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  #76   ^
Old Sun, Mar-05-06, 22:00
AZDweller's Avatar
AZDweller AZDweller is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,132
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 271/269/154 Female 5 feet, 6 inches
BF:43.7/..../24.9
Progress: 2%
Location: Arizona
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And more hugs.

Time to just put him aside. Be friendly, but no more flirting, no more small talk. Be too busy when he's around. Not only will it drive him insane (boy, now the tables are turned!), but it will be reality. You are through with him and that opens your eyes to other guys.
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  #77   ^
Old Mon, Mar-06-06, 14:35
EMKAY 53's Avatar
EMKAY 53 EMKAY 53 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 755
 
Plan: ATKINS
Stats: 192/138/125 Female 5 FEET 3 INCHES
BF:I/Don't/Know
Progress: 81%
Location: Calgary, Alberta
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Awww,

I had hoped it wouldn't turn out like that, but I am so proud of the way you handled it. Very strong. I know it was painful to fake it, but you did GREAT. Plus he didn't get the satisfaction of seeing you break down. Believe it or not this is a good thing. You don't have to waste your time any more. If it was me where he was concerned I would just always in the future have something way better to do either real or otherwise. You don't need his grief. Move on pretty girl.

I am also glad to hear you are coming around where Marcy is concerned..I bet she could use a little support....sorry...wrong fricken word choice

Anyways...Take Care Vgal and be strong...like you already are....if you were my daughter I would be pretty darn proud.

Leanna
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  #78   ^
Old Thu, Mar-09-06, 11:15
Vgal Vgal is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 261
 
Plan: South Beach Diet
Stats: 198/137/120 Female 5'3
BF:25.2
Progress: 78%
Location: California, USA
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Thank you for your support. I can't help but think, my words stung him just a little bit. Maybe he expected me to break down, hence the "Have a good time" comment, as if he could break me. I'm too numb to feel much of anything anymore.

And there was this little part of me that wanted the fantasy, and still I knew it couldn't come true.

My friends are all saying, he doesn't deserve you and he's not good enough or worse calling him a loser. But think about it, if he's a loser, what does that make me? The girl who wasn't even good enough to be considered by a LOSER? And worse I know three of his past girlfriends and several of his former conquests - he's pretty much an equal oppty. player and he still doesn't want me? I threw myself at him and I guess I overestimated just how desperate he is/was.

I am a fool of my own creation. I'm going to his gig on Saturday but only to show him that things are fine. Our relationship hasn't changed. I don't really want to go, but I have to otherwise it will indicate that he had something over me. I will put on the best performance of my life.... I will have friends there to egg me on and it will be fine. I had this really cute little blouse I had bought to wear with a pair of skinny jeans I can finally fit into, but I don't really feel in the mood..... I mean, its like why bother?
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  #79   ^
Old Thu, Mar-09-06, 11:26
yogamom's Avatar
yogamom yogamom is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 255
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 150/124/100 Female 4 feet 11 inches
BF:38%/25%/20%
Progress: 52%
Location: SW Florida
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Why bother? To make him crazy--not out of desperation, but for the ego boost of getting attention. Then, blow him off. Be cute, have a great time, flirt a little, and act like he doesn't matter. I haven't read the entire thread, so I may be speaking out of turn, but its possible that he finds your WL intimidating. Like you're now out of his league. I have a friend, who, as she was losing weight, her BF became abusive. It's entirely possible that he's the loser, and realizes that you're too good for him!
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  #80   ^
Old Thu, Mar-09-06, 11:44
yogamom's Avatar
yogamom yogamom is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 255
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 150/124/100 Female 4 feet 11 inches
BF:38%/25%/20%
Progress: 52%
Location: SW Florida
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Re: the boobs.
A good friend of mine just got hers done, and they're nice, and she's happy with them, but we went out of town this weekend, and I completely talked myself out of getting them. I ALWAYS wanted to have the surgery, but as I found her getting attention for JUST her chest, and I was (with my small, 2 wellfed kids pair) getting attention all around with my smaller waistline, it really hit home. I want to feel beautiful, not like huge breasts and nothing more. Looking in the shop windows, I was gravitating more and more to the kind of shirts that Goldie Hawn could get away with without looking skanky. Surprisingly, many men seemed pleased with my small, natural chest. My DH has been VERY resistant to the idea of my getting auged, and this weekend, I began to see his point. Sexy comes in all shapes and sizes, but nothing is sexier than plain old fashioned confidence. My recent WL gave me more confidence than I had in years, and my friends new chest did not make her any more comfortable with her body than before. Take it one step at a time, and whatever you decide, decide for you! What will make someone fall in love with you is your strong sense of self. And they will love ALL of you. My DH has always loved my "droopy little boobs" and as I become happier with my body, I am becoming more receptive to the possibility that I AM enough for him--our self-image can be toxic, or work miracles in our lives. My heart goes out to you girl. You will make a very lucky man very happy.
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  #81   ^
Old Thu, Mar-09-06, 12:17
EMKAY 53's Avatar
EMKAY 53 EMKAY 53 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 755
 
Plan: ATKINS
Stats: 192/138/125 Female 5 FEET 3 INCHES
BF:I/Don't/Know
Progress: 81%
Location: Calgary, Alberta
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Okay Vgal,


You are forcing my motherly hand here...time for a little tough love. You are doing great!!!!Just accept it. Boobs do NOT make the woman!!!!Just accept it. This guy is a HUGE loser...for responding like such a pig when someone lays out their feelings for him!Accept this!!!You are NOT a loser, or desperate or whatever other mean things you have to say about yourself...drop it and him. No more pity parties...put on your fricken skinny jeans and your cute blouse, get your hair done and feel good about being you. Go to that party...have a blast...meet someone new. Quit beating yourself up and acting like a doormat...he's treating you like you treat yourself. It is OVER between you two. If he came back tomorrow and said he changed his mind I would hope you could tell him that this ship has sailed. Come on now!!!Let's go, this negative attitude is weighing you down. If you don't want thereapy you are going to have to do this for yourself. You can DO it, but you REALLY, REALLY have to change your outlook.

If you were my daughter I'd tell her the same thing. You are in a funk...I get that, but enough's enough you need to get back in the game. I have no doubt you are a very pretty girl and you can't account for this door knob's taste, so quit berrating yourself.

Go to the party, but don't look for his approval. Go meet some new people and your friends. Vaidate yourself, and don't let some man be the one to do that. I realize this is tougher than I have been, but your self attitude is terrible my dear. I hope I havn't offended. I just really want you to see what I can see without meeting you. I have been in places like you are where you just feel so frigging lousy, but take it from me...if you let this go too long, you will be lonely on top of it all. My friends didn't want to hang around with someone who constantly is so negative. You have to pull yourself up.

I sincerely hope things get better for you chickie

Take Care and be Gentle On Yourself,
Leanna
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  #82   ^
Old Thu, Mar-09-06, 12:37
deb34 deb34 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,902
 
Plan: IF/Keto OMAD
Stats: 236.9/214.1/199 Female 66 inches
BF:Why yes/it/is !!!
Progress: 60%
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Quote:
I would simply walk behind them and bend over and start talking to their butt - and when they ask what you were doing, tell them that you couldn't tell the difference between their ass and their face.



i'm killing myself laughing here, probably in reality you couldn't do it but when these awkward situations, just picture yourself doing it to them and have a good laugh(but don't tell them why you're laughing). Just walk away and leave them wondering if you're laughing at them... sweet.
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  #83   ^
Old Thu, Mar-09-06, 13:23
Vgal Vgal is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 261
 
Plan: South Beach Diet
Stats: 198/137/120 Female 5'3
BF:25.2
Progress: 78%
Location: California, USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yogamom
Re: the boobs.
A good friend of mine just got hers done, and they're nice, and she's happy with them, but we went out of town this weekend, and I completely talked myself out of getting them. I ALWAYS wanted to have the surgery, but as I found her getting attention for JUST her chest, and I was (with my small, 2 wellfed kids pair) getting attention all around with my smaller waistline, it really hit home. I want to feel beautiful, not like huge breasts and nothing more. Looking in the shop windows, I was gravitating more and more to the kind of shirts that Goldie Hawn could get away with without looking skanky. Surprisingly, many men seemed pleased with my small, natural chest. My DH has been VERY resistant to the idea of my getting auged, and this weekend, I began to see his point. Sexy comes in all shapes and sizes, but nothing is sexier than plain old fashioned confidence. My recent WL gave me more confidence than I had in years, and my friends new chest did not make her any more comfortable with her body than before. Take it one step at a time, and whatever you decide, decide for you! What will make someone fall in love with you is your strong sense of self. And they will love ALL of you. My DH has always loved my "droopy little boobs" and as I become happier with my body, I am becoming more receptive to the possibility that I AM enough for him--our self-image can be toxic, or work miracles in our lives. My heart goes out to you girl. You will make a very lucky man very happy.


Without trying to offend, maybe older men dig small waists because I've never heard a man compliment a woman on having a small waist! If that were the case, I'd never be turned down anything! I'm quite sure your friend wasn't getting attention simply for her chest. Maybe its the fact that she can walk with her head held high or wear form fitting clothes, the type of stuff she would have been embarrassed to prior to the surgery. I have a whole idea of the wardrobe I'd wear if I had boobs, sexy tops and lingerie. I even kept dresses that I thought, "Maybe some day....." I know this is self destructive on one hand, but I haven't given up that dream. I think the WL has helped bring my self esteem back up, lord knows when I was a fat chubbo I wasn't putting it out there, but it has also served to emphasize those areas I can't change which in some ways has made me feel worse. Does that make sense? Yeah, the man who loves me will love all of me. With the prevalence of plastic surgery becoming the norm, why should he have to? The attitude will soon become if it hasn't already, "Why don't you get that fixed?" And I'm not saying it's right, but it just is.

P.S. I believe I could make a lucky man very happy too. So far, no takers.
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  #84   ^
Old Thu, Mar-09-06, 13:42
Vgal Vgal is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 261
 
Plan: South Beach Diet
Stats: 198/137/120 Female 5'3
BF:25.2
Progress: 78%
Location: California, USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EMKAY 53
Okay Vgal,


You are forcing my motherly hand here...time for a little tough love. You are doing great!!!!Just accept it. Boobs do NOT make the woman!!!!Just accept it. This guy is a HUGE loser...for responding like such a pig when someone lays out their feelings for him!Accept this!!!You are NOT a loser, or desperate or whatever other mean things you have to say about yourself...drop it and him. No more pity parties...put on your fricken skinny jeans and your cute blouse, get your hair done and feel good about being you. Go to that party...have a blast...meet someone new. Quit beating yourself up and acting like a doormat...he's treating you like you treat yourself. It is OVER between you two. If he came back tomorrow and said he changed his mind I would hope you could tell him that this ship has sailed. Come on now!!!Let's go, this negative attitude is weighing you down. If you don't want thereapy you are going to have to do this for yourself. You can DO it, but you REALLY, REALLY have to change your outlook.

If you were my daughter I'd tell her the same thing. You are in a funk...I get that, but enough's enough you need to get back in the game. I have no doubt you are a very pretty girl and you can't account for this door knob's taste, so quit berrating yourself.

Go to the party, but don't look for his approval. Go meet some new people and your friends. Vaidate yourself, and don't let some man be the one to do that. I realize this is tougher than I have been, but your self attitude is terrible my dear. I hope I havn't offended. I just really want you to see what I can see without meeting you. I have been in places like you are where you just feel so frigging lousy, but take it from me...if you let this go too long, you will be lonely on top of it all. My friends didn't want to hang around with someone who constantly is so negative. You have to pull yourself up.

I sincerely hope things get better for you chickie

Take Care and be Gentle On Yourself,
Leanna


To quote Yogamom, he's not "intimidated by my WL", on the contrary I think it's what spurned on his interest in the first place. When I was heavier, I was just a nameless, faceless blob; one of the adoring masses. Once I started losing weight and dressing better and taking care of my appearance, things changed. He changed. Last year, he started coming on to me. It was one of those things that I didn't even realise, naive thing that I am. I mean, HIM like ME!?!?? That stuff only happens in fairy tales or movies. The fat girl snags the hot guy..... I never really believed it or took it seriously, maybe that was MY problem. Ah, the beginning of the end.

I can say that my lack of self confidence didn't enhance the whole drama since if I'd had any balls, I would have taken him up on his offer the first go around instead of playing the whole "Should I or shouldn't I" game. I couldn't ever imagine having sex with him. Oh god, I haven't lost enough weight! I'm not skinny enough! I haven't gotten the implants yet! At this rate, I'll either never have sex again or won't have sex till I'm 45

Maybe its just better that way given my current situation. I'm going to his performance on Saturday to make a point. I'll be there, smiling and laughing as usual. I'll also bear witness to the next lucky "victim", whom he'll later confess to me all about as if nothing has changed. And we'll laugh at his foolishness while I lecture him. Then maybe I'll go into hibernation for a while. We don't live in a vacuum, therefore we DO need other people to validate us to a certain extent. You dress a certain way to garner attention, to feel appreciated and if no one does, that makes you feel bad doesn't it? You can't say that it doesn't make you feel like you just wasted hair products and makeup. I need someone else to make me feel value, bottom line. Yeah, you may think that's wrong or sad or whatever, but it's true. He doesn't think I'm anything worthwhile, then I must not be. I don't exactly have a queue standing outside my door which would cement his point. I guess I should just be flattered that he (temporarily) found me interesting at all and let it go. Get over it. It's over. The one good thing I've always been able to do is walk away.

Then again, he could have been doing me a favour by keeping our relationship platonic. Sex, etc. complicates things and if we had hooked up, then where would we be afterwards? And I do value his friendship and don't want to be one of his castoffs. I've seen those girls, they haunt his shows like ghosts - hoping and wishing for a second chance.

Leanna, you are absolutely right about no one wanting to be around a drag. I know when I'm in that mindset, I prefer not to be around other people. In general, I try to be a positive influence/force on the world, but I just can't do that right now. I can't even fake it properly, and I'm simply too tired to bother.

If any of this makes sense or doesn't make sense, don't mind me. I'm running on fumes these days...... Thanks for listening.
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  #85   ^
Old Thu, Mar-09-06, 15:32
EMKAY 53's Avatar
EMKAY 53 EMKAY 53 is offline
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Posts: 755
 
Plan: ATKINS
Stats: 192/138/125 Female 5 FEET 3 INCHES
BF:I/Don't/Know
Progress: 81%
Location: Calgary, Alberta
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Hey now,

I am just looking out for ya' cause man someone has to. I agree that a girl needs a little attention when you've bought all the products, however you should never NEED or REQUIRE a man's attention to feel self worth and that is what I'm afraid of where you are concerned. I am afraid that you will continue to be infatuated with this guy and that he knowing your feelings will continue to tramp all over you. I am afraid that you would have sex with this guy if he decided he was in the mood...he has a lot of power over you right now given the state of your self-esteem. I am just really concerned with the way you talk about yourself.....really concerned. I need to ask how old you are. I feel like you are probably 19-22 years old, and I have been talking to you as such. If you are a 45 year old woman, I apologize for all the lame advice I've been giving you

Anywho Vgal, feel free to stop by my journal if you want to talk some more, or have questions or just need to vent. I am not ancient (32 years old) so I can relate a little to young people. See Ya, and I hope everything turns out for ya'

Leanna
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  #86   ^
Old Thu, Mar-09-06, 21:59
danabear's Avatar
danabear danabear is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 497
 
Plan: whole foods (mostly)
Stats: 210/194/160 Female 5'8
BF:a little lower
Progress: 32%
Location: Texas
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Quote:
I can say that my lack of self confidence didn't enhance the whole drama since if I'd had any balls, I would have taken him up on his offer the first go around instead of playing the whole "Should I or shouldn't I" game.

Having sex with someone does not equal confidence. If you'd have done it the first time he'd be treating you the same way. You would've been used.

If you can get into some counseling to help you make this surgery decision I think that might help you make the best choice. Believe me, I've had my share of issues and I will probably be in counseling the rest of my life, so I'm not looking down on you. It can help a lot.
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  #87   ^
Old Fri, Mar-10-06, 10:56
Vgal Vgal is offline
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Posts: 261
 
Plan: South Beach Diet
Stats: 198/137/120 Female 5'3
BF:25.2
Progress: 78%
Location: California, USA
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Thanks for listening to me whine. I'm done crying about it. It's over. Fini. Caputo. The end of something that never really was, nor shall ever begin. That's the story of my life, but hey. God writes the jokes, I just suffer the punchlines. Thank you, I'll be here all week.

I worked out super hard all week, exercise is my salvation. It does what therapy never could - provide a resolution. I see results. I had a really brutal workout last nite. My trainer (literally) busted my ass and then we had our regular substitute spin drill sargeant, Joseph, ride us into oblivion. Yoga was the cherry on top. A very strenuous practice. During spin, Joseph played the Mary J. Blige song, "No More Drama" and it always invigorates me but it also sends a strong message - NO MORE DRAMA, no more pain. I needed to hear that.

I'm Post-MSing this week and I think it may have finally cleared because I woke up for the first time in over a week with 1) a clear head and 2) an appetite. Perhaps the storm has passed.... for now.

Besides the more I think about things, and I know I've said this before but bear with me, kind, gentle readers, there are far worse situations/states I could be in. I could live in Montana for one. Just kidding! Seriously, I could be in bad shape. OK, a much rounder shape. But I'm working on it. I've made progress, life is progress all I can do is keep moving forward.

Here I am crying about how miserable my life is, oh god I have no breasts. Boo hoo hoo. BFD. There are people in this world with no limbs, missing organs, damaged and I'm worried about such superficial BS? It's just horrible and pathetic. And so what I may end up alone, single, a spinster of the parish? Worse fates have been bestowed upon others far less deserving. I may never have a lover, but I do have love in my life. My friends who put up with me and my sh*t, my family who does too, random strangers on message boards who wish me well and colleagues and classmates who encourage me to continue working on my projects. Hey, I'm graduating this May! I could be poor and homeless, I could be disease ridden, I could be truly without a support system, even if it's not always the one I want or the way I'd prefer it to be.

Leanna, no I'm not 19 or 22 (although my bust size might deceive one into thinking I was 12....... and a boy.) I'm emotionally stagnant, so I just LOOK and think about ten years younger than what I actually am. And to answer your question, if my boy came on to me and wanted sex, would I do it? Of course I would. The only times I've ever had sex was when someone else wanted it. Would it be pleasurable or fulfilling? Absolutely not, but someone wanted me - even for a moment.

It's supposed to storm out tomorrow, but I'm planning on wearing my cute little top. Pneumonia be damned! He's not going to get the best of me

Last edited by Vgal : Fri, Mar-10-06 at 11:03.
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  #88   ^
Old Wed, Apr-12-06, 11:54
Vgal Vgal is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 261
 
Plan: South Beach Diet
Stats: 198/137/120 Female 5'3
BF:25.2
Progress: 78%
Location: California, USA
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Just to give one recent update on this saga.

Marcy is doing just fine. I still haven't seen her yet, but have spoken to her several times. She is my cousin's wife, mother to my godson and three other children whom I love. She will always be a part of my life. I will see her in about two weeks for a family birthday. Only time will tell how that will go.

The situation with the musician "boy" has ended. Whatever I may or may not have believed existed between us has completely dissolved and we are in a strange limbo holding pattern sort of thing. I haven't seen him in a few weeks, but will be attending a very important show of his this Friday. I want us to go back to being friends, the way we were before he opened Pandora's box. It hurts me to see him with other girls, but I'll get over it. I have no other choice. The less I see him the stronger I feel. I continue to support his career, but this week came to a crucial turning point when I chose MINE over his and declined to attend his gig on Tuesday evening. I have a thesis to complete, my academic career and future is at stake and the deadline is looming LARGE for me right now, so he had to make do with his usual stable of groupie whores. I can (sadly) assure you that I was more than likely not missed.

As for the implant debate - I've also come to terms with that as well. I've made the decision that I probably won't get implants. At least not at this time. I don't want foreign objects floating in my body like a ticking time bomb. I'm already paranoid and neurotic as it is you know, I don't need additional worries! Although this realisation depresses me to no end, it also alleviated some of the stress I've been carrying for the past two (more like 15) years. It felt like such a relief to say, "I can't get implants." What if I'm one of the .5% that has complications or problems? I could potentially end up looking WORSE, and its just not worth the hassle to me. Maybe if one day they design something that won't cause so many problems. I don't know. Maybe one day.....

I still will have breast surgery, but it will be to correct one breast instead of both and that way, I'll have two (EXTREMELY non-existent) but nonetheless symmetrical breasts. This doesn't make me happy, but at least I can sleep at night with it.

Thank you to everyone who stumbled into this post (and got sucked in) for your advice, support and kind thoughts. Whether or not it appeared so, your words helped me a great deal.

God bless.
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  #89   ^
Old Wed, Apr-12-06, 13:39
rissa's Avatar
rissa rissa is offline
Chaos in the flesh!
Posts: 1,725
 
Plan: custom
Stats: 386/218.2/167 Female 69
BF:
Progress: 77%
Location: Colorado
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Hey there lady Just do what you feel comfortable with. Remember, only YOU have to live with you 24/7 You have to be comfortable in your own skin - or at least working toward that comfortability I'm proud of you for making a decision. Even if you change your mind later because you've become comfortable with the choice - that's great. Just don't make it for someone else
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  #90   ^
Old Thu, Apr-13-06, 09:32
Vgal Vgal is offline
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Posts: 261
 
Plan: South Beach Diet
Stats: 198/137/120 Female 5'3
BF:25.2
Progress: 78%
Location: California, USA
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Well if someone else wants it too and he's buying.... who am I to say no?
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