My husband and I had an interesting conversation last night, and I was wondering what other people thought.

Can a person be both fat and attractive? Do the two things need to be mutually exclusive, and why does "society" vilify even a healthy weight as being fat?

Just a discussion.

I find alot of fat people to be very attractive.

Of course. Just like there are some thin people I don't find attractive at all. I think attraction is pretty subjective. Plus, only "modern" society vilifies fat. Being plump used to be considered a sign of luxuriousness...

I have known a lot of attractive fat people just like I have known a lot of ugly skinny people.

I know that I am pretty with all this weight on me but what if I am not attractive once I lose the weight? That kinda scares me

I think something is permanently broken in my perception of attractiveness. I struggle to think of fat people as attractive. I HATE that I do that, that my self-image is linked to a body shape I've never even had, not as an adult.

I've struggled against this my whole adult life, and I know what the cause is, not only the constant bombardment of skinny=gorgeous from media and billboards, but also by the fact that the majority of Oslo people seem to be thin. By no means all, just the majority.

It's hard to understand how I can simultaneously think, in my MIND, of fat as making no difference in how I view other people's personality, intelligence, determination, but the bloody prejudice still remains.

I think I'm getting better, somewhat. I'm not an intolerant teen anymore, able to be much more rational now. And working in a hospital helps open up your worldview. I think nothing of talking to people with visible cancer tumors on their faces or missing limbs now. So maybe it just takes time.

This is all involuntary on my part, and I can't stand it! Maybe if I can convince the emotional parts of my brain that fat is okay, I'll even stop hating myself for getting and staying fat, that would be a worthwhile goal...

Please, noone take offence at this post, none was meant at all!

I have 2 cousins, (sisters) one is nealy 6ft, slim, blonde and pretty, but a bitch. she is very self concious and concerned about how others view her. The other is 5ft, 20 stone, plus size and absolutley gorgeous and a lovely bubbly person, she does not care what others thinkof her or her size.
The skinny one thinks so much of herself, it makes her ugly on the inside.
The bigger one is a lovely person and she is beautiful inside and out.
I dont think it matters how fat or thin you are at all. It is how you view yourself and how others view you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all but the MOST important thing is how you view yourself.

I think it depends on how you define attractive.

Example:
I find both men and women attractive, regardless of weight or appearance, based on the whole package. Personality, intelligence, strive to be open-minded, etc. Who you are is much more appealing to me than a single feature.

That is a big difference from what I consider sexy, or in other words, someone I have a sexual interest in. Perhaps because I've always struggled with an eating disorder, or perhaps because I've always worked out and worked hard to keep myself in shape, I find those who are "overweight" to be unattractive in that arena. And I think women can get away with more weight, at least for me, than men can. I still find a woman sexy, even if she's a pudgy, if it's well distributed. But for a man, for me, less so. I like men who are well-built, and work out.

I've found, in my psych research, that men have a much lower standard than women think they do, when it comes to appearance and weight. Most men find women attractive when they have a little weight on them. And many women are much more tolerant for weight on a man than I am. So a lot of it is preference.

Very well said

I think it was brave of you to admit the struggle you have. I've spoken to friends about this topic and some feel the same way as you - it is quite prevalent in society. But you have the insight into how you feel, that's good.

Lee

I have a coworker who is maybe 4'10" and is probably about 200lbs...I think she is GORGEOUS. She is all boobs, butt, and thighs, and honestly makes me think of fertility goddess statues! She bubbles warmth and charm. I wish I could tell her what I think about her looks without totally weirding her out!

OMG! I thought I was the only one who feels this way! Much of my personal feelings don't stop me from having lots of overweight to morbidly obese (I am morbidly obese still) acquaintances but until I meet them, I have difficulty looking at obese people. I find myself embarrassed for them. Do they even know how those clothes emphasize their excess pounds? These and many other thoughts impinge on my mind. This is one of the reasons that I find it hard to go out and check my mailbox. I feel that others are judging me the same way. It's extremely hard for me to find love of self. But, even when I was on the verge of skeletal LONG ago, I loathed myself because I still felt fat.

ETA: Yes, there are beautiful people at all weights. And I do envy them.

Its like the old saying goes "I may be fat and you may be skinny, but I can diet"

I also agree with peauk. The so-called attractive people can be the ugliest people in the world to me.

It also depends on the whole package. I've met bigger girls that have amazing hair, perfect skin and have the best style. They just always look beautiful, even with extra poundage. Then there's really skinny people that just don't look quite right.

When I met my husband, he had some extra poundage and I thought he was so damn sexy....

This is a very sensitive discussion...

YEs, it is. But I think it's also an important one. And I'd like to add that of course you can be attractive at any weight. I struggle to see it myself, but I agree that personality makes one heck of a lot of difference, and many of my fat friends are among the biggest personalities I know. They are simply larger than life, opinionated, secure in themselves (After all, overcoming adversity is one way to build rock solid confidence), ultra fun to be with, ironic, funny, deep, I love my friends. Whatever the poundage. It's funny, but after I get to know someone, weight stops being an issue even in my mind, I see the person then.

I hate being prejudiced, judgmental, and the rational part of me sees no benefit to it at all, but it's hard to look at a random overweight person on the street, because I don't think to myself, oh, how beautiful, but more like, oh, I'm so sorry for her.

I'm sure this has mostly to do with my own self-hatred, but also the "thinspiration" we see all around us (yes, I know where the term comes from, it's still a perfectly descriptive one).