Hi friends,

Yesterday, my husband and I started off having a great day. We went shopping for flowers and lawn decor to make our house look "summer ready". We do this every year together, but yesterday started off even more fun. We bought this pair of Fat frogs with huge bug eyes to put in front of my house next to my planters. One frog is twice the size of the other one. My husband holds them up and says the bigger one is him, and the smaller one is me because he is really huge, and I am small and "pudgy" like the small frog. I looked at him and said "did you just call me pudgy?", and he said "Well, what do you think? do you think you are skinny?" I was soooo pissed. I know I over-reacted and later I told him that he really hurt my feelings, and he was mad because he said that as long as we have been together, we should be able to joke with each other and he would never say anything to hurt my feelings on purpose. It still stung, it still stings, and it still hurts, and he still doesn't understand why. I was feeling so good about myself, and one stupid joke made me feel like crap.
Thanks for letting me vent.

OUCH!!!


my husband says dumb things too, but that's incredibly suicidal!!!! dope slap him!

I totally know where you're coming from OMG, you've lost so much and you get that!?

tell him the frogs both look like him... huge mouths.

I agree that comment is very hurtful..especially following by asking if you think you are skinny :-( My first thought is that he is feeling threatened by your weight loss and how great you no doubt are looking. My husband has had an odd reaction to my weight loss too..namely that he never mentions it, let alone offers complements. I have the feeling sometimes that he does not want me to get a "big head" about the weight that I have lost..I dunno. ((hugs))

you know, I think Halfpass has gotten to the root of this.

Maybe he sees the way other men see you and in the deep, jealous recesses of his man-brain, he thinks keeping you 'grounded' will keep you his.
My husband seldom mentions that I look good. Other men sure have and I have made a point of telling him, and that I NEED him to tell me how he sees the changes.

His denial of knowing that he hurt you is just self-protection.


160 pudgy... ya, like Marilyn Monroe pudgy.

Most men do not think before they talk. I'm sorry he hurt your feelings. It would have hurt mine too. You have struggled to lose down to where you are and should feel so very proud of yourself for your accomplishment. And the words he said to you made you feel like all that hard work was in vane. He surely did not mean it that way, but the words brought you instant insecurity and pain. Stand tall and be proud Girl!!! Don't let this still your thunder!! You take out a before pic and a now pic and remind yourself how great you look. Then go hug that man and say this " I forgive you for your ignorant words dear!!" I hope you have a wonderful day.

I just bet he would LOVE to be pudgy, I am sorry your feelings got hurt, but honestly I don't think he said anything THAT Offensive, sometimes as women we need to just let things roll off, men and children say the damndest things, but when angry or prodded I do too LOL
My Mom always told me to pick battles worth fighting, in my opinion this just isn't one of them. Give him a sweet hug and pinch him hard and let him know what it was for and be done with it

I'd be hurt if my husband said that to me, too!

Are we married to the same man or what? Mine looks at me completely blankly when I say that.

And you know what? In my heart of hearts I believe that the reason he doesn't say anything is that he thinks I look like crap.

Oh I bet he doesn't think that Liz!!!

Mine is so into what he's doing or thinking and just believes I KNOW he thinks I look great that why mention it?

However, when he did think I looked like crap he didn't say anything then until I pressed him on it.

Well, now I know why I am divorced. I don't think that calling someone 'pudgy' would be an insult.

I'm sorry your fun day came to a screeching halt.



Nothing like family to bring you down a few notches.



I'm going to play devil's advocate here for a minute.
Take him at his word. His mouth was engaged before his brain was in gear but I'm sure he didn't intend to hurt you.

I've heard my man say many times "come-on, don't you know when I'm kidding?!!" I remind him that the joke has to be funny for both parties, and not at the expense of one. Then slap him upside the head. Then it's all good.

Just hold your chin up for all you are and have achieved.
Nothing speaks louder than confidence!

Tell him you didn't appreciate his comments and he doesn't appreciate your hard work at becoming a healthier you. Yes I agree we should pick our battles but I think he needs to know how much he hurt your feelings....then move on....isn't love grand!

You might mention that the bigger frog when turned over is sexless. And now so is he....

Really? Maybe the actual definition will help you understand why a woman may not like being called "pudgy" and may feel it is an insult:

Pudgy: short and fat or thick

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/pudgy

I think the important thing here is that you felt hurt by what he said. IMHO, when one partner says, "when you said X I felt hurt," the other person doesn't get to pass judgement on that feeling. He can ask why, he can explain what he meant, but somewhere in there he has to accept that you felt that way and express regret that you did.

Of course, he can also say HE felt hurt that you didn't see his comment as a joke, and YOU can be sorry for the fact that you couldn't take it that way.

It's not a matter of what anyone else thinks about your feelings. You are entitled to express them (as long as you own them as your own feelings, which it seems clear you did) and the person who loves you should respect that and show they care, even if they disagree. And vice versa of course.

That's my 2 cents.

i think that most men have a different outlook on their body & weight than women...not that the pressure isn't there, but most heavy guys i've known can joke openly about it and seem to feel more comfortable in their skin, than a lot of heavier women. i assume your husband wasn't trying to hurt your feelings and was kidding around. let him know that it's not a safe topic to joke around with you about. <3