Hi all!

I have recently been under Investigation for possible PCOS (and a scan results since are highly suggestive of this, but not seen the doc again yet).

In any case it would fit with a lot of things like excess/coarse facial and other hair, also midriff fat distribution and the difficulty I have always found with weight loss. FOrtunately I had started LCing long before I ever thought about PCOS etc, and feel tons better for it.

Now, the question, I have little or no maternal instincts, ie no wish to have children and never really have. Fortunately my DH is much the same and we have talked about this extensively well before this business of PCOS. Has anyone with PCOS noticed this, and I do know there are a lot of women here who are ttc and this is no way intended to offend anyone, just curious about myself. You see I have always had a lot of criticism from girl friends for not wanting children who told me I could not be normal PEople just don't know how hurtful they can be.

Chebbles,

I, too, have no desire to have children. I don't know if it's part of PCOS (doctor never mentioned that) and I've been on plenty of PCOS boards with many mothers and women ttc.

I played with dolls when I was little, but upon puberty, when all the other girls said they couldn't wait to get married and have families, I didn't even want the married part! I cried when my last single aunt married because I thought she had it all (single, career woman) ....I was 14, what did I know?

When I met DH, he was so happy I had no desire to have kids too. We're too wrapped up in our lives right now, I couldn't imagine having a child now. It may be something I regret someday, but it is our choice, ultimately.

I know what you mean about people thinking there's something wrong with you though. I met a girl yesterday, literally *met* her yesterday--she's new at work--and she asked when I was going to have a kid! To these people, I really want to *use* my PCOS and tell them that I have a problem conceiving...it would really put them in their place....I just haven't had the nerve to say it yet!

But, DH and I always said if we did manage to get pregnant, we would love the child, it would just take some getting used to! We just moved into a new home, and there's NO room for a baby now....I'll stick with the bc for now!

Wow Kath310,

Thanks for replying and reassuring me, I feel the same way about it all, down to DH and myself agreeing that should I get pregnant that it would be a good thing and we would love the child and provide everything, just as you say though very wrapped up in stuff and certainly not planning a bub.

It's funny, when I was growing up I was a bit of a tomboy and never really thought about kids either way, now that I'm older I'm much more feminine (and I am constantly surprised by this for some reason??!!), but totally not into children, and not broody.

In any case when I was a kid I used to think other girls were wierd for talking about growing up and having kids (when they were only kids themselves) and they would even bring it into conversation like 'WHEN I have kids' and this was a totally foreign concept to me. THis despite being indian and having three siblings and literally hundreds of cousins...in fact I'm sure even my mother thinks there is something very wrong in my marriage as we have not had children despite being married five years. Hmmm. Glad there are folk out there like me too, get so tired sometimes of defending myself....or worse still people feeling sorry for me!!

Its not even a women's lib/ free choice thing. Just dont have the urge. Thanks again for listening and sharing

You know what, neither do I. I was diagnosed with PCOS about 2 years ago, and have not had TOM for the past year or so (was always irregular, but unusually - usually it's the opposite - since starting LC I've stopped altogether) but to be honest I don't know a great deal about it... I have been in a major stall for almost 8 months now though, so was wondering whether PCOS could be the cause??
What would the link be do you think beween lack of maternal instincts and LC-ing...

My maternal instincts are much less pronounced than in the general female population. I do think this may have some correlation between PCOS and insulin resistance, though probably not a direct effect (in other words, PCOS doesn't cause the less feminine behavior, but insulin resistance somehow causes both).

This is all just theory, but I would think one possible link to examine between PCOS and "tomboyish" behavior/feelings (i.e. lack of nurturing instinct) might be insulin resistance/gestational diabetes in the pregnant mother. The hormones and health of a pregnant mother affects her child in the same way as herself; a mother with uncontrolled insulin resistance/gestational diabetes might cause insulin resistance in her unborn child (and indeed, there has been links showing that being the child of a poorly controlled diabetic is an independent risk factor for future diabetes/obesity). Studies have also shown that relatively higher testosterone levels in mothers who were pregnant with girls resulted in their future children being more tomboyish in behavior.

So, it is very possible that the link is with the mothers. Poorly controlled PCOS/insulin resistance in an expecting mother could definitely be a contributing factor to both future PCOS/insulin resistance as well as less feminine polarized behavioral instincts in her daughters. These hormonal imbalances cause irreversible physiological changes to the developing brain (resulting in the less feminine polarized behavior), as well as insulin receptor sites (resulting in an impaired metabolism, and the pcos itself).

Like I said, it is just a theory I have though, however I have noticed on a personal level quite a strong link between the health/weight of mothers during pregnancy, and tendency for children (daughters especially) to have insulin-related problems after birth. This is true of daughters especially, since even slight fluctuations in testosterone can have a profound impact on the developing female fetus.

My own family is a perfect example.

My mother was bordering on morbidly obese when she was pregnant with all her children, and the whole time ate a poor (very carbohydrate heavy) diet. Don't get me wrong, she minded toxins like alcohol and caffeine, but she had no idea at the time that sugar could be a toxin to the body too. Of 4 children - 3 girls and 1 boy - all 3 girls struggle with weight control, and unless mindful about diet they incline naturally towards moderate to severe obesity. Two daughters definitely have PCOS, as they exhibit all hallmark symptoms that abate in response to controlled carbohydrate intake. All three daughters are relatively more "tomboyish" than the general age-appropriate female population.

Wow, what an interesting question! I've been "officially" diagnosed with PCOS for about 5 years, but diagnosed myself years earlier after reading about it.

I've always had incredibley strong maternal instincts, ever since I was a little girl. All I ever wanted to be was a mother, and the infertility I experienced was really difficult for me to deal with. We tried fertility for 3 years with no luck. Boy, those were dark days for me. The decision to adopt came easily to both my husband and me, and we brought home a beautiful one month old baby boy. He's now 2 1/2, and I can't wait to adopt another. I'm going back to school so we'll wait till I'm finished, but I can hardly wait. Since we're getting up there in age, we're planning to adopt an older child next time, rather than an infant.

I'm looking forward to reading other responses to your question - thanks for raising such an great topic for discussion!
Franny

Tessbook,

You bring up an interesting sidenote to my original post (without knowing it!)....Although I don't want to have my own children, I've said for years that if I found myself with the maternal urge, I would adopt! And when I said "years", I mean YEARS. High school age! (So, that would be at least 15 years ago <<sigh>>)

I've kinda put it out of my mind because after meeting DH, kids were not part of the equation any more....but when I see "high-profile" adoptions (Rosie O'Donnell, Angelina Jolie, Jamie Lee Curtis...), I get such a rush about it again.

Weird thing....I am a HUGE "Friends" fan....always said I wanted a guy like Chandler...well, DH is pretty darn close! We even happened to plan our wedding the same time as Monica & Chandler (totally coincidental, honest!). Now that they're going thru adoption on the show, it makes me revisit those thoughts again. Of course, I posted before, we just got a new house (small) and there's no room for baby right now....maybe in a few years. But, if it doesn't happen, 'tis ok too.

Congrats on your adoption success. I know for some it's a long and hard road!

Hi Kath,
Thanks for the really sweet note (and btw, congratulations on your weight loss so far - good stats!) Adoption definitely isn't for everyone, but for us it was just perfect. When (and if) the time is right, you'll know it!

It's funny that you said you'd adopt for years, because so did I! I was 10 when I first told my mother that I was going to adopt a little girl from Korea. Ok, we got a boy from RI, but you get the idea...

If you ever do decide it's right for you, feel free to use me as a source of info for any questions you might have. I'm not an expert, by any means, but you do learn a lot about the process when you go through it. Take care!

tessbook,

thank you so much (for your compliment, but especially for the offer for adoption info)!!! I'm so glad the process went well for you!!

Funny, my friends used to say "I can't wait to be pregnant" and I would say "The only thing I'll be carrying for nine months is a pen...to sign the adoption papers" I know it's a lame joke, but I remember telling people that when I was in the 10th grade! Crazy!

Lol - that's a good one! I had really hoped to have one biological child and then adopt 1 or 2 more. But, God had other plans. I used to be terrified of any medical procedures, and just going for my yearly checkup was a nightmare for me. Well, 3 years of fertility got me over that! I once told my doctor that I had gotten so used to spreading my legs whenever I saw a white coat that I had scared the milkman. I swear, I had more intimacy going on with their medical equipment than I did with my husband! Anyway, all's well that ends well.
Take care!

I also never wanted children. I love my nieces and nephews very much. But that "nesting" instinct never hit me.

Interesting question. I'm sure some of it could be hormone imbalance, and maybe some of it is concerns about being a parent. Maybe you are not ready to be a parent yet either. I don't think maternal instinct is necessarily there or not.
As to another point brought up, I have had gestational diabetes with all of my pregnancies, I have a very strong maternal instinct and wanted a lot of babies. My daughter is definitely not a tomboy. She is quiet and actually doesn't like to move. That concerns me for her developing PCOS, I'm trying to get her to low carb and think about what she eats. My son is a normal active boy. So I very much doubt PCOS has anything to do with children being Tomboys. I also think the link with obesity is the fact that in general we have not trained our children to eat well. My parents tried but we were still very high carb, thus I suffer with PCOS, altough my started very young, where as my sisters it seemed to show up later. Parents eating habits are passed on to children and that is probably more the problem than the disease itself, that includes mothers that are gestational diabetic.(you could also include mothers that are type one diabetic that do not control their own eating patterns well.)
Tanya

Before puberty, I always said i wanted a lot of children. After i hit puberty and even more so now i have no desire to have children. I even find other peoples badly behaved children very annoying. Maybe it's the behavior, maybe i'm not maternal i just don't know.

However, something equally strange is that even though i don't want children of my own, I seem to be a kid magnet!

All my friends children just love me for some reason and i've even had total strangers children come up to me and hug me for no reason. I doesn't seem to matter, two year olds or 10 year olds, they seem to see something in me that they respond to. I find it very confusing myself because i make no effort to be especially kind or accomodating to these children.

Even my sister and her husband have commented on this because they have personally witnessed events described as above on numerous occasions. They usually say" What is it about you, that kids just love you? You don't even really like kids!!!"


It's a complete mystery to me too!


Deb

Perhaps it is just that kids recognize people that are "real". I don't like badly behaved children either, sometimes kids are kids, so that needs to be remembered, but I go more nuts with parents that seem to be oblivious to childrens behavior.
Taking care of kids is hard work. I think you recognize that, and the fact is we can't take care of others unless we take care of ourselves. I think you like kids more than you give yourself credit for. In the meantime enjoy those hugs from those children, it is a gift to have others want to give to you. Count that as a great blessing. Smile, hug back, and send them back to the parents.
Also as a parent it is easier to love your own children, and tolerate behavior than I do with others. That is natural, and maternal. Maternal instinct is to not necessarily feel that for every child wandering around.
I had a friend that didn't want children for several years, and she has one son and is very happy that way. Give yourself time, never say never, and don't think yourself weird. Don't let other's try to convince you that you should be a parent if you don't feel ready. I just don't think it is the PCOS talking, there are many women who feel that way and don't have the condition, and many with PCOS who have great desire to be mothers.
Just my 2cents.
Tanya

I don't have much of a maternal instinct. In fact, even the idea of potentially getting pregnant disturbs me greatly. But I went to a PCOS conference in Atlanta in October and it seemed like every woman there just wanted kids. The only reason any of these women were diagnosed with PCOS was because they couldn't get pregnant.