Got to get motivated. What do I do? Reaching danger zone.
Was going to post this week, but couldn't remember my password and kept entering to many guesses each time. Finally remembered it.
Cannot get motivated to stick with this 20 carbs or less-a-day program. I know how to do it. I like doing it. But I just see other foods I want and eat them. Went on a medical diet for a while -- at UCLA Risk Assesment Obesity Clinic. I am overweight by about 15 pounds or so, but not clinically obese. I need to lose weight to keep my blood pressure down. I need to do that to prevent a heart abnormality from getting worse. It could be a very dangerous abnormality. But I am in a slump and cannot seem to get motivated to come out of it through a correct eating program/WOL and exercise. Where is my energy and motivation? Why can't I rise to the occasion?
Got lots going on: trying to throw away, give away or sell 85 percent of what I own so I can sell my house and have to pare down to do that. Plus I cannot take most of my 'home' furniture with me to use at the beach house because that already is furnished. So deciding what I want is so hard. That, plus very involved in several community groups. Plus some emotionally draining issues (good ones, I guess, but difficult ones) with son. So, I'm always behind. Can't seem to get ahead of the game even though I lead a blessed life in many ways. Not sure what the secret is.
I guess part of the problem is that being so busy I'm inclined to eat up the rest of the Nutrisystem food that I ordered the last time I tried that diet, which was several months ago. I couldn't even do THAT properly. I wouldn't read the directions. I ate much more than I was supposed to eat. Just -- when it came to doing it-- engaged in self sabotage.
Am I afraid of looking too good again? I am letting the gray grow out (though it is a really pretty gray and I went to the hair stylish and she wove some other colors into it. I didn't want to have to keep doing my roots.)
I have not been into dating since I booted out my last boyfriend of 14 years. Just not interested. And yet, AM sort of interested, but not attracted to anyone my age, really. Am I hiding from men by being overweight and feeling ugly? (I'm still not ugly, but just not happy with myself. Feel very porky.)
I took off 15 pounds fairly easily at the UCLA clinic, but then Thanksgiving happened. I made it through just fine. But then Christmas and New Year's happened and I finally caved. I kept going to the program every Saturday, though, and did not gain anything back, but I had to miss a number of meetings because of an intense work project in which I was so involved that all I did was sit at my computer and work . . . and eat.
Still didn't gain because I was going as often as I could. But, one Saturday -- apparently -- was the day when they collect the money for the next month. My attendance had been irregular at best.
Then, all of a sudden, I saw that all my appointments had been erased from my computerized UCLA medical schedule. I guess they kicked me out.
So, I thought, "That's okay. I had great success with the Low Carb Forum. I don't need them anyway." It took me a while to get here. I cannot even bare to look to see how much I have gained back. I cannot gain any more back.
I have to get motivated. What do I do?