I take care of my 89 year old mother, who is very thin but mostly healthy. Although she supports my way of eating she refuses to give up her sugar & bread! So I just basically live with it & fix food she wants & then fix food for me...lol.

Tonight will be a bit different because other people will come into the picture...it is her birthday & it's also Wednesday night supper at church, I am taking a sheet cake there so all her friends can help her celebrate! (Yes I am a very nice daughter lol). The last few weeks I have been taking her there to eat as usual before bible study but I don't go to the church cafe with her I go up to the class room & read or something. But obviously tonight I will have to go into the cafe & sit with her because of her birthday & cake thing. They are having spaghetti & the fixings but I will eat before I go so I will not be partaking, but I will have to deal with a lot of questions & I really hate that! Most of the people there do not care about eating healthy & have given me the "your kidding me" looks when I say I am watching what I eat. So I am really dreading the entire affair!

Any thoughts on how to respond to the questions about why I am not eating dinner or having any cake would be greatly appreciated!!

Well done for taking the time and effort to make the cake and take it along for your mother. Its not easy to do this and avoid eating the stuff.

As for ways to detract people. There is the honest approach were by you tell them that you want to cut out sugar to help you live long (to look after your mum effectively ;-) ). Then people will ask you, and you simply defend your choices in the same way a vegetarian or vegan does. People will think your mad, but your not.

You can make stuff up but I don't think that's a good idea, but white fibs work out, like gluten intolerance or wheat intolerance. I mean I am intolerant to wheat in the same way I'm intolerant to any sugar!!

Which ever way you go about it you will have questions, so sometimes having some answers is good. People soon stop talking to me about it when they realise I am borderline fanatical.

Either way, it is one night, you will get through it, and you will come out the other side with a different view.

Just tell them you already ate.

Honestly, I don't care what other people think -- I don't care about what they eat, why should I care about what they think about what I eat?

I know -- easier said than done, especially since you seem to be a nice person who cares about others.

I almost never eat dessert (I almost never ate it before I went on LCHF -- I just don't care much for sugar) and I've never had any trouble declining it. I don't want it -- for whatever reason -- so why should I put it in my mouth because someone else is chowing down on it? They probably just want a partner in guilt!

I always think it's appalling that some people take such an interest in what others are putting into their mouths! I think it's either guilt or judgment... neither of which are very nice!

You can do this! Good luck.

You could take something else and eat with the group? Or I just smile and say, "I had something earlier but thanks," and change the subject. I don't address it at all. You don't owe anyone an explanation and as long as you keep it light and move on, most others will, too.

The most important thing is to have fun - I hope it's a great night!

I would just say I don't like spaghetti.

(You don't have to follow up with... I don't like spaghetti and what it does to my body, my digestive system (blood sugar) , my scale, my self worth....

great advice from the posts above.
I would avoid sitting with no plate in front of you- it calls attention to you, which makes you uncomfortable (guessing from your post).
if you are hopping up and down- taking pictures, serving others who are older/less mobile, volunteering to help kids who can't serve themselves, etc.....people won't really notice what you eat.

if questioned, i would stick with simple "I already ate as pasta doesn't agree with me" (most people won't press this) or "i think last night's dinner didn't agree with me, so i had soup earlier, you know...."

hang in, and try to focus on having fun with your mom. birthdays shouldn't be all about cake

Rather than be embarrassed about it, take pride in the fact that you are watching what you eat in an effort to get and stay healthy. When I was younger I used to scoff at health nutty type people. I thought they were crazy. They didn't know what they were missing. Food was food. Now I now better. I even know better than those health nuts of old, who dodged saturated fat, red meat, and cholesterol. I try not to blame, shame, or criticize others for what they eat (although sometimes that is hard not to do). This WOE has done wonders for me. I was sick and now I have regained my health. To keep it I must stay true to how I eat. If others have a problem with that, then it is their problem. I am proud to be a healthy low carber.

Thank you all so much for your responses & advice!

These people are all very nice but like any older southern folks there are stuck in their ways & do not understand or want to understand any other way of eating than what they have known all their lives.

With that said they do question things they find odd & although I have never eaten dessert or bread since we have been going to the Wednesday night suppers I still get asked about it almost every week lol! I really don't want to lie but I don't want to be asked a bunch of questions about why I am eating this way when it is just to satisfy someone's curiosity. (If the wanted to get healthier then I would love to share all I could with them). These are the reasons I asked for your help & advice!!!

And the idea of taking pictures being busy was wonderful tyvm!!!

If you spend a lot of time helping your mother and running around talking to various people and taking photos, it is likely that nobody will notice you aren't eating anything. It is hard to take good, level photos with only one hand!

I share a birthday with two colleagues at work, and there is always a cake for us at coffee. I take a plate, carry it with me as I talk to various people then set it down next to the cake with other slices set out for late-comers. I've been doing this for years and I don't think anyone has caught on.

Enjoy the party!

I so totally agree with you on this!!!
I would no more ask anyone why they are eating or not eating something than I would ask someone what they weighed! I have just never been one to ask people questions I consider personal (the do unto others principal) but people have always ask me things that either put me on the spot or embarrassed me. When I was on crutches & not wearing a brace or cast of any kind I was always getting asked "why are you walking on crutches" by strangers! I just started saying I had nerve damage hoping nothing else would be asked but it rarely ended there lol.

"My stomach isn't up to it at the moment."

"I'm just not hungry. But thanks!"

"I'm fasting for Ramadan a few months early this year."

"I have a toothache."

"...a touch of indigestion. I think the chowder chute needs a night off."

"Mary Ann, there's a spider on your shoulder! Hold still honey, let me get it off."

"Oh, my, that cake is too pretty for me to eat!"

But Nancy's spider one would have the added benefit of not only shutting Mary Ann up, it would scatter all the rest of the people!

Nancy and Mickie- hahaha! adding imaginary spiders to my list of ways to change conversations i am not in the mood for!

I'd just eat prior to the event and honestly say so to anyone that asked. I'm not a fan of those types of questions regarding my dietary choices either tbh. No fun being put on the spot in front of others at all.

Nancy I laughed out loud!!!
Mickisue a couple people said that!!!
NF I did eat just before we left!!!

Things actually went really well! I did not sit still so no one actually ask me anything about my eating which was great!
My mom had so much fun I was really happy to be there for her!

Thank you all so b very much for all your great ideas!