It's really really hard for me to reconcile how I looked then with how I look now - mostly, I still see how I looked then when I look in the mirror now. :-/ I know this is very common, but I've been at this weight (give or take 10 pounds) for 18 months now. I still can't let go of things about my body that bother me - the jiggly loose stomach, which is a combination of the kids and the weight but mostly the kids, is the main thing.

So I'm trying to get some self-esteem back. I'm not sure how to do it. In the past, I've been quite self-deprecating about it. One of the biggest ego boosts I had for the longest time was walking into a bar on a Friday and getting hit on and/or stared at. I'm seeing someone now, so I'm not terribly interested in that and it would be fairly disrespectful to him if I was, but I still have this feeling (because my ex was such as ~$$) that men lie. I can never really believe him as much as I'd like to when he tells me I'm beautiful.

One of the things a girlfriend suggested, that I plan on doing, is have some boudoir photos taken to see myself in a different light entirely (also makes a novel birthday present for the man!). I just have this fear that I'll see them and hate them, or I'll show them to him and he'll make a negative comment.

On that front, I'm going to Fredrick's tonight to shop for a few corsets and cutesy get-ups. I need to get in a frame of mind where I don't need to look perfect and focus on the whole package, rather than the areas I don't like. I just don't know how to do that. Any advice? Thanks for reading the rant...

Trust me, please trust me on this...He won't say a negative comment about the boudior shots. He will love them!

I used to work for a photographer who took boudior shots. I sometimes assisted in the session, but I was the one who prepared the images for showing. It was usually middle aged women who wanted the shots for their husband/boyfriend.

Now, I had to learn how to view the pics the way a man does. A woman looks at her hair, face, and fat. A man looks at the curves. Not necessarily showing everything, but enough and the rest to imagination. A man likes boobs, legs, butt & curves. I would have to "teach" the subject to not cringe at the photos, but to appreciate them as a man does. It took some coaching from me to help them choose the right shots for their man and to build up their confidence.

If you have a male photographer, let him help you and trust him. If you have a woman who can think like a man, trust her. If you don't trust anyone, take a man friend with you and let him help you choose the right poses.

I bet you look awesome and your man truely appreciates every inch of your body, curves and all. He does not care about your imperfections, not one bit! He loves the fact that you are a woman and so different from him. This is what he desires and this is what you have!

Wow, fiftygirl, thanks for posting that! One of the things he frequently says, in one way or another, is that he finds "me" beautiful and the parts that aren't so hot don't even factor in. I've had a hard time wrapping my mind around that statement, because, as a woman, all I see when I hop out of the shower is a...well, not pretty. LoL!

My best girlfriend, who took my after photos, will probably be taking these. If she can't, a photographer (very older male) who she does digital retouching for will be doing them, and I've seen his work, he's amazing.

I'm not sure how "boudoir" we will go with these. I anticipate showing only a slight amount of skin, barely more than with a tank top on, but my girlfriend wants to play up some personality traits that identify me. May be TMI, but since I'm a hat fanatic, she wants to sub a hat for a shirt. She's loving the idea and I'm more than a little afraid of what will come of it. Not that I'm uncomfortable doing it, but it's so foreign and potentially devastating, I almost want to let fear take over and skip it.

Since you used to work with this, would you mind if I sent you a PM for some pointers on what works/what doesn't?

Sure you can pm me. I am not sure how to do it.

Thanks, fiftygirl. I sent you a PM (upper right corner )

I'm really have a hard time of it today. I've been working out, eating right, and I'm feeling MORE insecure. It's almost like the more I focus my efforts, the more I obsess over all my imperfections. Had the DUMBEST fight with the man today - he did something stupid, but I turned a mole hill into a nuclear meltdown and have been crying on/off since about 12:30 this afternoon.

I'm really beginning to think I need to see a therapist who specializes in body image issues.

I had the photos taken. It was an awesome experience, especially since the photographer is one of my best friends. I felt completely comfortable when she said things like, "Now, unbutton your shirt. No, no, don't worry about your tummy, we'll just keep that out of frame." Haha friends are wonderful!

I can't say I feel more confident having done that, but seeing myself on film in that way helped put things into perspective. I still think I need to lose more weight, but the photographic evidence makes it seem less extreme than I thought before.

You, Altari, are absolutely amazing, wonderful, and deserving of unconditional love. It does not matter in the slightest how much you weigh, what you think when you look in the mirror, or who does/does not hit on you in a bar.

I completely understand wanting/needing to lose some weight. BUT - that has nothing to do with your self-esteem.

You rock! You rock right now, exactly the way you are.

Look up at the clouds and tell me which ones aren't quite right. Tell me which ones don't deserve to be appreciated. Tell me which ones bother you.

None of them? Of course! They're all perfect, just like you are perfect RIGHT NOW.

And, regarding your man...there is nothing sexier than self-confidence. You could be model-thin and hate yourself, or VERY voluptous and believe yourself to be a sex bomb...which one do you think he would respond to?

It all starts with you. Love yourself and everyone else will too.

Love this! You guys rock! Such a beautiful message, that everyone struggling with body images should see.

Congrats on doing this! I'm sure the photos turned out amazing, and I'm convinced your husband really appreciates them. This a step forward in accepting your body. Women are often way too critical with themselves, we see flaws in ourselves that no one else notices and we worry about things that don't even matter to men. I remember a few years back talking to my then boyfriend about how insecure I was over my nose and how I though it was way too big. His reply? He said he didn't even notice there was anything wrong with my nose and that he thought I had a great ass )
It just goes to show you than men don't pay that much attention to details as we do and we often worry too much instead of enjoying our bodies and being happy with ourselves!