hello


this post is just me venting...


...let me first admit that ...i have a long history of anorexia and starvation...

several years ago, i lost a tremendous amount of weight, by not eating ...and i did tremendous damage to my physical health, and even to my brain

then my father was in an accident that almost killed him, and has left him in a wheel chair, and, ever since, i have been his laborer (and have taken a lot of abuse from him)...

and i put back almost all the weight i had lost

...also, i live with my mother, and /she/ is abusive, and i live under really bad conditions -

i don't have consistent access to the right foods, refrigeration, cold drinks or even clean water...

and, in the last two months, i attempted to move away from my mother, but -

i also got left by my significant other of _15 years_,

and i crumbled, and gave up the apartment,

and in the space of two months, i have moved in AND OUT AGAIN - all my belongings, BY MYSELF - ON FOOT -


and i went from "low carbing," to starvation, because that is what i tend to do


and, heavy physical labor plus NOT EATING (and not drinking enough), you can might imagine ...this is bad news


i am AFRAID I HAVE CAUSED MYSELF KIDNEY DISEASE, BECAUSE...


...i have been trying to eat, and drink, consistently, but...

i find that i get dehydrated so fast, if i don't pound down so much water that i feel STUFFED,

i very soon after get this ...nasal drip/choking feeling, and i start almost vomiting----

like, i canNOT keep up with the constant need to pound down water


has anyone else had this happen to them?


...also, any weight i manage to lose, it comes right back, _and then some_ -

like, at the beginning of this week i had managed to lose 2 pounds,

but then, eating the same thing (low carb, or some days i attempt "ketogenic" because i thought that was helping me) the next day(s),

i gained back the 2 pounds -

and yesterday, out of feeling so sick with the almost vomiting, i ate - divided through the day -

2 ATKINS MEALS - half each time - and 2 bags of green beans - half each time -

with some added coconut oil,

and i drank macadamia milk (i don't usually),


and I GAINED ANOTHER 2 POUNDS, so now i am up 4 pounds----



but what is really making me want to throw in the towel, is the constant near-vomiting -


and i feel like i still have so much weight to lose, that i feel like i can't go on...


it makes me want to just go back to the old way of eating - carby foods that you can just snatch, you know ("oh, what's a little fiber one cheesecake square..."),

so at least i won't feel dehydrated like i have


...have any of you experienced this dehydration/near-vomiting thing?