I don't even know where to start. In general, I don't like to complain or post really intimate details of my life, but I need to "vent" and I don't know who else to talk to. No one else seems to understand where I'm coming from.

I have a major body/self esteem problem. I'm borderline eating disorders, anorexic more than bulimic (although I do use laxatives) because I'm terrified of gaining any of my weight back. I finally realised that one of my motivations for staying thin is because I felt so awkward about being fat and being flat chested. At least if I'm skinny, being flat chested won't be so noticeable, right? That's how it works for models. :lol

This has been an issue since I was 15 and for over 10 years I've actively been desiring implants to finally give me the body I want. To compound the problem, my cousin's wife just got hers this past Wednesday. Happy freaking Valentine's Day!

I'm so jealous but I am happy for her too. Over the years, she and I have shared our common problem with trying to create the illusion of breasts out of nothing. The worst part, is I'm dreading when she's all healed and comes to family gatherings - we have alot of kids in my family - and everyone notices. I have two aunts, and in particular ONE, that will make a HUGE point in commenting how flat I look in comparison and now all my cousins have boobs and I still don't. She feels the need to make comments about my concave chest at every oppty. "Oh, I thought that was your back."

How can I deal with this? I'm proud of my accomplishments, I've lost 60 lbs. and continue to make progress, but this is one area I cannot change and it depresses me.

vgal, i don't know if this will help you or not, but i can certainly sympathize *sp?* with the relative thing. my family is HUGE, 12 uncles and aunts, along with the expected cousins and such. my aunts, every one of them, are blunt, outspoken, and obnoxious. there is no topic or person safe from them. i sometimes wonder if they live to humiliate, or if they really are oblivious to the hurt they cause people they are supposed to love. anyway, the best defense i've come up with in my 25 years of dealing with them is just just simply ignore them. completely and totally. act as if they don't even exist. any kind of reaction just eggs people like that on. know that you have changed your life for the better, and if your aunt wants to be small and petty and ridicule you for something you have no control over then you can hold your head high and just hope she gets hers back someday.

RG,

Thank you. I have 7 cousins, 1 brother, several aunts and uncles, one mother and one Nana (my mother's mother) who all feel the need to express their opinions and be extremely vocal about it. Of course, not just about me.

Physical imperfection is something not quite tolerated. It's like I HAVE to be respectful of my aunt because she's my aunt, and she's an elder, but what about me? Don't I deserve respect too? I'm tired of dealing with snide remarks about how flat chested I am. Gee, thanks for pointing that out, cuz I never noticed! Damn, after all these years, you think you're the first one to point that out??!?!? Let me hand you an award for your perceptiveness.

I started making little quips back at her because since she's started "the change" she's gained some weight and she's always been thin. So in retort I say, "Hey, Jo it looks like you found 60 lbs. I lost." It doesn't make me feel any better though. The fact remains I'm still flat chested.

Another irony is that my Nana does the same thing, although when I was heavier, she would say I'm too fat and now that I've lost weight she says I'm too skinny. Thanks for the non stop commentating on my body. I felt like I was on constant public display. It's no wonder I'm self conscious and uncomfortable in my own body.

i would say loudly " is there a sign around my neck giving you permission to make personal comments on my appearance? It's considered rude to hurt someones feeling did you know that? I thought older people knew more about good manners, i guess you are forgetting yours"....or something to that effect. It's amazing how people will step back if you call them on their terrible behavior. They do it because they don't expect anyone to tell them they are out of line. If they are older you can still get your point across respectfully but pointedly.

Dr Phil is correct when he says people treat us this way because we allow it...stick up for yourself because it's obvious that no one else will..

go get 'em tiger!

Thanks, Deb.

I think because they are older, they expect that we are supposed to be respectful of them no matter what. I don't agree with that 100%. I'm not a child anymore, I'm now an adult. I deserve equal amounts of respect too. I think my aunt is just bitter about how her life turned out. Yes, I love her, but sometimes I want to smack her in the mouth for being so cruel.

I've been criticised since I was a child in this way, and I've just gotten used to taking it. I'm getting better and throwing back zingers.

Sounds like some people need mind-your-own-f-ing-business implants!

Really, they're GOING to make comments even if you get the breast implants. Fault-finders will find something wrong no matter if you morph into Barbie. Then the boobs will look "fake", they'll say your butt is still big, whatever they can zero in on to make themselves feel superior.

The answer lies in YOU, not a scalpel. If you choose to have the implants, fine, but only when you've made peace with yourself enough not to let the bitter old ladies make you feel one way or the other.

Or, you could just walk up and say "Oh, is that your face or are you eating a bag of PRUNES?"

Oh my god! I've wanted the implants for about forever, so I think I've made peace with that decision although I'm scared about looking fake, complications, cost, etc. I know I have only one option in regards to having a more womanly body.

You are absolutely right though about the "neverending criticisms though". I'm sure in my family they'd find something to say. Although it would end a long running discussion about my lack of boobage. At least they'd shut up about that! It might be worth it for that reason alone.

I'm dreading what they'll say about my cousin's implants. I can already imagine the first one, "How could she spend the $$ on that when they could have used it for something else...." I'm also worried about how our relationship might change. I'm very close to her and the kids.

I would just look at her when she says ANYTHING like that again and say in a voice loud enough for other people to hear "that hurts my feelings every time you say that" and then walk off, not only will it be a slap in the face for her, but it'll make you feel better.

Excellent idea, Foxgluvs.

I had forgotten about a method I learned a long time ago when a co-worker had taken to making mean comments in the guise of "just joking". She'd make one of her little digs like "good thing you aren't taking your break today, I don't think the poor chair could take it!" I just stopped, looked her right in the eye and asked her what she meant. It threw her off a bit to have to choose between repeating her insult and having to justify it. She didn't operate so directly, usually, her potshots were more the drive-by type.

That wouldn't work with everyone, though, since there are people I know who would have been MORE than happy to explain to me how fat I am... but for Little Miss Sneak Attack, it did the job.

vgal..in regards to the implants...i'll quote a friend of mine's wife.."yes they're mine, i paid for them"
if you want them, i say go for it! is this whole WOL not about feeling better about yourself, being healthier? not only do we need physical health, but we need mental health too. i know by the time i'm done i will have no boobage left, and if i decide to get implants, then i'm going to wear them proudly, because they will make ME feel good. be proud of yourself and if others don't like it, they can go jump off a bridge!

In addition to those interesting comments in the other posts you might also add that most highly intelligent women tend to be flat-chested!

From a man's viewpoint I can say that there are women who are female and there are those who are feminine (I can see that your aunts are probably female). I have little attraction for most females but I cannot keep my eyes off a feminine woman. To be feminine you do not need large boobs (only beer-drinkers and fag-smokers like those) nor do you need a shapely body or legs but if you can dress nicely and just a little audaciously without advertising sex then you will win over most well-adjusted (not necessarily well-endowed) men. Most men are attracted to confident women who do not take life too seriously and they love to be admired by them but 'boobs' are only a secondary consideration. A man will love you for what you are and not for what you have.

It almost sounds as if your aunts might be a tad jealous; I wonder why?

I'm really stunned to hear that anyone, family or not, would have the nerve to criticize someone's breast size! Who on earth do they think they are?

Do whatever you feel is right for you, but don't listen to the family. It's one thing for family to be concerned if your weight is going to cause health problems, but the size of your breasts is not a health problem.

Sheesh. What nonsense.....Tell them we said so.

Kay

i have to agree with everyone else...your family is being rediculous! i would definitely call your aunt out on her obnoxious behavior...the next time she says anything about your chest i would tell her "and what exactly do you suggest i do about it?" people love to bitch about things, but when it comes to solving the problem, they are at a loss....and if she does suggest that you get a breast enhancement, tell her you have been looking into it, does she have a surgeon she would recommend. if you react differently to her remarks, she will be startled if nothing else.

breast size really does not matter...at one point in time it may have been an indicator of how well you could feed your babies, but HELLO!!! its the 21ST CENTURY! and are they really going to do a better job with a giant wad of silicon and saline inside of them?

if you want implants, then get them because YOU want them...not to shut your family up...you've already gone through enough garbage for them trying to spare their feelings...you really don't need to add surgery to that list.

In Buddhism, we are taught that the most
evil and fierce demon to draw us away from
a life of peace and truth is the Devil of the
Seventh Heaven.

The Devil of the Seventh heaven presents
itself in the thoughts and deeds of ones family
and friends and can often lead a person to
renounce what they know to be true.

You need to find your own truth and not live by
the whims of the Devil of the Seventh Heaven.

Being flat chested is far more benign a fate than
having a 'boob job' and then suffering from the
debilitating after effects of it if the saline or the
silicone implants lead to breast or lung cancer,
auto-immune disease or other health problems.
See the following link for other possible side
effects: http://tinyurl.com/78lk7

You are a young woman and will want to have
a family no doubt, and to be healthy for life
will be a far better payoff than to live with the
side effects of breast implant surgery.

In short, make your own truth and don't let
your husband to be, or family members
intimidate you in any which direction.

You do what you have to do to make it clear to
them that you don't appreciate their negative
'smirky' comments about your breasts. And if
that leads to ill feelings on their part, that is
their problem not yours. Learn what the truth
is for you and live that truth. Be well, and live
a happy life.

Hope this helps,

OK, I have a huge obnoxious family too, and they've been calling me fat for years. Even when I was perfectly normal. I also have big boobs and they don't. I couln't fit into my mom's jackets when I was 11. I've heard it all. "where'd you get those?" "You'll never look thin with those things" etc.. It sucks but now that I've lost only a few lbs. they're all concerned I'm dieting too much. You'll never win I promise.


Hey now DDD lady must object to this!
But I will add- the grass is always greener. I want a reduction and have had back pain since I was 13.


My good for nothin' big ones produced NO milk either time. I never felt "engorged" or any of that. And I nursed (with supplementing) for a good month before giving up each time.

Nobody's perfect. It's easier to say then believe though