I periodically read the threads here, and can so relate to what many of you are writing. LC’ing has ended years of problems for me, and I hope that those of you who are struggling are able to find a solution that works for you.

I wanted to bring this up here rather than the parenting board, because I wanted input from people who consider themselves addicted to high carb food (as I was for almost 20 years).

Do any of you think there is anything your parents did that contributed to your issues with food? I have a 4 year old daughter who is already overweight and I am worried about doing things that could make it harder for her as she grows up.

My husband and I grew up in families with opposite (but probably equally harmful) ideas about food. His family offers junk food whenever my kids hurt themselves & seem to express love through baked goods. My family on the other hand gave the message that sweets were forbidden fruit, and it was necessary to do whatever it took to be thin (even if it involved unhealthy behavior). I had bulimia from my teens until the year before I became pregnant with my first child. I then gained weight & decided to just accept myself the way I was. Now that I’ve gone back to a lower body weight through LC’ing, however, I’m worried that my family’s attitudes will start to creep into my parenting. I’m also having a hard time figuring out what the ideal approach is with a daughter who is overweight.

I don’t actually blame my parents for what happened with me; it was my fault the bulimia started & then it became a physiological addiction imo. I just think the attitudes that I grew up with probably enforced the behavior.

My daughter likely became overweight because (along with genetics being against her), we used to have a lot of high carb food in the house & she developed a taste for it. I have made some changes – we no longer do fast food, but we still have carbs in the house & occasionally cookies, because dh is not LC’ing. I have tried to subtly change her diet and get her eating more protein, but she’s an extremely picky eater, and eats primarily carbs and dairy, and although she’s only 4, she appears to binge on these things.

This is an emotional topic, but are any of you open to giving me some guidance? Is it helpful or harmful to say no, and offer something else when dd wants to eat 4 pieces of toast and jam at a sitting? I’ve taught her about why we need a variety of food (explaining about vitamins etc), and haven’t made a big deal about her eating thus far. My plan was to just make healthy meals and never force her to eat anything she didn’t want. When we visit other people and they have dessert, the other kids seem to leave it after a few bites, but dd will eat all of it & ask if she can finish someone else’s. I don’t usually say no directly; I just suggest that the other kids are waiting for her and see if I can interest her in what they are doing. Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn't.

Thanks for any suggestions.

Hi!

First off, I applaud you for thinking about this. All I can say is that you should approach your daughter's diet, her need to lose weight (if she does have a need to lose weight) and her eating patterns with NO SHAME.

I know that my parents cared about me a great deal and their desire for me to lose weight as a child was really only out of love, but they approached the topic with so much shame that I quickly came to believe that my being pudgy made me "bad." I was humiliated by it and learned how to hide my eating and my weight problems rather than deal with the shame. Being thin people themsleves, they had no way of knowing how to help me, but I wish that they had just approached it like any other problem. The emotional weight that they attached to it was more than I could handle. I wish they would have made it clear that they wanted me to lose weight for my health...not for reasons of vanity--which was the impression I would get.
Also, if I ever came home crying because someone called me fat at school, they would certainly comfort me, but they would immediately ask "well, why don't you try and lose weight?"

In hindsight I ask myself, "why the heck didn't they say that is was wrong for those kids to pick on me? Why didn't they tell me that I was beautfiul and LATER maybe bring up the weight in another way? Why did they just accept that it was ok for people to mock me because I didnt look just like them?" I mean the health situation is another issue--and it is certainly valid.

It's certainly a sticky issue, but remember this....the kids will read the shame in your eyes and they will know if this is an "emotional" issue rather than a health one. ...

I hope that helps. Good luck.

I got the "clean your plate, young lady" line from a very early age. I attribute my inability to feel full to that; blew right past my own sensors. However, today I do know that carbs played a role--as long as that insulin's pouring out, I CAN'T feel full. Expect that I probably had a "normal" carb mechanism early on; sounds like your daughter's already crossed the line. She may not "feel full" if her blood sugar's plunging in response to an insulin rush.

I don't have children; can't say much more than that. One of my nieces is MASSIVELY over-reactive; something's going on in her 3-yo head. I wonder if it's diet-related although in my brief exposure to her, I can't see it.

For me, life might have been different if I had been able to / encouraged to feel real feelings. It was pretty clear that some / most / all emotional states were forbidden; I figured out that food would keep them locked up. I am grateful today that food worked for me; other kids in similar situations blew right on past doughnuts and went straight to alcohol and heroin.

Good luck.

I was an overweight child and saw " plum can't eat sweets, she's too fat " as criticism. Never allowed sweets as a kid. It was done with love and the best of intentions...but.

My "dieting" started when I was about 9, and doctor-supervised at 11. I do feel, if I had been left alone without these restrictions, life would have been easier. I would have naturally lost my puppy fat. Instead,Food became dangerous. By the time I was 18 I was at WW and then the real weight issues started !

My children have inherited their fathers physique thank goodness. But, still, I never want food to become an issue for them. DD and DD have one carby evening snack a day and nothing is restricted.. anything, and I always have nuts/ and a healthy snackbox for them to help themselves anytimeof day. To my surprise, because nothing is off limits, they are self regulating....when they were very young I would go as far as to say, eat the protein first, then you can have the doughnut..... then they will just take one doughnut instead of two , as they are satisfied. They have no idea food can be problematical Im so proud of that. I hope you can be reassured thet a mum with foodie issues can produce two well-balanced kids

My opinion with your DD is that she has a lot of growing to do, you already did the right thing by cutting out the junk, she'll be fine, specially if shes starting school soon, her physical activity may well increase. I bet it works out fine by itself. I think its fine for you to give her occasional cookies/sweets as part of a meal.

if in the future, you are still worried I have read Sugarbusters book and I know if I had a kid with weight problems I would read their Sugarbusters for Kids. It seems so balanced.

good luck to you and your family

Hi Megan,
I'm not a parent but I can give you my own perspective. I grew up with a mother who had a very negative image of herself and her body (she said as much to me when she visited this summer) so she was always on some diet. Unfortunately I matured in the 80's when low-fat diets were just beginning be the rage. My mom took me to Weight Watchers when I was 14 and since then I have been on and off diets. I would go on, losing some weight, then get sick of it and gorge (I'm a compulsive eater) and gain weight again. I know it comes from her always searching for some new diet.

And ironically, it was her search that brought me to Atkins! She was the one who introduced me to it in 2002 although she only stayed on it for a week because the 80's spiel of high-fat evils is so ingrained on her. But I stuck with it (on and off) and now I'm back on for good. In fact, I'm trying to get my dad on it because of health reasons (his blood pressure is starting to get very high).

That's just my end of it (as a daughter :-) ) I can say, working in the mental health field (or studying to ) that food issues, especially for women, are very very complicated and more than just a matter of what you were taught to eat and not eat at home.

Tam

Well, this is a sensitive subject for me since I fell like I have let my daughter down. At 13 I was in a size 14-16 and was never told I was overweight by my Mom. I was allowed to make my own decisions and she hoped I made the right ones. Well, at 17 I got pregnant and gained 100 pounds. It has been a battle ever since.

As my daughter grew, I noticed her weight coming on around age 9 or so. I didn't do anything. I was afraid if I restricted her or "made" her eat right (which at the time was WW style) I would ruin her self esteem and hurt her feelings.
Now shes 13 and my Mom just took her shopping at guess where? Lane Giant. Size 18's. She is a junk food junkie and loves candy and soda. Well, her and I have been talking and she is now trying to make healthier low carb decisions and excercising, but the candy is still a problem.

If I could do it all over, which I can't, and I know this, I would not have allowed her to eat just whatever she wanted. I am the parent. So we now have healthy snacks in the house to choose from and we eat our dinner meals low carb. What she eats at school I can't control, but she tells me that she is eating salads and the meat ( or as we say, "The guts") out of her sandwiches.
I hope I can catch this early enough before she gets too big and has all the problems that come along with it. I want her to have a good life not full of the pain that comes from being too fat.

I wish you luck, it's a rough ride.

Oh wow... this is going to be LONG!!

I don't think what my parents did caused issues with food, but I think it caused issues with them. I am sort of scared of going home at christmas, because every single time I fight with my mother about my weight. Now I have lost weight, and I don't know if she'll notice. If she does, I know she will be overjoyed. But you know what I think? Mum, I am GLAD I was overwieght, I didn't CARE, you did, and I am glad I was becuase now I will never ever forget that my worth to you is related to my size. Now, take me as an example of where you don't want to be with your daughter in 16 years time!!

I don't know your situation, and your daughter is only 4, but I would recommend the following - obviously some of these refer to later in the piece:

* Never, ever, differentiate between your children or your chld and their friends with food - never subtly give one child 'less' icecream etc.

* Keep things in perspective if you think your child is overweight. I have diaries from when I was young. The weight I was at and trying to diet was awful! I read them and get so upset now!! Does your daughter really need to lose weight? How much? How fast?

* Don't buy junk food. My mother has an obsession with 'looking food'. We can't eat it, except in quantities dictated by our relative goodness, but she will buy it for us to 'look at'.

* Don't buy diet food she can't have. 'The fish is for mummies special way of eating!'

*If she doesn't eat it, she won't get a taste for it. Ok - so 4 slices of toasts with jam is relatively bad. But what really bothers me is those kids that eat 'fruit loops' ( don't know if you have those in the US?) etc. I wasn't allowed it ever - and when my housmate bought some I was so amazed that I tried it (before LC). Oh, it was sooo soo so so awful!! Similarly, my mum worked in KFC as a teenager and had the typical aversoin to the stuff - so we never ever had. I have had their chicken pieces once - and it was so disgusting I couldn't eat it! Likewise my mum is allergic to corn so I never had it - I hate corn!! So, she is 4 now and some damage is done. But if you intervene now she may lose the taste for them... just don't be nazi, keeping with the not-differentiating thing she can eat it at someone elses house - but your not buying it!

I agree that if you ban it they'll want it. But on the same note, if you just ban the super-concentraded stuff, it'll be too much.

*Don't change things all at once. Oh, my mum's dumb diets and all of a sudden all the white bread is gone... God I hated us all being so inconvienced... gradually change. If she is eating sugar cereal and you want to end it, you buy a small box of it and a small box of something healthier... when the sugar runs out, well, she'll eat what is there!

* Don't take her grocery shopping with you if you don't have to. She can't ask and here the 'NO' if she isn't there to point.

* Don't use food as a reward.

* You are doing the right thing by committing to low-carbing, and I applaud you. 'Dieting' is bad for your children. I vividly remember a horror 6 months when I was 14 when my mother was on the 'jelly diet' and trying to con me to join her. I remember all my mum's diets and her cons to get me in to them, then she'd go off and regain the weight. But the fights!!! And the fact I learnt so young that it was so utterly hopeless anyway!

*Never link weight to what people think of you. Don't EVER say 'wouldn't you like to look nice for when you start school'? etc.

* Don't point out fat ppl she doesn't want to be like on TV etc.. it may seem to enforce the link between eating and fat, but it really teaches a disrespect for the overweight.. trust me, I see it in my brothers.

* At 4, you can get your daughter into exercise. Take her to the park and kick a ball with her. If you have time, something non-competive like Karate (maybe try GKR if you have it there as its all ages together - and you could do it with her) is good for very young children, and is pretty 'cool'.

* Sugarbusters for kid seems to be a very good diet.

* This is long so I'll stop. I am by no means definitive, just a bitter daughter! I hope some of this is useful!

mb99 your list was super helpful; you should write a book! All of you were very helpful in fact; I've printed out this entire thread. Well, I'm at least feeling like I'm doing some things right so far, but it was a good kick in the pants to see what I need to be aware of for the future. I so wish I'd been aware of LC'ing before she was born.
I may come back with more questions as I go along, but I really appreciate all your advice & experience.