One of the biggest things I struggle with as I lose weight is not knowing who I will be when I do reach my goals? Except for a two year period at the end of High School (and I am 38 now) I have never been a "normal weight." More so, I feel like much of my personality is built around being the "funny fat guy" or the "fat friend." As you can see from my numbers, I haven't just been the chubby friend but the massively fat guy, at times bordering on shut in due to my weight. That is definitely not a happy place to be personally and even now, at a "functioning fat" level, I still worry about what will happen. It is this fear of not knowing who I will "become" that has often sabotaged me in the past as I have gotten close to my goals. I panic and retreat back into my old ways because they are comfortable and they are what I know.

Has anyone else dealt with these fears? I am just wondering how people have tried to prepare themselves for what comes next.

While I do not have the same stats as you I somewhat understand because I went from a free-spirited, working gal to a stay at home mother. I did not know who I would become. Now after having my child I still do not know "who" I am. I struggle with similar issues and being fat definitely shields me from trying to think about who I am. It's tough.

Self sabotage and seeking familiarity are certainly helped by knowing this is what you have done in the past. Simply knowing this will mean you at least know what you do and can target those behaviors from now until goal achievement is in sight, and beyond. Maybe start with some affirmations.

I wish you all the best

So you can be the funny guy minus the fat. You will still be you, just thinner and healthier. You have done an amazing job so far, keep it up!!

That's why it is very important to do the "inside" make over as well as the outside.

Thank you all for your great responses! I definitely agree that I need to do as much work on my insides as I do my outsides. And yarralea I certainly hope that you are right. Perhaps this time I can be more aware of the problems and triggers before I crash into them.

You can become whoever YOU want to be. Don't let other people decide that for you. Ever. I know that's easier said than done, but it's a very powerful notion that you are the master of your own fate. I was overweight or obese from about age 11 or 12 until a couple years ago. I feel like I'm the same person though, just a smaller, more confident version of myself. I realize that you are coming from a different, more limited place perhaps than I was, but I think that there is still some kernel of truth to this for you as well. You can still be funny and a great friend--my husband was the "funny fat guy"....and he's still a funny guy, just 90 pounds lighter

I definitely agree that working on body image and other emotional issues that tie into obesity are extremely important. Come visit us in the TDC--we have some great threads there on the very issues that you are discussing. There are many links in the Best of TDC sticky thread at the top of that sub-forum.

--Melissa

These are normal feelings and thoughts to have. What you need to tell yourself is that your weight, your appearance in general does not define who you are! I don't believe that losing weight will result in a "slightly improved" version of myself, I think I'll still be me, just as smart, just as goofy, but healthier and satisfied that I have accomplished a goal. I have a friend who lost a lot of weight and what changed in regards to my attitude towards her is that I know have more admiration for how strong and determined she is. Other than that, she's still my friend, just as I knew her before. Change often takes time to adjust, but the good news is that the change is happening gradually, so you have time to reflect on who you are and finding your true self.

Melissa and rosejamm thank you so much for your thoughtful posts, You are both indeed right. It really is about me being able to realize that I don't have to define myself by past models and I can look at myself as a whole person. Now to do the work to get myself there mentally!

And Melissa, I will definitely be popping in the TDC, sorry I missed your post until today!

Mike