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  #1   ^
Old Sun, Nov-25-01, 19:14
Andy Davies Andy Davies is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,212
 
Plan: My own (based on a compil
Stats: 333/260/224 Male 73 ins
BF:
Progress: 67%
Location: Hampshire, England
Default In the eyes of others

I recently read an account by Sticki of going to a MacDonald's and asking to have a burger without a bun, and a glass of water. The reaction of the waitress who served her made me laugh, and started me thinking about how we are perceived by others, outsiders to this way of eating, who think we are all eccentric at the very least.

Russ tells about two sisters, one thin and one overweight. The thin one, who had no sympathy for her overweight sister, was sent out made up to look fat herself, and came back in tears.

My own contribution relates to a time when I went for a job interview as an Accountant. I had been unable to get my suit or even my sports jacket on because of increasing weight, and would not be able to afford a new jacket unless I secured the job. The interviewer was affronted when I turned up just wearing a jumper, and was totally unsympathetic when I explained that I had outgrown my suit and jacket, and could not afford a replacement without his job. He visibly shuddered, muttered about not giving a job to "that sort of person", and ushered me out. It wasn't just the lack of acceptable clothing that he objected to - he actually found my weight, and its tendency to increase uncontrollably - horrifying. This was before I started low-carbing, of course.

Anyone else with an experience of any sort to share is invited to contribute here. Any real-life story involving how the outside world perceive and react to us is welcome.

Andy
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  #2   ^
Old Sun, Nov-25-01, 22:37
alto alto is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 2,171
 
Plan: Protein Power
Stats: 296/278/179 Female  5'8
BF:
Progress: 15%
Location:
Default

That's an interesting story, I think (and a sad one, of course), and I'm sure that we all have something of the same thing. I've gotten to the point where I'm surprised when people don't recoil and treat me normally -- which I have to say happens more than the opposite. When I'm introduced to someone I've only talked with on the phone. I expect at least a wince, if not something more pronounced. I very rarely get it. Yet about 70 pounds ago, when I thought I looked at least halfway decent, I can remember many comments -- all from strangers, hairdressers, salespeople, etc. -- that I found quite hurtful.

It's a good question. I hope there are more answers
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  #3   ^
Old Sun, Nov-25-01, 22:55
Blondie28 Blondie28 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 124
 
Plan: 6 week body makeover
Stats: 225/185/190 Male 5.8
BF:
Progress: 114%
Location: Texas
Default Hmmmmm

I think the one thing most girls on here can relate to is this one sentence

" She is such a beautiful girl..... BUT "

insert your most heard phrase here ____________________


" If only she were thinner " I think is mine and probably most others on here.

I am sort of struggling with this right now anyways, because I think to myself, Why did I start this diet?? Did I do it because I was tired of hearing that remark?? Because I wasn't getting any compliments with my increasing waist line?? Because society deemed me overweight? Or because I just had enough of it all?
Am I giving in by loosing weight? Giving in to what then? Public pressure to look a certain way.. or just because I didnt feel good about myself anymore..

I would like to say it was only because I didnt feel good about myself anymore, but hindsight I believe all of the above were factors if not motivation to do so.

People can be cruel and most overweight people can tell you, that yes they are discriminating as well.

As I get down to my goal weight I sometimes think about people who have made comments like the above and I feel sorry for them.

Because like my favorite bumper sticker says " I may be fat, but your ugly, and I can always loose weight "

Hahahaha!


Shannon
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  #4   ^
Old Mon, Nov-26-01, 06:09
LC Sponge LC Sponge is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,160
 
Plan: Atkins Maintenance
Stats: //2002
BF:and feeling great
Progress: 99%
Location: Ontario, along the Rideau
Default

Hey Andy - good thread.

At the height of my *"fatonistic" period* I was employed as a trainer of front line customer service reps in an office with remarkably high turnover rates.

As I sat at one of the 10 front-counter workstations with newbie after newbie, going through the ins and outs of our computer system, I can't count the number of customers who asked me if I was training my replacement for my maternity leave. My customary response "No, I'm just fat."

This, in front of every new employee I trained.

And if the "she-must-be-with-child-mistake" isn't a major misery of being an apple-shape weight gainer, I don't know what is.
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  #5   ^
Old Mon, Nov-26-01, 11:34
Lessara's Avatar
Lessara Lessara is offline
Everyday Sane Psycho
Posts: 7,075
 
Plan: Bernstein, Keto IFast
Stats: 385/253/160 Female 67.5
BF:14d bsl 400/122/83
Progress: 59%
Location: Durham, NH
Smile Reactions

Growing up I was told "If you were thinner you could be a model"
When I lost to my goal weight in the 80s I was approached to by Playboy to do a photoshoot! Jikes! I weighed 135.. and not for long after that! I had so many friends that ditched me when my weight when up to 200. I still have friends who say "Man when you were thin you were hot!" Great.. just great.

On a positive note: My children think I'm strong and beautiful. When their friends say how fat I am, they think their friends are wrong. I love rose tinted glasses don't you?

The hardest thing is listening to people you trust after hearing bad things about yourself all your life. "If only you were thinner..."
I'm told I'm pretty and that my body is beautiful. Do I listen? Oh I'm trying, honest I am!
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  #6   ^
Old Mon, Nov-26-01, 12:41
wangeci's Avatar
wangeci wangeci is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 2,423
 
Plan: Atkins induction AGAIN...
Stats: 242/197/199 Female 5'8.5"
BF:ALOT
Progress: 105%
Location: Minnesota
Default Here's one

I was told by a male individual, for lack of better terms, one evening in the lodge that I go to sometimes, that I am
"good breeding stock",
I took this to mean my size, large frame was the type of women they were looking for to have babies with, not the cute little gals. He went on to insult my intelligence the rest of the evening, but, I thought everybody would get a chuckle out of this one.
Cindy
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  #7   ^
Old Mon, Nov-26-01, 12:47
alto alto is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 2,171
 
Plan: Protein Power
Stats: 296/278/179 Female  5'8
BF:
Progress: 15%
Location:
Default

I did get a chuckle -- and I hope you chucked him under the chin and told you yeah, and that's why you were picky (Good childbearing hips is another one I used to hear.)

I posted this on another thread, but I'll sneak it in here, too. I comfort myself with the thought that back when we were all eating mastadon (and liking it!), all of the tiny little things would have faded away during the first hard winter, and I would be Queen of the Cave (With apologies to Andy, who wasn't asking for retorts, but unpleasant experiences.)

It's interesting that in this tiny sample, we have one man being scorned for his weight on a job interview, and several women bearing the brunt of insults, either well-intentioned or not, but referencing our looks, not anything related to work. (I'm sure that overweight women also face job discrimination, but I wonder if an interviewer would speak to a woman as he did to at least one man? I'm also certain that overweight men are rejected by women in singles bars, none too pleasantly.) I guess I'm wondering, what is the male equivalent of "you've got such a pretty face?"
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  #8   ^
Old Mon, Nov-26-01, 13:18
Andy Davies Andy Davies is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,212
 
Plan: My own (based on a compil
Stats: 333/260/224 Male 73 ins
BF:
Progress: 67%
Location: Hampshire, England
Default

Thanks to all who have participated so far. In order not to get too downcast, I have been and retrieved the original post from Sticki, which prompted me to start this thread (quoted below). Don't apologise Alto, our reactions to people's perceptions of us (and how we deal with them) are equally valid. Here's the post from Sticki:

Quote:
I went into McDonald's and ordered a quarter pounder with no bun or ketchup - the boy nearly fell over and after steading himself ordered my food and took my money. OK so he did look at me as though I was from the planet gah gah, but hell I was the customer and I shall eat what I jolly well want - I was paying for it after all. He then took mild offense at me requesting some good old tap water to go with it instead of paying for their stuff in a plastic cup that has probably been sat there for a month or two. Anyway I received my food and drink walked over to a seat and sat there and ate it - in full view of the world. Two funny looks returned with a face from me that may not have killed but at least mauled people and no-one else bothered me. So it was not so bad an experience as I had first anticipated when entering the coven of doom
.
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  #9   ^
Old Mon, Nov-26-01, 15:21
Sh'ra's Avatar
Sh'ra Sh'ra is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 343
 
Plan: Predominantly Atkins
Stats: 320/260/145
BF:
Progress: 34%
Location: Missouri
Default

I was reading a study awhile back of an experiment to see if job interviewers discriminated against heavy people.

The experimenters would send two people, trained the same way to answer questions in a job interview, both having the same qualifications on their resume, and both wearing the same outfit (only one was larger). In 100% of the cases, the interviewer chose the slim person, even when the interviewer him or herself was overweight.

The experimenters did it again, only this time listed better qualifications for the overweight interviewee. In about 95% of the cases, the employer STILL chose the slender person.

---------------------

As for myself, I don't know how many times I've heard that line, "Well, you have such a pretty FACE," or the classic, "You'd be beautiful if you lost weight." What does that make me now, chopped liver?

I have been blessed, though, that my husband has never had an issue with my size, and has said he loves me at any size, and thinks I'm beautiful at any size (wish I could believe it myself )

Sh'ra
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  #10   ^
Old Mon, Nov-26-01, 15:23
Sh'ra's Avatar
Sh'ra Sh'ra is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 343
 
Plan: Predominantly Atkins
Stats: 320/260/145
BF:
Progress: 34%
Location: Missouri
Default

Oh, and when asked after the experiments why they consistently chose the slender person, nearly all the interviewers connotated fat with lazy. They thought the overweight person would be slower and lazier...again, even if they themselves were overweight and knew themselves to be hard workers!

Sh'ra
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  #11   ^
Old Mon, Nov-26-01, 16:42
LC Sponge LC Sponge is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,160
 
Plan: Atkins Maintenance
Stats: //2002
BF:and feeling great
Progress: 99%
Location: Ontario, along the Rideau
Default

To Sh'ra - first of all - your hubby sounds like a real catch. Secondly, I seriously question an interviewer who themselves, is a person of size and who still falls prey to the twisting thinking of *the thin* - not somebody I'd want to work for, regardless of the size of my pants.

Andy - 2 things - tell Sticki next time, to take the bun and fling it on the front lawn at McDonalds. 8 billion seagulls can't be wrong.
Secondly - You're welcome

So Lessara - DID YA???????
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  #12   ^
Old Mon, Nov-26-01, 17:00
Lessara's Avatar
Lessara Lessara is offline
Everyday Sane Psycho
Posts: 7,075
 
Plan: Bernstein, Keto IFast
Stats: 385/253/160 Female 67.5
BF:14d bsl 400/122/83
Progress: 59%
Location: Durham, NH
Talking chuckle

I didn't do the photo shoot but I did pose for art classes oh and I was at 200 at the time, its wonderful to be told I look like a Greek statue!
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  #13   ^
Old Mon, Nov-26-01, 17:27
BaileyWS's Avatar
BaileyWS BaileyWS is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 232
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 292/271/160
BF:
Progress: 16%
Location: Baytown, Texas
Default jobs ... discrimination ... etc

Well, let me add my 2 cents ...

When I interviewed for my current position, I called to ask how the decision making process was going. I was told that the committee was very impressed with me, but they had a couple of concerns. One had to do with being a woman in a man's field. The other had to do with "the impression I'd make." I know that was a euphemism for "we're worried about your weight." Luckily, they had some good counsel, and within a week I got the job offer.

At my last job, my boss took me aside one day and told me that he was concerned about my weight. And he had the nerve to tell me that I should lose weight before my marriage suffered! Talk about stepping over the limits!!!! My husband was livid when he found out. I figured that was harassment ... I wish I would have had the nerve to stand up to him.
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  #14   ^
Old Mon, Nov-26-01, 17:33
shelley's Avatar
shelley shelley is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 279
 
Plan: South Beach
Stats: 244/224/130 Female 5' 3" (should be 6'3")LOL
BF:
Progress: 18%
Location: Cambridge, Ontario
Default tired of being invisible

I am really tired of being invisible.
I can't get service in stores, people let doors go in my face, make rude comments and give unsolicited advice. I have lost 100 pounds twice in my life and every time I gain the weight back I notice the same thing. I was in Peoples jewelers the other day with my friend. The clerks completely ignored me and stood there until a more worthy customer came in ,she was all over them.
I really like it when friends and family think it is ok to be "HELPFUL"
"do you really need that dear?" or "I'm only telling you this for you own good!"
I have lost friends over my weight. I had (keyword) a friend who somehow got the impression it was ok to be rude to me. Once she took away my dinner plate as we were eating supper and said "it makes me sick to watch you eat, how can you be happy with yourself? I wouldn't go in public if I looked like you." But the minute we defend ourselves we are labeled as Over Sensitive.
Ya, I guess I am overly sensitive to abuse. Oh ya, that was helpful not abuse, I forgot. I would really like to muster up the courage to tell some of these people what I really think but I would have to get their attention first. LOL

Last edited by shelley : Mon, Nov-26-01 at 21:19.
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  #15   ^
Old Mon, Nov-26-01, 19:33
Homegirl's Avatar
Homegirl Homegirl is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,322
 
Plan: Modified Atkins
Stats: 147/128/118 Female 5'3''
BF:?/18/17
Progress: 66%
Location: Victoria, BC, Canada
Default

I wanted to say something here but I hope I don't offend anyone.

At my highest weight (147 lbs on a medium boned 5' 3" frame) not many people except my mum mentioned that I was overweight. In fact, even now, most people who have seen me shrinking said they didn't think I looked overweight at that particular point in time.

HOWEVER, the day I sat down in church and felt my stomach lodged firmly up under my breasts, I decided enough was enough. I didn't feel well--so sluggish and lethargic-- and I did not feel attractive at all.

I don't think my feelings of being unattractive came from others. They came from me because I knew that something in my body was out of balance and I knew that I was not in control. I had to find out the "keys" that would help me restore myself to myself, if you get my drift. I wanted to feel attractive and healthy to and for myself as well as to look attractive and healthy to others.

And isn't that the point? Overweight people are intelligent, good looking, funny--all the good and bad qualities that everyone else has BUT the bottom line is that being overweight is NOT as attractive as being someone who is toned and healthy (no matter what body shape, bone frame, height, etc.)

If there wasn't a smidgen of truth in this, then why, aside from health issues for some of us, are we all trying to lose weight??????

As I said, I hope I haven't offended anyone. Just wanted to give my thoughts.
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