See, that's just it. Its not about what THEY think. Its about what WE think and feel. I KNOW he doesn't care. Its ME that cares. Its not a problem with him or our relationship, its a problem with me - and its not a physical problem either - its completely psychological.
I've talked to my husband about it and I've worked hard for him to understand (I think he finally does) that its about me, not him.

I feel as if you spoke right from my soul. The heart of darkness. I don't get asked for my phone number, but I would probably react the same way. I prefer to remain single mostly (I'd like to believe) because it's easier to remain celibate when you're alone and not have to explain the why's of the won't's with a partner. And men, usually like to have ALOT of sex. How can you explain to them you don't feel like it?

Until two weeks ago, I was wearing jeans four sizes too large. Actually in wearing my new ones, I think I might be able to go down one more size. But I still wear my sweaters extra large or large. Hiding is good for one sans assets to show off!

The last guy I was with made small attempts to reassure me, but having sex with him was a hellish experience simply for the fact I couldn't ever relax enough to enjoy it. I hated my body for not being what I wanted it to be.

Hi, Everyone.

Thank you all for sharing your own insecurities. Your courage has helped me feel less self-critical about my own insecurities.

I got sick a few years ago (depression and severe anxiety) and put on some weight. I went from an athletic 123 pounds (at 5'4") to a curvier 140-145 pounds. I know that I am a healthy weight even if I cannot always see and believe it. Sadly, since the weight gain, I cannot bare to look at my naked body. Even when I twist and feel my body fat, it is all that I can do not to break down and cry. I definitely do not allow others to see my naked body.

My anxiety kept me virtually housebound for about 4 years. I only left the house for health-related appointments--and only ever with someone that I totally trusted, usually my mom. Two more years were spent being able to go out with increasing frequency, but very rarely by myself.

Thanks to homeopathy and a slew of other alternative medical modalities, my anxiety is mostly a thing of the past. Some days, I have a hard time going out, but I am mostly able to go out and about as desired.

For obvious reasons, I am delighted about my recovery and confidence of a full recovery. Regrettably, during my housebound years, I developed what I consider to be an unhealthy relationship to food. When I got bored, I ate. When I felt scared, I ate. I think that we can all see the pattern here. Fortunately, I usually ate healthy foods, but food still became an emotional crutch.

It took me about a year to notice that I had gained weight. Since that time, I have been obsessed with regaining my former weight. I tried Weight Watchers, raw vegan, juicing, low fat dieting, near starvation--if I could do it at home, I tried it. Since I started dieting, I have fluxuated from 130 to 145, though I did once dip down to around 125.

I really want to lose the weight (even though I am a "healthy" weight, I feel that I am heavier than *my body's* ideal weight), but I want to do it in a healthy way and for the right reasons. I consider my renewed health to be a precious gift. I do not wish to sacrifice it.

I feel ashamed to admit that even though I now can go out most of the time, I do not always want to. I feel afraid of seeing friends who knew me before I gained the weight. My nickname (among my male friends, at least) used to be BB--short for Beautiful Body. I think that I worry that my physical appearance is all that they saw then and all that they will be able to see now.

I am dedicated to dropping all of my extra weight, including my pounds of pain. I am an amazing person. We all are. I am just looking forward to the time when I will feel right in my own skin and allow myself to see myself clearly and allow others to really see and touch me. I want to open myself up to the bright and beautiful world, not hide myself in the dark cave of my fears and anxieties.

Thank you all for reading this. I am grateful to have been able to share my feelings with people who are going through similar experiences.

You don't need a new body. You desparately need a new bf who is respectful of you always and who doesn't put you in a position in which you feel the need to shut him up. How dare anyone treat another human being in this way!

I think now that I have been heavy and thin, that I don't look at men the same way either, I can get turned on by a man who cares about me, It no longer matters what size he is, and also the men who used to run after me for my body when i was thin were only interested in the body,lol, the two guys I am dating, havn't decided to get serious yet, are both fun to be with, interesting to talk to, and supportive of me, and both think I'm breathtaking,lol. One of them lives in Onterio, he is comming down for Easter,I am more worried about the condition of the house then the condition of my body,lol. the other one cooks me low carb meals and goes on walks with me, he has lost 95 pounds lcing but has a lot to go yet, but I am attracted to who is is not what he weighs and that is how he feels about me too.

I think I felt the same way for a LONG time too. I was once a model size 6, and skinny for the first time in my life and when I fell off the wagon - I fell HARD. It was tough for me to be comfortable in friend's presence, esp. when they had once known me as THIN. But if they are truly your friend, they will love and care and support you no matter what size you are. They can and will see the beauty in you - sometimes that you don't even see or appreciate. Don't let your anxiety rule your life! Go with your flow, at your own pace. When you are ready to accept change, your body will follow.

This thread is so very heartbreaking...mostly because every aspect mostly is me... My boobs sag to my waist line...my stomach is fat, my arms are fat and my thighs are fat,,,,,and the idea of sleeping with someone until that is gone is appalling to me. No, I have never been comfortable with my body unless I was a size 9 or lower. I know that at 45 my body will never, ever be the same. But like most of you I do feel sexier in nice, pretty underwear so that helps me feel sexy and sleeping in the nude does too...

Now...getting the confidence to date...is another story in itself!!!

I think I’m very lucky in that women in the GLBT community are a whole lot more “accepting” of bigger women, but I also have a really healthy attitude (I think) toward dating. I can date whomever I choose and it doesn’t mean I have to get naked with every single one of them. I wait until I really feel they’re someone worthy of seeing me naked. By that point, they care about me enough that it shouldn’t (and usually doesn’t) bother them that I’m a big girl… besides which, I can (and do) lose weight, but personality and a sense of humor about the whole thing isn’t something you can buy…

If all else fails, you can always turn off the lights, I guess lol

HEHEHE! You are toooo funny! I love your outlook. When my fiance and I met, I was the biggest gal he'd ever been with. He made comments because he didnt know how to take it. Well, he weighs about 265, so he wasn't exactly skinny. teeheee. Anyhow.. I was so scared to be naked in front of him. I hated looking in the mirror. Finally, I had to confront myself. Now... I look in the mirror and talk to my fat- lol.. sounds crazy, but it works for me. I tell it how excited I am to be losing it, and how good I am gonna look without it. *giggle* I see my curves and thank God I am not thin as a bone.

Funny, I say to myself I will thank god when I am thin as a bone. In any case, I've made a vow to myself (not so hard to keep actually) that I won't be naked with anyone until I lose all my weight, when I'm finally comfortable with my body and not ashamed to be undressed in front of someone. No point in trying to hide under the covers of darkness.