Having read some posts where people who have a lot of weight to lose started to feel discouraged because they saw some of us who have only 20 or so pounds to lose I would like to say that I can understand how these people might think we are over reacting. I can't speak for everyone but in my case I don't think I am - I had a problem with anorexia it took a long time for me to be able to eat in a healthy manner and become comfortable with a weight that although in the low range of healthy for my height still made me feel a bit heavy. When I gained due to a combination of factors it became more and more difficult for me to maintain healthy eating - it would be a lot easier for me to just quit eating than to stick to a healthy diet. So although you might think that I have it easy because I only want to lose 20lbs it is not necessarily so - every morning I have to make a commitment to EAT- and when I step on the scale and don't see a drop I have to resist the urge to stop eating. The fact that we are all facing similar problems is all that counts, not how much or how little we have to lose, we are all trying to do it and be healthy and that is the main thing

You present your feelings very well and, I must admit, I had not thought of that before. I appreciate hearing how it has been for someone else and I admire you for the work you are doing and applaud and congratulate you for the victories you are having. You sound like a wonderful person. {hugs}

I guess all of us who have a lot to lose wish that we had started this way of eating when we had only 20 to go.

Thanks for sharing your experiences. And increasing our understanding.

Hi. I totally agree with this.



I don't really understand why people who have more weight to lose then me think I'm overreacting or have it so much easier.

I don't go around bragging about being on a diet or anything. But I only wish that if people found out, they'd respect it instead of acting all insecure and making stupid comments. I have heard comments like "Oh, you don't need to be on a diet, how would you like to weigh 200lbs, I wish I weighed what you weigh! Oh, its just babyfat!! "

As for "overreacting". I don't understand why people think that either. If they weighed what I weigh, they would still want to lose weight and I'm sure that if they had a choice for the perfect body of their dreams, it wouldn't be mine. It would be like a 300lb person telling that 200lb person "You're only 200lbs, how would you like to weigh 300!" They wouldn't like it either. It's not a contest.

Losing weight or just eating healthy is hard no matter how much you weigh. I'm supportive of anyone who wants to lose. I just wish some people would understand and be supportive of why I want to lose.

Guess I'm speaking more from instances in real life, but I thought it kind of went with this post. But still, even on forums, we're all in this together but we're not competing.

Koko, Slim,

I don't pretend to speak for everyone in my size range, but here's my take.

First, I don't think it's "easy." I've lost 20 lbs this year, and not one of them was "easy," and I don't know why I should think yours are, either. If anything, you're likely to have a slower, more frustrating time than I'm having because you have so much less to lose -- or at least that's what I've heard. Truth is, you're right -- this isn't a contest.

Now, about "overreacting." This one's harder. There have been threads where people have suggested that people re-think their desire to achieve a weight that was lower than the "normal" range for their size. I haven't participated in those, and I'll assume this doesn't apply to either of you. To be honest, I don't tend to know those "normal" ranges off-hand because they simply don't apply to me, and I generally assume that if people want to lose weight, they probably have a reason for it.

I have, on occasion, posted a "you look great to me," or something similar when someone who did look great to me was lamenting about how awful the picture they just posted looked. I certainly didn't intend it as some kind of a back-handed slap, or as a way of negating their efforts. It was simply:
A) an honest comment, and
B) a gesture of support to someone who had done something couragous and was feeling a bit uncomfortable.

So my first suggestion is that when someone tells you that you look great, or even that you don't need to lose weight, it might be intended as an honest and supportive statement and not as an attempt to somehow undermine your efforts. It may be irritating, but it's not necessarily jealousy, or sabotage, or even insecurity.

As for people like me feeling discouraged when they read posts from people who have relatively little to lose -- and again, I can only speak for myself -- the discouragement doesn't come because you have so little to lose. Like I said at the top of my post, I know it's hard and I'm far from belittling your effort.

What can be terribly disspiriting to someone like me (and I'm probably about to make you say, "see, I told you!) is to hear someone who is smaller than I will or can ever be talking about how disgusting and ugly they look! And even now, I'm not saying that they don't have a right to their body image. I used to do the same thing back in the days when (I now know) I was normal sized, and I meant it. I really do understand that what a small (to my eyes, at least) person sees in the mirror can distress them as much as what I see distresses me. But when I hear that (or see it, for the purposes of this discussion) I can't help thinking that this person, if they saw me, would probably -- well, you get the picture.

I also know, of course, that when people make those comments they're expressing their own feelings and not making any sort of comment about me, and I'm in no way suggesting that they shouldn't make them. We're all here for the same reason, and we all need to say what we have to say. I'm just trying to explain how someone could find some of the discussions discouraging.

Oh, and one more thing: You'd be surprised. I think most people tend to dream within their realm of possibilty. I've never seen you, but I assure you that your body might well look like something that's beyond what someone else dreams is possible for them. I don't say this to make you feel badly, or to negate your own goals and desires -- I hope you meet them, and I'll do a happy dance for you when you do. It's just another thought -- if someone tells you they wished they looked like you, they just might be telling the truth.

--Ruth
(Who hopes this didn't offend anyone.)

Hi KoKo, and Slim

I think that no mattern how much someone wants to lose the reason they come here is to get support. So that is what everyone should be is supportive wether someone has to lose 200 pounds or 10. Also when someone only has to loose 20 pounds it can get really frustrating to them because they won't see thhose big whooshes that someone who needs to loose say 100 pounds gets. When you don't have alot to loose it is alot harder to loose it. You have alot more stalls for longer periods of time.Therefor someone who doesn't have alot to loose hasn't experienced those huge losses and that can be really frustrating for them. So I think you have all the right in the world to get frustrated sometimes, like we all do.



Jon

I've been very hesitant to jump into this discussion and I don't really need to right now because Ruth so fluently expressed most of what I feel on this topic. However, there is one thing that I want to add to Ruth's reply.

Just as those of us with a lot of weight to lose have to be careful not to misunderstand and trivialize that difficulties faced by people with less to lose, people with less to lose have to be careful not to assume they know how we feel.

I do disagree with this post by SlimShAdY:



I weighed between 180 and 184 all through my early to mid 20s --until I got pregnant with my first child at age 27. I was very comfortable with my body at that time and had no wish to be thinner. It was a healthy weight for me and I was easily able to maintain the weight. Please don't assume that everyone else's goal is the "perfect body," whatever that means. I will be happy if I can get to a weight below 200 and maintain that weight easily over the long-term.

I don't question your desire to weigh less and your desire for the perfect body. That may well be a reasonable goal for you. If I can do anything to support you on that quest, I will. I am just asking you to please not assume that I share that desire for myself.