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  #1   ^
Old Fri, Jun-16-17, 18:25
Cotchy Cotchy is offline
New Member
Posts: 5
 
Plan: LCHF
Stats: 225/215/205 Male 187
BF:
Progress:
Default Getting wife on board

Hi guys,
I have been doing low carb for varying amounts of time over the last 10 years and really enjoy the benefits. My biggest issue is that I become very judgemental of my wifes diet when I am eating this way. She is not willing to consider any way of eating healthier and this puts pressure of our relationship. When I revert back to a standard poor diet I lose this judgemental behaviour and our relationship is much better.

There are just so many reasons for us both the eat healthier including some recent events that have taken place with our parents. My father passed away from a heart attack 12 months ago at 66, my mum had a major stroke at 52 that has majorly disabled her for life, my wifes mum has had breast cancer, diabetes and heart disease before age 60.

I know that our diet is much worse than our parents (except when I am low carb) and therefore we can expect a similar or worse decline in health or early death if we don't take some action now.

The issue is that my wife is not interested in changing her diet. Every single one of her meals is take away and the more I encourage her to change the more she resists.

She has gone LCHF once before and lost 20kgs very quickly and her energy levels and happiness were amazing. It was the best time in our relationship over our 15 years of marriage.

The other issue is that we have 2 children, 9 and 13, that also eat way too much junk food that is provided by my wife. I want them to be healthier and they are showing some interest in moving to a healthier lifestyle but my wife is going to derail any efforts to change the kids as she will give them KFC and all the other junk foods. I know that is very hard to eat real food when you are hooked on junk.

It seems I have a choice of having an ok marriage with poorer health and reduced lifespan or a healthy longer life with an eventual marriage breakup.

Has anyone else been confronted with similar issues and were you able to come to a solution. Your help would be appreciated.
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  #2   ^
Old Fri, Jun-16-17, 19:13
GRB5111's Avatar
GRB5111 GRB5111 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 4,036
 
Plan: Very LC, Higher Protein
Stats: 227/186/185 Male 6' 0"
BF:
Progress: 98%
Location: Herndon, VA
Default

Your concern and worry is real. I have but one piece of advice: Concentrate on taking care of yourself. What anyone else does in this world has no bearing on your choices. Be consistent and dedicated to your LCHF way of eating, regardless of what is going on in your family. Be of good humor and show love to all you encounter. Your success is only critical to you, and if others choose to follow, that's their choice. Be happy with your choices and enjoy the journey! Amazingly, the other members of your family will be happy as well.
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  #3   ^
Old Fri, Jun-16-17, 20:41
barb712's Avatar
barb712 barb712 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,435
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 240/188/185 Female 5'11"
BF:
Progress: 95%
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I love Rob's answer and agree 100%.
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  #4   ^
Old Fri, Jun-16-17, 21:09
sara9683 sara9683 is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 82
 
Plan: LCHF - My own rules
Stats: 000/000/000 Female 61 inches
BF:
Progress: 41%
Default

Agreed!!!! As much as we'd love to make choices for other people, life just doesn't work that way Change definitely has to come from within. Lead by example, work on you. Try not to be judgmental to your wife. You said yourself it affects your relationship and most people would resist change if they were being judged harshly. I love Rob's answer to show love to all you encounter. Just do your thing and see what happens.
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  #5   ^
Old Sat, Jun-17-17, 01:21
Cotchy Cotchy is offline
New Member
Posts: 5
 
Plan: LCHF
Stats: 225/215/205 Male 187
BF:
Progress:
Default

Thanks for your advice. I do wish I wasn't so judgemental. It is amazing that when you adopt a poor diet that the idea of eating real food does not seem appealing. The opposite is true in that when you are eating real food the idea is of eating junk food is such a turn off. It is like a switch is turned on/off in me when I transition from one diet to another.
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  #6   ^
Old Sat, Jun-17-17, 05:15
organpipeg organpipeg is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 322
 
Plan: hybrid-Atkins/S. Beach
Stats: 206/198/170 Female 64
BF:
Progress: 22%
Default

You mention take-out. I wonder if you couldn't start to cook more for your family instead. Maybe talk to your wife from a financial angle if it applies to your family. "I notice that we spent $600 on fast food and restaurants last month. If we cut that down we might be able to take that trip to Paris/afford to put on a sun room/whatever" Then take the responsibility to feed the family. Give your wife lots of mayo and bacon so it doesn't feel like diet food. At least it would cut down on the junk and teach your children some better habits.

Although, it's hard to beat Rob's answer. That's who I want to be!
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  #7   ^
Old Sat, Jun-17-17, 05:28
Mama Sebo's Avatar
Mama Sebo Mama Sebo is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 5,202
 
Plan: Keto, IF
Stats: 224/136/124 Female 64 inches
BF:44%/23%/20%
Progress: 88%
Location: Kenya-teleworking Austria
Default

Such good advice here!!
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  #8   ^
Old Sat, Jun-17-17, 05:35
Cotchy Cotchy is offline
New Member
Posts: 5
 
Plan: LCHF
Stats: 225/215/205 Male 187
BF:
Progress:
Default

We spend $600 a week on food mostly take-out. She is convinced that eating healthy is even more expensive which is ridiculous. We have had this argument many times but it is something that she like to use to justify her addiction to take-out. She doesn't like food that is high in fat. She prefers lean chicken in a low fat sweet sauce. This I believe is a symptom of someone who is adapted to burning sugar instead of fat.
The diet of the children is something that I feel that I need to correct. It does make it hard when she is continually feeding them take-out. Her excuse is that they become unbearable unless you feed them so she just gives them take-out to keep them at bay. I would just let them get hungry enough so that they have no choice but eat healthy food in the fridge.
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  #9   ^
Old Sat, Jun-17-17, 05:38
Cotchy Cotchy is offline
New Member
Posts: 5
 
Plan: LCHF
Stats: 225/215/205 Male 187
BF:
Progress:
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by organpipeg
You mention take-out. I wonder if you couldn't start to cook more for your family instead. Maybe talk to your wife from a financial angle if it applies to your family. "I notice that we spent $600 on fast food and restaurants last month. If we cut that down we might be able to take that trip to Paris/afford to put on a sun room/whatever" Then take the responsibility to feed the family. Give your wife lots of mayo and bacon so it doesn't feel like diet food. At least it would cut down on the junk and teach your children some better habits.

Although, it's hard to beat Rob's answer. That's who I want to be!


I cook every night but they have already eaten take-out before I get home. I have offered and do cook every night.
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  #10   ^
Old Sat, Jun-17-17, 07:20
Novblue777 Novblue777 is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 81
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 208/190/150 Female 5 foot 6 inch
BF:
Progress: 31%
Default

It sounds like your wife may be going through some issues unrelated to diet alone? I didn't do Atkins with my husband the first time around, though I tried to be supportive and would cook low carb for him sometimes, but I couldn't deny the results he got, so I did it with him the second time he did it (and now the third time). Our lives are so much easier with both of us doing the same WOE, we can meal plan and keep each other accountable.

I really sympathize with you because I know we have struggled in the past with one of us falling off plan and it causing the other to stray as well, or not go back on after a cheat. It was important for us to recognize it and come up with a plan to avoid the same pitfalls, like never going off plan without a set time to resume our low carb WOE.

If you offered to cook ahead of time so there was healthy food ready all the time, would she give this a try? My husband grills large batches of chicken breast and even cuts it up so I have it, we freeze some vegetables with sauce, etc. so we never have an excuse to grab something unhealthy.
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  #11   ^
Old Sat, Jun-17-17, 07:39
DelaneyLC DelaneyLC is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 2,462
 
Plan: Keto/Carnivore/Fasting
Stats: 190/143/144 Female 5'4"
BF:
Progress: 102%
Default

I see you have an issue. I think the best you can do right now is concentrate on yourself and let them see the results. Set an example for them with no pressure.

Trying to force others to eat like you or like you want them to doesn't ever work. You just have to ignore some of what you see them eating. You can offer good food, but can't force her to comply.

Just be happy with what you're doing to get healthy. She may or may not follow your lead down the road. But to keep a happy home you can't pressure her since it just makes matters worse.
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  #12   ^
Old Tue, Jun-20-17, 09:53
WereBear's Avatar
WereBear WereBear is online now
Senior Member
Posts: 14,606
 
Plan: EpiPaleo/Primal/LowOx
Stats: 220/125/150 Female 67
BF:
Progress: 136%
Location: USA
Default

I lost my dad to diabetes and now a brother has it too. It is infuriating to see him kill himself the exact same way but he will not listen to me. And I'm low carbing to dodge family history, but no one is going to believe in something that didn't happen.

Do what you do, be a good example, and hang in there. Carbs can be just as addicting as any other substance, if that helps.
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  #13   ^
Old Thu, Jun-22-17, 19:14
slwloser slwloser is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 160
 
Plan: LCHF
Stats: 210/178.2/160 Female 65 inches
BF:
Progress: 64%
Default

Lead by example. Let what you do everyday staying on a LC diet and the health benefits speak for you. Try not to preach. Continue to make some yummy LC foods and encourage your family to try it.

My husband is not a LCer. He's normal weight and eats whatever he wants. The only thing I asked of him is to keep some of the junk food that is my crack out of the kitchen (Doritos, Lay's potato chips, etc.). He's asked me over and over again why I'm doing LC. Now that he sees the results in my weight loss and energy level, he no longer asks why I'm doing it. I heard him tell a family member the other day about LC and how good it was for me and our relationship. This is from a junk food junkie!!! I just celebrated one year on LC in May.

I'm not perfect with my LC diet. I just take it day by day and know this is the best WOE for me and it will save my life. Look forward to getting to know you with future posts.
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  #14   ^
Old Fri, Jun-23-17, 11:45
CallmeAnn's Avatar
CallmeAnn CallmeAnn is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,728
 
Plan: HFLC/IF
Stats: 218/176/140 Female 5'4"
BF:27%
Progress: 54%
Location: Houston area
Default

For someone with a loved one to convince, I think it's good for them to see you get good results while not being perfect on the diet. They see that it's not a do or die, pass or fail situation. They see you either cave to temptation or roll with punches as far as food available in certain situations and then just go back to life as usual. That this still yields results is a great lesson.
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  #15   ^
Old Fri, Jun-23-17, 11:53
CallmeAnn's Avatar
CallmeAnn CallmeAnn is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,728
 
Plan: HFLC/IF
Stats: 218/176/140 Female 5'4"
BF:27%
Progress: 54%
Location: Houston area
Default

I know you want your wife to join you largely so the two of you will avoid the health problems that y'all's parents succumbed to, so it's hard to just take your own health in hand and leave her alone. People tell me I can't make my dh eat right for his diabetes, but the hard thing is that you know their problems will become your problems, should the worst occur.
So, just realize that if you do your diet without nagging her or scolding, she may come around. There is a couple down in Australia who lost a ton of weight together on LC and who now have a huge following down there. But to start with, it was just him. He's a very zen kind of guy and he never tried to get her on board or talked about how bad her diet was. She was already suffering terrible results of diabetes, blood pressure, and mental health issues. She was in the hospital a lot and was on massive insulin doses. After he lost so much weight and also became easier to live with due to increased feelings of well being and happiness, she slowly got on board. She has now reversed her symptoms of diabetes and is off all meds. She has said she never would have gotten on board if he had tried to get her on board. So, I would advise that you just tell her you love her and you want her to be happy so you are going to leave her alone, regarding diet. Your kids are young, and they have time to reap the beneifts, should she come around int the future.
The guy in Australia is also a great cook so y'all have that in common too. Good luck with it. I feel your pain.
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