My life-long weight struggle is similar to a lot of folks. Raised with lots and lots of carbs, forced to clean my plate, all my pains and worries soothed with sweets. And at the same time being told by overweight parents that I was susceptible to being fat and that I shouldn't eat so much!

At age 12, I went on my first diet after being called a "baby swimming pool" by a boy I had the hots for. My mother knew about low carb way back then, and allotted me 60 carb grams per day. I remember that I was allowed to have one piece of bread, one glass of milk, and one fruit for my carb quota.

I lost all my excess weight at age 12, but proceeded to get fat again in my mid 20s after I got married. Then I proceeded to lose and gain and lose and gain several times over the intervening years. I won't go into all those details here. By the time one reaches 58 years of age, that whole cyclical story can be quite lengthy and repetitious!

I wanted to write down the history of my most recent (and last) weight loss. In the early-90s, when I was just a little overweight, I was told I had fibromyalgia, and I became increasingly more inactive over the years. I also started to eat with abandon because I was in such pain and was so angry about it that I just didn't seem to care. I was in pain and increasingly more miserable for 12 years. By the summer of 2005, I weighed 250 lbs.

I remember the exact day when I hit bottom. I was at a pizza place for my granddaughter's birthday and all the family were playing foosball and pinball and kiddie games, etc., while I was sitting in one of the booths watching. My husband took a picture of me. I hated that picture so much that I didn't even keep it. I looked so bloated and heavy and miserable in that picture that I decided right then and there that I didn't care how much I hurt and couldn't exercise, I was still going to get the weight off me.

I went on Atkins induction and quickly began to lose pounds. After a couple of months, I was able to give up my wine (I've been a problem drinker for years) and go into abstinence.

Then in April 2006, I was down to 180 lbs, a fairly decent loss of 70 lbs in about 8 months. My pain was a little less, but I still wasn't able to be active because it just exacerbated the pain. I discovered at that time that my hip joints were deteriorated beyond all hope, that I didn't have fibromyalgia at all, and that I would need two hip replacements, which were completed by July of 2006.

I continued with my low carb and abstinence and my weight dropped down to 173 by the time I was finally able to start walking. And I have been walking ever since! Almost daily. Miles and miles! I love it!! And I still appreciate the fact that I can walk and walk and walk after so many years of immobility.

I began to relax on the low carb somewhat at that time and was trying other WOEs, but overall I was eating semi-low carb, healthfully, and moderately, and I felt a real settling in to my new weight range.

Then, in February 2007, my son died at age 29, and I was seriously reeling. I was a mess. My emotions were in turmoil, everything changed. I was angry and hurt and sad and confused for a very, very long time.

Two months later, in April 2007, I started drinking again after 1-1/2 years of abstinence. My eating was becoming more willy-nilly, and I put on some weight, but not too much. I was holding it around 180. I wasn't drinking too heavily most of the time, but I had my moments that were way over the top.

I went on like this for over two years, struggling to keep my alcohol in control and struggling to keep my weight at or around 180, but it was still creeping a little. In August 2009, I weighed 183, 10 lbs over my lowest weight, and I had another spurt of motivation. This time I went into abstinence again and began eating all raw food -- just fruit, veggies, nuts and seeds. ( Crazy!)

I stayed raw for a total of eight months. I lost 40 lbs. during that time, and weighed 143. Being raw was a trip! I've never had so much energy in my life! It was actually too much energy. I was pretty much bouncing off the walls, and it was kind of making me (and my husband) a little crazy. I never thought I could say that I had too much energy, but that's the way it felt.

It felt very precarious and unstable. I didn't feel grounded or calm inside. I'm such a "head in the clouds" person as it is, and feeling even moreso while on raw foods was a bit much!

Also, I had serious doubts about the sustainability of this WOE for me. I felt like protein or vitamin B12 deficiency were almost inevitable, and the sugar from so much fruit had me thinking there would have to be negative repercussions over time. It started to feel like it would only be a matter of time before a crash-and-burn episode.

So in April of 2010, I stopped the raw food and relaxed, eating vegan at first and then adding meat and everything else back in slowly but surely. I also started drinking wine again (!?), and going overboard on it at times, as always. I was back where I started but I was 40 lbs lighter and determined to keep it that way.

But inevitably, recently, maintenance became a struggle, and I started to get weight creep, with my weight going as high as 146 before I was able to get it heading down again.

Then my sister came for a visit in early July. We talked and talked about everything under the sun, including a lot about our mutual long-term food, addiction, and weight struggles, and had a wonderful time together. During the visit, we both gained a great deal of information, motivation, and plans for action and continuing mutual support.

So I got another boost, and this time it certainly feels permanent. I went back into abstinence (as of July 13th), and came back to low carb on July 21st.

So here I sit, a short time into this new phase, and I feel confident and strong. My weight is at 140, and I'm not sure my body wants to go any lower than that. I'm relaxing into the grounding, centered, non-hungry feeling of being low carb, and really enjoying it.

Why do I ever stray from this balance, this comfortable place of okay-ness!? It's funny, but eating like this feels like "home" to me now. It's like I've come back home.

I am a person who cannot have carbs. The fewer the better. That is just the nature of this beast! And this beast is who I have to live with, accept, love, and nurture. I think I'm finally ready to be impeccable about that!

Love, love...