And that's a good thing.

As a teenager and young adult, food was my drug. I could always feel better, momentarily, when I ate junk food. It was a major step forward for my mental health when I reached the point where I could manage my emotional eating.

But while I could distinguish psychological triggers from physiological ones; I was still helpless to figure out what the physical problems were; until I started eating in a low carb way.

Now I knew that when I ate a lot of carbs, this prompted my pancreas to release a giant batch of insulin; which made my blood sugar dive like a submarine under attack; which made me ready to eat the fridge door off the hinges.

Now; I eat a delicious meal, enjoy it; and then don't think about food for hours and hours.

It's different... but I like it.

Im still grieving the loss of binge mentality. As ridiculous as that sounds.

I know exactly what you mean.


Lee

I'm afraid I don't know what you mean. I'd be interested to try to understand. Bingeing used to make me weep with despair: despair at my helplessness over food; despair at hating what it was doing to my body and being unable to stop; despair at knowing I was hurting myself yet continuing to do it anyway. The freedom from binge mentality is one of the best things that's ever happened to me. Maybe THE best thing.

For me its like being an alcoholic, but with food. I hated my inability to control bingeing on certain foods, while at the same time loving those foods like they were my best friends. I wanted to be able to have them, I didn't want to give them up, I wanted more control over them.....but the high while having a binge is pretty hard to give up, and like any drug effect is wanted for itself.

Binge eating disorder can be a very complex thing, and it is entirely possible to hate and need something at the same time. Having to give up the thing you feel you need, and can't do without, does mean a process like grieving. an alcoholic or drug addict will also go through a grieving like process for their drug.

Lee

Thanks, Lee. Very clearly put. I think I understand now. I rarely give much thought to my drug-foods any more, but on Saturday night the waiter brought over a basket of hot, crusty bread. It doesn't usually bother me and I just ask them to remove it. But this time I had a momentary but distinct pang of regret that I couldn't fall face down into it, then order another basket, then another. I guess that pang was grief for the loss of bingeing.

Lee explained it better than I could have. Don't get me wrong; I love being smaller and I do not miss the despair. But I am sad and cry a lot because I miss bingeing... or something like that...

I see it as a dysfunctional relationship.

They were so cute and made me feel so happy when I saw them! But even though they didn't treat me well... I loved the feeling of being in love. If only they didn't make me fat/didn't make me sick/didn't make me crazy it would be perfect

Yes that's true

I'm three months into low carbing. I could really STUFF myself before. Whole boxes of cookies, loaves of bread. I'm shocked I wasn't a larger person.

And sometimes I do miss it. I miss the freedom of not thinking about what I put in my mouth. I think about every bite that goes into me now. It can be exhausting. Sometimes it feels a bit neurotic or obsessive.

What I do like is that almost everything I put into my body (except the cream in my tea) has actual nutritional value now. It useful fuel, not junk. That does make me feel good. I still can't be around sweets too much however.

I am still struggling with finding replacement habits. I got into shopping, but that's unsustainable, I got into working out, but I got tired of being away from my family. I know illfind something, and it will take time to establish my new life. Because essentially I'm reinventing myself as a non binger.

My replacement habit is ornamental gardening: it makes me feel better than junk food ever did, doesn't make me fat, and provides a useful means of exercise.

It is great to be able to look at a cake at someone's birthday party and exclaim "I don't need you!"

It was so soothing. And now that I've lost what I want to lose (well, within two pounds), the motivation of being thinner is waning.

I often feel itchy. I do meditation and yoga, but my crankiness is on the upswing. And the bloody holidays are coming. I hate Thanksgiving and Christmas. And not for the food specifically, but the whole family dynamics. Food used to help, but that isn't a healthy option now.

Booze? I joke! I hope. No, I joke.

Well I'm relieved that I no longer binge! I used to hate that feeling, laying in bed with reflux, a bloated tummy, IBS gurgling and intermittent cramps in my legs. Not to mention the weight gain and the blubber!

The best thing about this way of eating is simply feeling comfortable and slim. I also find that I dont think about food anymore, I have gained control over my eating problems - I put it down to ketosis, altho, lets face it, our eating issues have never been about hunger, inspite of what we used to tell ourselves.

Remember that these problems are "first world" problems (a comment my son often makes when I complain about something trivial as he puts it) - two thirds of the world are genuinely starving and dont have the luxury of bingeing!

Enjoy the feeling of freedom and enjoy your achievement!!

Jo xxx

Jsheridan, I actually think the cream is more nutritious than the tea unless it's herbal, antioxidant tea. Cream has fat and protein.
Don't feel guilty over it.
I really know what you mean about the freedom to just eat. I think about every bite as well and it truly is exhausting. This resistance is what led to my going off LC after a highly successful run, the first time around.