Hello All
My goodness, I must be the oldest person here.
I'm 66 and I have 153 lbs. to discard.
Being 66 is great, I suppose because I don't feel 66 or act 66. My students (I'm an Art teacher) are shocked at my real age and don't actually believe it . My grandkidds call me 'Cool Grandma'.
I am thrilled to be alive! SSoooo how come I weigh 318? Good question.
I have tried for many years to figure out that answer.....no luck!
Dr. Phil (Oprah show) says, "What are you getting out of being fat?" That just made me angry but still no answer.
Then I am reading along in the previous messages and WHAM!
They made me remember things that I had 'pushed back' in my memory since I was 4 or 5 years old.
Molested as a small child..I was raised to think that sex was 'dirty' and only for marriage. Then that would be my goal, 'save' myself for my husband or never get married. I was molested and nearly date-raped on several occasions. I walked home from many dates. The boys in school had a 'bet' out on who would be first. I soon trusted no one and I began to put on a 'protector' of fat. I was still being approached and was treated as a 'challenge'. I quit dating guys who lived in this area. Put on more weight and met my future husband when I weighed 165. We married 45 years ago and had 3 wonderful kids. I had done it!! I had 'saved myself' for my husband. Why wasn't my life suddenly 'normal' and happy? duh!
My 'memories' haunted me and I became even fatter. Several car wrecks later (none my fault) plus Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis etc., I am having to take so many meds. 11 pills in the am and 11 in the pm. about 99% of them cause weight gain. I've complained to my doctor at the VA
(I'm ex-Navy) and he says "I know."
Now I understand a whole lot more about myself, thanks to your open honesty.
Thank God that I got a wonderful, loving and very patient man who loves me no matter what size I am. "I married you, not your size!" he says. I was blessed with him. After many shaky years we get along wonderfully well now. I still have the sex taboo back in my head but I know it now and I work at 'getting real' and it's slowly but surely getting better.
I will be going between the CAD and Protein Power.
Thanks for having this place for those of us with 100 plus to lose.
Soooo much to think about now.
Myrtih

Hi Myrtih:

I don't know what to say. It sounds like you have survived some horrific scenes. Notice the word survived. I like the phrase "If it doesn't kill you, it makes it stronger". The "bad" things that happen to me, I know make me stronger because I work thru them. You are becoming stronger as you work thru your past.

Welcome to the board, it's a great place to be.

Dee

Hi Idypgmr,
Thanks for the reply. I must have frightened everyone else off!
Didn't mean to do that but this was just such an awaking for me that I had to talk about it somewhere. Sorry!
What a wonderful day today has been.
I m waiting for my tapes about the Atkins diet. I saw them on t.v. and wanted to hear him talk about his diet so that I could sidestep all the stuff that I don't understand in the books! Duh!!
I never seem to catch him on t.v. so the tapes were the next best thing.
I am 'itching' to get on solid with a lc plan but I want to understand Atkins first because so many of you are doing great on that plan. Right now I am leaning toward CAD. I have been on it in the past and had great success with it........naturally I gained it back!
I enjoy this place because there are both men and women. It helps to know how men feel about any subject that we might cover. I am interested in what everyone has to offer. It's great!
Thanks again.
Myrtih

I would encourage you to start a journal...your story is very painful to recall and many will learn from your journey...
Glad to see you checking out the programs...There are differences worth comparing.


Check out the "M" section to start your journal and make sure you read the sticky at the top of that section so all your posts stay together...It also gives us a place to stop by and say Hi, see how your doing and gleen menu ideas. Feel free to visit mine or other journals too.

Keep in mind that the responses are sometimes fast, but can sometimes take a while depending on who is reading, lurking or posting at the same time.

Thank you for sharing your story. Glad you found us.


Bsayne

Bsayne, thank you for your reply.
I can't really start a journal until I find a plan that I will follow and then not until I have started it good and solid...........can I?
Actually, the remembering was a shock and the living it was hell on earth but, now, NOW I feel like I have been set free from all the terrible fears I had of the 'boogie man' and now I can see who (or what) the boogie man really was and it's sad that someone will put another human through something like that, but it's not so overwhelming to me, now, that the 'lights went on'.
I had been seeing the whole thing through the eyes of a 4 or 5 year old. No wonder I was so overwhelmed.
I will be able to take this one day at a time. "If God is for me, who can be against me"?
What a wonderful day today was! Plus I got a permanent! What more could I want!!!!??
I am a stronger person , I am a loving person and I have always enjoyed making people know that they are special.
Thanks again,
Myrtih

Myrtih,

I don't see why not having a plan should stop you from starting a journal. It's a great place to put your thoughts about your low-carb journey as well as listing what you ate, problems, triumphs, and so on. And it's easy to check back on your progress. The wonderful thing about this forum is the way the veteran low-carbers act as mentors, checking your journal and posting encouragement, making suggestions, or checking up if you haven't posted in a while. You can also check out anyone's journal yourself (just click on the journal icon under their post).

CAD is actually a great way to start this way of eating. I lost 30 lb on it five years ago, switching to Atkins after a stall for a total of 50 lb (unfortunately I fell off the wagon and it rolled right over me, but that's another story). In July 2000, when I began again, I started with CAD for a few weeks to ease myself in before switching to Protein Power (which I like because they explain everything--the Hellers are a little too touchy-feely and bossy for me, but that's just my opinion).

It sounds as though you're off to a great start. Low carb works, but it works even better if you understand why or how you gained weight in the first place. It's wonderful when the pounds come off (and you feel good even when they don't), but it's even more wonderful to be able to look your demon in the eye and know you can beat it.

Good luck and keep posting,

Susan

Myrtih,

Thanks for sharing your story. I think deep down, everyone has something that creates the fat protection layer. Sure genetics play a role, as do eating habits and exercise habits. But, that maybe amounts to 30% of becoming fat. The other 70 is your own personal story, the events that formed your emotional state.

I grew up in an alcoholic household, and my Mom was forever putting me on a diet from age 5 on. So what message does that send to a kid???? “Hey you are fat!” So, I can’t ever remember what it was like to not be fat. In my mind I always have been. Now, notice I say, in my mind. Through my teenage years, I was a 20 or 30 pounds over weight. But in my mind, I was a size 30.

Guess what size I finally ended up? 30. I willed myself there. Seriously, I thought I was sooo huge and fat, that it could never get worse, but it always did, and here I sit at 300+ pounds. Mentally, I’ve always felt this fat. It’s a familiar comfort zone for me.

There are a zillion other things that contributed to my weight gain, but poor self esteem and not feeling like I had any control were 2 of the biggest contributors.

The alcoholic household just made a huge amount of tension and not a very fun atmosphere to grow up in. Food was a comfort.

But you know what, it is not comfortable to be embarrassed because you are the biggest person in the room. It is not comfortable to squeeze into a booth at a restaurant. It is not comfortable to have people look at you when you are eating and feel like you owe them an apology or an explanation. I don’t want to feel that way anymore.

I am only 36 years old, I want the next 36 to be healthy and confidant. I’ve spent enough time feeling bad. No matter what has happened in the past, I have control over my future. I can’t change the past, but I can accept it, forgive myself, and move on.

Good luck to you. I think we have found a good place for support, understanding and empathy. I hope we all reach our goals! We deserve to!

I agree with SL

We all have some defensive mechanism that has caused us to be what we are. My story is way too long for here. Just suffice it to say that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of being fat and not being able to do what I want.

I want to be able to walk and dance and move when I am 80. I want to enjoy my life now! I WILL get this xxx$$$%%%%### weight off and I WILL keep it off. Nothing will stop me, including myself.

For the first time in a long time I feel good about myself. I am getting my confidence back. Everyday I grow stronger and I find something I CAN DO, instead of finding something I can no longer do.

I like this WOE. For the first time in my life, food is not front and center. I don't crave sugar and breads. I feel in control of my eating. I tell people that for the first time in my life I eat to live instead of living to eat! That is quite a change.

People around me have noticed the change. I have a candy dish in my office. The stupid thing doesn't talk to me anymore. I have candy I bought at Christmas that is still in the dish! and I bought more after Valentines (candy sell ya know) for my team mates to eat. I visited my parents a couple of weeks ago. They live 130 miles away. Mom did her typical cooking, brownies, cookies, and all the other food she knows I love. She just knew I couldn't stay on my diet! Her and dad were shocked when I went the whole weekend and didn't eat any of the stuff.

I am starting to LOVE me and it feels good. Does this mean I won't back slid? Probably not, however it gives me tons of momentum to move forward.

Dee

Dee, thanks for the wonderful words of inspiration. I feel stronger just reading your post.

I'm with you, and will be with you all the way to the finish line. We can feel good together!

Thanks,

Gator

p.s. I'll have to give up fishing for a couple of days. It has been 60-70 degrees all winter, but tomorrow night and Wednesday night, it is supposed to be record cold of 20-25 degrees. Time to stoke up the Fireplace!

These posts are very inspirational. The brain is an amazing thing, it has the power to push hurtful memories right to the back until we are ready to deal with them. So many people on these posts have shared similar experiences, whether it was in the form of physical or mental abuse or fear of being hurt, but we all have abused ourselves by stacking on the weight and using it as our security blanket. I HATE being overweight, yet for so many years I was my worst enemy. I had been on every diet imaginable and within a couple of months, at the first sign of a plateau cheated. It was like someone else would take control for that time, I used to sneak food out of the cupboards and stuff it in my mouth before my husband or kids caught me and feel good that I had gotten away with it... I even ate things I didn't like. Weird, but the guilt and feelings of hopelessness and failure always followed.

For me, this WOE is SO far superior to anything I have even been on. I now realise that I was a total carbohydrate addict and an absolute chocoholic but I no longer have the overwhelming cravings. The minute a new chocolate bar or ice cream was advertised it used to play on my mind until I gave in and bought one, and of course one always lead to more. But now, I can look at chocolate and simply pass it by. It is such a powerful feeling to be in total control, and of course losing weight is the bonus. I'd like to wake up tomorrow and find that I'm at goal weight but I know that won't happen, it took me years to stack this weight on, so I have to be patient with it coming off. The main thing is instead of constantly yo-yo dieting and losing a few pounds and gaining more, I am easing my body into a life long way of eating and really enjoying it while losing weight at the same time.

Maz

What great post. Mirtih, have you started that journal yet? I found that just putting my thoughts down each day helps me progress. I have lost a solid 20 pounds and even though it is not fast it is gone forever. I could not have done it without the support of others and a place to put my thoughts, especially on the discouraging days. Even if no one reads my journal I at least get my thoughts out there.

Good luck to you and I will look for your journal. Susan

Wow! What a great thread. Myrtih, I enjoyed reading your post and am cheering you on. You are an Art teacher? I'm an artist as well. And I live in Northern Ca. too. Howdy neighbor!

I think it's good to look back and see what emotional triggers lead to our weight gain. But I think it has been liberating to me to learn that it is also based on the physical---hyperinsulinism. When we eat too many carbs, we store the fat. For so many years I felt guilty that I couldn't control my weight.I felt like an absolute failure. Even being spiritually minded, I felt like this was one area I couldn't find victory in. But lo and behold, I didn't have the right information. Once I read Dana Carpender's book, the light went on and I thought, "Oh, so that's my problem!" Now I am on the road to recovery! I am going to recover the person I used to be before I had all this extra baggage. I want to go hiking and biking and swimming and just be an all around fun person to be with. Being so overweight has made me feel handicapped and that is changing!!! So, reflection is good...and we all learn from our past, but knowing what I know now....I feel like it wasn't all my fault. I had a medical condition that no doctor ever understood. They just thought I must be a pig and I should lower my calorie intake. Well, they were WRONG!!! And I am proving it with every pound that comes off. I haven't been starving myself and I am slimming down. So there! Victoria

I have decided on the diet I will commit to and I agree that it is time to start my Journal. Wish me luck!
Myrtih

Absolutely we will cheer you on. Great job on taking the first step and deciding on a way of eating. Will look for your journal soon. Susan

Hi Everyone!

I just wanted to post a reply to you all! I have not started a journal yet either, but it really is a great idea. I also registered at fitday.com and it is a great place to visually keep track of your eating and nutrition as well as excersice. My problem is I am terribly random and don't keep up with the journals

Myrtih, I wanted to let you know that my mom, 70 s started lowcarbing and although she doesn't have much weight to lose she just feels so much better. She has a cholestral problem though and she is beginning to understand that it is the sugar and insulin that is causing the high cholestral.

She has the similiar issues about sex and managed to pass them on to me, but I came of age in the late seventies before AIDStimes were different but it did not mean there wasn't a lot of guilt!!!

Now I like to watch Dr Phil too! But he is a bit narrow minded I think. I really like Gary Zukof and have read his book, how about all you? I just wish my husband would!

Victoria, what you are saying is really the truth. It is our chemistry and fnding that out has changed my thinking and hopefully my life. Mind you I lost 40lbs several years ago I was not a yoyo dieter, but when I hit 162lbs I actually recall saying to myself...So whatcha gonna do now? I was concerned about the attention I would be getting. Now this time I have read, Potatoes Not Prozac and it has been very enlightening as far as our brain chemistry and making desions etc.
Hope I am not getting too long here but I LOVE the STORY PEOPLE TOO so much that six years ago on a trip to Reno with my mom. Just months after my father died we stumbled across Brian Andrea's Storypeople. Well we laughed and we cried and I ended up buying each of his books at the time and boy three soft cover books (being Canadian ) cost me about eighty bucks but they were absolutely worth it. I thumb through them all the time. Honest they really helped me wit the loss of my Dad at the time! Then I found his site way back and I was thrilled, but you have reminded me to take a look again. P.S. I leave for Reno again tomorrow with Mom and we hope to be enjoying the buffets, meat only Thanks!!! Sorry about the spelling, I typed away thinking I could use the spell check but it won't work