I'm in a relationship that is not making me happy. In fact it has become one of my chief sources of stress. This Person has known me at my thinest and most fit. He likes me that way a lot. He also appears to like me just fine now with 20 extra Pounds. The problem is that I know I want out but am very worried about getting that to happen. I've tried before and always get Sucked back in. I think I'm dealing with a double whammy because not only am I eating due to emotional crap, lm eating to subconciously make myself less attractive to him. So twisted. I do not want to wind up with tons of extra weight to lose. What kind of self talk should I be employing here? I know o gotta lose the guy but that process is going to be delicate. Help me not destroy myself in the meantime!

You are in a tough position.... I'm sorry you find yourself here.

You need to always make sure ot take care of you! Make "you" a priority and anything that takes away from your self esteem or self worth should not be part of "you".

While it's hard to walk away, isn't it harder to stay in a relationship you are not happy in?

With regard to emotional eating, ask yourself if eating XXX will make you feel better or worse about yourself and then put it back in the fridge/cupboard. If hunger isn't the problem, food isn't the answer.

You are important. You deserve to be happy. You are a worthy person. You deserve better.

Go for it.

Julie

Thank you, Julie. I feel like you understand the strange nature of self-talk. I've overcome other things in the past - including addiction to cigarettes. I must learn how this "beast" operates so I can outsmart it.

An update is that I have technically said goodbye to that bad-for-me realtionship. No, it's not the first time this has been attempted but I think this might be it. It was not as painful and gut wrenching as I thought it would be. Thank goodness he's self centered enough to break up with me first once he figured out where my conversation was going!

Eating is not back on track. Have just begun looking at Overeaters Annonymous stuff. Some of it seems to be speaking to me. Would be wonderful to have some answers. Even though low carb helps a lot, I can't go forever on willpower alone.

Thanks again! Just like quitting cigarettes, I find that my respect for the enemy (binge eating) has grown and I now understand I need bigger and better weapons to defeat said enemy.

Best of luck and lots of success, Susan.

Take care of yourself, Julie

PS - I used to be a counsellor, guess it shows LOL

Every unhappy relationship I was in I gained 80 or 90 lbs.
It didn't do me any favours because I left the relationship ANYWAY...only VERY heavy and IMO, "unmarketable."

Leaving is hard and frightening...but you will be free. Do it before you get to a point that you really damage yourself. The longer you leave it the harder it is to get back.

Good luck!