Hey everyone! I'm relatively new here, I lurk these forums a lot but don't really post. But after quite possibly the worst weekend ever I'm in need of some serious reassurance

So, a bit of background. A few months ago I met this guy on Tinder (I know right, there was my first mistake). We hit it off immediately and since then we have been texting each other all day everyday. Spoke on the phone regularly, sent each other quite, uh, revealing photos, and for somebody I had yet to meet in person I found myself clicking with this man moreso than I have with nearly anyone else in my past. We had attempted to meet a few times, but due to our conflicting work schedules (he worked a regular 9-5 job, myself a shift worker) it became difficult as I am usually unavailable weekends. Nevertheless, we continued with our constant flirting and were open about how nuts we were about each other. I'm 100% certain he wasn't seeing anybody else (neither was I) and we both agreed that we would hold out for each other to see where things went.

Cut to last Saturday. We finally are able to meet up and go for dinner and a couple of drinks, followed by a late night game of tenpin. Everything went wonderfully, and then we both eventually went home. He was a complete gentleman, everything I anticipated him to be, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The next day however he was quite rude in his texts, and not his normal friendly self. I finally ask him what has brought his attitude on and he tells me its due to the fact that I'm a completely different size to what he thought I looked like in all my photos I sent him and he doesn't want anything to do with me now because he feels I "led him on".

I'm almost 30lbs down now and was finally starting to feel happy again with the way I look, however this has left me feeling so down about everything. My question is, should I get back in contact with this man after I do get back down to the weight I was a few years ago. Or should I just forget and move on? Despite what an asshole it seems he was to me, he was genuinely one of the nicest, interesting and generous people I've ever met. And I'm completely gutted that this all seemed to end before it really begun

Girl RUN as fast as you can away from him.. He is not worth your time. He is shallow, he is obviously not "one of the nicest people" if he judges you because of your weight or what he perceived you to weigh.

Believe me, I have gone through this and if you stay with him or even try to get with him again after you "lose weight" it will lead to heart ache. More than likely he will not be faithful, and seriously why put yourself through that? There are PLENTY men out there that will respect you for you and not judge you for you clothing size!

You should already know the answer to that question, NO. This man doesn't want to see you any more due to your weight, he may like you thinner but do you really want a man like that? What happens if you do loose weight, happy with him for some time and then you gain the weight back (as many do)? He will probably dump you for the next available skinny gal. He's immature and only sees the size of you, not the person you are.

Ignore him, no more texts and go on with your life. There are plenty of men that will love you for the way you are, heavy or thin.

^What they said. If I met a guy online and for whatever reason, he just wasn't that attractive to me in real life as what I imagined from online interaction, I'd be gracious about it and just say "I wasn't really feeling it" or something like that.

The only excuse I would make for him is if you were pestering him for a reason why he didn't want to see you again... well, never ask a question like that if you don't really want to hear the truth. Men tend to be direct and just tell us the truth if we insist that we want to hear it. But if he was being rude before that point, there's definitely no excuse.

Be proud of yourself and use this to fuel your determination to keep going. Imagine if/when you happen to run into him in the future. You'll be all, "in your face!"

(ETA) BTW, welcome. Post here more. Here, and anywhere else where you have a passion and like to discuss it. I met the guy I'm going to marry on twitter. To heck with dating sites. Go where people are just naturally themselves.

Uhh, no. Because if his feelings for you are dependent on your size, you may find yourself with a man that leaves you a few years into marriage after the kids and life gets in the way of your exercise routine and diet. The guy is a total jerk to change that way, and it actually sounds to me like HE led YOU on. Find yourself a man that will love you for you and not your size. You sound like a lovely person, don't sell yourself short by being a slave to that guy's whims.

And welcome!

This man-child immature and shallow idiot is not worthy of you.
You can, and should, do better. You deserve someone who loves *you* not a body type.
Continue to lose weight for *yourself*. You will find someone worthy of your affection and time. Anything else and you are selling yourself horribly short!
......................him -> curb

Hi Heisenberg, ^ agree! everything said above and, you already DO know that someone like that is not someone you want in your life. Real love is supportive, not judgmental. Forget about that guy. Instead: Concentrate on you and all you have accomplished! Almost 30 pounds gone is FABULOUS!!! You are WORTH IT, you have to put YOU first and don't waste ANY of your energy on someone so shallow.

Most important, don't let this upsetting emotional turn of events derail you! Stay strong and stay FOCUSED. DO what ever works for you: re-read your book, eat your favorite ON PLAN food...touch base with a true friend who cares about you and spend some quality time together.

Keep thinking to yourself, an internal mantra:I am on a journey!
(and don't let some jerk affect the path to health you are on)

...WELCOME!!! and Keep posting! The more the merrier!

PS I spent about 10 months in Oz and lived in Sydney for about 2- LOVE IT!

Move on and find someone who appreciates you and also was he "all that" to look at???? If it were me, I'd have sent a return text saying something along the lines that you're so relieved he said that, cos you didnt find him attractive in the slightest either!!


....... and dont be blinded by him being "a gentleman" that just first date rubbish, they can all pull that one

Jo xxx

Lose weight for you. Not for anybody else. Hopefully on your weight loss journey, you'll gain the self confidence you need to know that that guys doesn't deserve you. If he was a real gentleman, he wouldn't have let your weight bothered him.

Think yourself lucky that you didn't meet him when you'd lost more weight. Just imagine if you'd got into a serious relationship with him before the mask slipped. He sounds like a horrible person, and you had a very lucky escape. As Kristine says, there are ways to let someone down gently.. especially after you'd felt so close to eachother. He's just cruel.

I don't know what Tinder is, but I believe that you can find love anywhere.. It's just that you have to put time into a lot of frogs before one of them turns into a balding, pot-bellied prince.

Don't waste your time on the Mr. Wrongs of this world.. Also don't invest time in someone who seems to be avoiding meeting you.. If you've exchanged a few emails with someone, and chatted to them on the phone, arrange to meet in a public place with a friend in tow for the initial meeting. Don't send revealing photos either - you don't know to whom you're sending them, or where they'll end up. Make time to meet him, and push him to do the same, so you can suss him out. If he seems lukewarm about meeting you, or keeps coming out with excuses, then move on and look for someone else. If he really thought you were a romantic possibility, he'd make the time to meet. I suspect that this guy you met was just a game-player and time-waster.

This thread is old, but I missed it back when it was active. From what I understand Tinder is a magnet for shallow people who judge others based on their looks.

So... it sounds like people who are like that can find one another on this app. You might want to consider some other way to meet guys.

I'm not a big fan of online dating from my brief foray into that realm. It made me feel like I was 15 years old again. People were stupid and shallow.

Also, most people can interact well over text medium but can be totally different once you get to know them. So don't get too invested until you've had a few dates.

OMG, the guy stayed through hours of dinner, drinks, and a late night game of tenpin, masking his dislike for this young woman's size the whole time?! Why on earth didn't he politely end the evening after dinner? Imagine being locked into a marriage with someone who can hide their feelings that well. I hope Heisenberg will never be in touch with him or anyone as creepy-scary again.

I've had better luck than Nancy with online dating. I've met quite a lot of men and all of them have been courteous and interesting, even when the chemistry didn't click. I've had two really worthwhile relationships from it. That said, I am the pickiest person I know when it comes to men. I choose very carefully who I'll meet. I prefer to keep the emails, phone calls and texting to a minimum because none of it means much until you meet face to face and can look into someone's eyes. And if there's no chemistry in person, a polite acknowledgement of that and good wishes for their continued search for the right person ends the meeting on a high (or at least a positive) note. Of course, being older has probably EVERYTHING to do with it. We can still be shallow but a lot of the meanness and callousness has gone.

I wonder how Heisenberg is...

Excuse my language, but **** HIM!! He's an insensitive jerk and he did you a huge favor by cutting off contact. Rejection hurts but trust me he's not worth your tears. My advice is keep focusing on yourself and your goals and one day Mr.Wonderful will come along and give you the respect and attention you deserve. Good luck

I know this is an old thread, but, to direct, probably because he was hoping she might sleep with him.
There are plenty of men out there who don't want date an overweight woman in any serious capacity, but are perfectly willing to have sex with them if they're willing to give it. I've had VERY blatant offers of one night stands or friends-with-benefits situations (on one horrifying occasion from a married man while his wife was across room!), but not all that many traditional dates.