Hey all,
So I will start off by saying, I struggle with self confidence. Have for as long as I can remember. Don't want to get into all my history, but it has been forever like this.
For the time's when I was heavy, I felt LESS.. have no idea why, just did. My anxity was less.. I did not have problems going out that much. Life was pretty okay.
Now fast farward to now.. 50lbs lost.. and the anxiety is back... the loss of self confidence too.. to the point where when I'm in a public place I either stair directly in front of me or down on the floor in order to NOT make eye contact with anyone. and feel as though I'm going to have a panic attack at times.
I'm struggling. I have no idea when I lose weight this happens. It's really effecting me. To where I don't want to go out much.. Instead of taking little one to park now, we hang out in back yard a lot.
Does anyone else struggle like this? How do you cope?

Hi There!

I am by no means an expert but I will contribute my two-cents worth.......

Confidence and self esteem have many, many facets which can increase and decrease in a flash depending on what life throws us. The two areas that come to mind are feeling inferior to others (comparing ourselves to others) and the need or feeling for constant perfection.

I found an excellent article addressing these areas. Below is an excerpt I would like to share with you:

- Believing that you are inferior in some way to other people

Feelings of inferiority may start when you think you aren't as good as another person in one area of life or personality (a lack of charm, good looks, education, intelligence, social ability and so on) and this then becomes a more general sense of not being good enough and diminishes your confidence. But although the majority of people think their self-doubt, their innermost secrets and desires, their emotional experiences and behavior, are unique to them, in reality we are all basically the same. Of course, we all have different personal attributes and success in life, but for any particular personal ability or attribute, we are all inferior to some people and superior to others. Social status, education, upbringing and so on do not indicate a person's innate worth - even if society tends to adopt that attitude. There are many other more human qualities that matter more in interpersonal relationships: commitment, loyalty, honesty, affection, respect, to name just a few. And remember that even the people you envy and admire do not lead perfectly harmonious lives. There are likely to be situations in which they do not feel confident, just as there are for you.

The real cure for feelings of inferiority is to know that you are equal, and to change the beliefs which stand between you and happiness.

- Believing that you must do everything as near perfectly as possible

The curse of perfectionism prevents you obtaining satisfaction or fulfillment from what you do; it causes you constantly to examine and recheck your actions, it makes you feel a failure if you achieve less than the impossible standard of perfection. To learn to be just "good enough" is a major boost to self-confidence.

Remember that we are all wonderful creatures with different attributes, strengths and weaknesses but we all contribute to the greater good!

Oh yeah, and remember to SMILE, its your greatest asset!!!

Cheers,

~ Chris ~

I'll speak from experience. I felt the very same way, talk to your doctor. Mine told me to exercise and take some B12, it worked for me!

It might be physiological, maybe there's a nutrient deficiency.

But, I have to say I found martial arts to be the most amazing self-esteem builder of anything I ever did. No matter how heavy or out-of-shape you are, or even crippled, they worked with you and every week there was improvement. Hard to feel weak or inferior when you know you can kick someone butt, if you had to.

Nancy can kick my a$$. Thanks for the warning, girl.

But, like Nancy's first sentence, I was going to comment to check for any deficiecies namely vitamin D. But include all that goes along with vitamin D deficiency. It's like feeding a mouse a cookie. There is a paper trail that you have to follow so that everything makes sense.So vitamin D magnesium, vitmin A, vitamin K etc. They all work together for ideal results. Also make sure you research to figure out the amount and brand of vitamins are ideal. Also along with what NancyLC says...music lessons and sensible practice also is an esteem builder. The more that I do in music, the more power I feel that I have. I stand straighter, I am confident...I'm even younger. Like Nancy, I can kick a$$ except in a more gentler way

strange..i too dont make eye contact with anyone if i can help it.. I dont like when strangers strike up conversations in the stores and such..Some might say I am a "B" but I like to do my own thing..Maybe I need vitamins too! Never really thought that was the problem...Or one of them!! lol...ur not alone

Or another thing is perhaps you're as Aspie (Aspberger's syndrome) -- I may have misspelled that.

I haven't taken martial arts in years I just know how confident and great it made me feel. I think it made me produce more testosterone or something.

NANCY!!! That's what I was going to say. My husband, I suspect, is an Aspie. He is getting better and I credit his diet. When he is worse, I blame his diet if you know what I mean. Sometimes I can get him to take LC and supplements more seriously. Sometimes he goes back to his old eating habits and it makes a difference. There is just too much junk in our food.

Just for the record, my son took Taikwando ( sp? ) and is pretty good at it although he no longer takes classes, he continues practicing. He is a black belt candidate but has not taken measures to take the test. He has ADHD and now that he is 22 appreciates low carbing for keeping his focus. I read recently that there is speculation that ADHD could be on the autism spectrum.

For some, gaining weight or being heavy can act as a protective "barrier" against other people and intimacy. Maybe when you are becoming so much healthier and smaller, that "barrier" is shrinking and therefore you feel more vulnerable?

All I can say is that I completely and totally relate. I've said many times - why did I have confidence about myself and my looks at 265 and now I feel so insecure about myself? I've actually started some "avoidance" behaviors for fear of anxiety lately....Trying to work on that. So - yes I can relate completely!!

thanks all , and glad to see I'm not alone!
And no I don't have Aspberger's..

This is what I first thought when I read your post.

and yes.. I think that was right on ..

Physical Activity/exercise + being consistent with my Vitamin supplementation (for the things I'm deficient in + 5htp)..has made a huge difference for me as well.

I,ve heard that before as well. Mayby you should try to retrain your self to get over the fear of contact by being more outgoing in small ways. Make a point to make eye contact and smile at one person per day when you go out. Mentally check yourself when you notice your not doing something for fear of contact and go ahead and do it. Look at it like our eating problem everytime we give in to unhealthy food we get a instant reward but add to our unhealthy weight problem. Every time you stay home instead of going out because of fear of contact you get the instant reward of the comfort of home but you and your family pay because you all lose out on fun healthy activetys outside the home. Each time you reward your fear by giving into it makes it easier to reward it the same way next time. Just the fact that you have reconized the problem is huge. I hid at home way too long when I gained the weight because of fear of people seeing me. It wasn,t good for me or my family.