Hi folks,

Don't know why I am writing this other than I really don't know what else to do...I am so depressed....I had a really bad weekend and got all stressed out as hadn't seemed to ahve lost much weight on Atkins...and went on a carb binge big time. Loads of dried fruit (thats what I crave usually), porridge, and crackers...ok so not chocolate and crisps, but bad non the less....I have been Bulimic a few years back and that came back again...

I hate myself so much....I just get so scared that I will put on weight...then I go out and binge on carbs as for that moment I convince myself that low carb isn't working...then when I eat carbs I become obcessed with them...!

I hate myself this morning. I am so down. I weighed myself and am heavier than I have been in a long time 10 stone 9 pounds......I am only 5ft 4, and although this doesn't sound like a hell of a lot, to me it is. Most of my clothes are starting not to fit, and I just can't cope I really can't.

I have been sitting at work this morning typing this and realising that I have to go back on Low Carb for my sanity if nothing else, as at least then I seem to be able to control my carb addictions.

I am also having some tests done at the Docs next Friday as I just can't seem to loose weight no matter what I do.....I just feel so depressed...and I have never felt more ugly...

Again I don't know why I am typing this, I guess it helps to 'get it all out'....

Sorry.............If anyone out there wants a LC Buddy, let me know as I feel I really need one....

Becs
xxx

Hello luv,
Don't get down on yourself. I totally understand how you feel. You are more then welcome to join http://forum.lowcarber.org/showthre...readid=269330my thread if you like.

Becs101

Don't get down on yourself, I've been doing this low carb thing on and off for a year or so and haven't lost any weight. I know it will work my sister went from a size 12 to size 4. My body is very stubborn as well, the first 2 weeks in induction i only lost 2 pounds. My sister said she didn't start dropping alot of weight until after a couple of months. Go look at the cinnamon postings - I started that thread because my mom started taking cinnamon and lost 8 pounds in a month. She is not low carbing or doing anything but is losing her craving for carb rich foods. She is slowly cutting out carbs. She looked great. There is lots of info under the cinnamon thread that could be helpful.

NOw go look in the mirror and tell yourself how much you love yourself and HOW HOT YOU ARE!!!!! Have a GREAT day!!!!

Don't worry about the past. Just get back on the wagon NOW. You CAN do it because you want it that bad. Keep telling yourself why you want this over and over again.

Purvi

Thanks so much Sunnygyrly
and Purvi!

Its great to hear that others have had similar problems as well....I can only cope being low carb I think, I just can't cope with Low Cal.....there's just too many options and its hard to get over the mental blocks that eating some carbs have, and then go off and binge on carbs too - thats easy I think...I just find LC does help me to control binging....

Well its Monday and a new start...back on low carb again......I am going to keep on this now its the only way I feel I can keep control of my weight, but I do still can't help watching calories as well....have about 800-1000 most days.....

Thanks again for all your support, its really helped...

xxx

Hi, I've been there too! The trigger is always being hungry or depressed/stressed and then filling that gap with a high-carb comfort food (e.g. off-the-shelf puddings or custardy cakes). Then I'm on the roller-coaster, can only think about food, just want the next high-carb treat.

The ONLY way I can break that cycle is to not try and cut calories but to eat very low carb, healthy whole foods like a salmon steak and salad, or eggs with butter. Something really filling, satisfying and, in a low-carb way, a comfort food.

This takes food planning, which has been really hard to do during my recent 3 months of travel, but now I'm right back into it, with a fridge full of the right food sand no high-carb food at all in the house (well a bit of pasta for my partner, but that doesn't tempt me at all).

Re bulimia: I hear you, I've been there too. Someone in another thread pointed out that bulimia is just emotional overeating with a purge to avoid the consequences. But don't forget that you can irrevocably damage your teeth and throat lining, besides getting back into that horrible cycle of craving and bingeing and hiding it from everyone. Aaaaargh!!

My advice: start the day with a really low carb, high-protein and high-fat breakfast, something really yummy and satisfying, like bacon, eggs and spinach. I find that this keeps me full until lunchtime, with none of the usual morning tea cravings. I simply never want to purge a healthy meal, one that I know is maintaining my body properly - are you like that too?

I think your calories are too low, at least if you're 'forcing' them low. Why don't you give Atkins a chance to naturally take your calories to where they should be off the carb rollercoaster? Nobody seems to have the final answer on whether Atkins works because one's calorie desire lessens or because one is eating a lot of calories but the metabolism is working differently, but if you stick to Atkins induction hopefully it will work either way, without calorie counting.

Best of luck, keep us posted.

Thanks so much for you post LilithD, reading it helped so much.

I am back on Atkins this morning and I do plan to go off it again, its the only way I have ever felt 'in control' whne it comes to food, and thats a big deal.

I purged that many times last week, I felt terrible. It is so bad for you and really wrecks your stomach, also makes you feel bloated which isn't very nice either.

I thnk you're right about breakfast as thats where on LC I always skipped or didn't have much of. Going to put that right now!

Just eaten my first lunch on LC tuna and cheese salad with little bit of mayo, which tasted great after the past week of low cal.

I feel more in control already....am also trying to drink more water but it is hard as love my diet coke, have about 3 cans a day which I am trying to cut down, as I know its not good on LC.

Thanks again for your post it really helped.

Becs
xxx

Isn't this forum great? I can't talk to anyone in my 'real life' about my bulimia, hide it completely from my partner (he never seems to question behaviour that would be extremely suspicious to anyone who knew), and am trying to get a grip through LC. The weird thing is that I'm 40 today, and this thing has only reared it's ugly head again in the last few months after about 20 years of remission!

I'm working on the following:

Sticking to low carb, including trying to not 'go there' at all when high-carb treats are available. Easier at home than out.

Keeping a realistic body image instead of trying to look like fashion models 20 years younger than I am. Appreciating the whole range of female beauty, including very large and voluptuous women who make me look like an immature girl. Spend enough time with these women (e.g. here in NZ the large Pacific Island women) and one's idea of beauty can easily change.

Accepting aging and being proud of my 40 years instead of depressed about the lines on my face. This is hard...

Satisfying my appetite with good foods and leaving no room or desire for the binge stuff.

Having no binge foods available and ensuring good foods always are.

Not getting into calorie counting, as this can easily become a trigger.

Trying to see stressful situations coming and learn to avoid them or deal with them more constructively.

Separating stress from food.

What are your triggers, what works and doesn't work for you? One really important trigger for me was that in France (recent trip) you would not believe how expensive meat and fish were and how incredibly cheap red wine (which I luckily don't like) and dairy products. So for a couple of euros one could buy 6 creamy caramel puddings - perfect purge food. The alcoholic's and bulimic's paradise/hell!!

Hi LilithD,

This forum is great isn't it? My partner doesn't know either...even though to me it would be obvious....

With my last partner I made a big mistake and told him. He didn't understand at all, didn't want to know and was disgusted with what I was doing, not believing that I didn't have control over my binging. I would never make that mistake again. I prefer to keep things to myself now, it hurts partners too much or they just don't understand. At least here we can talk to people that understand what we're going through and that we don't do it because we 'like it' or need 'attention'. In fact we do our best to keep the attention away from us!


Triggers for me are many things. I find it so har to lose weight even on LC so if I get home and no one is in (this is a big trigger) then I hang around the kitchen, even though I know it made lead to binging....and then have just a 'little bit' of something I shouldn't and then think 'well I may as well havemore then just get rid of it'. Usually I am depressed about my weight or the way I look that day and thats the main trigger. Also dried fruit and soft spongey cake - just can't have it in the house...its such a pull.

The worst thing in the world is when you have a binge then go to purge and no matter how hard you try the food for some reason, just won't come!!!!! And then you panic and feel like you're going crazy.......have you ever had that happen? For me its the most terrifying scenario.....

My Uncle goes to New Zealand for months on end and tells me its so beautiful by the way..

Becsx

I hear you! I found last time I was bulimic (when I was 18-20) telling people only helped in as much as I'd then have to really control (or better hide) my bingeing and purging. But it was too much for my BF at the time, who was also 'disgusted' or at least said so to try and stop me. I didn't need that feeling of guilt and inferiority! He, of course, ate whatever he wanted, naturally controlled his portions, and was skinny as a rake!

Then there were my parents, who did quite fairly and rationally point out that my habit was extremely expensive and annoying to them (i.e. bare cupboards a day after shopping), and that curbed me quite a bit. In fact having to pay for my own binges was a good step towards control when I was a poor student.

Although my current partner doesn't know about the bulimia, it is very important to me that he understands that I'm doing LC, that the wrong foods make me overeat (I don't say 'binge' and never mention 'purge'), and that it's best for me not to have them available. He's very supportive. There are quite a few high carb things he likes and I don't, such as bread, pasta, so some of that is no problem in the pantry. But he knows that my big problems are with creamy cakey/puddingy things and high-carb chocolate. He helps me find LC ways of getting treats and, most importantly, we always have meats, eggs and veges on hand. He's becoming more and more LC as a consequence, and in combination with the weightlifting (which I also started him on), is looking fantastic.

Re the unable to purge thing: yes, I've been there! I really try to avoid that situation now for two reasons: it's impossible to get it all out and the more you get out the more acid there is to damage throat and teeth. I don't want this to sound like a pro-bulimia post, but if you absolutely can't avoid a binge and purge, do everything to protect yourself from the stomach acid. There are actually dentists helping online with this, for instance: http://www.irandental.org/teeth/tee...ating_disorders.

The way I can usually avoid wanting to purge everything is also the way I can often avoid a binge in the first place: I have a good LC meal first (if it's available), protein, fat and lots of veges so there's little room and no real hunger left.

However, one danger zone is when I'm hungry/bored/stressed and there's nothing LC on hand. So planning is everything, and it's so hard when I'm not at home. Boy, am I tired of sitting in a car snacking on nuts!!

Another danger zone is even if I've eaten a good meal, but there is unlimited dessert available (i.e. a buffet). I just can't go to buffets at all.

I guess another trigger is the 'all or nothing' mentality that LC does rather encourage, you mentioned something like this. I.e. if I've cheated a little bit, say on chocolate mousse, then I'll think 'I've blown it. I may as well really binge and then get rid of it all'. I am looking for ways to be generally LC but be able to take and limit high-carb treat if that's all on offer (e.g. a restaurant dessert). I think Dr Rosedale helps quite a bit with this. He says if you do 'by mistake' eat a high-carb food, just exercise gently to immediately use up the sugar, and you're back on track. Of course he didn't mean big binges, LOL! Some days in France I managed this. In Paris we were walking many hours a day sightseeing, so most days I actually ate one expensive treat from a patisserie and felt OK about it. We had rented a little apartment and all the food there was healthy, LC and controlled.

The problems started when we were driving around the rest of France, sitting in a car a lot, with quite a lot of stress and great uncertainty about where the next meal was coming from and what it would be. I had to negotiate each restaurant lunch, getting them to swop the usual meat and fries (yes, that's the average French main course - no low-starch veges at all!) for meat and veges. LC snacks were really difficult on the road, especially as the car was warm and hotel rooms had no fridges, so keeping chilled food became impossible. Nuts, nuts, nuts... So then I'd get hungry, stressed, angry at the situation, sneak off to a supermarket with incredibly cheap puddings et voila - huge binge...

Indeed, NZ is gorgeous, and I'm in bliss to be here in warm spring weather, everything green and the light so intense. I loved our trip to Europe, and now I'm loving being home. No bingeing since we got back, either, because here I can be in total control over what is in the fridge and pantry.

Can you get your partner to understand what your triggers for high carb overeating are and be supportive in keeping them out of the house? And can you let yourself eat enough protein, fat and veges to feel satisfied, without worrying about calories too much?

Hi LilithD,

From what you have said I do't think France would be a great holiday for me - far too much temptation.

The one thing I have found that is if I feel like a bing because I like cheese a lot if I have got a creamy cheese in the house I can have then that stops a lot of the cravings...I guess because its so fatty and creamy and delivered the right message to your brain. I also used to have pork rinds a lot but now get stressed over the cals and the fat...but think to be honest as a treat they would be fine. I am going to try having them in the house again, as then when I feel like a binge at least I have some LC food there instead of looking in the cupboards and seeing nothing.

I think yes I will have to talk to my partner but wouldn't even dare mentioning binging and purging again.....NO WAY! I think I have to definitely try worrying abot the calories and just eat LC food, and enjoy the fats more as they are a lot better for you and I always feel satisfied. Even with something simple like a sald with mayo and cheese and tuna.....simple but really satisfying.

Can I ask if you have a lot of high fat foods and which ones, and if you've found that it helps?

Really nice to speak to someone about all of this by the way. I will check out that websiet link as well.....its only over the past 12months that I have learnt you shouldn't brush your teeth after purging so God knows the damage I have done over the years, I try not to think about it. My dentist hasn't said anything though....

Its the same as France eating out in the UK though, most things come with fries, or potatoes in some form and you have to ask for veg and then they go and put carrots on there or something......what me and my partner do is he swops some of his food with mine, so he has double the potato and I steal his veg! Bless him, he's a good one.

I know what you mean about travel foods though. I normaly get a Pepperami or something like that which doesn't tend to go off very quick....I haven't eaten nuts yet as still in induction....better than nothing but not very filling are they? And the LC foods don't work for me and just make me crave more and more of them....and they don't fill you either...not good.

Becs
x

Hi Becs

Well, I'm just reading Atkins Diabetes Revolution and the foods lowest on his 'food pyramid' (also available online) are actually proteins. I certainly find them most satisfying (e.g. a steak or chicken thigh), and I've read a few studies that indicate they have a more satiating effect than just carbs or fats.

However, I'm a bit worried because Dr Rosedale says protein foods should be limited, as they are actually converted to glucose, not ketones, and thus do raise blood sugar. However, in this book several studies are quoted that show proteins to be beneficial to blood sugar levels.

Actually, limiting proteins too much under Rosedale Protocol doesn't seem to work for me. I find that I can easily eat a *lot* of calories on unlimited fat without stopping (e.g. dousing eggs in butter, gorging on whipped cream and cream cheese). While I don't seriously have to lose kilos, like most women I wouldn't mind if my woe took away a bit of belly and thigh, and unlimited fat with restricted carbs (though not as low as 20-40g daily) is not achieving that.

So are calories are secondary to carbs? I guess it's important for me to not eat tonnes of fat. Protein foods, delicious, filling and healthy, are starting to look more important. With a fair amount of fat and some veges.

Even with a low-carb diet (today, breakfast to afternoon tea, I've had 46g), I'm still hungry (calories so far 1100). This is not an emotional craving, it's a growling stomach. So can I really believe that eating only 20g would have made me feel less hungry?

Well, I'm having chicken (with skin) and veges for dinner. Shouldn't be more than 400cals, so if I manage not to be hungry afterwards, that will be great.

Hi Lilith,

Its so confusing isn't it?

I am going for thyroid tests tomorrow as it was 'borderline' last time and I think I do need medication. And a lot of sites say you shouldn't be on low carb if you've got thyroid probs, some say its ok just not too low, then some say soy is bad for you, then others flaxmeal is bad for you....and on and on it goes...and I start to wonder 'what the hell should I be eating!!!'.

I do have concerns about having too much protien.....at the moment I am definitely on around 20g or carbs a day but I am on induction right now again.....I find it all pretty confusing. I do get pains on my left lower stomach....don't know if thats got anything to do with anything, and only really seem to get them on LC......

I am hoping to see a specialist so I can finally sort out exactly what I should be eating....I really am tired of reaading different articles and getting all confused.......

I have had a good week this week, no binging and purging at all.....feel a damn sight better for it as well, mentally and physically. Mind you its been a lot easier this week as I haven't been alone in the house much....I just get twitchy and start to want to binge when I know I have the opportunity there and I can do what I want as no one is around me to see.....sad but true...I have ruuined many a night in that. Everythime I tell myself that I will hate myself after and its not worth it, but then the urge overcomes me and I find myself staring into the fridge wondering what I can stuff my face with.....

There's got to be more to life!


Becs
x

Hi Becs

I had a really good experience today. For a few days, I've been using a little bit of Stevia powder, and not thinking it matched up to sugar (it's a bit liquoricy). Today we had friends over to lunch, and my lovely partner made a fabulous strawberry low-carb cheesecake, using pure Stevia powder instead of sugar, and ground nuts for the base.

Although we need to work on the quantities (it wasn't quite sweet enough), it was delicious. Afterwards though, I thought I'd have one of the chocolate truffles a naughty guest brought us. It was a good quality Belgian one, but it tasted horrible. Much too sweet, in fact so unpleasant that I thought 'I'm not even going to bother swallowing this' and spat it out in the bathroom. What a huge relief, as if I'd liked it I could have been heading for a binge. Then I brushed my teeth, smiled at myself, and am now sitting here with that unpleasant, sour sugar-aftertaste in my mouth, realising that stevia doesn't give that aftertaste.

I'm really thrilled to have found a natural alternative sweetener with no cals or carbs - whatever diet one is on, that's got to be a good thing! Scary that this isn't widely available and marketed - why did I have to reach 40 before knowing about it?

Have you tried it?

Congratulations on the week of being good. Me too (unless spitting out a chocolate counts).

Have you read Anthony Colpo's article 'Calories do count, baby'? He says low carb is great for many reasons, and helps lower appetite and make any weight-loss actual fat-loss, but it's not magic, one still has to expend more calories than consumed (actually, I think that's slightly wrong, it should be expend more calories than digested and available to the system, as for instance protein isn't fully available). Not much comfort to the compulsive overeater, though, is it?

What I'm concluding for myself is that I should use low-carb as one tool for eating sensibly and maintaining weight, but that if a reasonably low-carb level (nowhere near as low as Atkins induction) is achieving the appetite-curbing I need, there is no need to go super-low.

Net carbs are a great concept, do you use it? I've been listing the net carbs for my favourite veges and fruits in an Excel sheet, and am pleased to find that many do contain a lot of fibre, i.e. have low net carbs.

I've been looking at Mercola on protein quantities required, and have decided to try for about 100g a day, because a I do aerobic exercise daily and a bit of weightlifting. 100g is actually a lot compared to what I would currently have, probably about a third more. So hopefully having that much will help suppress appetite, and since converting it to glucose would apparently be inefficient, hopefully not too much of it will end up as blood sugar and more will become muscle.

Good luck with that specialist visit, I hope your needs can be properly clarified.

Hi Lilith,

Wow your partner sounds great!!! Thats such a good idea though, could you / he send me the recipe?

I don't think I can get Stevia over here...the lowest crab sweetner I can get is Hermesetas, and thats about 0.25 per teaspoon....and the teaspoons add up....not good. I might go on the net and see if I can order some, depending on cost as low carb 'anything' seems ot be really expensive...and most of the time a bit of a rip off.

Truffles....uuggghhhh!!! Thye are sweet aren't they...nasty stuff. I only ever liked Cadburys chocs over here...they are to die for...if only they would bring out a low carb version. Nestle did low carb ones for a while but I think they've been taken off the market as you just can't find them any more and they were triple the price of the others. Well done about avoiding that binge though - bet you feel great! I always feel like I have achieved something when a binge can be avoided...although for the most time this past month I have given in but feel a lot better now back on low carb. What do you normally eat to get rid of that sweet craving?

I haven't read that article but will do now. I think calories do count, they have to really. If you gorged all day on fatty meat, butter and cream and did no exercise I can't see the weight dropping off, no matter how low carb you went.

Net carbs are pretty good, and I do tend to use them. I do like sgarfree sweets though they are packed with nasty stuff, net carbs are low on them but the 'whole' carbs are a lot. Thye tend to give me a real bad stomach though so can only have a few at a time.

I keep an Excel spreadsheet too, it logs what I eat everyday, and whats in the foods basically....I have done it for ages now...and if the specialist needs any more eveidence that I eat healthily they only need to see that to believe it!

Thanks I really do help the specialist can help me out. How many cals a day do you think yuo have aprox??

Becs