Oh gawd I LOVE this! Haha!

I have to comment again, I'm just in such disbelief at how rude some people can be! I've tolerated rude comments in terms of a shop worker to customer environment but those were from strangers. I just don't get how friends, family, even coworkers can spout such rubbish and think its okay!!!

Id does seem that family are more rude but then again, we are more apt to care what family says vs. a stranger.

A year ago we were doing a family weight loss challange. We each would put $5 in each month and weight, it was going great, everyone won at least once. My sister started seeing my ex husband and started packing on the pounds, the alcohol and going out to eat will do that to a girl (so can my ex). Anyway, she gained 8lbs one month and I had lost 7lbs that month. I was tickled to death, but not pleased when she stripped down in her bra and undies infront of my BF to weigh in. Mom thought it was funny, I was appolled! She weight, and everyone was quiet after her weight, then, Mom popped up, oh but your gaining muscle and lost fat, from all the wood cutting your doing. She had only cut and hauled wood 2twice, I was slightly irrked. Yes, I was pouting, Mom took the air out of my bubble and was trying to give it to my sister. All I ever get is that I look to skinny or sickly or my hips could be thinner.

We are all so competative! Women can be so bad about it, probably worse than men. Family can be really rude and nasty, like were sapposed to be all be honest and happy go lucky when someone makes a rude comment.

I finally told Mom how I felt when she started in about how great my sister looks (her favorite) and she couldn't believe that was a problem. she was just trying to make her feel better. I told her that she should be truthful or let it be, because she probably made my sister feel worse and me feel fat and ugly despite loosing all that weight.

We had one more group weigh in, BF joined in this time and wooped some butt He cut out junk food and any simple sugars, walla, he lost 12lbs and I lost 6 that month. I snagged all his money no one said a word and that was the last one we did. No one wanted to comment on his loose pants or my sister gaining more weight or my weight loss. Somehow, by stopping the comments, I ruined the fun.

I agree that it sounds like jealousy and disbelief. But since these folks have proven themselves to be poor evaluators, you are free to ignore what they say, yes?




I don't think a sincere compliment is ever annoying. But I try not to be personal on something that could be taken the wrong way.

Like I'm free with, "Oh, I've always liked you in that shirt," or "Green is your color," and then the person is free to tell me if they agree, and why.

I work with the homeless, and because of a combination of factors (lack of healthcare/lack of clothing and personal items/general common feeling of failure or depression/etc.), when I compliment them, I can never comment about their clothes or appearance or anything superficial. It has to be a genuine compliment, something uplifting or empowering like "I can tell you're a really hard worker, you have a great work ethic." Or "That was a very kind thing you did, you're a very giving person." So then after I worked at this shelter a while, I realized that people in general, in societies and even in families sometimes, don't pay each other genuine compliments on their character, just superficial ones of the "I like your shirt." variety. And then I noticed, when people say that to me, like someone will say "I like your shirt.", and I say "Thank you.", I'm like, why am I thanking this person? I bought this shirt, I paid for it with money, it's not like I wove the fabric and hand sewed a custom design and came up with this shirt, I probably bought it from walmart, thousands of other people own this shirt, it doesn't mean anything meritorious specific to me. And then I started at looking at the people in my life, my SO, my best friend, my other best friend (I don't have a biological family, so, this is the best I can do to relate to you guys), and thinking about how little I express my genuine appreciation for what they bring to my life. So I changed that and so now, (kindof) just like the emotional kid gloves I wear to treat with the residents at the shelter, I just sort of allow my conversation with the important people in my life room for being matter-of-factly heartfelt with them.

My rambling point is that there are compliments, and then there are compliments. I just kind of thought the thread had steered toward the nature of what we say when we comment on another person to that person, and thought I would interject my 2 cents.

Oh tragedian, what a beautiful post!!!

I understand. As you see from my stats, I've lost a bit. Wear a 10 or a medium, down from a 3X/22.

Going costume shopping totally destroyed my confidence as I wasn't even able to fit into an XL. Surrounded by girls in their early 20's swimming in their sizes small and large.

Reminding me that despite everything im still very far away from my goal. Feels rotten.

But I know the day will come when this all changes. I don't know how I know, but I do. This sense of envisioning my goal is the reason why I've got as far as I have this year (went from 199 to lowest of 156).