I'm really trying to work on forgiving myself for my "failures" as it relates to my weight loss. Those confession booth-worthy slip-ups are only part of the story. I'm talking about the self-talk that tells me I'm a failure in general.

Dr Phil has been a great resource for combatting the negative self talk, but I really feel like some of it is just "stuck". The lecturing little voice that says I'll never get there anyway, so why even bother trying anymore?

The harshest lectures come from within, but given recent turns of conversation, I'd like to create a little lecture-free zone where people can just let go and talk about their issues without being finger-wagged or cheerleadered to death, please.

Anyone else have a problem with beating yourself up over every mistake, food-related or not? I know you're out there....

Every single thing your saying I can relate to. Nobody is harder on me than me, and it gets sooo old. Besides just losing weight, it has been one of my big challenges to take it easy on myself. I try and stick to what I need to do, but if I screw up it really isn't the end of the world. I'm like this about a lot of things though. Cleaning the house, my appearance, my attitude about things. I'm never good enough for myself. I was cheat free 6 days as of yesterday. Then today I decided I could eat what I want. I had McDonalds for lunch, and honestly, I'm ok with that. I believe it had a lot to do with not obsessing with it all day. Should I cheat? Should I not? But I'll be fat forever. Blah, blah, blah Know your not alone, and I"ll be back to this thread when I start doing that to myself again.. Maybe we can all talk each other out of it. Happy New Year!! Oh, and my resolution has nothing to do with weight or eating, the only thing I resolve is to be nicer and more forgiving of myself!!

It's taken a long time to get to the point where a slip doesn't equal a blowout. I could heap on the guilt until I felt so bad about making a bad choice, that I just gave up.

It must be nice to be one of thos mythical perfect people... but I've never seen one in captivity.

I'm with you gals on this one. Depending on the day will depend on how I react to my slip ups. Today is a good day.....the last few not so much. Perfection is a nasty word, but sadly I try to live up to it and because I can't live up to it, alot of times I feel like a failure.......it's alot of baggage to carry along with all of the other baggage I have. I'm slowly learning......very very slowly.

Thanks for posting this PF.....it couldn't have come at a better time for me.

Perfection ought to be considered a cussword.

My problem lately has been emotional eating... which makes NO sense because I know eating well will make me feel better... but sometimes I see it as a chicken-and-the-egg trap. Making better choices is easier when I'm feeling better about myself... but I can't feel good about myself when I'm eating crap... Does that make sense to anybody else?

I agree.....from now on, it's a 4 letter word

It totally makes sense. For me it's a food addiction....an ultimate high.....followed by the ultimate low of guilt and self-hatred for giving into it. I know it's wrong, but I still make the choice expecting some euphoric high that will make everything ok......it's an ugly circle.

I wonder sometimes if it's not a way to try to punish myself WHILE trying to comfort myself?

Okay, now my brain hurts.

I like this. I never really thought about that before. Punishment & comfort all rolled into one...Hmm, do I deserve success, happiness & all the good goes along with it? Self-sabotage, punnishing ourselves with the very thing we are trying to avoid. It's troublesome how something such as food can create such joy & agony all at once.

I think you are onto something here PF......it's kind of like an A-HA! moment. I've always been good at sabatoging myself, but never really thought about the comfort I was getting at the same time. Things that make you go.......hmmmmmmmmmmm.

I'm making a big effort to lose weight, but I've decided to make an even bigger effort to love myself. I'm finding the love has to come first for me. Not that I'm abandoning weight loss, its just not my MAIN focuse. Its all part of a process now.

Yup - I go through phases like this. Second-guessing myself, beating myself up for every little thing.

I call it (that negative, self-blaming voice) "the person living in my head who hates me".

I don't know exactly where it came from, probably a combination of things, and I do have to try hard sometimes to say, "No, I don't believe that" or whatever.

I once told my husband about this "person in my head who hates me" idea and now whenever I am particularly hard on myself, he'll pipe up and say, "Sara, that sounds like you're listening to the person who hates you"

Weird eh?

A therapist once asked, "Who's voice is that? It's not yours."

That was interesting, because when she asked, "Now whose voice is that? Who'd say such things?" - it would turn out to be voices from the past - old hurtful things that I'd somehow internalized.

I did find it helpful - the concept that this 'voice' wasn't really me, but rather, me taking up the slack for those who I'd long since left behind. A rotten ex-boyfriend, a verbally abusive stepfather or what have you. Somewhere along the line, I started believing these things, and at some point, it really did become my own voice telling myself how bad I was.

And yet - these are really old influences, they aren't real, but are just memories. Or perhaps they are unresolved issues that want to keep coming up until I can make peace with them.

Know what's fun? Being able to say, "Yeah, yeah, yeah..whatever" when I start heaping blame, shame and criticism upon myself.

Makes me feel good.

Or mentally saying, "Yeah...so?" or "That was so five minutes ago" or "I'm human, and I mess up all the time...so what?"

Maybe I can't quite get myself to believe all the lovey-dovey stuff, and the 'build your self esteem stuff', but I can say..."yeah, yeah, yeah...whatever".

Mainly just wanted to pop in here and say, "yup, me too" rather than start going on about things, but there you have it.

I'm glad you didn't leave it at "Yup, me too." You had some really interesting things to share. A lot of it rings true for me as well, and it's given me more to think about.

My poor brain... <sigh>

I often have a hard time with the lovey dovey stuff too But my idea of loving myself is probly different from what a lot of people picture. Telling that little a$$hole in my head to get bent is a big part of loving myself And it often gives me a giggle in the process

I know what you mean about the 'poor brain' thing too...sometimes we start processing things and there's so much to think about, that we need to just give ourselves the time and space to figure it out. I think it's good to question these things, but bad to expect ourselves to resolve everything all at once.

Question yes...demand resolution instantly...no.

I think that when we start looking into things, we sometimes get this little glimmer of hope and excitement, that we then rush to 'fix it' as quickly as possible. At least, this is how I am.

What I've found though is that the 'aha' moment I might have today, is something entirely different than the 'aha' moment I might have next week. But, if I hadn't been open to the idea of what 'popped up' this week, I'd never have arrived at next week's 'aha' thing, whatever it might be.

Wanna hear something really weird? A good friend of mine, a journal buddy (JenB) I met here on these forums, talked to me about the idea that perhaps there isn't any requirement for forgiveness at all.

The funny part of it? I was criticizing myself for not being able to forgive fast enough - long story, but I was *trying* really hard to forgive something in time for some event...and I couldn't get myself there.

The idea that we don't need to forgive?

Radical?

Yes.

The idea behind it?

If we don't have some kind of expectation of how things should be, then there's nothing to forgive is there? I keep trying to wrap my brain around it (yup, the old 'brain hurt' thing again), and yet, I know there's something to this idea.

I mean, if we didn't put these tall expectations upon ourselves, then there'd be nothing to forgive would there?

Maybe we're allowed to be human after all.

Wow what a great thread! I have been having a hard time for months and months. I got stuck in a five pound circle and I have gone from one rational to the next.
What do I want?
Am I afraid of something?
Or am I just lazy?
I do not want to go on hovering at this barely acceptable size. But I don't seem to be able to jump start myself.
You all have such great things posted on here and it has really helped me as I start looking at "things" again and try to get my head together for the New Year. How cliche'... I really want to start 07 the right way.
I look forward to reading this thread again... and hopeful you will keep up the great train of thought!

This week I indulged in emotional overeating (the first since I started this woe) and I realized that I haven't changed - I was just eating lc instead of hc foods. I am still using food to deal with stress (extreme stress at work). Grateful that I didn't give in to the carbs...but the way I deal with life/food has remained unchanged....this really bothers me....I thought it would get better with time...it may never...sorry for rambling on. I got a handle on it the past 3 days....but the realization is still with me....I am still the same.....denise