2007:

I am in the IT field as well and I know exactly what you are talking about. I have worked IT jobs where I was treated as a secretary... and as a bimbo. My weight didn't help mattters.

The job I have now is wonderful. I am treated like a human being. It's funny because many people have mentioned that I have more energy that the slim people!!! I run up and down the stairs all day long and don't expect people to "fetch" for me. This is important because there are a couple of skinny people who hate the stairs and constantly ask others to run the steps for them.

My current team is 5 women and 21 men! May I say that the women rule... only because the men are wonderful. They are true family men. I love my team! Keep looking...they are out there.

WOW - girl your making me tired just reading about your active life! It seems the first and most hurtful put down anyone can use on us is a weight comment - I did see somewhere on these posts a commment to the effect - "if that is ALL they can find wrong with me then I'm doing something right", it sure appears to me that you have it "together" and a loving family and a spritual life to boot. See ya in onederland!

I know (and I'm pretty sure most people on TDC) have experienced how badly it can suck to be seen as overweight=incapable.

Fact is, I know in my field it's held me back and it's why I'm so committed to fixing it. I just thought you'd want to know that a guy in the IT field knows what you're talking about.

It wasn't being a woman in the 99.5% male dominated field that hurt you - that was probably you're biggest asset and it distinguished you from the competition. It came down to "do we want to see a fat (fill in your own blank - and it doesn't have to be profane) on the floor.

I had a firm tell me that "this posiiton is a high profile one that would place you in front of a lot of people...", which became their reason for not hiring me.

I don't blame them, I wouldn't hire me either for that position because I wouldn't want their representative to be 400 pounds of me, but it doesn't hurt any less.

Are you sure it was a weight issue? You don't look too big to me in your photo!! Beautiful, happy & confident more like!! Could it be a male ego thing?!?!?!? That there's a women out there that is more qualified than all of them put together?!?!?!?!?

I've worked in both male and female dominated careers. The discrimination I always got in both was my weight. I saw young pretty skinny girls get the promotion with less experience in the field and with the company. Frustrating !!! But when you judge a book by it's cover....
Lori

Well that's very kind of you to say, but 250 lbs is big on my 5'7 frame still and I started out at 278 lbs, but yes, confident happy and beautiful I am.

A male ego thing, well look at that you hit the nail right on the head. Not to say that's always the case, but on my last contract there were only two engineers, myself and my co-worker John. Ha! I have never seen such jealousy in my life. Dare I say "he was a whiny little girl." He was ALWAYS jealous of me ever since I started the contract. When I first started he was surprised by my already advanced skill set; things he didn't expect me to already know. Then when it came to proprietary software that I didn't know because it's company or industry specific, he had to train me on them because he's been there for 5 years - it was like pulling teeth or something because believe me he was not interested in me knowing more than I did. However, if he didn't it just meant more work for him so he would just show me the very basics and then make me figure it out myself which I didn't mind because that's what I do, plus he was already getting on my last nerve. How I lasted 4 years there is a miracle to me.

The shit hit the fan though when I became the president's (a woman) and vice presidents, favorite "go to person". The VP, a man, just got a kick out of having a female engineer so he was always cool. He would always have the biggest smile whenever he saw me at work. He always wanted to know what I was doing. Aside from that John always thought that my manager favored me because I'm female. Well, if he did I sure as heck couldn't tell. He gave us both equally challenging projects. He was hard on both of us and I didn't mind that because I know this guy, my manager, who you couldn't pay me a million dollars to be in his shoes, is under a lot of pressure. It's hard enough just being a systems engineer, I sure ain't try to take on any extras even if it does mean an extra $20k at least not right now...just ain't tryin' to do it.

I actually thought my manager was a really cool guy. I always dismissed his grumpy ways 'cause I know his tail was always under tons of pressure from the president, the director, the board of directors...ayi...yi...yi and the company staff didn't help none because they were always talking about what a grump he was and I know he must have known about everyone talking about him behind his back. I actually felt sorry for him except for when he got on my tail for one thing or another, but just about every time I would see him in his office he just always looked totally stressed. I just told myself that is one job I DO NOT WANT. Life is just too short. I was actually happy for him when he would go on vacations. I'm like this guy, my manager, needs this bad, but the sad thing is vacation or no vacation...he's still pretty much on call if the need arises. I'm sorry. I don't want to live like that. He was very smart though, highly intelligent and I really admired him for that. I wanted to be like him in that respect; he always had the right answer for everything. Even when John and I had no answer or didn't know what to do - He was ALWAYS on top of his game so I really admired him for that. I guess that's why he was the manager and a darn good one too...oh grumpy ass.


Delight yourself in the Lord and He will grant you the desires of you heart ~Psalms 37:4

I've experienced this before.

When you are large, you get all sorts of wierd looks, and people treating you wierd.

Heck, most of em like to stare at my large belly now, and I've lost 140 pounds!! Imagine what was happening before? It's like a nightmare I'm trying to forget!

My fiancee is in IT, and she has had a lot of issues because of her gender. IT is a particularly sexist field. It's dominated by Nerdy men, and I've found that nerdy men have EGO issues (as a group).

I've also experienced the positive discrimination because of my gender. Finding promotions easier, clients and visting companies treating me better - simply because I'm male.

It's total BS. Why? Because I don't think and act that way. In fact I prefer the company of women over men.

There is still a heck of a lot of work that we nee dto do to make society better. Society has a good PR image, but the reality is quite different.

As someone who works in Human Resources, I can honestly say it's not all about "WOW, he/she is huge." When recruiting, it is something I definitely take into consideration if it's relevant to the position. If someone is carrying in excess of 75 pounds there is simply no way I'll consider them for a position that requires bending, them being on the floor, or any type of physical activity for that matter.

Truth of the matter is, HR's job is doing what's in the best interest of the company, not any particular applicant. Someone carrying excess weight is much more likely to injury themselve during strenuous activity. If that does happen, we could end up paying out disability costs for the injured party and then there are the cost to recruit, hire, train, and pay a new employee while the person is out injured.

For a clerical/administrative/customer service job, weight should play no issue. But there are certain jobs that discrimination based on weight is in the company's best interest.

Sexism should NEVER occur though.

Hi,
I am new here and just read your post. Wow. It's really unfortunte that you have had to endure all of this downright meaness from these people. I applaud you on what you wrote about how when you get to your goal weight, you will not forget what it feels like to be overweight.

It is really sad that there are so many people in this world who lack empathy, compassion and just plain class with regard to their attitude toward others.

I like the Bible verse you quoted, by the way. It's one of my favorites, too!

Hey there!Sorry to hear about what happened to you at your interview. At my job (I work in a resturant) I am the biggest girl there,and the biggest of them all actually. None of my coworkers hold that againest me, maybe the guys, but who cares....But I know the customers do. I've find some people to be so rude to me, and yet nice to the girl standing next to me because she was smaller. I've found them staring at me like I'm the ugliest,and most disgusting person working there, and then look at the girl working beside me, and look at her like she is the diamond they've lost years ago. Sometimes it really hurts too.

I have all male friends, except maybe a couple female friends. Who are smaller then me. When I showed my male friends a picture of me when I weighed 130lbs they were like "you probably didn't have a problem finding a date back then" OR "I would've dated you then..."OR.."If you looked like that now, I bet you'd have no problem finding someone..."There words weren't meant as put downs, but encourgment in a critical way. lol.

I know what it's like to be looked down on because of your weight. I hope youre doing good now.

So true. Tons of nerdy men with ego issues.



I’ll NEVER forget, well maybe I should as it isn’t good for the soul to harbor negative experiences. Anyway, point is, I’ll never forget for the first time in my life…someone actually yelled out “fat ass” to me. These two guys tried to approach me while I was at a club and then I turned away from them and in return they called me fat ass. I haven’t been to a club since. That was about a year ago. That's not going to last for long now because I plan on reaching or being very close to goal come August and believe me I will be going to shake my "fat ass".

I like the bible quote too it helps to keep me focused.



Wouldn’t you know it…on my last contract, I also sat directly across from the most beautiful woman in the company. Just my luck. I would watch all of the men in the IT department and other departments drool over her daily. She was/is very beautiful. Perfect hair, perfect body, glowing personality, tall, young, and highly intelligent. I didn’t have any problems with her well except for the fact that she was clearly hung up on herself. I would catch her ALL the time looking at herself in the mirror she had posted at her desk, surfing websites for clothing and shoes, or primping at her desk or when she walked down the hall you’d think she was walking down a runway, but I guess if you have people constantly swooning over you all the time I it would get to your ego too. She was still pretty cool though. She was always my hangout buddy during potlucks and such, but we never went to lunch together outside of company functions. Point is everyone always came to visit her and wanted to be around her and then they kinda turn around and see me on the other side and snuff up there nose and go about chatting with her or when we did hangout at potlucks people would talk to her and not say a thing to me like I didn’t even exist. That was strange and a bit hurtful, but I’m not a child so I’d just let it go.

Well, anyway, yeah I’ve had my share of negative comments and I think the ones that hurt most are the non-verbal ones…well…maybe that’s not true…the verbal ones hurt a heck of a lot too, but I will be alright. I feel good knowing that I will not look like this forever (well even if I did I'm still a good person) and I know not to get down on myself too much on my road to wellness and besides weight or no weight I am a pretty cool lady. I think I’m very likable; it's their problem if they don't like me just because of my weight...that is just so stupid.

Dive deeply into who you really are, and have the courage to explore your most treasured dreams. Keep yourself connected to those dreams, and they will play out upon the stage of your life. ~ Ralph Marston



Delight yourself in the Lord and He will grant you the desires of you heart ~Psalms 37:4

The non-verbal treatment still hurts doesn't it.

That's how discrimination works in society and adult life.

In the school yard, you get told about the discrimination because when kids are young, they love to direct bully.

But when the bullies and the ones that watch bullies grow up, they simply discriminate quietly.

Yep it still hurts.

I also like to drop kick the person that made up the phrase "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

Yeah right, I'd like to give him/her a few words or two and let 'em see how it feels.

Dive deeply into who you really are, and have the courage to explore your most treasured dreams. Keep yourself connected to those dreams, and they will play out upon the stage of your life. ~ Ralph Marston



Delight yourself in the Lord and He will grant you the desires of you heart ~Psalms 37:4

AMEN!! If you find him/her, I betcha plenty of us wouldn't mind helping you come up with some words.

Hey - where did your journal disappear to?