Hi, I've never posted, so let me tell you a bit about myself. Well, I'm an 18 year old female that works in a bakery (making lo-carb tough). I was anorexic for a while, and was at a trim 120-125??, then I ballooned to 184 after becoming a compulsive eater. I discovered anorexia again and then got down to 140, which I wore well considering I'm only 5 "5, much of it was muscle as I worked out allot. Then after a horrible relationship that left me heartbroken and shot my self esteem down the tube, I became bulimic. I'm the worst of the worst... I spent over three hundred dollars on binge food in the span of about two to three months (this is carb food, so you know it had to be allot of food). I binge and purge almost everyday. My weight is almost at 170, and i'm terrified. I watch skinny girls walk by me with their twiggy bodies, and I think, I can never be like them. I try so hard to break the cycle, and I've had success that put me in the 150 range. But as soon as I eat over maybe a couple hundred calories, I assume that 'all or nothing' thinking and I'm killing a box of oatmeal cream pies. I'm in the binge cycle right now, and I cannot believe that i'll ever be thin again. For some reason I have it in my head that I can't do this. How do you break this negative thinking, how did you? I hate being bulimic, but i feel like I can't stop it.

I feel for you. Although I have never had an eating disorder persay (except eating everything in sight...just not getting rid of it after) I do understand food obsession.

I can't offer advice because Ive never been there or had any experience with it but I just wanted to show a sign of support for your efforts to get some kind of help.

Maybe talking to a proffesional may be best in dealing with the issues. From what I hear its not all about food but about self esteem and self worth. Its very dangerous to live like this and Im sorry to hear that you have this to deal with. You can be a strong person, you just need a little help getting to that point. Have you talked to your parents about any of it? It may be a good place to start.

Hey bakerchic, I'm sorry to hear your struggling right now, that's incredibly hard to get out of. I too was anorexic and got down to 98, then abused laxatives when I got to 126 but then BOOM! I became a compulsive eater and got up to 200.

It is not easy constantly battling with a relationship of food. The only thing I can tell you that I now realize made it hard for me was PATIENCE. I wanted to lose weight NOW, I wanted the scale to drop a number NOW, i wanted to get rid of the food in my stomach NOW and so on.

All i can say is that you'll need to try to be patient with this WOE and if you, I guarantee you that you'll gain a better sense of control over the food and self-control over your choices.

Before Atkins (started in Feb) I had been fighting with food for 10 years, being completely pre occupied with it. 90% of my thoughts a day obsessed over when I could eat next, how much I could eat, what it would taste like, etc etc.

Now I can say that 50% of the time I think of food and image and I now know that I'm NOT going to panic if food isn't nearby. My blood sugar doesn't crash any more and I am no longer bitchy when I want to eat, etc.

I believe in your desire to get hold of the reigns, If you ever wanna talk, visit my journal. As long as you know you aren't alone/

It's just gonna take some time and patience, but I swear I've not been happier since this WOE.

It's nice to see your guys' progress. I'm too busy for counseling now, as I'm working everyday (literally, my boss has me on the schedule six days out of the week and i go to school for seven hours everyday, when I get home, I sleep. I think this is another purge factor). But I'm working on learning to say no to people. One lady I read about ended her compulsive eating after she learned to say no to people. I think once i learn I have a mind of my own, I'll feel better in control. As for an update, I didn't purge yesterday. I ate a ton of veggies, lo-carb, and some fish and eggs. When I logged it into fitday, it was still under 1200 calories and 20 carbs, which really surprised me cause I felt satisfied, satisfied enough, I felt like I had to throw up, but didn't because I felt the calorie count of my foods wasn't worth it. Not the best step in the right direction, but with a little more work, maybe. BTW, you have a very pretty avatar misskimbee, it's sad even as beautiful as some girls are they still have a distorted body image. And thanks for feeling for me Livewell. Good luck on your guys' journeys to health and wellness!

Good luck to YOU!!! I know you'll only get better and better. Take it easy, make each day count

hi baker,
i've been there! And what an awful place is it...You can get out of it, definitely! It's just hard. First, get rid of all the junkfood and don't buy more; just force yourself not to. Then eat only healthy stuff, even if you have to binge, and try not to purge. It's hard at first, but becomes easier. Just take it 1 meal at a time. Keep in mind that being bulimic won't make you really skinny, it will mess up your mental state and metabolism. Stop it sooner rather than later, and use whatever power you have to stop.

Bakerchic-

good for you for not purging the other day. Just take it one day at a time. Heck, take it one MEAL at a time. Then it won't look like something that is so hard to do. Just try to think "I need to keep this meal down". I know its not quite as simple as that, but you started yourself on the road to recovery by coming here and posting. That took alot of courage.

Good luck.

I binged today, but was determined not to purge, and strangely enough I didn't binge so bad. I mean it was bad stuff, but probably a normal serving size as if I was just eating bad as opposed to binging. I mean eating bad food choices is really different from binging. And if anyone has been in the binge cycle, they'll know what I mean. A full-sheet birthday cake is different from two ho-hos. I just feel so lost. But I want to post another thread related to this I think. Oh, and getting rid of junk food is out of the question. I live with my sister and her son, and junk food to him is a necessity. Though I feel guilty about eating it, so I usually buy my binge food which is something I can control.

BTW, thanks for the positive reinforcement, I needed some good psychology.

I would recommend starting a journal for this

I know exactly what you're going through baker chic. I live with a roommate and I NEVER have any junkfood of my own. Sometimes when she was not here, I would binge on her stuff...an entire jar of peanut butter and slim fast bars. Do you know how hard it is to throw up peanut butter (sorry for the gross image) not to mention how much money I spent replacing all of it. Low carb has helped a lot. First of all the thought of throwing up chicken or eggs is so much more unpleasant then thought of throwing up peanut butter. I still binge but I feel like I'm starting to get it under control. A week ago I binged on an entire bag of pepperoni (i know...weird) but you don't get the same feeling you get when you binge on high carby stuff.

Binging/purging is such a strange thing. People who don't have it really just don't understand it. It's more like a control thing isn't it? Like okay I ate all this food, i'll show it. Sometimes I feel powerful when I do it, as if I have this great power that no one else has. The scary thing for me is that I'm not sure I want to get rid of it completely. I'm a smart girl, I know what it does to you...but I like the idea that I can eat something and then undo it. Do you understand what I mean?

One of the best self-help resources I've seen for helping people deal with Bulimia is a book called The Overcoming Bulimia Workbook published by New Harbinger Press. I know you can find it on Amazon.com. It's a great book that is encouraging and will give you clear manageable steps, with lots of worksheet type pages to help you understand yourself better and create a sense of structure for how to live in a healthier way. I think low-carb is a great WOE for bulimia (if you do it in a balanced and healthy way) because increasing protien and fats helps considerably with managing hunger, so there is less urge to binge. Also, NOT SKIPPING MEALS and making sure each meal has adequate protein is one of the very best things a person can do to help decrease binging and the subsequent urge to purge. Good luck and check out that book on Amazon. I think you'll find it helpful!

Bulimia, Anorexia and compulsive overeating are all the same disease, just different stages of it. It is not so uncommon to find people go from one stage to the next (i.e. compulsive overeating to anorexia and then to bulimia).

Check out this site: www.oa.org It is based on emotional, physical and mental recovery as oppose to everything else out there. But you should nonetheless be very proud of yourself for having made the decision to go lowcarb, because that is half the battle right there. Low carb eating will help alleviate your cravings and if you combine this food plan (because it is afterall only a food plan) with emotional and spiritual healing you are set for life!

Keep me posted I would love to hear about your recoveries and your struggles. Feel free to visit my journal at any time and I also reccomend that you start a journal of your own so we can help you on a more personal basis.

~Patricia

Hmm.. I dont call that binging..But then again I am a 300lb lady. I just call it a "little too much" lol. Im not poking fun...just kinda made me see how sad I am sometimes.

Hi Bakerchick!
I just wanted to say that WE place the value on the super twiggy looking chicks. It does not show what women are really born to look like- we're women, we have curves and distinctive beautifull features and I know a lot of men who are repulsed at the standard these days- and like womenly women.... just a thought,
good luck to you-Teally

Misskimbee, I think I will start a journal for this. I had one on a semi pro-ana site that I still sometimes write in. But maybe it would be a good idea to start one here.

Glamorous, I know exactly what you mean about the peanut butter, it's one of the things I binge on when I'm low-carbing and it is deffinitely in the no-no category. It's funny you mentioned the slim-fast weightloss bars. I ate a whole box of my sisters L.A. weightloss bars, and they tasted like shit if you know what I mean.

Thanks ddaniels for the recommendation. I'll look into it, but trying to get the book without anyone in the house noticing might be a problem.

Patricia1, thanks for the support. I'll try to keep posted. I want to be a success story not another number on an already growing statistic.

As for today, my throat hurts so bad I can't purge. At first I thought it was because I scratched it so bad, but now I think it's a cold. So I'm not purging regardless. And I ate semi-well today, atleast with a conscience.