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  #1   ^
Old Wed, Sep-06-17, 05:25
boom6 boom6 is offline
New Member
Posts: 1
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 262/262/140 Female 67 inches
Progress: 0%
Location: east coast, USA
Default 6am Confessions

Hi Everyone,

I'm going to plow through a quickie intro since my original working title for this post was 4am confessions, then 5am confessions ... you get the trend.

I am not new to LC, having lost 100+ previously and kept it off for quite some time (years), then a bunch of really bad life stuff happened that plunged me into emotional eating and I (slowly at times, and not so slowly at other times) gained all of it back. As of this writing I am at 261.8. My highest weight before the successful loss was 262. Typing that brought me to unexpected tears.

Back then, a magical day arrived that was just THE day. The day when I decided to stop being self destructive, stop being afraid, stop procrastinating, and start doing. Now it seems I've been stuck for a long time in a cycle of hoping, wishing, planning for a new version of THE day, but it just eludes me. I end up with excuses like I don't have enough recipes ready, am not properly stocked up on groceries, it's too busy a week at work, and on and on. I was active on an LC forum last time and know that it was a huge contributor to my success. I know I'm depressed, self destructive eating isn't exactly a sign of me being happy and well adjusted. I know it will get better if I act, so why can't I? I am so angry at myself, and I know it's boiling under the surface at all times and I spend most of my time ping ponging between feeling despair over it and stuffing/avoiding it.

Sorry to get all morbid and miserable. I promise I'm generally an optimist, albeit an extremely sarcastic one. I'm really hoping that rejoining a support forum will help me turn thought into action. My goal is to come back tonight after work and start a journal. And a ticker! Are tickers still a thing? Seems dumb but I always found those little graphic representations of progress to be super motivational for me.

Thanks for listening and I will do my best to work my way into being active and contributing around here.
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  #2   ^
Old Wed, Sep-06-17, 05:34
thud123's Avatar
thud123 thud123 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 4,472
Plan: ~25NC/IF
Stats: 342.2/208/000 Male 72 inches
Progress: 39%

Today might be the day, it might not. Be a friend to yourself. Let it happen, don't force it.

You will do well.
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  #3   ^
Old Wed, Sep-06-17, 06:16
Sniggle Sniggle is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 95
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 220/186.2/190 Male 73.5
Progress: 113%
Location: West Virginia

Welcome! The path is right in front of have obviously walked it before and know that what lies at the end of the path is well worth it. Maybe it is time to walk it again and rediscover who you are?

Good luck!
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  #4   ^
Old Wed, Sep-06-17, 06:33
bluesinger's Avatar
bluesinger bluesinger is offline
Posts: 3,276
Plan: LCHF
Stats: 000/000/000 Female 62 inches
Progress: 100%
Location: Nevada Desert, USA

This path is one I first entered in 1972. Can you imagine how many times over the years I've been you? Not to say that you aren't unique. Each of us, each BODY is different on the inside, the workings there doctors only guess about. I only mean that we all lost our way at one time or another. Gaining the weight back is the biggest obstacle of them all. And it will happen unless we change the way we live with food.

I'll tell you what I've learned: It's only too late if we decide it's too late. The best health you can imagine is on the other side of all the pain. Depression and physical disease can be overcome, and we can do it without doctors or drugs.

There are so many people on this forum who have lost many, many pounds and kept them off. Just Jo is one shining example, but in the journals, you'll find someone whose story resonates with you and that will help you get what you want for yourself.

Today might be the day, it might not. Be a friend to yourself. Let it happen, don't force it.
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  #5   ^
Old Wed, Sep-06-17, 07:14
jessdamess's Avatar
jessdamess jessdamess is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 3,605
Plan: LCHF, 100g
Stats: 252/165/150 Female 69.5 inches
Progress: 85%
Location: Northeast TN

Welcome back.
I too have found support like this forum integral to my success. Sometimes we need friends to lean on.

Do the thing. Every day.
Like CMCM said,
Consistency + Time = Success
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  #6   ^
Old Wed, Sep-06-17, 14:43
AeKeenLass AeKeenLass is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 165
Plan: Not sure yet
Stats: 160/152/140 Female 5'9"
Progress: 40%
Location: Northern California

Hi boom6, and welcome to the forum!

I relate to so much of what you wrote, not only taking a long time to figure out what I want to write (this has been the 11 a.m. reply, the 12 p.m. reply, etc.) but the whole cycle of depression and self-sabotage. After thirty-five years of that cycle, I have no easy answers. However, I think you're on the right track here:
I know it will get better if I act, so why can't I?
I keep writing responses to this, but they end up being about me. However, I'm pretty sure the answer to this question is NOT: laziness, lack of will, etc. Maybe you are swamped - work isn't always just a lame excuse! - and from experience know the amount of effort it took to do a full switch to LC and don't have the bandwith right now. Or maybe eating LC, although it mitigates the depression, does not solve the root cause and somewhere in your psyche, that's become more important than the weight loss. In which case you might try reframing LC as a tool to regain a better psychological state rather than weight loss. Or maybe the ping-ponging cycle you're stuck in is a coping mechanism to avoid something else you're really stressed about. Keep asking the question? Keep observing, noticing. Try to let go of the anger with yourself. As thud said, try to be a friend to yourself. Take yourself on a five minute walk and ask yourself more questions. Listen and observe but don't judge! :-)

Maybe little steps will elude the self-saboteur. Who could object to setting up an innocent little ticker, right? Easing yourself into it might be what works this time around.
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  #7   ^
Old Wed, Sep-06-17, 22:08
Mama Sebo's Avatar
Mama Sebo Mama Sebo is offline
Posts: 4,976
Plan: lc, highish fat,
Stats: 224/151/124 Female 64 inches
Progress: 73%
Location: Gaborone, Botswana

Such strong words above!! Yes, easing in, reading, watching videos, reading around this forum, acting "as if" you are in the groove, all the very best for finding the place and making this the day!!
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  #8   ^
Old Thu, Sep-07-17, 04:22
Just Jo's Avatar
Just Jo Just Jo is online now
A'72 Lifer Hard Core
Posts: 14,397
Plan: A'72 Induction Lifer + IF
Stats: 265/114/130 Female 5'4"
BF:Not so much now!
Progress: 112%
Location: South Central New Mexico

Hello and Welcome, boom!

Your story kinda sounds like mine, but I never kept off the weight for any significant amount of time except for this last re-start.

I spent decades yo-yo dieting, losing and gaining 100s of lbs b/c I refused to admit that I was addicted to carbs and that I had a carb-processing metabolic disorder... and YEAH, I carbs but they don't love me back!

This forum has been a godsend to me b/c of all the wonderful, knowledgeable and encouraging people here.

Wishing you heartfelt success on your journey to better HEALTH!

Last edited by Just Jo : Thu, Sep-07-17 at 04:25. Reason: Option M: More to say of course! HA!
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  #9   ^
Old Thu, Sep-07-17, 07:08
zoogirl's Avatar
zoogirl zoogirl is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,801
Plan: atkins 20
Stats: 127.6/106.2/110 Female 5' 2"
Progress: 122%
Location: Canada

Wow, OK, so that was the first step and I know how hard that first step is... So, a huge welcome and a congrats for making this first and very important step. You have had lots of supportive messages here, and I know in my heart that that will help, when I joined my biggest fear was that no one would come visit me. I have founds lots and lots of info on this forum, plus and this part is the best part, like minded people that understand how I think, how I feel, don't criticize, are always there to pick up the pieces when we fall, 'cause, we all fall, but get back up, try again. Patience, be kind, one day at a time, celebrate small victories, and talk to us. So nice to meet you, have a positive day, please drop by my journal, I love company. ttyl
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  #10   ^
Old Thu, Sep-07-17, 09:35
bevangel's Avatar
bevangel bevangel is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,691
Plan: modified adkins (sort of)
Stats: 265/176/167 Female 68.5 inches
Progress: 91%
Location: Austin, TX

Hey boom6, WELCOME and let me say I am blown away by how starkly HONEST your intro message is.

You know, you may not have a "magical day" this time around. Maybe instead, this time round, you'll have teeny tiny almost-unnoticed "moments" when you make a positive decision and, over time, all those teeny tiny moments will slowly add up. And you'll look around and realizing that you ARE already back on the path to good health.

Think of it this way. Before you lost weight that first time around, you were "driving" your body in a particular direction. For the sake of discussion, let's say you were headed EAST toward ObesityLand. One magical day, you decided you didn't want to go in that direction any more, so you whipped around and made 180 degree U-Turn and headed WEST towards HealthyLand! Yippee!

And you kept going in that direction for quite some time. But then, due to lots of bad stuff happening (let's think of it as "road construction" detours) you found yourself turned around and headed back EAST again. And now, sadly, you're right back where you were the first time you turned around...but there no longer seems to be anywhere for you to U-turn around.

Don't despair. Even if you can't turn 180 degrees, you CAN veer off ever so slightly from heading due EAST. Everytime you make a "right" decision, that turns you a degree or two AWAY from heading straight towards ObesityLand.

Little decisions add up.... "I will have steamed broccoli with my dinner this evening instead of french fries." "I'm going to toss away the top half of my hamburger bun." "Mr. Waiter, Please take this basket of bread or chips OFF the table. I do not want it." "Leave the croutons off of my Caesar salad." "I'm donating all these boxes mac&cheese and pasta and rice to the food pantry because I don't want to eat that stuff anymore." "I'm feeling down - think I'll go for a ten minute walk INSTEAD of browsing thru the cupboards looking for a snack." "Instead of vegging in front of the TV with a bag of chips, I'm gonna take a nice long bubble bath then paint my nails." BTW, I have found that freshly painted fingernails force me to stop snacking! :lol

Every time you make one of those little "right-turn" decisions, CELEBRATE IT by logging on here and bragging about yourself! I know that sounds weird cuz we're all taught that bragging about ourselves is not good. POOH on that! Bragging here will get you Kudos and positive feedback and will help make you want to do that action even more often.

And, with every right-turn, you WILL BE turning further and further away from ObesityLand and turning back towards HealthyLand.

Don't worry about the times you miss a possible "right turn." Just take as many "right-turns" as you can and celebrate when you do. Keep stacking up those little "right turns" and one day, you will look around and realize that, maybe 1/4 of a degree at a time, you HAVE turned yourself around 180 degrees again and you are headed straight for HealthyLand again.

YOU CAN DO THIS! And, if you'll share you tiny little victories with us, we will celebrate them with you.

BTW - start yourself a journal and join some of the support groups. Lot's of wonderful folks here and we are delighted to have you.
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  #11   ^
Old Sat, Sep-30-17, 08:17
Kathy5853's Avatar
Kathy5853 Kathy5853 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 113
Plan: Low carb
Stats: 279.5/178/199 Female 5 feet 8 inches
Progress: 126%
Location: NOVA

Welcome boom6,

Totally feel your pain. When I started back in Feb at 279.5lbs the road ahead seemed daunting. I was so pissed I had gotten myself back in the same weight situation but what were the options? If I had continued down the path of poor eating I would never improve my body. I had to take it one day at a time and just own what was needed to get healthy. I too have lost and gained more than 100lbs many time in my 55 years of life and in order to continue in this life I knew I had to do it again. Like others have said, that is ok, that has been my journey and I own it. With the passage of time and focusing on improved eating one day at a time, success is possible.

Good luck to you. You will do this!

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  #12   ^
Old Sat, Sep-30-17, 20:03
nawchem's Avatar
nawchem nawchem is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 8,184
Plan: atkins
Stats: 163.5/156.0/149.0 Female 62
Progress: 52%

Change carb addiction to say you are addicted to nicotine - extremely hard to quit right? So are carbs.

If you get through the first 24 hrs, not the rest of your life, just 24 hrs its already easier. Get through the 2nd 24 hrs and your enemy blood sugar fluctuations and insulin will be substantially weaker.

Somewhere around days 2-4 ketosis kicks in to help. You can help it along with activities that will burn through your sugar stores.

Don't worry about recipes that will come, just stock up on some easy meat/fat stuff and and knuckle down 24 hrs.

You got this!
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