SummerYet's Avatar
SummerYet SummerYet is offline
Reinventing Myself
Posts: 11,768
 
Plan: Doctor's Plan
Stats: */*/* Female 5 ft 3 in
BF:
Progress: 77%
Location: Scotch Plains, NJ
Default

Judy...

That is GREAT!! Every little step we take, takes us down this great LC WOL. I am proud of you that you went and got the Splenda...NOW GO THROW THAT SUGAR OUT!!

~Michelle
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  #70   ^
Old Wed, Mar-05-03, 08:12
Kingwood Kingwood is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 150
 
Plan: Atkins/testing CAD
Stats: 198/184/145
BF:
Progress: 26%
Location: Kingwood
Default

Isn't it amazing what our thoughts can tell us? The ability our own thoughts have to lie to us, to sabatoge us, and how prone we are to believing them as if they always speak truth. What is it about our thoughts that we give them such validity? Why do we give them such power over us?

One of the lessons that I have to practice in order to succeed is to question what thoughts go through my head. Left in my head just rattling around I am vulnerable to them because my thoughts can trick me. I've found that if I say out loud what my thoughts are telling me its easier to figure out if they are true or not. For some reason when I say out loud, "I can eat just a little bit of chocolate, that little piece can't hurt me that much," I can hear the lunacy of that thought. But when the thought just stays within me I can't hear that very well.

Lesson for me; Just because my mind tells me something..doesn't make it real. My mind is used to giving me negative thoughts so I have to remember not to always trust them. Just like someone I used to trust until I realized they lied to me. Once I know that about someone I'm not so willing to take everything they say as truth.
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  #71   ^
Old Wed, Mar-05-03, 14:56
nikkiend nikkiend is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 163
 
Plan: Atkins/my own
Stats: 240/237/150 Female 5'7"
BF:
Progress: 3%
Location: South Florida
Default

Just wanted to do a quick post to be subscribed to this thread. It's excellent.
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  #72   ^
Old Wed, Mar-05-03, 16:20
SummerYet's Avatar
SummerYet SummerYet is offline
Reinventing Myself
Posts: 11,768
 
Plan: Doctor's Plan
Stats: */*/* Female 5 ft 3 in
BF:
Progress: 77%
Location: Scotch Plains, NJ
Default

Kingwood...

I will be back later with more...but I have to say...I LOVE that idea about saying it out loud! I am going to try it

~Michelle
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  #73   ^
Old Wed, Mar-05-03, 16:35
Pokey's Avatar
Pokey Pokey is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 342
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 299/288/197
BF:
Progress: 11%
Location: Colorado
Default My 2 cents

If I may add my 2 cents,
I believe self sabatoge is well... just that.
Something you do to yourself when you are just not ready to lose the weight. It may be The fact that, oh if i lose all this weight I will have to buy all new clothes etc... My biggest on was eww!! If I lose all that weight me skin will droop and be gross. (((HELLO))) It gross to have all this fat too.
I think once you have really made up your mind to do it. However it may be. No one can hold you back. I have not stuck to one "diet" for more that 2 weeks my whole adult life. I am on my 2nd month of this WOE. And let me tell ya not one person could make me stop now. Yes it was discouraging at first cause i lost soooooo slooooowww!!! but now 3 lbs in less than 2 weeks. Well it's wont win me any race, but it's better than the first month.
Moral to the story If you are TRULY ready to lose weight no one can sabatoge you, including yourself.
Toodles,
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  #74   ^
Old Wed, Mar-05-03, 16:52
adnil53's Avatar
adnil53 adnil53 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 3,286
 
Plan: Keto
Stats: 203/187.2/140 Female 5' 3"
BF:75%/5%/25%
Progress: 25%
Location: Northern California
Default

I don't know about that one Pokey, I'm afraid I have to disagree! It is true when you are ready, you will start on some kind of diet, but our minds do things to us... yes, maybe having to buy new clothes or maybe the opposite sex will be attracted... but no matter what it is, some of us no matter how hard we try, find ourselves sabotaging our own efforts at one time or the other... I know I do. But no matter, I'm trudging along anyway. Someday I will find and understand and maybe even be able to head it off before it gets out of hand! And I believe understanding WHY we sabotage ourselves goes along way in understanding how to keep it under control at least.

I am very glad you are having success with Atkins Pokey, even if it is slower than you would like… good going!
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  #75   ^
Old Wed, Mar-05-03, 16:59
Pokey's Avatar
Pokey Pokey is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 342
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 299/288/197
BF:
Progress: 11%
Location: Colorado
Default Queen of Sabatoge

Believe me I used to be the Queen of Sabatoge.
I understand what you mean
Quote:
but our minds do things to us
I totally agree. I just know with me i finally made up my mind and decided this is what i want, and need to do. So just do it. I am not saying i am perfect, and that i never cheat on my WOE. The carbs creap up on my once in a while. But now it doesnt give me a reason to give up, just cause i cheated a little.
Everyone is different.
Good luck to you adnil53!!
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